Beginning to Date - Best Advice

Tell them to relax and have fun with no expectations. Every person you meet isn't 'THE ONE' and every date you go on won't lead to 'THE ONE'. If things do get serious have a non negotiable list. Of course that list shouldn't contain a million things. Don't continue a relationship that isn't working out. While marriage is hard work at times dating shouldn't be drama filled. And most importantly would be YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER THEY'LL CHANGE BACK TO WHO THEY REALLY ARE. If someone changes too much for you be wary because they are probably doing it to keep you around. Once you commit they'll go back to being themselves.

Um, teens/college kids don't really "date" in the traditional sense of the word. They hang out in groups, go to parties, dances, sporting events, socialize in clubs, on teams, etc.
When two people make a connection/like each other then they make plans to get together, like grabbing a coffee, studying, going to a concert or a movie, going hiking, basically whatever it is they have in common, they do.
Haven't your daughters socialized at all? Even if they've never had a boyfriend I would hope they have normal interactive experience with their peers, otherwise college is going to be a shocking and difficult experience for them socially.

Have they not been in social situations at all? Prom, homecoming, ball games, clubs, activities, study groups, a regular classroom with other students and on and on???

It is great to be smart and on track but it is also vital to have people skills, ESPECIALLY for a Dr.

College is full of activities and usually the first 2 weeks are "welcome week" with lots of social activities. I would not be worried much about dating per say. If they have not had interest in dating thus far, then they probably still don't have interest. Even so, they don't need you to manage their dates when they do decide to go on a date. Trust that you raised them well.

Don't go to college with huge expectations of dating and everything running exactly as expected because it doesn't. There will be a few snags along the way and hopefully they are mature enough to figure things out for themselves and grow as young women so they can also fulfill their dreams.

Are they heading off out of state of fairly close by? I think it is a great experience for them to live in the dorm, on campus or some other way so they can grow.

Our daughter is starting her junior year in college and we bought a condo for her which has worked out very well. It is important that they learn they need to do more than just study and manage that routine. Our daughter has a full social life and maintains a 4.0 because she is determined and she is a planner.

Let them go and see what happens. Don't be surprised if they change majors, go through a tough 1st semester of college and have other ordeals to grow and learn.

Enjoy this time of their lives but step back and enjoy it and don't be overbearing.

if they're headed off to med school, they'll have far less time for dating than they did in high school!
no dates at all up to this point? not even the group-date thing?
i dunno, with kids of this age. the basics, i guess. keep it light, start off with something public (the classic dinner-and-a-movie is fine), even coffee and a walk in the park. if it's someone they don't know, it's always best to keep their transportation options strictly under their own control. no having him pick her up- she always meets him at a neutral venue. other than that, just relax and have fun and don't let anyone pressure 'em.
khairete
S.

Hopefully they have done some hanging out with people, and should do more of the same, but with a select person. Good dates depend on the people - maybe someone wants dinner and a movie and someone else likes coffee shops and a walk through the park. My first official first date with my DH was a horror movie we chose - we'd been friends for a while prior. Best advice might not be the venue, but to know herself, stand up for herself, don't be afraid to say no or turn down a bad date or leave early, but also take a chance now and then. DH thought he was friendzoned...until I took the risk to tell him he wasn't.

College is more than books. You learn about yourself in so many ways. Don't be so plugged into the class that you forget to live a little. Go sledding. Splash in puddles. Make small mistakes. Have balance. Be who they are so they attract likeminded people. Personally, I want my doctor to be a person, not a robot, so they should consider socializing working on their bedside manner.

ETA: I agree to throw out the fairytale and have fun, and not expect every date to be Prince Charming. Trying to change people is also a trap. Very good points from Diane. Always seemed that when I'd fixed up my fixer upper...he moved on to someone else!

Also, since they are high achievers who are going to be new to the dating world, you should consider reading and have them read: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress..., which talks about the pressures of college academically and socially.

Movies and dinner have always been the basic dating venues.
There are degrees of getting together - the length of time varies quite a bit as there is more involvement.
It ranges from going out for coffee (1/2 hour to maybe an hour), to a few hours (movie/dinner), longer dates (bowling, sports events), a whole day together (renaissance fair, county fair, day trips and sight seeing, etc) and whole weekends (bed and breakfasts, weekend trips, etc).

Premed students aren't going to have much time for a social life.
They'll meet people they are working with (that's why a lot of doctors and nurses end up married to each other - they don't have time to meet anyone else).
They'll figure it out sooner or later!

Good advice below.

Your daughters may be a bit behind if they haven't dated at all. It's not clear from your post whether they have gone to movies and high school games/plays with a group, and have just not done couples dating, or whether they have not done anything at all including proms and dances. Have they been asked out but have declined? Have they never been asked, and therefore need the social skills to accept/turn down an invitation?

Was it their decision to stay home and not go out on dates? Or was it yours? If you were so entirely focused on academics, they may actually experience a huge awakening with all the newfound freedom. So I would discuss this with them, that it's normal to overreact to the lack of supervision and curfews, and that may mean making some bad decisions.

If you haven't discussed sex and contraception with them, do so. College doesn't have to be a giant sex-fest, and there is much greater awareness now of people's (especially women's) rights to not be sexually assaulted. No woman owes a man her sexual attentions, no matter how charming or generous he has been, and no matter how much she has had to drink. But please educate them about these things so that they don't feel pressured because "everyone's doing it." Not everyone is. But college kids are in a lot of situations they haven't experienced before, even if they were dating and going to a lot of parties/events in high school. Be sure your daughters are aware of college services available to them, and that those services are entirely confidential (no one's going to notify their parents).

They also need to be good time managers, so that they do have time for a social life. That's absolutely critical to the college experience, and it's part of making them well-rounded adults in every way. They will be better doctors if they have extensive experience in meeting and getting to know as diverse a group of people as possible. That means joining in on activities and attending things they have never experienced in high school. That means going to study sessions, yes, but also to athletic events and concerts and performances, and to orientation programs and special events for freshmen. It means getting involved in mixers in the dorm, but also within departments. It means joining a club or attending a protest or doing community service. You can't buy a wardrobe unless you try different things on, right? So you can't get an education if you don't experiment with different events and programs that stimulate your mind way beyond the textbooks.

College offers a ton of venues - all the programs I've mentioned above. Kids tend to do a lot of stuff in groups, so that's perfect for your girls. Even a specific "date" usually involves going to something on campus. If there is a big fraternity scene, be aware that those usually include alcohol and more. There is plenty of alcohol and weed, and other drugs, in dorms as well. Your girls need to learn to recognize it. If the college is on a fairly self-contained campus, those will be their choices. If the college is in a city, there may be plenty of things off campus as well. Movies and restaurants and public performances are all safe, although FYI most college kids don't have much money for that stuff. College kids also do plenty of studying and entertaining in their own rooms, so your daughters can expect to be invited into someone's room for study dates. They have to have good judgment here. Saying "no" to going to someone's room is over the top - but they need to stay sober and alert until they know someone extremely well.

I do hope they have a terrific time and break out of their shells a bit. This can be a phenomenal experience!

I also hope that they will take courses outside their individual area of study. They will be more well-rounded people if they don't just take pre-med classes but also take one in film criticism or modern Japanese history. And, just so you know, there are many kids who go to college absolutely set on a particular major, and then actually change their minds.They don't have to declare a major until the end of sophomore year. I hope you are open to this and that you want them to be happy, not just doctors. An awful lot of pre-med students are committed to the program, and then they hit Organic Chemistry and crash/burn. The whole point of college is to explore - so please support them in spreading their wings a bit and letting them fly in whichever direction they want. They sound very disciplined and I am sure they will find success in whatever path they choose.

I would save all the practical advice - they'll figure out where to go, no worries. I'd be more concerned with them understanding what a HUGE decision it is. Not to casually date, but choosing a spouse is a make-you-or-break-you kind of decision. It can have ramifications on your entire life's happiness. So choose wisely. Don't fall into bed/love/lust/commitment with the first guy that comes along and gets your engines ramped up. Imagine this person as the father of your children, pay attention to how they interact with others from animals to their grandma. Sorry, I know it's a little off-topic and you've probably already covered this with them. I just really wish I had found out before it was too late. My mom was a free spirit, she didn't really pound that kind of stuff into us. She is the one that shared this advice though, but it was after I'd already made the wrong decision :(

I never dated in high school. I had a few summer camp romances but I don't count them.

My advice is to always have the first several dates in very public places and not at house parties. Restaurants/coffee shops, ice skating, bowling, movies, theater productions, college athletic events, college sponsored events. We did a lot of group dates to bowling, restaurants, athletic events. It wasn't until couples started to get pretty serious that they went on more romantic dates. But, dating has changed a lot since I was in college!

From personal experience, going on a date with someone you haven't met face-to- face can be pretty scary. It's too easy for someone to hide who they really are. Stick with people you have met in classes, campus events, places of worship, through others.

It is a different world out there then it used to be, kids no longer "date", welcome to the "hook up culture".

My advice to my kids, stay away from dating apps like Tinder. It is okay to meet online but for face to face always do so in public and with your own car. I would tell them that regardless of the fact that everyone is having casual sex these days, that does not mean they have to do anything they are not comfortable with or are not ready for. As long as they understand the basics of safe sex they should be able to figure the rest out as they go.