Bedtime Routine Not Working Anymore

First off, congrats on such attentive & loving parenting. I am a big proponent of nursing and co-sleeping, and it seems like both are working out well for you. I remember when this happened at that age with all 4 of my daughters. It really required creativity on my part. Just when it seemed like we had a routine going, they would change and develop a new pattern! And occasionally, when they wanted to stay up late, or wake up in the middle of the night, I would have to "play dead" to get them to understand that night-time was for sleeping. Soon enough, it will be the end of daylight savings time, and your daughter's hours may again change. Perhaps switching up her routine so that she has more play time before bath or a longer story time may help. I recommend Dr. Sears' books on parenting for good information regarding child development, and parenting the nursing/co-sleeping toddler. You can also visit the Dr. Sears' website and see if they have any insight to offer http://www.askdrsears.com/
Best wishes!

K. L
Assistant Midwife, Lactation Consultant, Childbirth Educator

Hi J.! At 18 months things ALWAYS change! The first thing I would try to do is take care of the issue with the walk. Either go on a walk that she can handle walking herself or if she's small enough, face forward in a carrier. I think walking is the best option because it will get that energy out. My little one, who's now 21 months, takes a good 2 hour nap but if he would fall asleep literally 5 mins. in the truck he simply wouldn't nap and those weren't pleasant days. I've been through the readjustment period and I know how frustrating it can get. She may also be requiring a little less sleep so maybe you can try playing a bit after dinner before the nighttime routine if the above doesn't solve the problem. The reason she's uncooperative and fussy when you start later is that her body is still telling her that she's tired but her mind (amazing how those things develop! minds that is) is telling her that she's just not ready so you've got to find a compromise for her and train her to make it work. Another thing you can do is start the routine later and if she's uncooperative let her be uncooperative, whether it's crying, fussing, etc because this too will tire her out. Just be patient and it may take a few tries, but at some point she will cooperate. Don't worry about the middle of the night wakings, as long as she can get back to sleep herself it's fine. If she's not going back to sleep herself, give her the chance and then if you must help, minimize your interaction. Let me know if you need any more help and don't fret because I promise you will a little persistence and quite a bit more patience you will resolve the situation hopefully to a satisfactory end! Goood luck!! ps don't forget to take a moment if you need it! It's not going to hurt anything! When she's fussing let her fuss and you take a breather!!!

Hi J..

I have a 2.5 y/o girl who went thru the same thing at about 18 mos. It honestly seemed as if she NEVER slept. She wasn't sleeping at daycare not going to bed until 1-2 am and haveing to get up in the mornings about 6:30 to get ready to go back to daycare. The only form of a nap she got was in the car on the way home from daycare which was about a 45 minute drive. I was at my wits end and needed sleep myself.

I finally got her in a routine of going to bed at a reasonable hour but it took about 2-3 weeks. Our routine consisted of us getting home from our day about 6:30-7:00. She would sit on the kitchen counter and help me make dinner. I even put ingedients together for her to stir. As a result of this she even started eating better knowing that she had helped make dinner. Her favorite thing to help mix was meatloaf or anything she could use her hands and get gooey. After dinner she would help me clean up the kitchen and we would do a load of laundry or vacuum or whatever the chore was for the day. Then we would play whatever she wanted to play with for about 45 mins or so.

I changed her bath wash to Johnson & Johnson's Lavender and then gave her her nightly "massage" with lavender body lotion. At 2.5 she still loves her massage!! She would then receive her snack if she wanted one then she would get the choice of either cuddling with a book (we had to read 2-3 books) or watch a movie.

Her pediatrician actually told me to start giving her benedryl. This was only used as a last resort.

By about 9-9:30 she was wiped out and ready for bed. At 18 mos. she was in her "big girl" (toddler) bed and the last thing she helped me do was to get her bed ready and find whatever snuggly she wanted for the night.

Your daughter is to the age where she wants to explore and there is no reason why she cannot learn to help her mommy with housework. Yes, it takes about 10 times as long to get anything done but you get to spend time with her teaching her things and she may also get tired for all of the constant moving.

I will admit however, that teaching her to help w/ chores can be a cross with good & bad. My daughter now picks up her own toys and puts them away...that is good. But on Saturdays, she now wakes me up and says, "Come on Mommy, We have stuff to do!!". I now need to teach her about a day off!!

Hope this helps and gives you an idea or two. Just remember she is learning to make decisions so give her choices and guide her from there. This is a phase and there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

Good luck, T.

Hello J.!
I had a similar problem with my Daugher of 16 months. She was sick for a while, so we (my husband and I) let her sleep with you until she got better. Once we put her bakc into her crib, she would not go to sleep. I recieved some good advice from one of the mothers on here. She adviced me to use the 5, 10, 15, etc. minute bedtime trick. We do our usual bedtime routine: bathtime, brush the teeth, and read. Then I lay her down for bed. If she fusses, I leave the room for 5 minutes and let her cry it out. If she continues to fuss when I go back in (after the five minutes), I leave again, but for 10 minutes and so on. I have never had to go beyond the 10 minutes with this technique. It works wonders! She is sleeping much better now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me.

L. R.

There are several things to take into account. First, as you've noticed your daughter isn't static no matter how much you try to keep her bedtime routine so. When infants and toddlers (and older childern) learn new things and/or have developmental leaps they often find life suddenly too exciting to keep with the old program. So, sometimes you just have to wait them out. Keep doing the same things, the same way and eventually things will return to normal. Either that, or you can adjust to their new steady state by developing a new bedtime routine that fits them better, but when this new burst of energy passes you might find bedtime is getting earlier again.

The next thing is that co-sleeping, like breastfeeding, works well for different families up to different ages. When my daughter hit about 1 year we all realized that none of us were getting the sleep we needed with the family bed arrangement because we all moved around a lot and we were all pretty light sleepers. So, we eased into a new configuration that ended a couple months later with our daughter in her own room on a big futon of her own and then we were able to work out a bedtime routine that has been pretty workable for the past 3 years (with changes here and there).

What I would suggest you do at the moment is implement "quiet time". Do you bedtime routine and when you get to the end even if she wants to play turn down the lights and ignore her (get yourself a booklight if you want to read). If she gets too wild gently lay her down and tell her its time to lay down now. Don't insist it's sleep time. If she wants to look at a book in the low light let her. But whatever she does, make sure she's laying in bed and it's a quiet, soothing activity. Same thing with nap time. Sleeping isn't important. Keeping up the habit of rest time is. If you do any video, nap 'rest time' is a good time for a little Baby Einstein.

M.

Hi J.,
It sounds to me like your daughter may be entering the "terrible 2's" already!
Having been through it with two children of my own already, my best advice is, STICK WITH IT! Your bedtime routine sounds great, and I encourage you to stick with the reading part, too. (I'm an elementary school reading teacher... it's sooooo important to read to your little ones.) Maybe limit it to 2 stories per night? Anyway, just be firm and keep doing what you're doing. An 18 month old needs 13.5 hours of sleep per 24 hours, so I think you're doing everything right.
The only other thing I can think of is offer her plenty of choices. "Would you like to read first, or brush your teeth first?" "Would you like your Elmo jammies or your bunny jammies tonight?" "Please choose 2 stories."
Maybe try picking up toys right after dinner, and then do the more relaxing stuff (bath, pj's, rocking) after?
It sounds like you are doing a great job with your daughter.
Good luck... been there!
P.

We went through a multitude of sleeping problems with my son. As soon as we got settled into a routine, he would rebel against it. He is now 2.5yrs old, sleeps in his own bed and is in bed by 8:30pm. We leave a little light on for him so that he doesn't get scared, and he is allowed to bring a toy or book into bed with him. If he isn't ready to sleep, he will talk to his toy or read his book. Sometimes he falls asleep immediately, and other times he's up until 9:30 talking and reading. We've also done this with him in our bed when we're traveling, so it seems to work in either bed.

I've also noticed that the earlier he goes to bed, the later he sleeps. If we take him out and he doesn't get to bed until 10am, he will always wake up around 6:30am when his normal waking time is 7:30am. Strange!

Patience, perserverence, (don't use Benedryl, please!) good luck!