Bedtime Problems

We would put the kids in bed and everytime they got out put them back in kind of like super nanny. It worked eventually and now they go to bed on their own and it's not such a struggle but a mistake i made with my first child was laying with her until she went to sleep, that made it ten times harder for her to get used to going to bed by herself so the second one came along and we had very little problems with her getting out of bed for very long after switching her from the crib

books on tape or cd help my kids stay in bed. they're always asking for one more book, and this is how they can have it while sticking to bedtime and allowing me to have my time alone. when you look at the length of time on the tape, though, remember that it is a total of both sides. so if you get one that says it's 14 minutes, it's really only 7 minutes (usually the same story on both sides) and you will be back in his room to change it in just 7 minutes. so look for a really long tape or a cd.

I have a 3 1/2 y.o. boy as well. WE have the same problems and are FINALLY starting to get through them....kinda...anyway I use the 'love and logic' approach. Not sure if you have heard of this but i give him choices. They have to be choices that you are ok with depending on what he chooses. For instance, with our son, I started saying 'you can either sleep in your bed or the bathtub', I had no problem putting his pillow and blanket in the tub (w/o water of course). You give them choices in twos. Tub or bed. I ask 3 times then I decide...'ok, tub it is' and he'd say 'no, I want my bed'. There was a night I put his stuff in the bathtub, lights out and all it took was the sight of that and off to the bed. This has worked off and on. I have to change up the choices. I also say things like 'do you want to go to bed with a drink or without a drink''do you want your nightlite off or on? do you want your head at this end of the bed or the other?' anyway you get the idea, kids like to be in control (at least mine does! :) )so giving him choices (that I decide) lets him 'decide' and be in control. I know every child is different but thought I'd share what we did with our little man. Good luck to you!

Hi M.,
I use Kim West's method from her book "Good night sleep tight." but I didn't use it until my second child. My oldest child is four and I have a couple of suggestions that we used with him. First, Don't go to bed with your child! He shouldn't have to depend on YOU to go to sleep. He needs to be able to put himself to sleep. Second, if he get's out of bed, there have to be consequences. For my child, everytime he got out of bed, we took away a stuffed animal. (he loves his stuffed animals) If he got out of bed a second time, it doubled to two animals and so on and so forth. That worked for him. you need to figure out what your son's currancy is. Maybe take away computer, TV or videogame time the next day. Say no cookies or food he loves etc. Maybe he can't go the park, play with friends, or even play outside the next day. You can figure out what will shock him and get his attention. And you HAVE to follow through on your rules. don't chicken out and say you will do it next time he does it. I don't think you need to "trap" him in his room. He should be able to understand the consequences of his actions and act accordingly. We also let our son earn his toys back by doing good deeds or cleaning up toys etc. Third, you need a set bedtime routine. limit things like books, water, potty etc. Give him just ONE drik, ONE trip to the potty, because he will definately use it against you if he can. Just remember that YOU are the boss and he needs to listen to you. Stay calm, don't get frustrated. Have a plan and follow through. No yelling, just calm actions to his consequences. Make sure his dad knows the plan too and you are on the same page. You can do it! I'm sorry that it is so frustrating for you right now. It doesn't help when you are tired either. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I also have four children and through the years i have decided that night time is my time . This is when i could finish chores or pay bill if i want to.

So here it is start or continue with a bedtime ritual.
1. Bath 2. Book 3.bed
then watch a short 20-30 minute video that i put on timer . I have a prayer video that i like to put in or if you have comcast there is a program on demand--it is called goodnight baby. This is something you could record.
One other thing i have done is use a sound machine and disco ball as a night light. You can also use a bedtime cd.
Good luck and sweet dreams

When our son was three he had a difficult time sleeping.. or he would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. Since he was at an age we could reason with him, we made a pact. He could get up out of bed and play in his room. He was not allowed to leave his room. When he was finished playing and was tired enough to go to sleep he would turn off his light, climb back into bed and go to sleep. The first couple times he did this I lay awake listening to see if he would do as we agreed he should.. he did! After that I would hear him get up and begin his play and I would fall back to sleep. He didn't do this forever, but when he couldn't sleep, he knew he had the freedom to get up.
Before you can do this you have to know your child is trustworthy and will follow the rule.

Time to go semi hard core. Put a reward chart at bedtime, if he CHOOSES not to go bed nicely, stay in his bed then start with frowny faces, he then loses a priviledge the next day. If he goes to bed nicely then he gets a smiley.
He is old enough to sleep on his own and has to learn to put himself to sleep. It may seem mean punishing him but he is just exerting his will power and if you let him win it will go on to other things. 3 year olds need lot's of sleep at night to grow.
Explain to him that he is a big boy and if he is choosing not to act like a big boy then he will lose big boy priviledges.
If he goes to bed like a big boy at the end of a month, tell him he will get a big boy surprise.
Make sure his room is cool and dark so the new daylight hours don't confuse his internal clock either.
Read stories and so forth. For a long time my youngest would "earn" stories during the day, like he would start with four books, as he acted up around bedtime or pitched a fit at bedtime he lost books for every infraction. HE LOVES reading before bed so this typically works like a charm for us now.
If your son talks for a while before falling asleep that is so normal. Don't expect him to fall asleep immediately just explain he has to stay in his bed.
Have a music box, or fan going to help relax him possibly.
Be matter of fact as if he feels you getting tense, so will he. Put it back on him on how things are going to go, he has to go to bed so he can do it nicely or lose big boy stuff.

Sounds like we have the same child. We struggled for a long time with him and used all the methods you mention (except for Ferber). My husband finally hit on a nice little bribery that keeps him in his bedroom, if not in bed, after we do our bedtime routine. Now our almost 3 year old knows that if he stays in his bedroom (he can only come out to go potty) ALL NIGHT that he gets to watch a certain cartoon in the morning. I hate it, but it works. I have noticed that the more consistent I am about his bedtime routine and time that the better he is about going to bed. I know things can be chaotic with 4 kids, so try a simple bedtime routine (10 mins or less) and a bedtime that you know you can stick to. People were always telling me that I need to put my son to bed earlier, but an earlier bedtime is not something I could consistently stick to -- so he goes to bed now at 9 pm. Now that I've decided that is his set bedtime and stick to it he is getting better.
Good luck to you!

this issue seems to be going around lately. Mine is no hope either. i tried everything for about a month each. i thought the Supernanny techniques were working for a bit. Mine just turned four and she finally says: I think I will go to bed tonight. so, wait a year.hahaha. Actually, the only techique that sort of worked after writing ito here was to have her stay in her bed. she picks out a couple of dolls or books and then she is not allowed out of bed. she can stay up as long as she wants if she is quiet. Of course, she was nearly four before we tried that. We ended up locking her door (reverse the handle or get a safety knob on the inside). she got out once and the door was shut. Twice and it was locked. that worked for about two months until she started banging on the door and waking everyone up. (I did unlock the door about ten minutes later...so she probably figured that one out.she is quick).

I just spoke to my BFF today and she is having the same exact issue with her 2yr old. They transferred him into a toddler bed and some nights are good but others he is up playing or just refusing to go to bed unless one of them end up sleeping on the floor until he falls asleep.
I have never had that problem because I was very hard on my 4yr old when we put her into a toddler bed at the age of 1 she was almost two (shy of a month)cuz her sibling was coming. I would get angry a lot cuz she would keep getting up but eventually she stayed there. I know my way probably isnt the right way but it worked and she can now sleep in her bed. We havent tried the 2 yr old yet but thier personalities are night and day and I know I am in for a long haul. So I wish you the best of luck!

My son just turned 4 and how we got him to stay in his own bed all night was to bribe him with something he wanted like bubbles, hot wheels cars and then when he was in there all night we would make a really big deal about what a big boy he was, and finally it caught on and he is in his own bed all night. He was very stubborn and i didn't think we would ever get that done, but we did. Good Luck