Bedtime!!

He'll eventually learn how to fall asleep on his own, in his own bed. Why not just stick with the stats quo right now since he gets a good night's sleep? That way everyone is happy.

I don't know why you think you're screwing him up - just because he doesn't fall asleep in his crib doesn't mean there's something wrong with him... or you! I would just keep doing what you're doing, you're all getting a full night of sleep, so who care where or how it happens? Yes, our culture is full of TV ads and magazine pictures of cute babies falling peacefully to sleep in their georgeous crib in the perfectly decorated nursery down the hall... but just ask a few moms around you if they have ever let their kid fall asleep or stay in their bed all night even. I know I do! My kids are perfectly normal, and so is yours :) As he gets older he'll learn to fall asleep on his own - give it a few years! :)

Hi K.,

My son, who is now almost 7, hated his crib and spent most nights sleeping with us. (We were in a one bedroom condo until he was 2 1/2 so he was in our room anyway.) He still sleeps with us most nights (he says his room is too boring to sleep in). Even now, if we want him to sleep in his bed so we can be alone, we have to put him to sleep in our bed and then move him to his bed (and he's 53 pounds and growing!). So, if your son just wants to go to sleep in the bed and allows you to move him back to the crib, then you're doing great. It's not worth fighting with him because it's hard to win that battle. I don't think you can screw up a one year old by making bed time more easy on all of you. (I also don't believe in fighting with kids over food). I probably let my son sleep with us too long but I figure pretty soon he'll be more independent and won't want to cuddle anymore so I'm taking it while I can still get it.

I think you're doing fine. I wouldn't let my kid cry either. Go with what makes you feel good and with what causes the least amount of stress.

Good luck, I hope this helps.

K.,

Take a deep breath! Then, tell yourself you are an AWESOME MOMMY!

I think so many of us get caught up in the idea that if our kids aren't sleeping on their own and doing it by themselves then somethin MUST be wrong. But, in my opinion it's about finding what works and sticking with it. If you have a static bedtime routine and he still needs some comfort and won't fall asleep in his own bed, NO BIG DEAL. Eventually, he will and eventually those nights of cuddling will be gone...it happens fast!

I have done research on CIO and talked this over and over again with Mommy friends of mine and we've compared kiddos and notes, and to be honest we ALL agree that it has to do with meeting your child's needs. At some point when my son was getting older and bigger I thought about and even tried a water down version of CIO from the No Cry Sleep Solution and decided that if my son needed me then so be it. I would just rather have a happy non-crying than one who is. I mean think about it, you're desperate you don't get it and no one will help you...so you give up and go to sleep, but is that really okay? Maybe for some it is, but for me and my little dude, it just didn't seem okay.

My son always falls asleep where he is comfortable and that's okay with me. When he was a baby we co-slept in a variety of ways...either he'd sleep in his bassinet and then end up with me or he'd just sleep with me. As long as everyone gets a good night sleep, I'm not going to complain.

I always refer back to the old saying...'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. Keep up the good work and you're little one will be just fine.

K.,

Personally I don't think you can screw up your kid by trying to meet his needs. If he needs you to help him fall asleep at this stage of his life, I see nothing wrong with that. Especially since you can then move him to his crib and he sleeps for 10-12 hours. Cherish this time with him. It doesn't last very long and he'll be very independent and you'll miss the "baby" days. Besides, I've never heard an adult say "I'm a miserable person because my parents loved me too much and spent too much time with me." But I know plenty of folks who are miserable and will tell you their parents never had the time or took the time.

T.

OMG, he is only a year old! I don't know what made you think you have to change your routine? It is very good and healthy and quite effective already! You got good advice from Deanne and Madeline and some of the others. You ARE a good Mommy. Don't give up on your son yet. If you still have this "problem" a year from now, write back. ;-)

I had the same problem with my son. He HATED his crib.
Even though he was super young we moved him into a toddler bed as soon as he was big enough to crawl in and out of it himself (about 14 mo.)
It was like night and day. I could sit there on the floor next to him, often letting him hold my hand, until he fell asleep and he would sleep all night and get himself up in the morning. Eventually, I moved farther and farther out the door-where he could still see me but I wasn't next to him. Then I could leave as he was falling asleep and eventually just tuck him in, say prayers, kiss good night and leave. (he's 9 and we still do this)
There were times when he regressed-when we moved and at about 3 he discovered "monsters" but I just followed the same routine.
He'll be grateful you were there to meet his needs and that he could trust you to be with him when he wanted you. Children who can depend on their parents to be there no matter what can venture out further and become more independent because they know there is always a "safe" place to come back to when they fall or get scared.

You're doing great, keep up the good work and Good Luck!

K., Thank your lucky stars that he actually sleeps through the night. I think it is no big deal that he falls asleep in your bed. If you put him in his crib while he is sleeping and doesn't wake up until the morning then I think that's just fine.
BUT, be prepared to have to do this for a long time. At least until he switches to a bed. Then you might have to have him fall asleep in his bed.
I have the opposite problem as you. Believe me I would rather have it your way!!!
My daughter will fall asleep just fine in her crib (took a few weeks of a strict routine before she fell asleep without crying),but will wake up in the middle of the night (between 11:00-2:00am)she won't fall back to sleep unless it is in my bed. I live with my MIL right now and I just can't get myself to let her cry in the middle of the night and wake everyone up. (my husband wakes up at 4:30am for work) So, that's my problem.
Don't worry, your not screwing up your kid....your baby's whole life will be filled with phases. This is just one of them.
Good luck to you!

I agree, I would just continue with what you're doing. We're doing the same thing and hey, whatever works to get them to sleep at this point. Every night, one of us lays with our son on the bed and not leave quietly until he has fallen asleep or is close to sleeping (he can self-soothe). Keeping the room darkened helps, too. We also have the mattress on a carpeted floor in a childproofed room and he sleeps wherever he feels comfortable. He's never slept in a crib, just a co-sleeper or Pack'N Play. Your son seems to be getting enough sleep at night and during the day with what you're doing so keep it up! :)

That is great that you are willing to let him cry and figure out self-soothing...

I have to ask:
-At what point do you go in?
-How has his sleep been up to this point? Naps? Bedtime? Self-soothing?
-Describe his sleep environment: darkness of room, sound spa?, does he sleep with anything?
-What is your bedtime routine?

Something to ponder: It appears from your description that you go into him before he stops crying and falls asleep. In essence, he may be trained to cry until that point when you come in vs. letting him cry until he falls asleep on his own and learning how to self-soothe himself to sleep and not just cry until his soothers come in to soothe him...

If you don't want to be the way your son soothes himself to sleep you are going to have to let him cry until he goes to sleep. It really will work.

That is great that he is getting so much sleep at night and his nap is pretty good too.

Here is a post with some general tips to check out: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com

K.,
it sounds as if his crib is in your bedroom. A common mistake for new parents. The baby doesn't learn to like his own company or to be self reliant. He is acustomed to the sounds you and your husband make while sleeping, and now can't sleep without your presence. I would suggest trying a tape recording of you and your husband reading stories, (you can make them the first time you do the reading while putting him to bed) or perhaps some classical music to play while he is laying down to sleep. Something to help sooth him while he learns to sleep with different room noises.
Good Luck

Try placing one of your pajamas/nightgown that you have used, your smell is one of the things that make babies comfortable. We tried this with my daughter and it worked.
Good Luck!

I read this in a book. You can lay him in his crib and sit in a chair close to the crib the first night. Second you lay him in his crib and sit in the chair with it a little farther away. Keep going consisitantly for a week to a week and a half until your out the door. Some nights you'll have to keep the chair in the same place, but that's okay. Eventually you'll get out the door and your baby should be used to you not having to be so close when you lay him in the bed. ( this was an excercise i read about getting your child used to sleeping in their own room, but it may work in this case too.) Not sure if that would help, but it was the first thing that popped into my head when i read your article. I hope this helps you! If anything is SOMETHING to try.good luck.

Hi K.,
So many parents fall into the same situation you are in. If you haven't done so already try getting into a nightly routine. End the day in his room reading books or playing quietly before bed. Whatever your routine is make sure you are doing it around the same time every night so your son will know what to expect. It sounds like he used to sleep in his crib...most likely he was becoming more aware of his surroundings and when he was falling asleep in your bed that is what was comfortable to him. He will relearn to fall asleep in his bed.

Another thing you might do is get one of those aquariums that attach on the side of the crib. He can look at the lights and listen to the soothing music which may help him fall asleep. Our daughter is two and still turns hers on to listen to the music before she falls asleep and then when she wakes up in the morning.

Good luck with everything-let us know how it turns out.

Try putting something that you've worn (a shirt or some other top) in the crib with him so he has your 'smell' next to him and see if that helps. Or start a routine of bath, read a story and then it's bedtime.

We put our (then) one year old on a twin mattress. This allowed us to lay down with her until she went to sleep, and then eventually change up the routine once she was comfortable in her new bed. Granted, we have it on the floor so she won't get hurt if she were to roll out. Perhaps this might work for you?

K. H.

If this works, you can keep it up and gradually get him to sleep in his own bed. He probably does not like something that is in the crib. If he has a special toy, give him that and see if that works. Your doing great, he feels more secure in your bed, you have to get him to feel secure in his own bed and he will not give you any problems until he is exploring more. Good Job! and Good Luck!

im a cio mom. with my daughter bedtime is bed time no matter how much she cries or fights. i have a 2 year old and have been using the cio method since she was about 5 months. now its very rare that she fights me putting her in bed. i have a strict bedtime routine. by 6p we have our jammies on. at 7 we brush our teeth and give night night kissesa and hugs. then we go into her room where she gets her breathing treatment for her asthma and then i read her a story. i then kiss her good night and tell her ill see her in the morning. i then turn the light off and close her door. the only time she comes out of bed is when i take her potty at 11p before i goto bed (we are potty training). she also puts herself to sleep by patting her chest.

ok, i'm probably gonna be the opposite of most people. i didn't want to screw my kid up either. i had all sorts of plans. i broke all my own rules. my son slept with me until i moved in with my current family. basically, i gradually had him move to his own bed. i know it's tough, but here's what someone told me when i didn't think i could ever get my son off of me. "He will not be young forever. In no time, he'll want nothing to do with you. He won't want to hug, cuddle, talk, let alone sleep next to you." I thought about it and stopped worrying. he moved and now, he's fine without me. i think it just takes time : ) good luck with it

Oh K.... I feel your pain! My son has had issues going to sleep in his own crib since birth. My son is now 20 months old and I have found that after I put his rainforest music box in his crib he could fall asleep to it as he didn't feel "alone". It has light, nature sounds, music,moving animals and even a little water with a fish that blows bubbles. It has different options as to what functions you want to use. It was only $35 at Target and it has been a life saver. At first I let him fall asleep with me in the bed but with the music box infront of him (on our sides - his back to my stomach and the box propped up on a pillow). After a few times I put it in his crib and put him in there to go to sleep. It took a few nights but now he is used to falling asleep with it. He does still wake up some nights and I bring him into bed with me if I simply can't get him to go back to sleep in his crib. Hope you find something that works for you soon and just so you know, you're not screwing up your kid. Keep doing your best and all will be peachy keen! :)