Older Child Bedtime

Hi J.,
Try to sleep in his bedroom with him for several nights with a night light on. Some warm bath or shower before bedtime will help him relax, also put on soft music and favorite toys in his bed with him.
Hope this helps.
I.

try books on tape. it will take his mind off everything else. it worked for me.

i was a single parent for 2 yrs and when my dtr was 8 yrs old she too was afraid to sleep alone. her uncle gave her a huggable teddy bear and told my dtr she would be always be safe with her special bear. i provided 2 night lights in her room, and assured her i was across from her room. we spent time reading in bed and said our prayers. from time to time my dtr would come into my room in the middle of the night, and of course she ended up sleeping with me. i am sure your son will grow out of this, but in the mean time he still needs his mom's comfort. hope this helps.

Have you tried having him sleep next to your bed, either in a sleeping bag, a cot, or a bed made out of pillows? I remember having trouble sleeping in my own bed at that age. I don't recommend just kicking him out and forcing him into his own bed. If you can do it gradually, I think that would be much better. Maybe after he gets used to sleeping next to your bed, then you can transition him to the couch, and eventually into his own bed. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Well, you know he's probably not really "afraid" to sleep in his own room. He's probably in the habit of sleeping with you? Habits can be hard and a little scary to break. Here are some suggestions. I'm assuming he is getting into bed with you? You could wean him gradually by letting him sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor in your room for (only) a week and then in his own bed after that. But at 10, I would think you could (he could?) do it cold turkey. Tell him he's a big boy and needs to sleep in his own room. Period. Explain whatever incentive system you've set up for him to help get him hyped up about it. If you don't have a nice routine at night, start one. When he's all showered and ready for bed, either sit on the couch or lay down on his bed and read to him for 15-30 minutes, depending on your schedule. Doesn't matter whether you read well aloud or not--he won't care at all. (We read really good chapter books to our 10-year old at night. Sometimes we read 1-2 chapters, other times maybe 1/2 a chapter, depending on how long they are and what time it is. I also usually read more to him on the week-end nights. We just finished "Ember" by Jeanne DuPrau and before that "The Fire Within" by Chris D'Lacey. They're both first in a series, so he's really looking forward to getting the sequels on both of them. Also Gary Paulsen is another one of my son's favorite authors.) And whatever you do, don't lay down with him in his bed and fall asleep! Leave the hall light on for him which should help a lot. You could get him a fish tank for his room which will give him some "company", some light and also a little "white noise" effect. If that won't work for you, buy him a lava lamp. They're very popular now. If he's into sports, would a stuffed animal for a favorite sports team (like their mascot) give him a little comfort at night? For instance, the Angels have a rally monkey which my 10 year old son likes. If he gets into your bed in the middle of the night and you wake up, send him back to his bed. As hard as it will be, escort him if necessary (hopefully it won't be so you can go right back to sleep). If you don't wake up, try some positive reinforcement. Actually, do it whether you wake up or not!! Think about doing something like this: make a chart to keep track of the nights he stays in his own bed for the entire week. If he stays in his own bed all night all 7 days (without even trying to get into your bed), he gets some reward--a good one, like dinner at his fav restaurant, a trip to Baskin Robbins to get whatever he wants, 2 hours non-stop playtime with you, something like that. If he does it 5 nights, he gets something smaller, 2 nights, even smaller. When he goes 30 full days, consider giving him a dollar (or 50 cents) for every single night, so he'll get $15 or $30 for the month, or let him have a sleep-over with a couple friends, pizza, ice-cream, video game rental--the works. Maybe come up with 2-3 things and let him make the final choice ahead of time as to what he'd like for his month reward. This is in addition to the weekly reward, cuz you want to reward long term success as well as immediate gratification. But it has to be for one entire month without a break. You might have to modify that for when he goes to his dad's, but you can figure something out. By then, the habit should be broken. Remember to give him lots of praise for every single night's success! Don't belittle him whatever you do. Try not to even comment on the no success nights, or maybe a "good job of going back to your room when I told you to" low key comment. Start the chart again if he reverts. I hope this helps.

He may be scared, or have anxiety from the transitioning from one home with certain rules to another home with different rules, or more importantly wanting your comfort to feel secure. He is probably closer to you than his father so it may be easier to break away from him than you. Offer a night light, music, read a story, or rub his back and lay with him. Stay with him to keep him company. He should feel content and secure and fall asleep peacefully without a struggle. Once you see how strong his need's and desire for closeness is, you may choose to stay with him at bedtime. In this situation, you may have to lower your expectations. You'll have less free time than you'd like. But he'll also eliminate many nighttime problems associated with his loneliness, anxiety, fear, and insecurity, and you'll end your child's day in a calm and relaxed way. The time you spend helping your child fall asleep should be restful for both of you. You can use the time to relax, think, enjoy your son's closeness, or read. At times you will probably nap or even fall asleep for the night. You many want to adjust your schedule to accommodate this by getting up earlier in the morning. You may be afraid that if you stay with your son at bedtime, he'll become manipulative or unwilling ever to fall asleep alone. It's true that he will get used to having you with him, but as he gets older, his need for your company will lessen. And when you think he's ready you can let him know that you expect him to fall asleep alone most of the time, perhaps with soothing music. At that point, he'll know that he can count on you, and that when he really needs you, you will come.

I have a 8 year old daughter who didn't like to sleep alone and now she does. Try these tricks hope these work..Make it a reward system where he sleeps by himself and after so many days he gets to do something special..chuckecheese or leader for the day things like that..Try to have soft quiet music for him while he sleeps hope this help.

Sometimes I have the same problem. Right now my son is only at my house every weekend. And yes, he does have difficulty sleeping on his own. Have you been able to talk to him about why he is not able to sleep in his own room? If so, what does he say? My son's own room is a mess and currently under mommy construction so thats a given. He likes to sleep on the couch sometimes, but I know that somehow he did get afraid of the dark. Or maybe you're son has another fear that is hard to discuss. Like one of you, is going to go away. That is only my thought. Hopefully you will get more help than my words. But let me know how it goes.
Bye

I experienced a similar with my 10 yr. old. My solution was a night light. I kept his door open and put a night light in his room and I have not had a problem since.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth might be a book for you to read. It gives you advice on sleep habits from infants to adolescence. My child isn't 10, but I've found the book to be very helpful.

When my daughter did that, I made a deal with her that if she would sleep in her bed for so many days in a row that she would be rewarded with a special treat. After 30 days in a row I let her pick out her own comforter set. Worked for me.

J....

You have some great responses already. I was a single mom for 7yrs, and my daughter slept with me some nights...and in her own bed when she felt comfortable. Maybe you should try laying in bed w/your son for a little while when he first goes to bed. Once he drifts off to sleep...then get out of the bed. Also perhaps leaving the hall light on will help. I have to agree with someone else who said your 10yr old may not feel as close to his father as he does to you, which could contribute to why he stays in his own bed when he's there. He may just need some extra comfort from you and that "special" security that only his mom can give.

I truly hope this help a little...and should you ever need a place to let your hair down, or just get a few things off of your chest...I have a single parent support group that meets monthly. We have one coming up this month on the 22nd. If you are interested (and are any where near the Gardena, CA area)....just send me an email and I'll get the information to you.

Take Care!!

S. V.
____@____.com
www.dreamplanters.com

Kids will have different behaviors w/ different parents. Your son probably knows that his dad won't put up with him not sleeping where he is supposed to.
Is he really afraid to sleep in his room, or does he just like the comfort of knowing you are there for him? My kids fight over who gets to sleep w/ me or in my bed(its a waterbed ) To them its like who do I love best. My 6 year old starts off in her own bed, but ends up in mine most nights. Call me weak, but at 4am I am too tired to care.
Sorry, I didnt really solve your problem, but just letting you know you're not alone.

Maybe rewards for sleeping in his own bed will help him get into the habit.

Maybe you should ask what about his room scares him? Maybe there are shadows or noises that you could remedy or explain away.