Bed Time Nightmare

My 2 1/2 year old daughter started that a few weeks ago, but we were able to nip it in the bud... with a threat! :O)

Have you tried threatening to take something away? That is all it took for her to take us seriously and went to bed. At the same time, she insisted that we kept a light on in her room... we did that for about a week, and last night she must have forgotten about it because she didn't ask for it.

I hope this helps!
Jen~

Does she still nap at all during the day? In little kids especially, sleep begets sleep. If an adult looses sleep, we feel groggy and tired. If a child isn't getting enough sleep. they actually get more wound up. Perhaps a little longer nap (start it a little earlier? I know if I put my 2 1/2 year old down late for his nap, he has more trouble falling al=sleep) and maybe a little earlier bedtime as well. I would also recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"

Hi J.,

I had a similar situation with my son, who was challenging in every way imaginable. When he was 3 years old, I started us both in a program called Tuesdays Child:

www.tuesdayschildchicago.org

A plan was recommended by my mentor and I stuck to it and it worked within 4 nights. It's not an easy couple of nights but in the end it is SO worth it. When you decide to start and I would start tonight if possible, you go through your bedtime routine and kiss her goodnight, I added, I'll see you in the morning, goodnight. My son would actually get up out of bed and I was told to lead him back to bed, (say nothing) and walk out of his room. I was told to make note of how many times I led him back to bed. Although, I was not supposed to say anything, after my son got up for the 20th time or so, I did say, it is time for bed, I will talk with you again in the morning. That first night, I admit, I did not think it was going to work, my son got up 34 times and I was starting to think letting him fall asleep in front of the TV was not such a bad idea, (that's what I had been doing). Anyway, after 34 times he finally stayed in bed. The second night he only got up 8 times, the third night 3 times and after that, he never got up again! This whole process may sound extreme, but it worked and in my opinion, it worked relatively quickly!

It sounds like your daughter just asks for things from her bed, Tuesday's Child would say to ignore her. I might say something like, it's bedtime, I'll talk with you again in the morning.

Sincerely,

J. Penfield
Stayin Home and Lovin It!
www.juliepenfield.com
###-###-####

I agree that the little lady seems overtired by the time you're putting her to bed. Yep, "sleep begets sleep".
Also you can try some Hyland's Calm Forte for Kids to help get her back on track. I swear by it.

M.

Hi J.,
I have the same situation going on with my 4 year old right now and for me, I know exactly must get done, but I am too chicken and too tired to want to deal with it but know I have to to get some peace, and most importantly, to get some sleep. My four year old now insists that me or my husband lay down with her when she goes to sleep, even after the whole books, brushing the teeth routine, it is so aggravating. Then, when we leave her room, if we make it out without passing out ourselves, she comes in our bed and kicks us in the head and squirms around the whole night. I used to bring her back to her own bed but I am so exhausted (we both work full time also) that I just let it go. I know that we have to stand firm like super nanny has shown us, we have to do the night time routine, put her in her bed and put her right back in every time she gets out and stand firm, if she comes in our bed in the middle of the night, I will have to bring her back to her bed (my husband could sleep through anything) and do it as many times as it takes. I am so tired of waking up with my back killing me and so tired from all of the drama. She was fine and had no problem sleeping alone until this past few months. I think they sense that we are tired and wore down and milk it out. Good luck.

My son had night terrors around your daughters age for about six months..which our doctor explained is not all that uncommon in children that age. We just had to tough it out. And being someone who also lives with varing degrees of insomnia I completely understand your frustration. Honestly I had our son sleep with us a lot of the time until he worked though it just so we all could sleep some...especially on the days that I worked. I know some people would not agree with this, but to me it was the best choice because then everyone was at least a little more rested this way. Hope this helps.

Dear J.,

I think most kids go thru this around this age. I think that if you are going to lead them back to his room that you should start it on the weekend. I always start on friday nights because the first night is the worst night. Depending on the child it could take one night or two weeks. I think the best thing is to be consistent in what you do no matter how tired you are. Is there anyway that your boyfriend could do one of the nights. Just wake him up and have him walk him to the room. I agree with the not talking to him. The moment you start to talk is the moment they know you are close to breaking down. A lot of this is they whant to know how far they can push you. They are also at the age that they are afraid of missing something. So if they are going to bed and your staying up they feel like they are going to miss something. Good Luck and eventually you will get more sleep, you just have to keep trying and don't give in.
B.

Hi J.:

Many kids your daughter's age often go through a fearful stage, where they are afraid of everything. It's a very normal stage. What I did for my daughter who never had a sleep problem before that time, is I would fill a spray water bottle and put a label on it called "dream spray". I would spray it around her room and closet, and tell her it would help her sleep well and give her only good dreams. When she came in to our room, we made a bed on our floor and told her that was where she would have to sleep if she came in there. They both worked well.

J.

Looks like you have gotten a lot of ideas already, but I wanted to confirm a few things...some times if you know a few people have successfully tried things, you are more apt to give it a go.

1. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"--great book!
2. threatening (and following through) to take something away. My 2 1/2 year old still sleeps with pacifiers. She has one in her mouth and one in each hand. I threatened to take them away if she did not go to sleep. I never heard a peep from her the rest of the night. I don't use it often, but if it is looking like a bad night...it is a great tactic.
3. After I go through her routine, I turn the lights off, leaving the hall light on (it isn't too bright). While she lies in her crib, I sit with her. Sometimes she wants to hold my hand, sometimes not. I don't stay long! She has a musical aquarium on her crib. She knows that I leave once the music has gone through one cycle. It is about 5 minutes. There is no talking or singing during this time...we already did all of that. We just sit quietly. She has told me that she is afraid of the dark, and her imagination is wild! We have a tiger, a monkey and an elephant in our backyard, and sometimes they come in the house. So...I think she needs a little security right now. It is all really funny, but I just tell her that daddy is downstairs locking the animals outside, and this seems to work.
4. At some point, you might have to let her cry. It is the hardest thing to do, but sometimes it must be done!

Good luck!

I know this might be mean, but a eposide of the Cosby's Cliff and Clair let Rudy stay up until she couldn't take it any more. Not to that extreme, but let her think she is missing something by not going to bed. You have to outsmart children, because they are already SMART AS STEW.

Hey!
I saw a similar situation on one of the nanny shows(Supernanny or Nanny 911). Wanting all these things at bedtime is a way of her controlling the situtation. The nanny let him bring in a "special bag" with things to bed and then there was NO negotiating after that. You'll have to say "no" to mommy, daddy, dog, water etc. and stick to it. A day or two will be rough--ignore the crying and no talking to her. Remeber there is nothing wrong with her since she was always able to do it before--so stick to your guns and get her back in there! It worked on the show. Good Luck!

My daughter is also 2.5 yrs old and we went through a very similiar situation with her. I found that she was actually over tired and so I moved her bedtime 15 minutes early and if she got out of bed I just calmly told her that it was night time and she needed to go to sleep and walked her back to her bed. It took a few nights (I think 3) but it seemed to woked. Hope that helps.

Your story sounds exactly like my daughter these last few weeks. We have tried leading her back to her room without saying anything and have had sucess on some nights. Last night after what seemed like dozens of trips upstairs to her bedroom, I broke down and told her she could read books quietly in her bed, but that she couldn't get up. I left her lamp on and she ended up finally falling asleep. Tonight I left her light on and she only got out of bed once and fell asleep within 15 minutes. I don't know if this is a long-term solution, but maybe a temporary sanity fix. ;-)

My friend ran into the same problem and had great success with a sticker chart. Every night that her daughter doesn't get out of bed or call for her (other than going to the bathroom or something important like that), she gets a sticker. After a week of stickers, she gets to pick out a prize. Her daughter is 4, though, so your daughter may be too young for this.

Good luck to you. I'm with you - I value my sleep so much!