My older son AJ has been giving us fits at bed time. Some nights are just great, we'll take a bath, read a story and he hops right in bed without a peep. Most nights are not as peaceful. We'll read a story and he'll start crying and wanting to stay up or for me to read the story again just so he doesn't have to go to sleep. I usually oblige but then firmly put him in bed and close his bedroom door so he can't follow me. He then cries for a bit until he falls asleep. Does it have to be so hard? What are we doing wrong? He's a very strong willed and stubborn boy, but my goodness! Any suggestions would be appreciated, Thanks!
You are doing nothing wrong. That is just AJ. The only thing I would do is give AJ the book in bed so he can look at the book as he falls asleep. Hopefully the book is not to big for him to hold.
Just keep remembering all that stubbornness will enable him to fight his way through many hard times.
It seems highly likely to me that this is his way of trying spend more one-on-one time with you since you have a new baby (and maybe were home full time on maternity leave until recently) - he may not be able to verbalize that need at his age. Also, it does seem that keeping naps from lasting all afternoon seems to help most people. However, in our case this kind of behavior was, and still is, almost always a sign that he is way too tired. When he is well rested, and going to bed on time, he is chipper, eager for the bedtime routine and will go to sleep without any trouble. Good luck - I'm sure it is hard.
K.,
You are doing nothing wrong. My son is almost 5 and since he got out of his crib he has a hard time going to bed. He'll go in his room and play or read for hours sometimes. It's irritating no end, but as long as he's fairly quiet we try not to complain too much.
You might try moving his bed time back a half hour or so and see if that helps. Both my kids know that when it's cuddle time with Mom on the couch to watch TV it's almost bed time.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
Sorry to say, but you are now officially in the terrible two zone. Our boys usually do the same thing. Just be firm, and keep up with the routine. Some things we have done that have helped, cut down naps to 1.5, take him out for a walk or to the park to burn off some energy, and we have limited sugars before bedtime. Those little things have helped but in no way cured the times when they just really don't want to go to bed yet. I just keep with the routine, knowing that one day they will figure out when it is time for bed that really means bedtime, and no more stories, or playing with the trains, or throwing pillows at brother, or asking for water....
Maybe the stories need to be read before bath/bedtime. What if you just put him into bed kissed him good night and left...he won't have time to get sad, maybe?
He probably just misses you and wants more time with you. Maybe even a few stories in your lap. I quit my job to be a sahm and my 22 mos. old still needs that extra mommy time at night. He'll only be a baby once so go ahead and read extra stories. Plus, since I bought a swing/slide set it's easier to get him enough exercise. I also ask him what his favorite part of the day or what he liked best. "Run w/ daddy" or "cow go moo". bath, brush teeth, books, talk and milk/music. Good luck.
Are you getting enough support and help with the new baby? Mommy's health and happiness are vital to babies and childrens' growth and development. Maybe have your hubby take over the whole nighttime routine (bath, brush teeth, book, bed). Or if you can, find a friend or family member to take your son to the park during the day, or take the baby for a while. You need a little time to yourself right now every day (as crazy and impossible as this may seem).
Co-ops and moms' groups could also be the ticket for letting off toddler energy. Maybe putting both in a stroller/carseat and going for a walk/drive can give you the time you need to regroup your sanity. If mommy is frazzled at the end of the day, the child might be picking up on this this energy at bedtime.
It does seem that with the timing your son might be more clingy because of the new sibling. I have read that now is the most important time to be there for him and let him regress a little, so that he knows he is still safe and secure and loved. It might also make him less jealous of the new sibling.
Having said all that, my 24 month old son also takes a long time to go to bed. Here are some general things that have helped us and may or may not be applicable in your situation (I am due in November so I have yet to experience the double duty you are going through!)
1. Taking a 2 to 2-1/2 hour nap in the afternoon. This may sound counterintuitive, but the better he naps in the day, the better he sleeps at night (fewer wake ups, faster falling asleep). Keep the room dark and quiet, or use a fan for white noise, to help him sleep longer.
2. Wearing him out in the day -- both physically and mentally. A lot of stimulation and a lot of exercise (this is not always easy or possible to do - being around other people helps) he'll usually go to sleep earlier and more quickly.
3. Having enough one-on-one mommy/daddy time. Sometimes he'll want to stay up longer because I have been too busy for him during the day and not really interacted with him enough. Sometimes he really wants to spend more time with daddy before he goes to bed.
4. Sometimes he is hungry, believe it or not! If he hasn't eaten well in the day, feeding him at bedtime often works wonders to put our son to bed. Either way, I always give him bottle of warm milk (tryptophan induces sleepiness, and warmth too) before he goes to bed. Add fruit, yoghurt or a full-on meal depending on his hunger level.
5. Ambience: dim lights, soft music, calming bedtime books and soft voices make a huge difference with us. You could also try a dimmer light or a bright night light.
6. When all else fails, sometimes (when desperate) my hubby will put him in the carseat and drive him to sleep -- this works esp. well when he is clearly sleepy to begin with.
Mostly, we just accept that it takes a long time for him to go to bed and try not to be too hard on ourselves (they are, after all, only human and not trained robots). I have heard that this time of transition is the toughest part but it gets easier with time. Hang in there -- I just hope I will have the energy and strength to get through it myself!
Hi K.!
I read the other responses to your request and I didn't see anyone mention this so I thought I'd add my two cents. It seems to me that one thing that might help is to eliminate "obliging" him by reading another story, etc. I hate to say it, but what he's learning is that when he cries for something it gets what he wants. Even if you then tell him it's time for bed and follow through on that time, he's learned that you SOMETIMES reward the crying so he'll keep trying it. Especially since, as you mentioned, he's very stubborn! I have a daughter who's the same way! Consistency has got to be one of the hardest, but most important, areas of child training. We went through three months of agony teaching my daughter to sleep by herself when she was 10 months, but it paid off and we rarely have a battle at bedtime, now. Anyway, hope this is helpful!! I'm going to include a website on child training that's excellent: www.nogreaterjoy.org
May your bedtimes be peaceful!!
R.
Hi K.,
I have a daughter who is also really stubborn but is almost 4 and she too can be difficult when it comes time to go to bed, I notice that it usually happens when she is really tired, if she's had a good nap that day bed time is simple simon. My son who really isn't very stubborn is also more difficult to put to bed when he doesn't take a good nap, so to put it easily it just shows how tired your child really is, at least it is that way with my 2 older kids. Good luck with it all and stay strong, because it can be hard.
