Because I Said So....

I usually explain it out too...but there are there those moments I say because I'm the mom that is why. And for my kids...that usually works. Although sometimes my 6 year old will say....I can't wait until I'm the mom.

I tell my kids all the time, this is a momocracy, not a democracy, and the issue is not open for argument or discussion... to paraphrase: BECAUSE I SAID SO!! Works for my kids, my husband? Not so much ;)

I don't think that approach is healthy for any child, even if they accept it.

However, as I've said before, sometimes it's the perfect response. Especially sometimes for teenagers, who are wanting to dissect and disagree with your every statement. Because occasionally, that's just the fact of it. The kids may be right in theory, but you, as the parent and dominant force in the family, get to have it your way, right or wrong.

Ex: A kid doesn't want to fold the blankets after a sleepover. The kid is right -- there's no rational reason why they shouldn't simply be thrown in a heap in the closet. But it is not worth the time and effort to debate the pros and cons of folding blankets with a kid. The mom is neat, and likes it that way, that's why. The kid just has to fold the darn blankets, not debate the merits of it. So the correct answer is, "Because I said so."

My kids have both made the mistake to question my "because I said so" exactly 1 time. My quick response both times was, "I am the adult, you are the child. I do not have to explain myself or my reasoning to you. Go do it. Now."

Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those "children should be seen but not heard" types, but I DO believe children need to respect their parents (to include step parents). Now, that being said, this rule only works if you are not talking about an abusive home & where the parents do show the kids the respect they deserve as well, but now I'm delving into a whole different discussion.

Short answer to your question: Yes, I use it when I have to. Yes, my kids have questioned me on it. Yes, I put a dead halt to their line of questioning with the understanding that I will, under no circumstances, repeat that conversation with either of them as long as they live.

Mom, why can't I run into the middle of the street?
Son, you will get run over by a car and die.
But, what if I don't?
You may not, but it might happen the next time you do.
So, why can't I run in the street.
Because I said so.

THat's often how our conversations go. I tell them why I want them to do something or don't want them to do it. I get asked a couple of more times. Then, because I said so comes out. Thankfully they are older now so I don't find myself saying it as often,.
L.

It's never worked on my stepsons because their mother never said it to them. She didn't believe that "Because I said so" was a legit reason to give and you should always have a real reason why. So me saying it didn't go very far. But honestly, I am more old school and sometimes I feel that you should just do what I am asking you to do because I am the parent and I am asking you to do it. Not that I want to raise blindly obedient sheep but really - I should not have to explain to you why I am asking you to put away your things or help out with leaf raking. You are part of this family, we all help out and that's just the way it is. I don't feel I have to give some long-winded explanation for everything. Most of the time I would try to give an explanation and for my stepsons, that still was not good enough. Because no matter what explanation I give, it wasn't going to get them to want to comply. So after the 2nd or 3rd time, I would just say "Because I asked you to, end of story!"

Now my daughter is 4, and I have no problem saying "Because I said so!" or "Because I asked you to!" once in a while. Because sometimes an explanation is warranted, but sometimes it's them just trying to stall, or get out of doing something, or wanting to argue back, and I am not going to allow that. I just don't have the patience for that sort of thing. I am her mom, she better be okay with just listening to me when I need her to!

I have always tried to give my kids a reason and not just say "because I said so". I hated that when I was little. Even when I don't have a "good" reason, I will just say something like "because I think thats best for now" or something like that. And sometimes it has made me question myself on WHY I'm telling them no and have actually changed my mind when I couldn't think of a good reason on why they couldn't do something! =)

I thought we were talking about the movie with Diane Keaton. Oh well, it is part old and new ways to bring up children. The old way was because I said so (as the parent knowing more than the child to keep them out of harm's way). The new way is to explain until the cows come home and leave again and the project is not completed.

There are times when explanations are great and times when they are not. So you will have to pick your battles and remember that children and spouses are not mind readers. You must be able to fill in the blanks when explaining or requesting (ordering) so that they can do the task at hand and complete it accordingly. Ugh.

The world has enough "sheep" in it with four legs and two legged versions need to be reduced. However, people do need to use their mind and be able to complete tasks without much explanation at their perspective jobs. So somewhere there is a middle ground. I hope we can find that spot and live happily ever after.

The other S.

PS Life is too short to explain the world over and over. Somewhere it has to sink in.

Ditto.

I actually used the phrase for the FIRST TIME (and meant it) about 2 weeks ago.

My son's 9.

Not that many, if not most, things aren't up for debate. House rule; you can always ask why... AFTER you do what I tell you to do. Although I rarely TELL. (I have a very precise adhd kiddo, he knows the difference between a request and an order. Orders aren't questioned until after "it" has been accomplished. Requests, otoh, are up for debate/scrutiny/alternate options/etc.)

Yeah, I do. "Because I said so" is NEVER acceptable!
Not that I haven't tried it... ;)

I didn't use "Because I said so" as a reason either If she asked "Why" she got an explanation.

I think that 95% of the time "because I said so" is not necessary and kinda lazy. I believe that if a kid knows why they need to do something, that it's easier to have it get done, and it works that way with my son most of the time. Now you do have to use it sometimes when the explanation of why is too complex, etc. or time is tight, but overuse isn't smart. I want my kid to listen to me, and I also want them to understand and use their brain.

I don't think I've used "because I told you so"....hhhmmm something to make me think!!

My kids have always questioned authority - go figure! at least they do it respectfully...

I BELIEVE I tell my kids WHY they need to do something. It just keeps the questions down if I say: "you need to take a shower every day. It's about hygiene...." instead of "because I said so"..

GOOD QUESTION!!!

I hated it when my mom would say "Because I said so...." and I swore I would never say that. But guess what? I have.....There are times that is the only thing I can say. It's not worth an explanation. My dtr questions me on everything and unfortunately "because I said so" doesn't work with her. At times, I will try to explain as well as I can but other times, I don't and just tell her again that she better do what I told her. End of discussion. It worked on my eldest daughter when she was younger but not on my 8 year old. I have my work cut out for me with her.....

My mom was as patient as Job. She rarely said it and would offer explanations to me, for why I needed to do something and for the multitude of questions I asked her. (Her favorite being "Mommy, does the Devil have blue eyes? Neither of us remember her answer!)

However, my dad DID say "because I said so". I remember thinking at one point when I was older that I would NEVER say that to my OWN kids.

And of course I have. But it wasn't when they were little. I don't have my mom's patience, and it has been when I was tired of them fussing that they don't want to do it, and "because I said so" closes the subject.

Dawn

I don't even try. I hate that answer. Home is the testing ground for life and I don't want to raise sheep that blindly follow what other people (even those in authority) tell them to do. I want them to question life and what is right or wrong because at the end of they day they will answer for their actions regardless of whether or not someone "said so." How are they to know their own mind, values, morals ethics, if they are never taught to question and develop them?

The rule here is you can ask, just keep a civil tongue in your head, and remember there's a time and place. If you have a conflict about it, then ask right away and we will talk it through. If you just don't understand we can talk about it when you are done.

I give them some sort of answer, other than I told you so...

Even if it's "Please go get me a piece of paper"...and they ask why I say "I am workgin on such and such and I ask for your help"...that's the truth and I get "ok" instead of whining and complaining.

I question things all the time. I am more likely to understand, get it right and remember it if I know the "why"...so yes my kids are the same way.

My daughter likes for me to explain everything too. I can’t stand the “but why” comments. I got to the point that I explained that there are mom laws and police laws. (She is only 5 and doesn't truly understand state and government laws so I used police to help her) She often asks to lie on the floor of the car while we are on long trips and I told her no way. She asked why and I said it is a police law. When she asks why do I have to take a shower/bath I tell her because it is mom’s law. (And no one wants to be around a stinky child).

I hated that answer as a child and never used it on my daughter. I belive the phrase "because I said so.." is an adult power trip. Parent: I have all the power; Child: You are not worth an answer. A child is always worth a reason even if it's "because I need your help". My daughter doesn't cave to authority figures and will even point out her teacher's errors. She is polite and well-spoken, compasionate and strong-willed. She's still working on patience.