Baffled by Husbands EX Wife!!!

Hi A.,

My x-husband married a crazy woman. I spent every other year in court for one thing or another. I moved on, remarried and have a happy wonderful life, she can't say the same. My suggestion to deal with the wacko, say as little to her as possible and don't become her buddie. Don't let her have even the slightest piece of information about anything that goes on in your home life or personal life. Her only interest should be the kids and kids alone. The reason I say this, if she gets pissed off and she will at one point or another, even the smallest thing you may have said will turn into a fireball...You have all the right to put her in her place. If her behavior isn't appropriate to your husband, you can say calmly to your husband it's time to go, with phone calls you can abruptly end the converstion with you need to do something with the kids. Don't give her the chance or the time, she will have to find someone else to listen to her.
Your husband need not give her enough time to even utter the word blanket. unless the conversation starts out with kid, there is no conversation. There is a fine line between staying friends after divorce. My brother gave me the best advice. Handle divorce like a business not a friendship. I didn't get it then, I soooo get it now.
If you have even the slightest feeling she could take you to court, may I suggest keeping a log of dates and times of any abnormal behavior with her or the kids, listen to what they say and document, document, document. It sounds crazy now, but I'm telling you what a help it has been for me.
good luck

Hi A.. Boy are you in a tough spot. I'm sorry your DH's ex is being so obnoxious! You certainly seem to be handling it all pretty well though.
I don't have much advice to offer, other than to say that your DH really needs to be the one to handle her inappropriate behavior towards him and not you so that the communication between you and her stays clear. I can't imagine having to deal with my DH's ex but you are doing a great job and I just wanted to offer my support. I think it's totally awesome that you don't feel intimidated by her and that you are secure in your marraige. THAT will go a long way towards cooling her off hopefully because once she sees that she isn't going to get anwhere with him, she will back off. Anyway, not much advice to offer but just support. Good luck to you and your family!

Have you spoken to your husband about her behavior? If you have and you know for a fact that he is not interested in her or her antics...then let her make the fool of herself.
She could be doing this for several reasons.
1) she wants her old life back because hers isn't going so well. knowing ex's...she only wants what she can't have..therefore....really won't be happy with him
2) knows that it makes you crazy that she is doing this...she wants to break up your happy marriage because her life isn't so happy
3) the kids (theirs) are happier with you as a family unit...and she is jealous of that fact (i am speaking from my husbands ex behavior..she even admitted it in court)

the only way to rise above her behavior is to stay happy. Just don't rise to her behavior.
good luck..your post does sound like your happy as a family...stay that way and eventually she will give up

p/s....when she starts to talk to your husband..have him tell her that he is happy in his marriage..and he is sorry she isn't so happy (yet)..but to please stop talking to him as if they are still married. he can put a stop to this right away if he follows some simple "off limit" rules with her

I agree with everything Trasy said, so I won't say it all over agian. But, I wanted to add that if DH doesn't want to hear all the reminising about say the blanket they had together when they were married, he can interupt her story/memory with one that includes him and you instead. Say she starts with "oh so and so, remember when we were at the beach, and we were so cold, so we went out and bought that blanket?" then he says "yeah, that blanket has seen the beach so many times, me and current awesome wife laid under the stars all night wrapped up in that blanket while we were on a camping trip." Point being just to get the message across that when he thinks back to romantic times, or special memories, he remembers ones with you, not her.

Also, if she calls to cry about her latest disappointment, or to brag about her new bf, kindly say "I am glad you are so happy", or "that really sucks, I am so sorry" ..."but, I really can't talk, the kids are waiting for me."

Wow!! I have an ex- Husband who I would love set up with this woman!! My current husband, like you, is not threatened by my ex's behavior, but I am sure that your husband, like me is probably annoyed and almost disturbed by the behavior. My ex actually asked if in ten years if I was not still married to my Current Husband (who I love very much and have been with twice as long as I was married to the first one) if we could get back together.
Sounds like our two nut jobs would be perfect for each other!! Ps? is she a Gemini? That was my exhusbands excuse for all wrong doings in my first marriage.

Good luck and have patience. God Bless you for raising eight children.

Hey-- I am 2 remarried and we are raising 5 total his-2 My-2 & our 1 his EX is A LOT like that- calls and speaks w/ Justin NOt the kiddos- Just thought I would let you know your not alone and yes, she is CRAZY! which is why they are no longer together- If you ever need to vent---- It was nice for me to read that I am not the only one dealing w/ a CRAZY LADY! Much Love from South Central

She's a total nut job BUT you knew this before you got married so you signed up for this when you married her ex-husband. So, I guess you've got to do your best to ignore her nutty behavior until his youngest child turns 18. Then, hopefully, your contact with her will decrease . . . but prepare for all hell breaking loose when his kids get married because the nutty drama queen will kick into HIGH gear during those types of events!