Bad Words - San Jose,CA

LOL! The answer is, stop saying bad words around them! =)

Reminds me of the time I showed up at my parents' house with my older daughter, who was then 2.5. She announced as we walked in the door, "We would have been here sooner, but the f***ing people wouldn't get out of the way!" Whoops.

I agree that 2 yr olds repeat everything they hear. It, however becomes difficult to reason with them on why we don;t say those words. I have found that if neither my husband or I react at all, it holds no meaning and that has seemed to work.

Don't say them around them. =) And when they say them, stop and say, "That isn't very nice, don't say that word." Or make up something funnier to say. My kids picked up "Oh my god" which is not acceptable in my home. Whenever they would say that I would say really loud, "OH MY DOG!"!!! Even the older kids would laugh and it became the thing to say.

I won't pretend like I have never said a bad word in front of my kids, I have plenty of times. It slips out unintentionally, like when I bang my foot or break something. That said, my kids don't cuss, and that is because I let them know which words are not okay for them.
They don't even use the the very common kid words like "shut-up" and "stupid" because I told them it is rude. I have a list of no-no words, and I rarely if ever have to remind my kids about them. In fact, they love pointing out when someone else says a no-no word. Which helps me keep my potty mouth in check.

Even if I haven't let it slip from my tongue, they encounter bad words everywhere. My 8 year old daughter was watching "Malcolm in the Middle", and one of the kids on the show reffered to a girl as a B----. It hadn't even registered to me, but she caught it. Made me reevaulate letting her watch Nickelodeon in the evening.

So just let your child know that it is a bad word, and keep reinforcing it. Don't freak all out about it, kids pick up on it, and they loooove to get those kinds of reactions. If your child keeps using the word, then sit them in the corner or send them to the room for a few minutes. All you need to say is if you use that word such and such will happen, and then make such and such happen. And reevaulate your own language, and what your kids might hear on the tv or radio. Sometimes you might not even realize you said a word you don't want your child to use, or you watch or listen to programs that use bad words while your kids are in earshot.

It depends on context.

When it's parroting something they just heard, you ignore it. My husband learned this when out in public and witnessing an altercation over a parking space. Our daughter picked up on the explicative and said it cheerfully several times. The men involved both looked abashed. We didn't make a big deal about hte word and she forgot about it.

When they are saying it on purpose with context, I would suggest denying privalige. What does your child want most? With my daughter, it's social contact and our current battle is angry raspberries. When she makes the noise in anger, she goes to her room. She can scream and say whatever she likes, but she is isolated from me and the situation.

Finally, when these words are not in use and you are just hanging out, I would try to talk to your child about there being adult or grown up words, activities and foods that are not for kids (and, to be fair that there are things like that for kids and not grown ups) and explain that those sorts fo words are not for him, regardless of what he has heard from adults around him.

That said, I have to say that this doesn't work outside the home and I don't have a current solution for those situations other than leaving, which isn't always convienent.

Just ignore it. It will go away.(presuming there is not regular exposure to bad words)

Greetings Mariilyn,
I am the mother of 5, and have raised many other children and now have several grandchildren. So this is something I feel strongly about.
This is such a shame when someone that you trusted teaches your young child to swear.
The child knows from your reaction that there is power behind the use of the words. We did something rather rash but worked very well and didn't have to be done often because the children would warn the adult/teen/child,that used "unacceptable words". I literally would tell the person once that it wasn't acceptable in our home and family and then I told them that if they continued I'd wash their mouth out and BELIEVE ME I DID! ** now the draw back... when I was mad and swore and the kids heard me THEY washed my mouth out with my own toothbrush! Did my husband ever laugh. But the rules work the same for everyone.
I was raised by a father who had a limited vocabulary, and although not all truck drivers swear he was one that out did himself at it. I had no idea how nasty it was until someone educated me as a pre-teen. I wasn't allowed in thier home because of my mouth. I was shocked and yet it has been one of the best lessons of my life. My husband had never used bad language becasue it was not done in his home, and he was horrified when he heard me do it. So I was grateful that I could give up that bad habit.
Be firm, set boundries and ground rules and just wash out the mouth one time and a 2 yer old will remember it. I can tell you that when my Granddaughter does soemthing that she thinks will get her in time out or in trouble she'll say " Nana, isn't going to like it". Good Luck, Nana Glenda

Kids live what they learn, bottom line.
Make a quick adjustment to the current environment where these words are being picked up. The child is only two and will completely forget the bad words in no time at all. Any attention the child gets (good or bad) from using the words will keep them fresh in his/her vocabulary.

Hi M.,

Assuming that there is no cursing in your home or the homes of family and friends, I'm guessing your two year old is picking his new vocabulary up at daycare or the park?

If adults are cursing around your child, I would ask them to stop because kids are like little sponges.

He's too too young to really reason with, but I wouldn't ignore foul language. See if you can find out where it's coming from and take it from there.

You won't be able to isolate your child from other children that use "bad words", but you can re-enforce that "We don't say those words", "we don't use that language". For the little ones, start with the simple, but firm "NO". If the word continues for the impact, say "NO" followed by a time out.

Blessings......

Hi M.-
Uh oh and Oh No! Kids repeat what they hear, so they are hearing someone say those bad words. My mother washed my mouth out with soap, and it was foul. They also spanked us. Hmmmm. The last time I remember cursing in front of my mother, I said the s word (I was 16 and some lady almost side swiped us in my mother's car). Her only response was "that's something you do not something you say." It was always explained to me that words like that showed my ignorance and my lack of vocabulary and an unwillingness to learn. Since I wanted to be a smart kid and top of the world (apparently even at 2) it was a challenge. The thing is, children don't always understand the breadth of the word, so an explanation and correction of the proper terminology and a substitute word should be offered.
I will say, though, that sometimes they say it knowing that it upsets you or gets a reaction from you, but not knowing fully what it is they are saying.
Hope this helps
-E. M

Hello
When my son who is now 8 says a bad word or did in the past, I didn't give it much energy at all. It's done out of innocence. On several occasions he has raised his middle finger at me (albeit, he has to force down either finger on each side to do it :) I once asked him, do you know what that means and he said YES, the middle finger means CHAOS.. I had to laugh.. I said, yes that sounds about right...
and left it at that ... Today, although it's rare for him to swear.. he did once say, we don't have time to F around... I was shocked by that but in a way, I realized that he was right... don't get me wrong, it's just that sometimes kids bring to light and mirror back how WE as adults might be coping (or not) Actually, the swearing can be a good eyeopener and help us change the way we deal with matters. Again, I am not down for swearing, but just try NOT to put energy into it, the child will sense it IF you do and swear more..
best of luck

I agree with all the advice for the most part ... little reaction, not saying "bad words" around them ...

With that said, my daughter (now 5, this probably won't apply to you right now) is allowed to use bad words AT HOME ONLY. She did use one word outside of the house and is no longer allowed to use that word anywhere. I've met very few people who don't ever swear, so I know my daughter will eventually do it anyway. Now, I can teach her when, where and how to use the words so that she doesn't sound like an "ugly" person. Plus, it takes away the "forbidden" so she doesn't have this desire to use those words for reaction.

My mom used to think I was putting too much pressure on my daughter, that she couldn't understand the concept, but in life, there are rules for different places and she understood that immediately. For instance, when on the playground, kids can run, be loud ... but you can't do that in a library.

When I tell friends of how we do things, they are always surprised because they never hear my daughter saying bad words ... and actually, she now rarely says them at home. She also corrects my husband when he says the one word she's not allowed to use (because we banned it for all of us) LOL.

Good luck!

Just don't laugh or react, and don't say the words anymore and eventually they will drop off. : ) Take care, C.

In early childhood, children learn just about EVERYTHING from role modeling, and very little from what they are told. We are hard-wired to mimic the things we see and hear up to about age 5. So, knowing that, it becomes extremely important that we're "showing" our children the way we want them to be (maybe the way we ourselves want to be?) So, if your child is exposed to language that you don't want him/her to use, the first thing to do is stop that exposure. Whether it's you, your spouse, an older sibling, whoever - make sure they understand they cannot use foul language in earshot of your child, or guaranteed your child will use it too. There is no telling a two-year-old to watch the words they say. They are in primary language development, and imitating words is very important to them. They will say anything they hear.

So, first, stop the language exposure! Next, don't give a reaction if s/he uses those words - just shine it on. The minute you give attention to something, that's when it becomes a thing the two-year-old will keep doing - just to get your attention. And, as I metioned, telling the child to stop is not developmentelly appropriate - they just can't stop at that age.

I wish you luck with stopping exposing your child to bad language and having no reaction if you hear the words - those things will bring the change you want eventually.

2 yr olds are GREAT at teaching us to "look in the mirror"! They only repeat what they have been exposed to. Whatever your 2 yr old says and does is a complete reaction to what he has been witness to, so he acts as your "mirror".

It is time to be an example for him. He is old enough now to "pick up" the language, so you really cannot use it in your home now, unless you want him to grow up with bad language :O) If it is not you using the language, then it is the TV....save those programs for later when he's napping. All kids can pick up things from TV....when my son was 5, he went to kiss me goodnight and began kissing me like they do in my Soap Opera! Lesson: I had to save my sexy Soap Opera for when he wasn't around after that!

Let your 2 yr old be your mirror. Don't get upset with him for his behavior, he is simply repeating what he has been taught. It's time to teach him "please and thank you" and good behavior things like that :O)

~N. :o)

Hi M.,

Unfortunately my oldest had many 'bad word' speakers around him when he was 2. And, of course, he picked up on them.

This is what worked with him:

When I heard him say the bad word, I would say, "EEEWWWWW!!!! YUCKY!!!! that's a bad word... If you ever hear anyone say that word, you tell them 'eeeewwww yucky, that's a bad word'... Some people don't know that they are bad words, and need you to tell them"....

That worked wonders!! He never repeated the words once he found out they were bad... And, all visitors to our home soon learned that it was not ok to speak that way, because our 2-year old would tell them. :) 2 birds with 1 stone. :)

Assuming he/she is not exposed to them on a regular basis.... just ignore it. This is what I have done with my son when he repeats a bad word and within a day or two he forgets the word and I stop hearing it. If you make a big deal of it you will give the words power. Don't start that until battle until you absolutely have to!