Using a Bad Word

All bads words are grouped into " bathroom words."
If my son says poo poo to another child. We tell him he can't say that because
it's a bathroom word and can only say it in the bathroom.
Then we group all bad words as bathroom words.
The preschool my son went to did it this way.
Hope it helps. It does work but maybe not at 2.5 years...definitely between 3-4.

For heaven's sake don't do the soap thing, you'll be picked up for child abuse these days. But the wasabi might work! Or hot sauce. Or just any food you know they hate. Hmmm...when my kid tries it....!

-S

I made some serious efforts to curb my own vocabulary after our daughter was born. I never dreamed I'd hear myself saying things like "oh my stars and garters!" and "Jesus Christ on roller skates!" ("Mickey Mouse on roller skates" works too, if you're religious). But even so, eventually, she overheard some choice language -- mainly while my husband was driving her to preschool in morning traffic...and to be fair, I do recall stomping around the house almost daily looking for that "goddamn pacifier!", and I'm certain she heard that too.

I don't believe that are such things as "bad" words. But certainly there are MANY things that are innapropriate for a child to say. In fact, I just banned my eleven year old from saying "WHATEVER!" (which we all know means F-you, mom).

Okay, but here's what we did when she was a tot: while driving to school, she would point out situations when Dad would use a bad word. I asked her, well, what's something else we could say instead? She came up with this (I think it's from a children's poem): "Why you, double-barreled, disconnected, super-sonic ding-dong bat! You're dumber than the dumbest dumb flea!"

This is MUCH more fun to say, and she would giggle like a maniac. Also, it elicited the reaction of amusing adults, which is at least half the reason why children repeat "swear" words in the first place.

I never did make a big deal about the language, and she never did pick it up. When she referred to the "S" word, she meant "stupid". And later on, she made my husband put money in a jar every time he swore...

Yes, tell him that certain words are unacceptable for children. No question. But I guess my point is that making a huge deal about it might be less effective than turning it back to the child...that's one's a grown-up word, or that one's a potty-baby word...what else could we say?

It's a rich language. I'd just encourage him to explore it and get creative. Open a thesaurus, and read him all the synonymns for "stupid", etc. Google archaic insults. There are so many fun expressions -- and, generally, we are all being quite lazy when we resort to generic "swear" words.

My daughter who is also 2 1/2 sometimes picks up a word that slips out of our mouth every now and then (we've gotten much better at it). When she repeats it, we just divert her attention to a word that she thinks is funny to say..."assassin". She then giggles every time we say it and goes on with her business. I kjnow it's not the best word either but at least it's not a bad word. :-) So, maybe try to find some word that your child likes to say and makes him laugh when he says it to divert his attention. It's really hard for them to understand why they can't say that word at their age because they are just trying to process so much information...it's like information overload. So, anyways, tey to divert his attention to a funnier word. :-) It has worked for us.

Substitution worked like a charm with my son. I wanted to avoid being negative because he tends to be defiant and at age 2 1/2 thought getting me to punish him was a fun game. Also, I'm afraid the main way that he learned bad words was from Mommy (mostly when I was doing handywoman tasks and hurt myself) and I thought punishing him for saying what I said was not really reasonable. SO:

So when my son tried out bad words, I would immediately offer a substitute: "Raj in OUR family, we say GOSH DARN IT!" I would say "gosh darn it," with enormous energy and enthusiasm. "Raj, in OUR family, we say PHOOEY!" ... and so on. Also, if I used a bad word in his presence, I would immediately correct myself and use the substitute with as much emphasis as possible... "PHOOEY PHOOOEY OH PHOOEY."

For "poop" and "pee" and variations, those are allowed in the bathroom. But I didn't try to restrict those until after potty training was done. And, we ended up allowing them until his best friend's potty training was done, too, so that one wasn't being chastised for something the other was allowed to say when we were all together.

Now that my son is older (4.5) sometimes I differ with his preschool on what is allowed and what isn't. For example, at home I allow him to call me nonsense words, like "Mu-mu-head." But his school treats that like a "mean word." Also, his school doesn't allow "hell" in any context and I don't see anything wrong with using it as a place name (my son got into trouble once for quoting "welcome to HELL" from *Ratatouille,* which I suppose must have been rather startling coming from a 3 yr. old). When he uses one of those words I gently remind him that it is okay at home, but at school it will make people upset.

Insults like "stupid" or "idiot" we remind him "in our family we do not call each other mean names." Whereupon he reminds me of the things I have been known to say about other drivers with him in the car, and I meekly reply that "mommy shouldn't do that either."

I am a little shocked at the discipline suggestions from some of the Mothers especially since if our children are using bad language then they got it from us, friends, family, etc. They don't make up those words on their own. Anyway, my daughter has on occassion used bad lanugage from copying us and we try to ignore it and more closely monitor what she hears us say and others. The first time she says it I remind her that she shouldn't use that type of language and that whomever she heard use it also shouldn't. If she uses it again for attention I then ignore her and it quickly passes. However if the child keeps hearing word used then it would be very hard to break the cycle after all they copy everything we do.

Soap. Unfortunately my son LIKES soap, so we have been thru our spice cabinet searching for something yucky. Weve only had to do that 2x. We found out he doesnt like garlic powder.
Most the time I correct him and ignore. Its a stage and they will get over it. The more you react to it the longer they do it. For my kids its the potty talk stage, so its CornPoop...thats what they say.
If it was the F-bomb, thats another story. They'd get popped in the mouth every single time they say it. I'd even use a time out if needed. Eventually they will stop.

A friend of mine would put a little bit of wasaba (sp?) on their tongue when they would say it. She told me she only had to do it 4 times and they haven't said it since.

A., I hope you'll listen to Liz B. and Suz. T. Their points are great

Pepper? Hot sauce? Soap? He's just a toddler pushing buttons. Physical punishments like those will only teach him that a parent, the person he trusts most in the world, (a) is OK with causing him physical pain for something he really does not fully understand is wrong and (b) OK with really overreacting.

I like Liz's idea--from her real-life preschool teacher experience--that he can be taught to "throw away" that garbage word and then be constructively distracted by making up another funny word that's all his own. Another option as you're already doing is ignoring the word, especially if he sees it gets a reaction, even a negative reaction, from you and the babysitter. He may see that he REALLY gets adult attention with this word and loves getting that attention--kids love attention, period, even if that attention is negative/shouting/timeouts! It's vital to get the babysitter on board with doing whatever you would do when he says it.

A bigger issue: Where is he picking this up? Is he hearing this at home somehow -- I hate to ask it, but do you or your husband ever cut loose, even unintentionally and accidentally, in front of him or where he can overhear? (I have been known to use another word in front of my seven-year-old and have to apologize!!) Does he hear it at the babysitter's, if not from her, from...her husband, a teenage child of hers, anyone? Is he hearing it from other kids and if so--is he playing with kids too old for him to be playing with, or with kids his own age whose families may be prone to cursing in front of their own kids, who then teach it to yours? Thinking through all this does not mean you can undo it at this point, but it could help you prevent his picking up more swear words if you can find out where this is coming from. He might need to avoid play dates with certain friends for a while if their language is the source. I'd say, don't overreact with a lot of attention or harsh punishment, but do ignore it cooly as you're already doing, or give him Liz's "garbage words" talk, and in the meantime, especially if he keeps on doing it, find out where he's hearing it. I bet it will pass soon.

Here's a little bit of advice: Ignoring is good. Be sure to coo over the other (good) words, 'cause he sure liked the attention he got (for the f word). If you find ignoring and distracting isn't working after a week, use a FIRM voice with "stop saying that word" and in a gentler tone, add you sound angry (whatever) and you can say, "I'm Angry". "I'm Angry" is helpful, other words can be hurtful.

i'm a little taken aback at all of the punishment being suggested, some of it pretty extreme.
he's not 'bad' for saying this word. he's heard it somewhere and he's doing exactly what a little guy this age does to learn, repetition. all the attention focused on him doing exactly what he's supposed to do (yes, even and especially negative attention) reinforces the lesson. have you ever tried to consciously forget something when you're being reminded of it repeatedly? 2 year olds aren't huge on the self control thing just yet, certainly not verbally. it's a difficult and very uncomfortable phase, for sure, but please remember the discomfort is all on the part of the adults involved. it is NOT his fault. ignoring a bad habit is not an easy solution. it requires time and self control on YOUR part. but you're the adult. if you (collective you, not just you, A.) don't have enough to help him through it, how can you expect a toddler to have enough to fix it?
i recommend a complete shut-down of reaction whenever he says it. not just cheerfully carrying on (although that will work too) but an icy silence, no response or eye contact or physical contact for about 2 minutes after each incident. this mini 'shunning' is far more effective long-term than time out, and far less draconian than putting painful things in his mouth.
if a two year old can't remember words well enough to read, how do you expect him to remember them well enough to avoid saying them, especially when there's so much drama surrounding them?
khairete
S.

A.,
When my son was younger he heard an offensive word at school, and then came home and tried that word at home. I asked him where he heard that word he told me " at school". I asked if he knew what it meant. No. I then asked if he had ever in his life heard ME say that word,,,hmmm he thought for a long time , NO...that's right MOMMIE does not so that word.
In fact there are alot of words Mommie does NOT say. So here is the standard ....IF MOMMIE SAYS IT YOU CAN SAY IT....Now that is a lot of pressure on me. So I make sure when i stub my toe i also bite my tongue. My children have never head my swear. They laugh at my "oh my golly". their ages range from 12yrs-24yrs.

You set the standard. And hopefully your children will live up to it. I love the idea of the silly words. good luck mj

A.,
From a mom of 3 boys ages 11, 10, and 6. A 2 1/2 precious little boy is pushing your buttons!!!! He knows exactly what he is saying if you have instructed him ONE time not to do it and he continues. I see moms saying "God forbid you use soap or hot sauce!" I say God forbid if you do not! I only had to use soap one time, ONE time for each one of my boys and it worked! I warned them once, and they did it again. It shows you are serious, it shows you you will follow through with your punishment, and it shows that it is a severe problem! Language in todays society among our young children is aweful and it is b/c parents are using it and second it is okay for the kids to use it. My husband is a baseball coach and a football coach of boys ranging from 8-12 and the language and disrespect is horrible! Take care of it immediately and mean business! Nip it is the bud early and make sure you as parents are not contributing to the problem.

i would have to ask where is he hearing that bad word? if you are asking him to stop saying a word that is around him alot it is going to be nearly impossible. trying to get rid of him saying it...i think you shouldn't tolerate it. don't ignore it! they need to know that it is a bad word! i like the idea of hotsauce. i have the same problem only with less offensive words...i nip it in the butt the moment i hear it. mostly my kids get sent to their room, or they get a priveledge taken away. Hopefully you will find a remedy for the bad words. let us know what works!

We had our kids hold a bar of soap in their mouth for 1 min. It worked great. Just one time for each kid and that nipped it in the bud. Ignoring a problem will never make it go away.

We have a 3 yr old and we call those time-out words and he gets time out. We told him they are ZERO tolerance. Meaning - timeout words don't get 1 warning like other time-out offenses. You say it - you go straight to time-out. My little boy can't stand stopping his play to sit on the stool. It works. We can't even say "Darn It" in our house without Jameson telling us those are time-out words cos they sound close. So he doesn't say "darn it" either - that's OK. Anyway - hope that helps. S.

PS I guess I should explain that this came after attempts to ignore or redirect with alternative words. This sits him down and disconnects his little thought process from whatever track he is on - it's effective for us.

When I was a preschool teacher, I had a little boy who was using bad language. He thought it was soooo funny. Instead of ignoring it, I told him that talking like that was like having yucky garbage coming out of his mouth. Garbage words belong in the garbage. Then we would walk over to the garbage and and pretend to take the word out of our mouth and throw it into the garbage. Then we would talk about words we could use instead (come up with really silly funny words like hullaballoo). Truth be told he won't stop saying it until he finds something more interesting to say.

Hi A.,
well when my son was around 2 he used to say F & B words he got it from his teenage cousins.whenever he would say the F*** i would say oh you want a fork and hand him one.Whenever he would say the B**** word i would correct him and say it's beach.I talked to him about the beach and show him pictures of it too.It might sound silly but it had worked for me.Well it was not his fault;he was just repeating what he heard other said.

I never had a problem with my son because the first time he said one, I sat him down and told him in very clear language what all the bad words were, what they meant, and that he was absolutely NOT to say these until after he was 18. Those are words for grown-ups, and even then still aren't nice. He never said anything bad again after that, but when other kids do, he'll look at me and say "I know I can't say that word until I am 18, right Mom?"
However, your son sounds a little more advanced in his exploration of profanity, I'm sure he's doing it for shock value, but here's a suggestion, my sister-in-law uses black pepper on the tongue when her little boys uses foul language. Hope this helps.

Please, don't just ignore it. I had a weird experience this past year, with a friend and her daughter. My girls and I were eating dinner with her and her daughter, and her daughter started saying bad words...even told her mom she was an F***** B****! The mother completely ignored it, and made a point you are suppose to ignore them when they do it. BIG problem for me, as I had my two daughters sitting right there! It made for an awkward situation, because I had to make an effort to tell my girls right then, in front of the other mother that that is not appropriate language, and they should never say it. Your child is going to be around other children at some point or another, and allowing them to speak that way around other children is not a good thing. I have never had that issue with my girls, however, so I don't know the best way to go about it. Try doing whatever you would do in any situation where he behaves inapropriately...such as taking away toys, removing him from situations, time-out, whatever works for you guys. I just would not ignore it though, I think it doesn't send the right message. You wouldn't let your child keep hitting another, just because expressing how inapropriate it is causes him to do it more...
K.