Bad Sleeping Habits from My 20 Month Old Son

J.,

This is a power struggle. These little ones really become alive with their own ideas and agendas, even this young! Mine is doing the same thing. What helps is, I've been through it with my first, so I know the ropes a little better now. :)

If you really want to break this habit, it will be hard and you will have to be tough. Have some special time in the evening, put your child to bed, and walk out. He will scream, wail, whatever! For a LONG TIME! You can't give in. Check on him occasionally to make sure he's safe. Be business-like and brief. Don't make eye contact, don't talk, and don't soothe (just a little pat or something quick). Walk back out. Stay in control! You can win this if you are consistent. I'm speaking from painful experience.

I know you don't want to read...but a great book that will give you a great perspective is "Happy Child, Healthy Sleep Habits." It's really worth looking at!

Best of luck!

J.- I had the exact same situation with my son when he was almost 2. My mom pointed out that at her house, he knew I wasn't there to "save him", so he was ok in the crib. I started to put him in his bed and would lay on the floor in his room until he fell asleep so he knew i was there. Then I would start to leave earlier. It took awhile, but finally he felt ok being in his room. If you're willing to have less sleep for a few nights, this approach will work. Every once and awhile he still sneaks into my bed, but I don't mind. Good luck!
S.

Hi J.,

It sounds like your son has learned how you sleep at your house: in your bed. That's what he's been taught, and what he knows. That he will sleep in a crib elsewhere is a good indication of that.

Your son will sleep, eventually, in his own crib at home. It's going to take some new training for him, and a little extra effort on your part; now you have to break a habit and establish a new one.

There are lots of routes you can go, but this is what I'd suggest (it's less traumatic for you and your son, but it takes more effort and patience on your part). Start by putting him in his crib at bedtime (do you have a routine? Like bath, story, song, bed? If not, get one going and stick to it every night; that helps him understand it's bedtime). Sit next to the crib in a rocking chair to let him know you're there, but don't respond to him; if he's crying and trying to get out and you're engaging him, you're only teaching him that he'll get that attention if he screams loud enough. Let him know that you're there, and it's sleeping time. That will take a while (might be a couple of nights, might be a couple of weeks) before he gets the message that he's not coming out of his crib at bedtime. Once you get over that hump, it will get easier. Start moving away from the crib: move your rocker to the middle of the room for a week or two, then next to the door, then just outside the door, etc. The goal is to show him that bedtime is not negotiable, but that you are still there.

Of course, the alternative is the crying it out method, but that just never felt right for me.

Like I said, this takes extra effort on your part; try not to get frustrated, but look at it as time for you to sit back and read for an hour or so. :) I did this with my kids, and it worked beautifully....

Good luck!

Ali

I haven't come to this point yet but I know what worked with my nephew. He never slept in his crib, so we bought him a toddler bed and put it in his mother's room. We started with a nap and went from there and slowly move the bed toward the door. Now he sleeps in his own room and bed. Hope this will help some.

He sleeps all night at your parents house because he knows you're not there to get him. Basically, you have to teach him that even though you're there, you're not going to get him out of his bed at night. First work on sleeping all night. Get him to sleep any way you can, then when he is up at night, go and talk to him or hug him, then put him back in his bed. You could go "cold turkey" and just not go back in there, or you could go every 5 or 10 minutes. Literally watch the clock because 5 minutes will seem like 5 years when your kid is screaming. We did every 10 minutes with my daughter. With my son (who is 20 mo now) we gradually increased the time -- 5 min, then 10, then 15, etc.

We only had to do it one night with my son. My daughter took several nights.

It will be hard for you to hear him cry. There's really no way that I know of (well, no way that's been successful according to my experience and that of several friends) to help them learn to get to sleep without some crying.
But you have to remember that he is safe and loved and by doing this you are helping him develop healthy sleep habits that will benefit him in the long run. It will help him learn better, eat better, behave better, adjust to change better...EVERYTHING is better with a kid who's getting the right kind of sleep.

The reward for enduring a few nights of tears, bed time is now a peaceful, uneventful experience for both kids. We pray with them, hug and kiss them, then tuck them in and walk away. We don't hear another sound until 6 or 7am.

Hi J.,

If he is 20 months already, good habits come from day 1....not trying to be harsh here, but you gotta start at the beginning and it sounds like he is in the habit of going to sleep in your bed. Who started that? You did!! It will be hard to break this habit, you have been doing it for how many months now....

You gotta suck it up and put him in his bed and do your nightly routine with him and then let him know it is bedtime and walk away. There is no weirdness at your parents house, he knows you aren't there, so you won't be picking him back up or bringing him to your bed. Your parents hopefully aren't doing that, so what would be the use for him to cry?

This is hard to do, believe me, it was hard to do with my son at 3 months, but now he is 3 1/2 and he has GREAT SLEEPING HABITS!! NO matter if we are on vacation, out or whatever, we do the exact same thing every night that we have been doing since day 1, and he always sleeps through the night for 12 ot 13 hours every night!! Never any problems, getting out of bed, asking for water, nothing, once he is in bed, that is it!!You gotta stick to it. It is hard, let me tell you, they do cry, but if you can get by that first week, it will be worth it.

If you are working, it makes it even harder if you aren't getting any sleep, because you are so dead tired. Make up your mind that this week it the week and you will be glad you did!

Good Luck!

Gladys