My daughter turned 4yo on May 5. My husband left for deployment on May 4. This past week (almost a month) she has continually pee pee'd and pooped on herself. She has been potty trained since 2yo. About 4 months ago she had a really bad stomach virus and was unintentionally doing it. It scared her and I was consoling telling her that accidents happen and it is because she was sick. Now when this is happening (3 to 4 times a day) She says back to me, "it was an accident mom". "Accidents happen mommy". What do I do???? I am at a loss. My son potty trained himself at 13 months when we went camping with a bunch of "the guys" all I had to do then was get him inside, lol. Any suggestions on my daughter? Is it an attention getter, seperation anxiety? Any suggestions would be great. If it is accidents or unability to control I don't want to discipline her for something that is not her fault... Thanks ahead of time.
OK, ladies...First I want to say THANK YOU for all the input. Second, there were alot of duplicate ideas, so that is what I went with. The charts and rewards program. Yes, we had to re-potty train. She is doing so much better. I think it was a matter of our schedules changing with the new soccer season, or maybe when we changed her schdule in general. All in all, I am not sure but we are having very few accidents (still wearing a pullup at night) So Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. God bless you all.
I think that it is a regression issue. daddy was here when she wore diapers so if she wears them again he will be back. Let her have her time and she will be back to herself soon. V.
First I'd like to give thanks and prayers to your husband and to your family for what he is doing and the sacrifices your whole family has made.
Regression when such major changes have occured is normal, but you will want to have her pedi make sure that there is no underlying medical reason. We had big issues with our then 4 yr old son with pooping in the toilet. He would not do it. A reward chart worked great for us. It was lots of positive reinvorcement and got him involved and excited. What the reward will be and how many stars it'll take to get it is completely up to you and what you feel would be something that has enough incentive for her. We did pokemon cards because he loved them, they weren't to expensive, and was something we could offer as a more regular reward.....so he didn't have to wait as long to get one. We put them in a box and cut a hole in the top for him to take one out when it was time. You can also fill the box with other little things she'd like, a treasure box. We'd give him a star for trying for a certain amount of time each day, and then an extra star when he'd actually have potty in the toilet. Then we'd tell him he would earn a trip to the card box for every X amount of stars he earned. It took a little while, but worked really well. When he'd have his accidents we didn't discipline, but made sure to remind him that he didn't get a star this time, that hopefully next time we could put a star up. Whatever you decide works for you and your family, just remember to reward her with something that for her is incentive enough to really try. HTHs and lots of luck.
I would make sure it is not medical However, my husband is in the navy and I am friends with a lot of military wifes. I have heard of this happinging a lot. If this the first deployment she remembers?? Because I have a friend whos daughter is 3 and shortly after her dad got deployed she began to eat sand at school. They said it was her dealing with the stress and also him being gone. Talk to your daughter, she is old enough. I would only disipline if you believe its and attention thing or if talking to her is not helping. I have heard of kids as young as 2 going to counseling when a parent is gone. Your not alone, we military wives have to stick together.
M.
Don't put her back in pull-ups that would be emotionally more damaging and prolong the process...
It is probably the separation anxiety - my daughter went through that for a while when her dad left.
Try having her sit on the potty at certain times - try to get used to how long after she eats and drinks that she is having her accidents and plop her down 5 minutes before - buy her a few special books that she can read only on the potty...
If that doesn't work talk to your pediatrician - they can help...
She is nto doing it by accident, I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and the 4 yr old knows better and when he does makes a mistake LOL he knows he is going to get it, some children play with you to see how far they can go, you should discipline her for it because 4 is too old for that. Tell her is your brother does not make them she shouldnt either, ask her why is she letting it happen, is she to busy playing or watching tv? there is no excuse for a 4yr old to do any of those things on themselves if the discipline doesnt work doctors have remedies also, Gode Bless
My first thought is since your husband was deployed it is affecting her more than it shows on the outside. Things like new siblings and divorce are big triggers for taking steps backwards and it sounds like she is taking daddy leaving real hard and not fully understanding. I know as a small child when my dad went on business I always thought he was never coming back. Try letting her draw about Daddy and write him letters and get her to express herself as much as possible, and its been less than a month so I wouldnt worry too much.
God Bless your Husband and your family
C.
My suggestion would be to make a rewards chart. Let her help to decorate it nad make it last about a month. Make the boxes big enough that you can fit 4-6 (or more) star stickers per day. Everytime she goes in the potty, she can put a sticker on the chart. Her rewards can be anything from dollar store toys/books, to staying up an extra 15 minutes, to points or $$ toward a REALLY wanted toy/game/book/cd/dvd. She very well may be looking for attention. The solution is to find POSITIVE reasons to provide it. I don't believe punishment will do any good in your situation. You will only be providing negative reinforcement of her UN-desired behavior. By providing rewards and incentives for desireable behavior, you are giving her attention with POSITIVE reinforcement.
Even if you have to start out by giving her a sticker every 2 hours, even if you have to remind her each time, then so be it. At her age, she can surely understand a reward system. It sucks for you that you have to go back to "Potty Training 101", but remember that she's at an age that she is easily affected by what's happening in her enviornment. Her is likely under stress because Daddy isn't around, and she likely knows that you're worried about him, and she likely is indeed looking for your attention, possibly BECAUSE she knows you're worried about Daddy.
Give it a shot, you've got nothing to loose, but your ENTIRE sanity to gain. :O) ~J.
hey,
My daughter recently started doing the same thing... though it was only having pee pee accidents. She woudl go then tell me she had an accident... "it was an accident mommy, I wont do it again, I'm sorry mommy" with a sad face.. I thought it was because she was tired, but she would have them in the bathroom or just standing in her bedroom. She has been potty traied for almost 1 1/2 years, and nothing significan has changed in our lives. (for your case, it might be due to her dad being gone.. I have heard that sometimes changes like that make them regress). Anyways, so I took her to the doc yesterday and turns out she has an unrinary tract infection (UTI). The doc said that it can be caused by namy different things, and that it could cause her to have accidents. Might be something to check out with your ped?
J.,
This isn't really advice with this specific problem, but thought you might enjoy a laugh. :-)
Our daughter went through an "accident" phase when she was about this age. One day, our older son noticed that there was "something" on the playroom TV. Before we even investigated, our daughter immediately began crying and saying, "It was an accident." She had "accidentally" painted a very beautiful scene of clouds, flowers, the sun and grass on the screen of the TV with FINGERNAIL polish. Imagine the trouble her little hands/fingers had in opening these bottles of fingernail polish. LOL
My husband just looked at me ... she WAS incredibly quiet that day playing just by herself. LOL
That was our lesson on the meaning of "accidents".
Dear J.,
I think that 4 year old girls do tend to have a regression in their potty habits - I noticed that my gr grand daughter did, and she is out of it now. Probably your daughter is missing her Dad, and is thinking about other things when it is time to stop and go to the bathroom. Kids keep their sorrows deep inside sometimes, I know that I did because my Mother was having a hard time then, not from a deployment, but from unemployment - It was 1935, if you can believe that I still remember, it does seem odd, but human beings remember the traumas, and that was a true trauma, it was during the Big Depression and we had to go to live with my grandmother and my Dad had to travel a lot looking for work. Same sort of thing, isn't it?
...and no, she is not trying to 'get attention'. That is an old wives tale that has been spoken too often about children and their behavior.
Good Luck, C. N.
Wow J., you have a lot going on and my prayers go out to you.
Your daughter, I'm sure, has picked up on your feelings about your husband's leave. She may have even overheard you or other adults speaking about it. So, she may be uncertain and need your attention and care. You were especially sensitive and loving when she was ill with the stomach virus and your daughter may want the same care now.
My advice is to speak frankly about your feelings and ask your daughter about her feelings regarding daddy being gone. Let her draw pictures, talk, role play etc. to express her feelings. Validate and reassure her. Continue to be sensitive when she has an "accident" and let her know that it is unacceptable. Remind her that you pee and poop in the __________. (Let her fill in the blank) and, if you can manage it, take her to the bathroom every hour for the next couple of days to reinforce it. (Yikes- potty training again!)
Good luck and take care,
F.
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You are absolutely right, a tramatic event has occurred in her life and yours as well. Children will often go back in time especially with the potty training issue when something has occurred. Do indeed take her to the doctor to rule anything out, but I suspect it is nothing more then the fact her father had to leave. I would definetly start talking more about him, look at the pictures, have her write some letters, go pick out something special together so she could send it to him. She does need the attention and you should really give in to it. Also it doesnt hurt to try to bribe her with the potty. "Let's go potty first, then we can go to the store and pick something out for daddy"...etc...I know it is hard especially when the your other half isnt there to support you, stay strong and you will do fine. I just want to add that I appreciate all of your husband's and others hard work (where ever he was deployed) in helping protect America and what it stands for. God Bless you and your family
Hi J.. Well, it could be a combination of things. First i would take her to the Peds to rule out anything medical...ie bladder infection. My husband has been on and off Active Duty since 2000 and our daughter (now almost 7) seemed to backslide on every deployment. She outgrew it and does fine now.
