Back on Schedule After Vacation

CIO actually produces/exaccerbates separation anxiety in some kids. My son was one of those: we were desparate for sleep when we finally tried the Ferber Method with him at around 10 mos. At that point he could start the night in his own bed (although it took a lot of work to get to that point) but when he woke up a few hours later he couldn't resettle.

It was a disaster. We were dedicated for a week, at which point we realized it was just making things much worse, not better. He started to get anxiety about going in his room, would no longer go down at the start of the night etc. So we stopped and started over from scratch again.

We had to go back to rocking/bouncing him to sleep for a week or two and then, once his anxiety decreased, we were able to sit with him in his room while he went to sleep in bed. Gradually, we could decrease the amount of time we spent sitting next to his bed until we could finally put him in bed and walk away while he was awake with no crying.

According to the sleep specialist (yes, he was a tough case) sleep is a neurological process that develops at it's own rate for each kid, and even Ferber has begun to realize that CIO only works for certain kids in certain situation. For lots of kids in makes things worse.

I would recommend working on soothing him back into starting the night in his own bed. Once he is comfortable starting the night there you can adjust his schedule so that he begins to sleep for longer stretches. What we finally had to do (under the direction of the specialist) was the same thing our friends (who traveled to Ferber's sleep lab for their son) did: around 12 mos gradually push back bedtime and keep a strict wake-up time to consolidate night sleep, and gradually restrict day-time sleep to one nap in the middle of the day.

Initially, this meant keeping our little guy up later and later until he was going to bed at 10pm (ugh) and getting him up at 6am, and pushing back nap until 11:30am. It was atough, but he finally began sleeping through the night, and because we'd worked to make sure that we went to bed in his room, when he started sleeping through he stayed there. It was sweet, sweet relief for us all!!

Good luck! Sleep issues are hard and there's no good, quick fix that works for every kid.

Hi M.,

You may not want to read this but what's wrong with co-sleeping? The baby's job is survival and part of his survival instinct is to keep his caregiver close by. I co-slept with our daughter who is now 4 years old and sleeps in her own bed in her room and it worked out fine.
We now co-sleep with our son who is only 9 months.

Believe me this time goes by fast and it's so short, it really goes by in a blur. Enjoy every single day with your baby. He just wants to be close to you.

E. P.

M., The same thing happened to us when we went to Europe two years ago with our oldest two boys...and with my then 10 month old this past April. The thing we do is what I like to kindly term "boot camp". It does take a couple of days, what between jet lag, the excitement of the adveture, etc...but for your sanity and that of your childs you have to just stick it out. You know they can do it, it's just painful for the first few days...but you will ALL be happier in the end, I promise.

I only have a sec but I had to reply after going thru torture with my daughter's sleep habits -- very similar to yours. Get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth!!! It will help with your current problem and also follows kids as they grow and tells you how to help them sleep at all different stages of childhood. Best of luck!!!

I'm afraid that teaching our little ones to sleep is not the "fun" part of parenting. It's hard exhausting work for us. It's paying "your dues". It's not taking the easiest route for exhausted sleep deprived mom, but the lesson I've learned is better to sacrafice a month - then 2+years.

I recommend a book called "the no-cry sleep solution". And I warn you of sleepness nights on your part - not allowing him to associate nursing with bed-time. Start with walking him around - move up to not taking him out of his crib, but rubbing his back and singing to him - eventually singing to him a few steps away from the crib, then by the door, then right outside his bedroom door, etc... (As you make progress in the "bedtime routine" - you can go to him in the middle of the night and NOT pick him up(starting with rubbing and singing), but he will know you're there - every time. Eventually, not looking for you at all.)(this part seems to come quicker then the initial putting them to bed-part - for both myself and a good handful of other mama's who have gone about sleep training this way)

It's not an instant method, but there is none, I know of out there.
It's not easy, b/c you will and are so tired, but I believe if you can stick with it - you will see results in a few weeks and teach your little one bedtime, how to fall asleep on his own, and how to self-soothe.
Good luck!

I know it is hard to listen to your baby crying for you in his crib, but you have to be strong and let him cry it out. You cannot teach him to "self" soothe- he has to learn to do it himself, that is why they call it "self" soothing.

Consistency is the most important thing, to help your baby through this in the quickest way possible, you have to choose a plan of action and stick to it, whether it is letting him cry alone until he falls asleep, or going in in scheduled intervals to let him know you are there, and it is time for sleep- without physically picking him up and taking him out of the crib.
You have to remember that you know what your baby needs. Don't doubt yourself with thoughts that he is hungry, or in pain, or whatever. You, as a good parent, know that he needs to sleep, that he needs to be able to fall asleep on his own, and get himself back to sleep on his own during the night. You know this is so important to your son, and also to you- you need to eventually be sleeping through the night as well.
You know this method works, because you tried it before with success, except now you should not take him to bed with you at 4am if/when he wakes.

Also remember that when you are doing this difficult task, after a tough night of listening to your baby cry, when you go to get him in the morning, he is not angry with you, he will not hold any of this against you, he will be fine- it is you who are putting all of that on yourself.

If you do this, in 2 weeks, you and your baby will be happier. He will probably go through phases as he grows where he doesn't want to go in the crib, but consistency is the key.

This is what I've done with my 20 month old daughter since the age of 6 months, and she is a wonderful sleeper. Now, her crib is full of stuffed animals and comforting objects, and it is great to see her snuggle in there at naps and bedtime and look up and say "night night" with no difficulty.

I know this was a long reply, but I have really strong feeling s about this. My best friend has 2 boys, ages 6 and 3, who are bad sleepers. The six year old falls asleep in his bed every night and wakes a few hours later and gets into bed w/his parents- literally every night. The 3 year old wakes and screams during the night or just wants attention. And she gives it to him. These kids never had any consistent sleep training and it has been a good example of what not to do.

Good luck, be strong and consistent, and be confident that you know what's best for your son. YOU are the parent, guiding your child to be a secure and also independent little one.

try the Ferber method..it works if your consistent!
good luck!

Hi M.,
We had this issue with our granddaughter, and we figured out that it was the warmth and slight cradling pressure of being held that she missed; so we either rigged up two rolled towels placed very close together with a receiving
blanket draped over them and placed him in between, so he was cradled , or there' s also something on the market called a "sleeping nest" which is inexpensive and portable, and she liked that also. Good luck~this too shall pass!
A Mammy twice over

Read the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. I had more luck with that book than the CIO methods. Sleep training is SO hard. Good luck to you!