Babysitter Issues

you are NOT overreacting. if no fever for 24hrs & has been on meds she should be able to go.(thats how my daycare is) thats crazy!!!!! thats kids runny nose & etc.... i would look into another place. she is the one that is overreacting & if i want to talk forget the texting i like to talk on the phone or person to person so.... good luck

Many commercial daycare centers have a policy about runny noses that state if it is clear then no problem, but if it is green then they recommend that the child stay home.

At the same time, if you are feeling uncomfortable with the care she provides then it might be time to look for another caregiver.

You're right. If she is a pain- in -the- neck, then maybe you can find another sitter. I'd probably look around to see who else is out there. You're not over reacting. You don't need a high maintenance sitter... you're busy enough with a family and a job. Good luck!

Is anyone considering the childs feelings? She spends more than 40 hours a week with this woman and has since 6 weeks old. Just because she didn't want to take a sick child, you want to disrupt her and take her to someone she barely knows? She most likely spends more "awake" time with this woman than she spends with you, and you want to take that stability from her? Because of green snot? Really? Maybe I'm misunderstanding something.

Maybe you're not feeling angry but a little jealous, since your daugther finds comfort with her. It's so easy for us Mama bears to get jealous when our children show preference to another woman.

Obviously your daughter finds comfort with her, becuase you said it. She doesn't have to take any type of sick child. It's not being considerate to her or the other children. Your daugther really needs you when she's sick.

You will not find anything different at another facility.

Next time she sends you a text, call her back. Dont text her back. She probably thinks texting you is okay since you reply to it.

Ok, for 1 thing... Taking a sick kid to a daycare is not against the "rules" but is frowned upon... No one else wants their kid coming home sick. But at the same time you are right, an ear infection is not contagious and she would have been fine... Maybe you could bring it up to your child care provider in the future and just ask her if she would need a note from the doctor stating that she is not contagious or that it is fine for her to be there. Ultimately it is the providers choice, but I would talk to her about it. And I honestly would wait to change her daycare. She is at a tender age right now and she knows the people around her. All the parenting articles and books will tell you to have familiar people watch them, not strangers.
And I'm sure it's not just this that is making you consider changing providers, like Kimmie seems to think. I am sure there have been a number of things that may have just rubbed you the wrong way, which is understandable, but think of the stability for your daughter.

Okay, it sounds like you only have 2 issues... One being that your daughter snuggles up to her babysitter, what in the world is wrong with that??? be thankful that she loves her so much to cuddle in with her. As for the runny nose, that is a touchy subject, perhaps you could talk with her and let her know that if she doesn't have a written policy and your doc has okay'ed it, you WILL be dropping your daughter off. When she texts you the next time, pick up the phone and call her! She likely thinks you are in the middle of getting ready and a text can be replied to when your hands are free.

Is there something else here that I am missing? I have had a home daycare for 15 years, from what you have posted here, you are overreacting, it sounds like you have a loving caregiver and that cares for all "her" children.

I'm a grandma, had good experiences overall with sitters and day care providers when my kids were young. Here are my thoughts.
1. Since your sitter doesn't have a written policy about the green stuff, I would get a note from the doc that your daughter is not contagious. If it continues to be a problem then let her know that you'll need to find someone more reliable.
2. If your employer doesn't have a problem with you staying home with a sick child and it isn't a real problem, I'd just stay home with her if you can.
3. Your child finding comfort in the sitter is actually a good thing. If she pitched a fit every time you dropped her off I would be a lot more concerned. I experienced this with my first child and I admit it kind of hurt my feelings when he wanted to stay with the sitter at the end of the day, but I decided it was because she was good to him. Infants can't detect mom's hurt feelings! :)
4. I agree that if you prefer a call over a text, just call her when she texts you. You don't need to be confrontational; it's possible to be nice and firm at the same time.
5. If you feel very strongly that you need to change sitters, do so!
Best of luck, Momma!

Wow! You've gotten a ton of responses. I didn't read many of them since there ARE so many! Anyway, I don't think you're overreacting at all. You are paying her to care for your child so you can WORK. No one can possibly keep a job when they have to call in several times a month because their kid has a runny nose. Sure it may have been green, but I don't know how many different people (including my son's pediatrician) that have told me that green snot does not necessarily mean an infection. Sounds like the babysitter is being overly paranoid. Especially when your daughter's doc said she's not contagious. I say if she keeps it up then find another daycare/sitter. I know it's hard. I loved my son's sitter, but now I love his preschool just as much if not more.

;

I know exactly what you are going through and it's so hard. I am assuming it's a home daycare. My kids did great at a home daycare when they were babies. But, as they got older daycare centers were a better fit. More structure, rules and guidelines on sick kids, but way more expensive. But you will still run into issues no matter where they are. With a center your child can attend with a temp of 99 (I think, they are all different). Which, I am not really crazy about.

I generally always kept my kids out the next day after an infection just because I didn't want it to spread around. That being said, I have a great boss who is flexible. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't.

I would trust your gut, and if your child is getting the attention he/she needs and is safe and happy, that's what matters most. But, I'm pretty sure if they are licensed, they have to have some written guidelines...?

As a previous Child Care Center owner I recommend just having your doc's nurse write a note stating your child is not contagious. My 6 yr. old has dry eyes and gets red irritation and goo in them frequently so I am always getting calls that she has to be picked up for pink eye. I give them a note at the beginning of the school year and tell them if she has this issue to let her put her eye wash drops in and see if it clears up. It always does. I couldn't let her miss school all the time either.

Look up on your Social Services web site, or actually call the local office child care licensing worker and ask what the child care regulations say a sick child is. Bet it says diarrhea, vomiting, or fever within the past 24 hours.

24 hours fever-free, without any fever-reducing meds. Clear runny nose is okay, & if I know the child has allergies....then green is okay, too. 12-18 hours diarrhea/vomiting-free with the stomach bugs. Antibiotics do not make a difference until the child is fever-free. A child can have 24 hours of antibiotics in their system & still shed contamination.....as we learned this week with my son's H1N1. We were placed on quarantine from Sunday until returning to school today- even tho he is on Tamiflu. As an inhome daycare provider, this is lethal to my livelyhood!

All of my policies are in my handbook which I give to new families. I follow the school district's health guidelines to better prepare the families for the school years.

Yes, I believe your provider was a pain this week....for the last day home only. & No, I don't believe you need to change providers....unless you cannot get your own insecurities & jealousy under control. It is right for your daughter to snuggle on her provider! Be thankful you have a caring, nurturing woman caring for your child. & as a huge red flag, 9 months is THE time when separation & stranger anxiety kicks in......this is the WORST time to switch providers from your daughter's standpoint. Peace.

Perhaps you should tell the babysitter that once anyone including a child has been on antibiotics for a 48hr.period they are not contagious. Being a childcare person she should know this.
With your child being close to her don't feel bad. Your lucky to have someone who she is comfortable with. I know its hard with your first one. My first one, I had an excellent babysitter, at one point she called her mommy when she was talking. When I left that evening I felt so bad, hurt, thought of staying home. I mentioned it to the babysitter and of course she had her own children, I think my daughter just picked it up from them. Needless to say I left her with this terrific babysitter, I was still her mom and she always called me mom with no confusion when both of us were with her. So if your babysitter is very good with your daughter don't be offended, its natural for them at that age to feel comfort with them.
Good luck and I hope she continues' to take so good care of her.

You are so right on here. I'd think about finding another provider. I would go with something more regulated. She needs to have all these policies in writing. I don't know where you are located, but my daughter goes to "The Goddard School," it's a five-star center in NC and they are also a top franchise so there may be one in your area. They are amazing. I couldn't work without them, top notch!

Talk with the sitter honestly about all of this and get it out in the open, kindly and not cornering her. Tell her how you feel and ask if you can make it more workable for you somehow, whether a written rule, or just taking about issues. I would think she would be willing to discuss how you feel and work things out whether than lose you and your daughter especially since your daughter seems to feel secure with her. Tell her your daughter had been on medication and what is her 'rule' on that and talk about it. I think that is so much better than just feeling upset about it.

Sickness in a daycare setting is always a touchy subject. I am an in-home provider and I do state in writing what the policies are (they are just the same state policies that everyone of us has). If a child is running a fever, diarrhea, or has something contagious like pink-eye, etc, they must stay home until they are symptom-free for 24 hours. Most of my families are very respectful of this policy. I did have one family in the past that always tried to get around it which is frustrating. I will say that you took her the doctor and your child did get started on antibiotics so as long as no fever was present, she should have been able to return to the daycare provider the following day. I don't like wiping runny noses, etc and worry about the other kids catching something but like everyone has said, you can't keep a child home for every runny nose or cough. So, unless your child had a fever the morning you took her to the doctor, 24 hours wouldn't of been until the following day. Hope that helps.

She could have just been responding to other parents' concerns about letting sick kids stay at her house while their kids are there.

I also have an in-home day care provider who both of my daughters have gone to (oldest one is now 5 and doesn't go there any longer because she's in school) and we love the way she cares for our kids. My husband has even seen her kiss the girls' heads as he goes out to the car. She really cares for them.

We had an issue where we almost changed providers but it is so overwhelming to change. My husband is a prosecutor and to hear the things he hears, I couldn't bear to take them out of a place I like and put them somewhere I don't know.

I hope you figure out what's right for you. Just remember that having someone you know is taking great care of your baby so you don't worry all day is worth a lot. Good luck!

You are not overreacting. If she is not going to be there when you need her, you need to find a daycare facility that is open on the days and hours you need childcare.
For one, she is just a home daycare. Those can be great and they can be bad. For one thing, if it is just her, what happens when SHE gets sick and can't take care of the all the children. She will have to close down her home for several days at the time. Or even a death in her family. If she doesn't have backup there is no way for her to be fully reliable.
And as far as the not taking your child because your child has been sick. This is HER home. She can make up her rules as she sees fit for herself. Again, not very reliable.
I do suggest finding someone else who can better meet your needs.

Well I am a daycare provider and I don't feel you are over reacting!! This is one of the reason's I have started my own daycare (3 yrs). When I was a working single mother I ran into the sam problems. I have gotten a few kids from other daycare providers always calling the moms to come get their kids for stuff like this. Myself I keep them unless they are puking all over the place !! Other wise if they have a fever I ask if its ok to give them medicine and leave it up to the parents. You have every right to take your daughter to daycare with a runny nose...frankly what kids doesn't have one...lol!!!

I totally feel your frustrations as a mom with kids and as a babysitter who watches other peoples kids! My son goes to a Pre-K program at a day care and I see kids in his room running around wipping their noses on their shirts, coughing and sneezing, etc. Now I know not every runny nose is a sickness, we have a high tree pollen count here now so everyone's allergies are kicked into high gear. But it's the thought that one of them could be sick and then it starts that chain reaction in the room.

As a babysitter, I watch a few kids for my friends and sometimes I think they think it's ok to just drop off their sick kid to me because I'm their friend or an in home provider. I don't want to deal with their sick kids any more than I like dealing with my own kids when they are sick! Or if their kids really are sick, I don't want their germs in my home getting passed on to me, my hubby or my kids either.

It's a double edge sword no matter how you look at it. Just know most daycares will send a child home if they have a fever over 100, vomits, or has diarrhea more than 1 time in a hour and they ask that your child not return until they have not hand any of those things for 24 hours.

Good luck!
S.

M.-

Trust your instincts...they have been telling you for awhile to look around and possibly find another sitter. I would look for another one.

First, she should have written rules on what you have to do when your child is sick. If that says "Every time a child has a runny nose, he/she cannot attend daycare" then I'm sure she would have no one there to babysit! That is not a reasonable request.

Second, if your doctor says your child is NOT contagious, then I would ask for a written note and give that to her. If she still says she cannot come because of the green snot, then tell her you are withdrawing her from her care. I think most often, green is a sign of an infection, but that does not mean she's CONTAGIOUS!

Third, you said she's rather text than talk on the phone. Communication is very important, especially in any daycare setting. She needs to make YOU feel comfortable talking with her on the phone or face to face in regards to the care of your child.

Fifth (this probably should be #1), you said your daughter's 'basic needs are being met'. Would you rather be able to say 'My daughter is thriving and learning so much. She adores her caretakers and is always doing some age appropriate game/playing when I pick her up.' She may still cry every time you leave her due to separation anxiety and her age, but you should feel that when you leave, there are NO worries or doubts in your mind that the person caring for your child is the BEST option out there.

I'm glad you are comfortable with her, but I would really reevaluate the situation and look into either other home daycares or daycare centers.

Good luck!

hi M. as a mom and a sitter (not daycare because i babysit siblings) i am never worried about snotty noses. if your baby has been on antibiotics she is fine. you are not overreacting, your daycare provider is. as parents we understand that kids get snotty noses all the time and half the time they are not contagious, my daughter is one of those. most times it is alergies and we all know that theres not much you can do for allergies. especially for babies. your sitter needs to understand that she and the other kids will be fine with your baby coming back. ten to one the other kids will have snotty noses when they come back anyway, look at the weather( if your in kansas, lol). my advice to you, if she still isnt happy when you take her back you should concider finding a new one. i am a christian myself and am not that strict. kids are kids and they get sick all the time. even if they dont share with others. hope this helps, god bless, R. pardee

I'm not a daycare provider. I have 3 kids that are grown. My babysitter always keeps my kids when they were sick, if they were funning a fever I would have to stay home. If you have a feeling about your babysitter, you are right, go with your feelings. Mom always knows.

I see you have received many assessments and experienced opinions. It is stressful and emotional for a loving mother to leave an infant in the care of another. We have to fight against our natural instincts in these situations and it is easy for those inner struggles to affect the manner in which we handle our relationship with our children's caregivers. It is quite natural and understandable that emotional feelings will get in the way of a solution oriented organization of thoughts. So, there may be some practical aspects of all this you have not considered.

First, keep in mind that you are the employer in this situation. You have contracted this woman for a service without clear agreements. If you want the agreements in writing, you can put in writing what the job requirements are. Within that job description you are free to state that anytime your child's health care professional has given the okay to return to daycare you will expect the provider to honor it. Even if you end up hiring someone who does have the policies written down, if you cannot keep a job by agreeing to those policies, you can present your written requirements and ask the potential provider to consider adjusting policies accordingly and have the agreement signed. Just be sure it is done respectfully and cordially. Be sure the provider is agreeing with genuine understanding and acceptance. You do not want to leave your child in the care of someone who resents having to care for your child!! I have cared for the precious children of people who willingly insulted me and took advantage of me. I genuinely loved those children, but I had to consciously work at not letting my feelings about the actions of the parents not affect my feelings toward the children. Courtesy and a strong sense of unity between you and your child's caregiver is vital to your child's well-being. So, if the provider does agree to your requirements, be sure to provide opportunities to review the situation on a regular basis (perhaps monthly or quarterly) so that you both have the opportunity to assess if the agreement is working out satisfactorily for everyone involved or if some amount of flexibility is needed to maintain a working relationship.

Keep in mind that the anyone running a daycare for children from different families may need to be communicating with several parents at once and mornings can be hectic for everyone. Texting may be the best way for one person to keep up with it all. Keep in mind that once a parent has the provider on the phone, some parents may be inclined to get chatty. Texting is one way to get people to stay on point and not absorb attention unnecessarily. Nonetheless, if you feel you need to talk, let her know that you will make the call when you feel you need to.

You may also want to talk with your health care providers to see if there are services available for children who need care while they are ill when parents have used up their sick days at work. In St. Louis there is an organization called Nanny Nurse for this very situation. It is a pricy alternative, but sometimes it is worth it to know that your child gets to stay at home and be cared for by a real nurse and that your job is not on the line every time your child runs a fever.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you and I do hope these thoughts are of some help.

I don't know what your other issues with her are, but I think you're overreacting a little on this one. You have to understand that she may have other parents on her back about her allowing kids with runny noses to be around their kids. Maybe you could get a note from the doctor next time. I know it sounds kind of silly, but they make you do that for school, and at least the babysitter would have something to show if other parents complained. I do think that you should continue to suggest to her that she make up some guidelines and stick to them. That way every parent knows what to expect. Good luck.

I am in a very similar situation. My provider does have a contract, but it essentially says if the child is sniffling, they can't come to daycare. We raised the issue when we reviewed the contract (as you stated, it is not possible to be gone from work for every sniffle), and she said she would work with us on it, and she has. I think the key is better communication about the 'rules'...you have to force that conversation for everyone's sanity. In our case, we agreed that the fever is the driver (or diarrhea/vomiting), though we have kept our kids home a couple of days over the past year when they just had the runny noses/coughs mainly for everyone's comfort and to try to avoid us possibly sharing what our kids had with others (though when everyone ended up with it anyway from other sources, our provider said 'you may as well bring them - we all have it!!'). I will say that her 'strict' rules have resulted in my children being sick far less often than when they were with other providers who were much more generous and accepting of children with various signs of illness...which has been wonderful for everyone (and from a not having to miss work perspective!!).

Like you, our provider makes us feel like our children are secure, well cared for, loved, and they run into her house when I drop them off so I think they love it there. So, despite the communication challenges we sometimes have with her (she likes to write letters vs talk, which I think is mainly because she can do that when she has more time vs trying to rush through a conversation when there is lots of commotion going on) and other personality clashes we have as parents, we have stayed with her (she is the 3rd provider we have had to find, so we have had some exposure to the various styles/personalities involved in the business).

Bottom line, do your best to have open communication, and trust your gut - if you feel good about leaving your daughter there, then I'd stick with it. If not, see what else is out there.... Good luck!

Move her out! If you've had issues with this lady for 8 of 9 months of daughter's life, then it's time to move. Your daughter will adapt quite easily, don't worry about that. Just find a new one that you are comfortable with. Your instincts will tell you. I just moved my 3 y/o son from his daycare that's he's been with since an infant to a new place. I hesitated since I knew them well and they've worked with me a lot, and he liked it, but he had moved to a new classroom and it was complete chaos. I moved him to a new daycare based upon my feelings and talking to references, and it has been such a wonderful change! The kids are much more well behaved, they are learning more, they are working with him to potty train him, and they are very good at working with us too. He's not good with change, which is why I stayed at the other place so long, but he transitioned like it was nothing, no problems at all! Your daughter will do the same. Make sure you address the sickness and other rules with your new provider so it's well understood on both sides, and go with your gut. Good luck!

I am a daycare provider and I have a section in my contract about snotty noses as a provider we have a right to set our own rules when it comes to sick children imagin this your child + at least 5 more all under the age of three it is dificult at time to keep all the snot in a tissue when you have more than one.your provider has no rules on this situation your dr approved her return to daycare so your provider should not be charging you for this day rule of thumb always ask dr for a note stating child is not contagious to give to the caregiver in you situation it sounds like you provider just wanted a day off of work good luck

well, I have taught preschool for 5 years before having my own kids and now my kids are in school. So, pretty much, if they have a green runny nose, they can not come to school until it's not green anymore. Antibiotics will ONLY clear up bacteria (for her ear infection). If her green nose is a virus, she is contagious. If I was your day care provider I would have the same rules. She should put it in writing for you though, so if she didn't then I don't think she can tell you to not bring her. But, I don't think anyone should bring a sick kid to school or daycare until you are sure they are 100% better

I honestly think it is absolutely pathetic that your sitter would text you and tell you not to bring your daughter. If your doctor cleared her to go back than there was no reason for her to stay home. I would find another sitter if i were you. Like you said, if we all stayed home everytime our children had a runny nose we would all INCLUDING the sitter wouldn't have a job!! I would find a more reliable sitter, in an actual daycare setting (if she isnt in one already) My son goes to an in-home sitter and she is just like a daycare, snotty, runny nosed kids everyday LOL running around. It is part of CHILDCARE, whether you are the parent or childcare provider. Now if your child had a fever, that is a different story. But again, your doc cleared your child!! Good luck

Many times, runny noses that are green instead of clear can be sinus infections; my mom used to get them all the time. However, next time, get a note from your daughter's doctor that states she is not contagious. I know the place my children are at here in Michigan require a doctor's note to give children Tylenol. If your day care provider refuses to provide things in writing, it is, in my opinion, time to move on. Find a day care provider that is certified and can show you the paperwork. Good luck!

Although it is perfectly understandable that you are limited as to the amount of time you can miss from your job, people are often times "misinformed" (and yes, by pediatricians as well) as to the truth behind many ear infections. Although antibiotics are effective in clearing up the actual ear infection, they DO NOT clear up the viral infection that leads to the ear infections. Ear infections are almost ALWAYS proceeded by a head cold, which is viral and as we know, there is no cure for the common cold. The virus can linger, even after the ear infection has cleared. Head colds are highly contagious and can only clear up by running their course. Because they are passed back and forth so easily, particularly amongst children, the illness can circulate and become perpetual, often times leading, once again, to repeated ear infections, sinusitus, etc., all of which do require antibiotics.
It sounds as though your daycare provider simply wants to nip the problem and make sure everyone is healthy. I wouldn't be so hard on her.

I feel like you need to trust your instincts, if you feel like it is time for a change then it probably is. First time Mom or not, you need to do what you feel is best. The seperation anxiety is just normal for this stage of life, everyone goes through it. I have a wonderful home daycare provider that has everything in writing and is no nonsense with sickness!! She has three of her own children and definately knows how to run her daycare. She is awesome. I don't know where you live or if you will be looking, but if you would like some more information you can email me at ____@____.com
Hope this helps!
Tks T.

Hi, I kind of had the same problems with my provider. The thing is, she has to make sure that the other kids aren't being exposed to an illness. Yes, your daughter isn't contagious, so maybe next time have your doctor write a note saying that she is no longer contagious and that she is able to go back to daycare. No matter how irritating she can be, if you switch daycares, you will always have some conflict with them. No one will ever take care of your children exactly how you want them to. I too wanted to change providers just because I thought my provider wasn't real good with parents. But, my son loved her and she was excellent with my son. If it is obvious that your daughter likes her, I would keep her with the person she knows and trusts.

When my child is sick, I keep them home. To do anything else is a disservice to my child, the provider and the other children at the center. Being contagious is one thing. And the "rules" defining this are spelled out on our care policy. However, I know how I feel when I am under the weather. I want someone to take care of me. And a provider cannot do that kind of intensive care and mind the other children. Plus, when I go to work when I am sick but not contagious...I know it annoys the heck out of the people around me who hafta listen to me cough-sniffle-sneeze. I am sure your provider feels the same way.

Being a provider, I can tell you this:
I only keep kids out of my care if they are running a fever. They must be fever free for 24 hours before they are allowed to come back. HOWEVER, it is courteous to keep them home if you think they'll be getting other kids sick. I have my own two year old and so when they bring crud around, it's frustrating! If you have someone like a family member that doesn't mind keeping them on sick days, that's a great option. Otherwise, they go to daycare. I think if your daughter likes her sitter and you can tell that she's taken care of, consider yourself lucky!
I do NOT do any communicating via text messages. It can be a very grey area, and things get misunderstood alot. I think if you talk to her, things can clear up. Best of luck!

would she accept a dr note to get you back in? I hate runny noses, they have caused so much drama in my moms group! who knew! If this is the only issue with your CCP I would say that it not a reason to leave persay but you need to sit down w/ her bc you are correct you cant stay home anytime they are sick or you would loose your job! she needs to understand that, work with you and yes draw up a contract!!! I would suggest being honest, calm and set aside a time to talk....maybe w/o baby there too. good luck, good care is hard to find, but she needs to know that so is a job if you loose yours.

I was always under the impression that green mucous was an infection and contagious. I could be wrong...

Hello M.,

I was a Nanny for many years, and while it is very different from being a day care provider, the reality of working with kids, especially when you are the primary care provider, (ie not preschool), kids get sick, and will come to the center sick.

I understand your day care provider's idea, but if she does not have a written policy AND if you received the doc's OK, she is out of line.

Here is my second piece of advise. After 16+ years working with children, the one thing I've learned is to trust your instincts. If you feel this provider is not meeting YOUR needs, then you should see what else is out there.

It's important for your child to be connected to their care giver, and often a change in care givers can cause stress on the child, but the reality is that when your Mom voice says No, listen.

There is something that you don't like, so don't ignore it.

Best of Luck-

R. Magby

Another idea that I am sure was mentioned and that you have thought of is to get your doctor to write you a note that the child is cleared to return to daycare.

Maybe try to find a sitter that only takes care of your child, so you won't have to worry about your daughter giving stuff to other kids or other kids giving stuff to her. www.care.com and www.sittercity.com are both good sites to look for babysitters and nannies on.

I don't think you were overreacting. She is supposed to be a reliable person for you to take your child to every day and any day you need to.