My husband & I need suggestions on how to handle his sons mother... There are a slew of issues so I will try and make this as short & sweet as possible.. From the beginning... When she realized my husband & I were getting serious is when her issues began and she expressed to my husband that she had a problem w/ our relationship, he asked why as he had dated many girls after their split before me. Her response was "well you have never been like this with any other girl & I am having a hard time dealing with it (keep in mind SHE left him after he found out she was cheating). About a week later she asked him to come back to her and he said no (she was living with the man she cheated with when she asked him but would not give us the address). After this she stopped letting my husband see his son and soon after we were in court where she asked for an order of non-disclosure (meaning she was asking the courts permission to keep the child's address a secret) and asked for supervised visits only with her being the supervisor, the Judge denied both requests, she then demanded that I could not be around their child, again the Judge denied her request. That was 6 years ago and for the past 6 years there has been problem after problem. We have begged and pleaded for her T. civil at the least for the sake of the child and with no avail. She does everything in her power to keep my husband from being involved in his sons life. She won't tell him about baseball or soccer games, Dr.'s visits, illnesses, dental visits, not even when he is in the emergency room, she won't stray from the visitation orders for us no matter what (she wouldn't even let my husband pick him up for a few hours the weekend our son was born so he could come see his new little brother)but always asks us to switch weekends if there is something she wants to do b/c she knows we don't want him to miss out on anything..... Any suggestions??? We have tried to explain to her that she is only hurting the child but she doesn't seem to care. We just want the constant fighting to stop and above all need some way to convince her to start informing my husband of the events going on in his sons life. Any advise is appreciated.
Hi
I wish I had advice for you but I wanted to give you words of encouragment. Just know that if you stay true to yourself and remain civil that in the end she will only blame herself. This can't be an eye for eye situation because you are right it effects the child and that is not worth it. But soon your step-son will see what is going on and make a change. Just do not sink to her level it is so not worth it
This is sad, and all too common. There are couple of websites that have forums where you can talk about specific situations that come up and get advice from women who have been there, done that. One is www.lifeinablender.com and the other is the bonusmoms website, for which I don't have the cite. Both have stepmoms, biomoms and some women who are both, so you can get a lot of different perspectives.
I feel for you, we go thru some of the same stuff. I am the step mom too. Thru this website I asked the same questions before and the best advice I got was inform the schools of your rights and start e-mailing the teachers. We had to give a copy of the divorce papers to the school with our rights. We requested copies of grades / notices of any trouble and game schedules. We also e-mail the teachers on a regular basis to check up. As far as doctors, I assume your husband carries insurance on the child. You will know from the EOB who the doctors are, give them a copy of the divorce also and request info. I know a lot of this is after the fact but you will be more informed. I just keep telling myself there are ways around her and we usually find them. Try to think outside the box.
Best of wishes, Merry Christmas and God Bless
LG
Hi,
First off, hange in there. I was engaged to a guy who's ex-wife changed their 2 year old's sons name b/c my name started with a 'D' and his name started with a 'D'. Crazy huh? Anyway, regarding the sports, if he is playing on a league, most schedules, and information is posted on line so you don't have to wait for her to give you information. You will have to very proactive with school and sports and other events. As suggested in other post, go with your husband and meet the teacher, attend parent/teacher conferences (scheduled seperate from the mom's time). Most ISD's have their report card schedule on line, so you can proactively request a copy be mailed to your home and most ISD's have newsletters about events at the school so get on the email/mailing list. Some people a just crazy, so don't let her run you or your husband. Merry Christmas!
I am so sorry for all the drama. At a certain age the child in question can go before a judge and state that he no longer wants to live with parent X, instead he wants to live with a different parent. I'm not sure of the age but I think it's around 12 or so. If you want to go that route then document, document, document everything.
As for what to do for now. Never say a bad thing about the boy's mama in front of him or your children. Keep it between you and your husband. Be the person who the child deserves to have as a parent, not the person who will respond to the woman's childish manipulations. I do have a friend who has to share information about Dr. visits within 24 hours by court order. Maybe something to think about.
Well, I have been throught something very similar to this with my daughter and her stepmother and father. My daughter lived with them from the time she was 6 years old and we had joint custody, however, they lived in San Antonio and I lived in Dallas. They did everything in their power to keep my daughter from me and told her terrible things about me. They tape recorded our phone conversations (if they let me talk to her at all), didn't allow me to come to her extra-cirricular activities, didn't tell me anything that was going on, but wanted me to pay my half of everything! Anyway, long story short, there wasn't much I could do but continue to put her best interests first, never bad mouth them to her, and try to make the best of the situation. She is 20 years old now and we have an incredible relationship! She has come to realize the things her father and stepmother did over the years and she is very resentful about it. I know this advice is probably not what you wanted to hear for the short term, but unfortunately, you can't be reasonable with unreasonable people. You just have to have faith that you are doing everything in your child's best interest and you are staying in the child's life regardless of the obstacles she places in front of you. In the end, your relationship with your child will blossom and hers will deteriorate. Hope this helps.
K.
