So here's the deal - my friend and I conceived very closely together, but we lost contact for a few months shortly after. After we got back into contact, I've made attempts to hang out with her but she ignores them. She sent me an invitation to her shower but I declined (I didn't want to decline, but her shower is close to my due date and she lives very far away from me). I decided to send her her gifts through the mail and asked her if she would want to get together after the baby is born. (She hasn't responded yet.) I feel kind of like she hasn't really even acknowledged that I'm ALSO pregnant! She never asked me about my baby shower, or wanting to get together. It feels like I'm excited about her baby coming and she couldn't care less if I'm having one as well as she is! Am I wrong to feel that way? I kind of wanted this to be a good experience that we could relate on together. *She does know that my due date is close to her shower date and that's why I declined her invitation. And, another factor is that though we do live about an hour and a half away from each other, it's not impossible to visit. I don't drive (no license, no car) but she does. As for rough pregnancies, the most out of hers that she told me was morning sickness - I had pneumonia 5 times in the first 2 trimesters.These are both our first pregnancies. (We're about 2 years apart, and I got pregnant first.) I felt it would be wrong to send her an invite to mine since I had to decline hers, but she never even asked if I was even going to have one or not.
*Good point- she was kind of flaky even when we were really close before.
- Today was her baby shower and I did not attend. I had sent her her gifts almost 2 weeks ago (she didn't respond until a few days ago on facebook) She said thanks for the gifts and she sent me some for my baby. But it wasn't until she responded like this until I deleted her as a friend on facebook. I received her gifts and sent out a thank you card. She hasn't talked to me since.
I don't know why you would send a gift. This woman clearly doens't feel close to you. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and baby and let this one go.
Blessings...
Congrats on your pregnancy. In terms of friendship it's a two way street, You just have to let it go....the sooner the better. It was very nice of you to mail a gift, very polite since you got an invite. The baby is innocent, the mother might be a nice person but not a good friend to you. Protect yourself and your family from toxic people.
were you really good friends before all this? if not, I'd say she's moved on. if so, then she's probably just busy and hormonal... maybe things will return to normal after a while.
Have you asked her???
Maybe she has other issues.... not related to this.
And you both do live far away from each other... and so it is hard to "hang out" logistically, if you both live far away from each other... and being pregnant.... and what not.
Does she 'know' that you declined her baby shower invitation BECAUSE it is too close to your due date? If not, she may have taken it personally....
I would clarify that.
I would not expect her to act a certain way....
Congrats! Amazingly, me and 5 other friends (4 in other states), all got pregnant in the same month (4 of us infertile and trying for years). Four of us got pregnant with twins (2 from IVF, 1 because of genetics - her mother's mother had twins, and me because I'm older and drop more eggs at ovulation).
I was the only one to lose a twin and one of my 'friends' became very insensitive after that - blowing off the loss, saying it was vanishing twin and doesn't really count, always complaining that her pregnancy was harder (even tho she had no complications and I was hospitalized 5x, ruptured at 26wks and delivered at 30wks). Even today, my son had several health/delay issues, but if I ever mention having a rough day, its "nothing compared to hers, afterall she has twins, remember?".
I've definitely distanced myself from her and don't consider her much of a friend. I do take the high road, am always helpful when she calls me for advice, am polite at events, etc. But things have changed, for whatever reason. I used to dwell on it and over-analyze, but not so much anymore. She's one way, I'm another *shrugs*.
You're not wrong to feel how you feel, just try to make sure you don't act differently than you normally would because of those feelings (sooo hard to do with pregnancy hormones, haha). Good luck!
well sounds to me that she is having mixed emotions its okay to feel the way that you feel congrats on the baby..
First off - congratulations to you on your pregnancy!! Secondly - you're not at all wrong in the way you're feeling about this 'friend'. She sounds very selfish and not someone I'd want to be friends with. Did she get invited to your baby shower? If so - did she come? send you a gift? That was very nice of you to send her her gifts and I think she should have responded with a phone call or at least a thank you note / e-mail.
With both of my pregnancies I had girlfriends that were pregnant at the same time as myself and it was great having them to talk with, ask questions too, share experiences / feelings with thru-out our pregnancies and still to this day. If I were you I'd just let the friendship go and move on.
Good luck to you!
Wow, you are completely right to feel she is not being a friend. I say write her off right now. You deserve to be surrounded with genuine people. If you are looking to connect to other moms who are pregnant or have little ones, I'd recommend joining a moms group in your area. Try checking out meetup.com and looking for moms groups in your area, there's bound to be one!! And congratulations on your pregnancy, good luck with the delivery and have a wonderful time with your precious little one. :)
You are not wrong in how you feel. I would be really hurt. Some people are just really selfish. I would give her an invitation to your shower though. But I wouldn't worry or think about her coming. Just send it and that's that. Just so you did invite her. I'm not sticking up for her, or anything, but I'm sure it's not that she doesn't care about yours, she's probably just so excited about hers that she is just focused on that and wants the attention you get when you are pregnant and doesn't want to share the spotlight.
Without knowing more of the backstory, as is, I would be upset as well. Each pregnancy is important. Is this her first and you already have a child? Is she having a rough pregnancy that you aren't aware of? I would feel the same as you but I'd also ask more questions if this friendship is more important than an aquaintance.
K. B
mom of 5 including triplets
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