Baby Number 2?

You are still very young. I was just like you at 25 with a 5 year old. When I was 28 years old I got married and had 3 more kids. I did not think at 25 I would be having any more kids but God had different plans. Not to sound preachy but God gives us kids to make us less selfish. I now realize I was very selfish in my 20's. It is now 20 years later and I am very thankful for the changes the kids made to my life and the love that surrounds us. Is it always perfect, absolutely not but I would not change anything. It sounds you have a lot of changes going on in your life so I would recommend waiting a little bit. This will allow you to heal body and soul completely from your experiences. having those miscarriages is just as hard on a body. The hormones go all wacky You need time to heal from those. I don't know why you would think at 25 it is not in your cards. I had my last child at 34 and he was my biggest blessing. Let your body get back to normal first.Good luck to you.

A. ~ I think your fears of what will be thought of you, what the 5 year old will think, not having free time anymore and what you went through as a child has cause such stress that after conception your body is rejecting the fetus. Relax and let the cards lay where they are thrown. Once you have the new baby you can still make time for you and your husband. Grandparents are always willing to keep the kids for short periods of time. To stop trying would be unfair to your husband who has been there for you and your child. Although, it sounds like he has taken your child on as his own, the child biological father is still in the picture and has visitation, so do not make the mistake of being selfish because of what you feel is not a chance you want to take. Talk to your husband about all of these issues. As for your son he's 5 he will get over the initial shock of not being an only child, however he will be glad to be a big brother. You have to talk to him so that he understands the baby will not replace him but will be an added blessing to the family. So, relax enjoy the moments you have with your husband and look forward to many years together with him and how every many children you choose to have. Children are blessings from God!

May your next conception go full term and big brother enjoy helping you with caring for the new baby. He has to be a part of the process, allow him to feel the baby kick in your stomach. Let him help with feedings and hold the baby when it arrives. If you make him a part of the process he will feel just as loved as ever. Just don't force anything on him.

Wishing you the very best,
Mrs. B.

Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a book called the Birth Order Book, and it explains that after a gap of 5 years, it's like a second family. We had 2 girls 20 months apart, and then 6.5 years later had our son. I cannot imagine life without all three children (who are now all in their 20s!)

Our son kept wishing for a younger sibling, too, but you have to stop somewhere. :)

My husband has one brother and I have two sisters and I never ever wanted to have an only child. I feel I had plenty of love to go around to all my kids and I know they feel loved. I know I felt loved and cared for growing up, too.

Hi A.,
My cousin's son is 6 years older than his sister and he thinks she is the greatest little thing in the world. They are almost 2 and 8 now and he still loves her. She takes his toys and tries to wrestle him but he loves it. I wouldn't worry that your son would feel left out. Your husband is giving him a father's love so I don't think he will feel left out. I think you need to find a way to get over your fears and move on. Maybe you need to talk to someone on coming to terms with your miscarriages. Good luck on your decision.

A.,
I have a 5 year 5 month age difference in my two boys (only two children). They are very close and love each other very much. My oldest is 8 now and likes to play with his brother.. I'm sure there will be issues once the oldest starts high school, driving, etc. We are enjoying their closeness while it lasts! LOL!! It was hard to start over after 5 years and the oldest one did everything for himself. But you pick everything back up so quickly and you get into a routine like with the first one. I say if you really want another one, don't worry about the age difference. Even kids that are 1 year apart sometimes have issues with siblings. Make him a part of the new baby as much as possible. Let him pick out a nickname to call the baby until he is born. Good luck and God Bless you in your new path to being a mom of 2!!!

I am now a nearly 29 yr old mother of a six year old girl who is married to my second husband and expecting baby number 2 in November. First let me say that it sounds like you have a lot of thoughts. I've been there and done that. After my first daughter I was dead set on not having any more children because I hated being pregnant and I figured I could give more to my daughter if she was an only child. That worked for a few years, then I got divorced and it seemed like the perfect plan. Then when my daughter was about 4 she started asking for a baby sister, which was pretty much impossible at the time. I told her nah, you don't need a sister, she'd just want to wear your clothes and break your toys, they aren't any fun at all. Then comes husband number 2, who has made it all the way into his 30's and desperately wants a child of his own. I'm thinking, this guy is nuts! I can't have another baby, I'd miss so much of what my little girl is doing... Fast forward and now my little girl starts kindergarten. She's still begging for the sister, and over night she's tired of being my baby and she wants to be my big girl. She has her own friends, her own favorite shows, her own taste in clothes, and a boyfriend at school. So I agreed to one more baby. Now we're halfway through the pregnancy, and m daughter is already picking out which toys she's going to give the baby, and deciding what shows he or she will like, and deciding what clothes it should wear.... My husband is talking to my stomach instead of me, and I'm just along for the ride.
I realized very quickly that I'm going to have a few crazy years while the baby is still a potato that cries and poops and my daughter still has to have me brush her teeth to make sure that they're clean, and then my first baby is going to be too cool for mom and the second one can have me cooing over his or her dirt pies for a few years, then both of them will be too cool for mom. Fifteen years from now the "baby" is going to be trying to get his or her older sister to buy him beer and I'm going to be wondering what I was so worried about before I had them....

A. E,
This is not complicated and you really don't need anyone's advice. You already know the answer in your heart, but you are feeling guilty about wanting to give your new husband the special gift to have a child together because he helped you raise your only son.I don't know if you are a religious person, but sometimes god has a way to let you know that you are not quite ready to expand your family at this time. You need to focus on your education and starting a new job is stressful enough.Your husband sounds like a one of a kind man who was there for you when you needed him and stayed with you to help raise your son. It doesn't sound like he is in any rush to have another child right away. He wants you to be happy, so he goes along with what you feel you need. I'm sure he does not want to see you struggle through another miscarriage and is concerned with your emotional and physical being.You need to enjoy this special person you married it has only been a year, and your beautiful boy at this time. It is hard enough going back to school, but starting a new job puts alot of pressure and strain on you and your family. Enjoy what you have now. You are only 25 and have many years ahead of you to focus on starting a new family together.Your husband and son want you to be the loving mother and wife that you have become without having to worry about adding to your family at this time. It is in no way selfish, but smart to take things in stride and focus on what you are doing at this time.If you were to have another child at this time, you might not be able to give up your career or job that you have worked so hard to achieve and might resent that child at this time because your not ready to dedicate yourself 100%.You have a strong marriage and loving son, my advice would be to wait a couple years until you get comfortable on where you are and have set your goals. Then talk with your husband and son to see if having a second child is in the best interest of the family as a whole and not just wanting to please a person who already loves you dearly.I went through a similar situation and had my first child at 35 and second at 38. I was given that chance after having 3 miscariages at an early age and went back to school and got a great job. I am now a stay at home mom with 2 beautiful boys. I had my cake and now I am enjoying being able to eat it too. Good luck on whatever you decide, but know that it is your body that carries that special gift and it should be a stress free enviroment.L. P. married 15 years and mother to 2 boys.

I have practically the same situation you have. My eldest, who just turned 3, is not the biological child of my husband. He came into the picture while I was pregnant with him. We have since gotten married and have had another son, who's 18mo younger than his brother and they are fine. The eldest adores his little brother (most of the time) and you'd never know that they only share one parent in common. If you were to have a baby with your husband, your son would have a biological sibling, because of you. So don't worry about that. Just be in prayer and if it's meant to happen, it will. Your son will be fine, especially if he's asking for a sibling :)

You can start showing your older child books and shows with children. You can tell him about how he was when he was a baby, wore diapers, sat in a high chair, couldn't walk yet, couldn't bathe himself, needed help sitting up, put everything in sight in his mouth. Talk about all the things he used to do.

You can involve him in helping baby brother grow up. He can help feed him, hold the bottle, get the diaper bag or changing items, play with baby with toys. In the beginning, baby will take a lot of time because of nursing. However, I would feed bottles to my child and sit on the couch. I could play with the other one at the same time. I moved the high chair into the living room, so I could watch my older child. Sometimes I moved a few of my older child's favorite toys to the kitchen while I fed the younger.

You can start playing learning games with the older one while you are feeding the baby. I play a game I made up called "Blues Clues". It's basically the same theory as "I Spy". I tell my child to find a color, shape, number, an item beinning with a letter or sound, etc. You can put whatever theory behind it you want. You can make it a special time for all of you.

I think it's important to teach littles ones how to play together, look out for each other and have individual time. I set time out for just my older son and just my younger son. I read books to my older son while the other plays with his toys or looks at pictures. Sometimes we sing together, go to the store, work on school things like writing or learning letters. You can show the older child there are things the younger cannot do yet, and make those times feel special to him. He can stay up later. He can eat new foods. He can play on different equipment at the park, play putt-putt golf, go bowling, etc. I get my younger son to be excited about the new things that the older can do and vice versa. My older son is excited to teach his younger brother how to write, learn numbers, play a game, etc. They are both really excited together about playing and learning.

It can feel overwhelming to bring home a new baby, but it make take some scheduling. Think about the time it takes to do laundry, clean the house, feed baby and change him, making meals, naps, etc. You can find time that baby is sleeping to play with the older sibling alone. There are so many new and exciting things that the older sibling has yet to experience and learn that he doesn't have to feel left out. Give him things to look forward to, goals, inspiration, activities, time with just Dad or just Mom. He will be just as excited to have a new baby in the house as you are.

Wow, what a lot of issues to consider for you and your DH.

A new baby is always an adjustment, a lot of work, and a blessing.

I am 9 years older than my brother. My mother had a miscarriage when I was 3 and a baby that only lived 29 hours when I was almost 6. I wanted a sibling and talked about it a lot. Sometimes I resented my brother, sometimes not. Today I am very grateful to have him. I was not alone when I lost my parents, I have a niece and nephew to enjoy. I learned to share and that is a very important lesson.

I had 3 miscarriages before I had my daughter. My son is 23 months younger. She was what we consider a normal delivery, he was born natural child birth with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. She came home in 2 days, he had jaundice, caught Ruebella in the nursery, was in the hosptial for 29 days and we were in isolation for another month until the results came back proving he did not have congenital ruebella from the national communicibal disease center. He caught pneumonia from going to his 1st doctor's appointment. They fought a lot, still argue, but they are still there for each other when things get rough to help each other through tough times. We let my daughter be a part of the new baby from the start. She felt him kick, she brought me things when I was so fat I couldn't bend over well. She helped pick out things for the new baby. She brought clean diapers, got to help bathe him (which created more mess than not for me to clean up), and unfortunately she talked for him until we had to start punishing her for it so he would learn to talk! She was never less she was an important part of his life. He adored her! He started crawling at 6 months so he could follow her through the house and be where she was as much as possible. Things change with age. She had girl things, he had boy things. He went to recitals, she went to ball games, and at 29 and 27 living states apart they still talk and write to each other and share things with each other I am not a part of.

If you believe in a higher being then give all of these concerns up in prayer and let that being provide your answer and your help. If not then ask yourself if you really want your child to be an only child and be alone when something happens to you. If you don't want him to have the possiblity of sharing his successes and failures with someone else and miss out of the joy of nieces and nephews. The pride in saying I helped teach my brother or sister to do that!

Ask yourself, am I just scared of the chances that are being taken in bringing a new life into this world? Am I just afraid of the responsiblity? Am I afraid of not being able to work and have another child? Am I concerned I am wasting my education? Am I just not wanting to have to do diapers and having to try to share myself with another person? Talk to your husband he is the one most involved in your fears, let him be the helpmate in making this decision because when it all boils down to the bottom line he is the one these changes effect most next to you. The "heart" is big enough to love and protect many.

Take a different perspective. If you REALLY want #2, then look at is as learning things for the first time all over again........something you probably LOOKED FORWARD TO THE FIRST TIME. Realize, if you got thru it once, you will again. On top of that, whatever fears you have are more than likely, UNWARRANTED. Most are. You'll remember....it's like riding a bike.

Secondly, I REALLY want to encourage you to purchase a copy of PAIN FREE WOMEN by Pete Egoscue. This book takes you THRU the entire pregnancy. What you need to realize, is that many times, the reason women continually miscarry is the position of the pelvis. Are they going to find this in tests......NO!

There are testimonials of women out there who've had as many as 5 & 6 miscarriages and after using the method, carried a child full term w/ no complications. You should be able to find this on AMAZON, maybe a half price bookstore and most certainly, if you GOOGLE "EGOSCUE" you'll find it. THIS STUFF WORKS! I'm a certified therapist in this method.