Baby Not Sleeping in His Bed

I totally understand how you are feeling. Numerous people have reccommended the book Becoming Babywise. I have a one month old baby boy as well, and I just finished reading it. It actually works!!! You really should read it. Also, I am considering watching 2 infants from my home soon, that are around the same age as my son. Where do you live? I am in Rockwall. If you live close, maybe we could work something out. : )

At one month, I pretty much let them do whatever they want. He he won't sleep in his bed, I'd hold him until he falls asleep on you and then put him in bed. I usually do the whole bedtime routine thing, but if they don't settle down in about 10 minutes, and if it's a really hard cry, then if they haven't settled down in about 5 minutes, I get them and hold them until they sleep. It will get better as he gets older. Just keep trying a routine for nap and bed and it will eventually work. Hang in there!

Get a Miracle Blanket! It will make all the difference in the world! www.MircleBlanket.com.

Best,

S.

Who says co-sleeping is not safe!? If you want to co sleep go for it! If you are unsure try Dr Sears' website. He's got great tips and products to help. A book resource is "The Family Bed.". Enjoy your baby!

I am late in responding to your request but I just had to put in my two cents worth. We are one of the few societies that think we have to put our children in their own beds while they are still infants. My daughter slept with us from the time we brought her home until she was a toddler. Some people thought this was awful, but our families supported us 100% and they are the only one's opions that mattered to us. I breast fed her and that made it super easy, but that was not the reason we did it. We loved having her near us. We formed an extremely close bond with her. She was rarely sick and very easy to toilet train. Another reason we kept her with us, my husband and his first wife lost a child to SIDS. He just felt he needed her near him as much as possible. My daughter now has a daughter and she sleeps with them (and both sets of grandparents) and she is healthy and happy.
The most important thing to remember, you have asked for advise. This is your son. Do what you feel in your heart is best for your family. Don't think you have to do what most others have recommended. You have to do what you think is best for your son!

A month-old baby is practically a newborn! Try not to be an anxious mom and go with your instincts. A young baby's body is getting adjusted to many things and the crying is NOT a cry of being spoiled. Rock him, comfort him, feed him when he is hungry. See your pediatrician if you think the baby is in discomfort or in real pain. You'll get to know and recognize the subtle differences in his cry as time goes on.

My personal advice is not to leave him if you don't have to (going back to work). If you can financially, stay with him at least 6 months to watch his development and give him maternal bonding.

Good luck!

maggie

Both my children have slept with my husband and I when they needed us their whole lives. We are there for them when they want to be close to us, but encourage them to sleep in their own beds, too. I think this is the reason both my boys-5 and 2-sleep so well in their own rooms. They know if they are frightened or feeling bad or just need to be close to mom and dad, we are going to welcome them with open arms. A 1 month old baby should never be left to cry for even 1 minute let alone 10. Your son is still a newborn and you have to be there for his every need at this point in his life. I know that sleeping with a newborn is considered unsafe, but most of the parents I know have done it and their children are just fine. If it makes you too uncomfortable then check into buying a cosleeper. As far as returning to work, your feelings may not change, mine didn't. I ended up quitting my job a year later even though we had the most wonderful inhome sitter you can imagine. I just couldn't stand the idea of being at work while someone else took care of my son and enjoyed it. I wanted to be that person. My husband thought we would never be able to live on one salary, but 4 years later we are still doing just fine. Good luck!!

All of my babies slept with me in the beginning. They slept better and they were nursing so it was just easier. My youngest is 11 months and he sleeps in his own bed in his own room. It really is safe. You are not going to roll over on your baby (if you're completely sober). Your baby mimics your breathing pattern when sleeping. We are really one of the only culutres that doesn't sleep with our babies.

L.,

That happened with my 2nd baby...she would only sleep in bed with me...when she was about 3 months old, she finally would sleep in her bed. It took several nights to get her to where I could just lay her down, but after about 3 nights...she got it. And now she is almost 10 months old and I just wrap her up and put her down...she is soooo easy!
Good luck on the going back to work thing...I was the same way...I didn't want to leave my daughter with ANYONE! I can remember the girl that was going to keep her coming by the house to visit and I had to go upstairs and I just sat in the floor and cried. Needless to say...I am a stay at home mommy now and I LOVE it. We sold our house and moved in with my parents, but because we thought it was best for me to be home with the kids. Good luck.

I am of the opinion of many of the mothers below . . . co-sleeping can be done safely (and even lowers the rates of SIDS). Checking out Dr. Sear's website and/or reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears would help educate you on this subject as well as other principles in Attached Parenting (a.k.a. following your instincts!). Good Luck!

It is okay to let your baby sleep with you! Google "cosleeping safely" and "attachment parenting." All three of mine have slept with me & all three are so far pretty normal. :)

Your baby is so verylittle right now. Please don't let him cry. You can't stand to hear it because you're programmed to answer it! Lots of babies just need lots of cuddles. It won't spoil him to give them to him. You won't ruin him or set any bad examples by answering his cry, every time and quickly. I promise. :)

My babies have loved to be close to us, so we use a wrap called a Moby Wrap (www.mobywrap.com). You can use it from newborn to 30ish pounds. It's inexpensive & easy to use once you practice a few times. Having him with you in this (or any other wrap/sling you prefer) will keep him calm, will allow him to feel secure, let you get things done. Check it out.

Follow those momma instincts that tell you to answer your baby's cry! :)

They have co-sleepers that attach to the bed, so the baby is right beside you but not actually in the bed. You can even reach over and feel them. I would highly recommend this, esp. if breast feeding. The one thing not to worry about is that you are spoiling or ruining your baby for life. All babies learn to sleep through the night eventually! It always helped me to think of them as little puppies squirming around, trying to find warmth, comfort, food, etc in those first few months, practically blind.

My first advice is to buy some swaddle blankets. They have velcro to keep them swaddled tightly. Babies like that feeling because it is like when they were in the womb. I would even swaddle my daughter in a regular blanket and then wrap a swaddle blanket around her to keep her nice and snug. She slept great and stayed in these until she got so big she busted out at around 6 months.

Second, you might try reading Happiest Baby on the Block. It has great suggestions, although my children did not use a pacifier (one of the authors suggestions).

And I did not let my kids sleep with me because I can't sleep well when they are in the bed plus I did not want to have to break them of the habit later.

Good luck!

I know there are many strong, varying and contrasting opinions about "co-sleeping"... But after a few weeks of bringing my baby home from the NICU (where he had been for 10 days) I finally gave up on the crib/basinet. None of us were getting any sleep. But the moment I brought him in bed with us he was happy and sleeping. And if you're breast feeding, makes those night time feedings so much more convenient too (just role over and pull it out)! I had the same concerns over safety at first too... But we just swaddled him up and nuzzled him in the crux of my arm/armpit. A monthers intuition is strong, and I was always vary aware of my baby and his movements during the night (as well as my own), but still able to get more sleep then I had been before.

My son is now 3 months old. We currenlty nurse in bed at night, and then I move him to the basinet in our room where he sleeps until about 4am... Then we get up and feed again and he stays in bed with me until we get up around 6am. Labor Day weekend he will be 4 months old and we are going to "Ferber him" in to his crib. I'm hoping this transition will help minimize some of the crying (I hate to hear them cry too).

Also - re going back to work. I just went back last Monday. If you like what you do and like the people you work with going back will probably be easier then you think. I found a great in home daycare that I love. I liked the in home option because I felt it would me a smaller, more intimate environment where my son would be loved on and get ample attention. So far it's been great! And Mrs. Donna is wonderful. She loves Graham as if he were one of her own!

Good luck. Please feel free to contact me if you have other questions.

D.

actually it is very safe. Try going to mothering.com and search for co-sleeping articles. Send me a personal message and I will be happy to give you plenty of advice, research adn tips on co-sleeping. Mine didn't sleep in his own bed until 6 months and then he ended up in bed with us for the rest of the night when he needed to nurse. You could also try a side sleeper if you felt it was safer. It attaches to yoru bed so baby can be in his own space and then you can reach him if he needs comfort. If you are certain you want him in his own bed try putting him down there but staying with him (hands on) until he drifts off. That way he won't feel abandoned but will not startle whne he finds himself in his bed. I know this is os hard and you will find vastly different opinions. You are a mama and you have a gut instinct for a reason. Trust yourself and listen to your baby. Do what works for you both and be encouraged that this will be over all to soon!
B.

One thing I saw that worked really well is to wrap your baby up in your t-shirt. Wear a t-shirt all day to incorporate your smell. Then swaddle your baby in it and he will smell "you". This will lull them to sleep. It works! Good luck!

Hi L.,

Congratulations on your new little bundle of joy! I totally understand where you're coming from. Try putting him in a bassinet right next to your bed so that he has his own space and there's no danger of rolling over onto him. I think they even make a product for this purpose called a "co-sleeper."

I can help you with your concerns about returning to work. I loved my job as a manager at a Fortune 500 corporation and yet, there were many mornings I would cry all the way to work after dropping off my babies at daycare. I am so glad I decided to try something different.

Over the next 2-5 years, I am now building a team of 5 Home-Based Moms earning 6 figure incomes with full insurance benefits for their families. Want to be one of them? Email me if you are ready for change!

Blessings,

____@____.com

Looks like you already have some great advice! I slept in my reclining glider many hours with my little boy on my lap. I didn't want to have him sleep in our bed with us but couldn't let him cry and he really wanted to snuggle with me. Swaddling, the vibrations on the pack-n-play, a white noise machine (or toy with heartbeat sounds), nightlight, etc are all things that help them sleep at night. Hold him and snuggle as much as you can when they are little - he's still an infant and some day this special time will be gone and you will miss it so much!

I went to my babies always until they were at least 9 months. I just couldn't help it! Go with your instincts!

re: co-sleeping: i've done it but did it wiser the second time around. i did it until 9 months old. then he was in a crib in our room by a year he was in his room. the key is to use a co sleeper or bassinet and move it away a bit at a time. do you even WANT to co sleep? if not, then find a way to get the baby to sleep otherwise. yes there are ways.

re: working: you'll have to leave the child eventually with somebody. it's life. simply put. just make sure the person is well trained and you'll be fine. it will be an adjustment for both of you (more for you than the baby) and the guilt is temporary. if you have to work, then work. if you choose not to, then don't, but not because you don't want to leave the child ever. that's just silly. what are you going to do wheh he goes to school? follow him?

We put a basinet by our bed, and then slowly moved it further and further. Finally we moved it into his room. The APA recommends they sleep in your room, but not in your bed until 6 months anyways, so don't beat yourself up about it!

I saw another S. recommended the Miracle Blanket already, but I second it. It truly was a miracle for us. My daughter wouldn't sleep in her crib, so we got a swing and noticed that she'd sleep with the side to side motion. So I'd sleep on the couch next to her while she napped during those first few months while I was home (I had a c-section, so I was recovering and needed to get some rest. I was desperate!). We used the Miracle Blanket until around 6 months. She was a big baby (9 lb 14 oz, 22 inches) so the hospital blanket didn't stay on, nor did the receiving blankets we had at home. When she outgrew the Miracle Blanket (around 4 months), I just swaddled her upper torso and left her legs free until she was ready to give it up entirely. Good luck!

The big thing that helped my daughter at that age was the Prince Lionheart Slumber Bear. You can get it at Babies R Us or other brands probably at Target or something. It's a bear that makes the sound of a heartbeat from inside of the womb. When she started to cry or would touch it, it would start back up. I put it by her feet so she could kick it. It was great! Good luck!

I had the same problem. It turned out that it was his stomach. He was uncomfortable laying on his back because he was dairy, oat, onion, broccoli (anythiong gassy) intolerant. As soon as I took the dairy and gassy foods (and oatmeal) out of my diet, he slept like a baby.

Try to give yourself a break. Being a first time mom is scary enough. Do what you need to do to get some rest and feel more secure.

I have 5 children between the ages of 2-7 yrs. (4 boys & 1 girl). They have all slept in my bed at one point. Even now, my 7 yr. old twin boys still ask to sleep with me on the weekends---when it isn't a school night.

I think you can let the baby fall asleep with you & then, put him in a bassinet by your bed or crib (our twins' crib was in our room). Also, my twins (my first children) had colic and acid reflux. They could only sleep upright in my arms or in their swings. So, we let them sleep in their swings for a couple of months.

Your life has changed. And, you are changing, too. Just enjoy these moments as they go by so fast.

Good luck!

Try napping him in his bed (if you're not already). Try not to hold him at all when he is sleeping. However, be patient. He is only one month old. Give him some time to adjust as well as yourself.

Read "Baby Wise" and you will be the envy of every mother out there - your baby will learn to put himself to sleep and learn to trust you and know you will always come and get him - bed will be a safe place and nothing is more wonderful that hearing your child talk to himself while laying happily in his bed waiting for you to come and get him.

Worked for me - didn't use it on my first and I was so exhausted. Used it on my second and at 6 1/2 all we have to say is time for bed and he goes and waits for a story - if even that when he's really tired. No fuss and no hassle.

Good luck.

I am a mom of 9 and my trick for getting baby to sleep was a music box. If you turn it on every time that you put him in bed, he will get used to it and know it is time to close his little eyes and sleep. If he is now sleeping with you, use it now, then in a couple of days, when you remove him to his crib, the music box goes with him. I even bought a small one to put in the car for when I wanted them to sleep in their carrier. Good-luck!

Have you tried swaddling? He's only 1 month so he may still prefer compact quarters like in utero. Both my daughter and son have slept with us in the same room for several months. My son needed more closeness so he liked swaddling but still anted to snuggle in the early AM. Please check out Dr Sears, Happiest Baby on the Block, and mothering.com. As long as no drugs, alcohol, or post-traumatic syndrome is involved you can safely cosleep-with baby in bed or a cosleeper or bassinet nearby.

I personally had the crib/ bassinet nearby so I could get several hours deep sleep. Baby was close by so I could touch him if he needed reassurance.