Baby Is Miserable and So Am I

Hi Amy,

Don't worry, it will get better. You'll look back not long from now and see it is worth it. I wonder if your little man is getting enough breast milk? You might want to try him with a bottle after he nurses. The 45 minute sessions boring you? Grab a good book that's not baby related! If you need to go to the store put him in a front carrier (his neck is probably getting strong enough for him be in there). You need to hand the little fella off to daddy when he is home, and do something for yourself (I would say "I'm going for a shower" and hide in the bathroom for an hour!) Don't forget about yourself, if you get mad at baby, walk away for five minutes.... Trust me it does get better! Good Luck, I hope this helps!

Dear Amy,

IT DOES GET BETTER! I asked the same question many a time during the first 3 months! And then during months 4 and 5, when my husband went out of town, and I was working full-time and up every 2 hours nursing all night still! Anyway, YES, it gets better. HOLD ON! Your baby is completely helpless and doesn't know what he needs either. But, he will get better, and someday you will actually barely remember this! The best advice is: get help taking breaks! Call on your friends, family, and babysitters and get a break EVERY DAY. You need and deserve it! It takes a community to raise a child, and you as a new mother deserve all the support you can get!

Hang in there...it is worth it!
M.

It *does* get easier. I look back on those first few months and think it was harder than anything.

If you find yourself at a breaking point, put him in his crib and walk away for five minutes. Step outside the house, somewhere where you will get a few moments of peace.

Also, you might want to call your pediatrician and see if there's anything he/she might recommend. Sometimes it's just nice when you hear from a paid medical professional that what you're going through is normal!

Yes, it DOES get easier. Seems like there might be more than just a fussy baby going on? Colic?
Also, if you've just started staying home, that can be a tough transition as you're probably missing your work social network. Do you have family or a daycare center nearby that you can arrange for a morning or afternoon, or even one day a week for someone to watch your son? There's no rule saying you HAVE to be with your baby 24/7 if you can find a dependable babysitter. The week before I started back to work, I dropped my son off for two 1/2 days where I was going to have him permanently watched while I worked - kind of a transition for both of us, and just went out by myself for a couple hours.
Good luck and hang in there!

J.

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it. I was able to find success in soothing my son by wearing him in a Moby wrap. At least it gave me my hands back. He can't stand his car seat so whenever we go out I wrap him up and shop.

If you haven't tried it already I would suggest the miracle blanket. Your son is probably ready to out grow it in the next 4 to 8 weeks but it might be worth it. My son sleeps so well in it and it might make his awake time more pleasant.

My son was this way. We tried acid reflux meds and I consulted with a child psychologist. It simply started getting a little better each week. Now he is a delightful toddler. You and your baby are going to be fine. Try getting out of the house in the stroller more and try to meet with some other SAHM's. Your local hospital may have a support group for new moms as well. It is hard to bond with a fussy baby but it will happen. Don't be afriad to ask for help from your doctor, the pediatrician, a neighbor or friend. It sounds like you need a few hours away from the baby. Take a deep breath. It's okay to walk away. Leave the baby in the crib and take a quick shower. You will both survive this! Good luck!!!!

Maybe he likes the closeness of nursing. Have you ever tried wearing him in a sling? My 2nd daughter was just a little fussy, but she loved being in the sling. It freed up my hands to do housework or play with my older daughter, and she usually feel asleep in there. I wished I had known about it for my first, because she was the fussy baby! I have read that slings are great for soothing fussy babies. There are many different kinds. The kind I have is called Hotsling, and they come in cute designs. I ordered it from target.com. It did take some getting used to at first. The first couple of times I tried putting it on, I remember I wanted to throw it out the window (I was still hormonal and tired). I'm sure that this difficult time will pass. I just saw a friend today who said her 3 month old seems like a new baby because she suddenly stopped crying after months of crying constantly. I also agree with others that you need to take a break from your baby every day. I used to come up with some reason to run to the store when my husband got home, just so I could get out of the house alone for a while (okay, sometimes I still do that)! Best wishes!!!

I have been there.

I was at the store with DD#1 and had the terrible thought that i should leave that screaming baby there and run out of the store. I didn't, of course, but your feelings are totally normal.

I agree with the previous posters about the sling. I used one with all five of mine, and I loved it. It kept my hands free so I could chase they other kids.

Make sure you are taking some time for you. Sneak out and get a pedicure or something. Go to the bookstore and read for an hour. My middle child is on the sensitive side, and he fed off of my stress. Even as an infant, he would cry if I was feeling out of sorts or if one of the other was crying.

You'll look back on this someday and wonder where the time went- even though it feels endless now.

A nurse once told me they call this time "the missing 4 trimester" because their brains are changing so much right now. My daughter was a nut for those first three months too. I'm a single mom so you know I really wanted a break. I also nursed and she wanted to eat every 2 hours. But now I look at pictures of that time and regret not steppinng out of the moment of craziness and appreciating the wonderment of it all. It's easier to say that now beceause she's almost 15 months old but she still has days that make me wanna have a big ole drink and I lose my cool and I'm tired but I just try to remember that they are only this small and crazy and wanna be hanging all over you a short time versus all the years they hate you and don't want to open their bedroom doors to talk to you. Like the other moms wrote, I would suggest "wearing" him. I even took naps like that.
Good luck:)

Hi Amy,

Hang in there! Yes, it will defninitely get easier. No doubt you are stressed beyond your limits, tired and just plain overwhelmed right now....I remember those days for sure!

I didn't get to read all the posts, but have you tried swaddling him??? It sounds like he enjoys being close to you (the nursing) and in his car seat (small tight space) so it couldn't hurt to try. You can buy The Amazing Miracle Blanket on line or Target and Babies R Us carry swaddling blankets.

Email if you need more info.

N.

Amy,
I read your post and it brought back a rush of memories of my first son. I spent so much time crying myself along with him. I was exhausted and often questioned my choice to even have a baby. I was miserable and so was Jacob. But, it did get better. Those memories were replaced with smiles, coos and milestones that I loved.

If you haven't, talk to your baby's doctor to see if there are some allergies/reflux issues. My son didn't have any - he just had colic...bad. The good news is he grew out of it at 12 weeks. The bad news is that although 12 weeks seems to be the magic mark, some babies take longer.

As for you, get some time to yourself. Call in anyone that offered to help and LET THEM. I called my mom in tears more than once because I was so exhausted. She came and took care of Jake while I slept - even for an hour or so. It was a life-saver. If you have friends in the area, call them. Sister? Sister in law? Even mother in law...call them and let them help you.

Amy, eventually this will pass. My memories grew so distant that I even decided to have another child. :) He, was an angel-baby! Lol.

Hang in there. And the best to you and your little one.

T.

I can relate to frustrating moments for sure... I have four children ages 12.5, almost 8, almost 4 and 17 months. I guess I'll offer a different kind of perspective maybe...? Your baby needs to be close to you. Make it easier by putting him in a baby carrier while you are getting things done(even at the grocery store or other outings). He'll be happier and you'll feel better too. I definitely was probably nursing more often than 3-4 hours. I guess I would rather avoid the crying, upset routine, and I just nurse when it seems necessary not when it is almost too late. When your baby cries because he's hungry that is a late sign of hunger. He is probably giving you some cues sooner that are more pleasant to deal with. Yes, try to find a magazine or something to look at while nursing. That can be distracting and relaxing.
I hold my babies almost all the time, and they are very happy, confident, and self-reliant once they get a bit bigger. Close contact with me is the key. I can relate to wanting to have my body to myself once in a while, though! This 4th baby is my last and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I've been doing this for more than 12 years! Use some kind of carrier- it will save your arms and some of your sanity.:)
I know how hard it can be. I been through it all. Getting a little break every once in a while would be good. I'm still not very good at that myself.
Find ways to laugh and smile with your baby. He's helpless, and needs you.
Keep breathing. It will get easier.:)

Amy,

As the others have said, hang in there. I know that is hard because you want it to change NOW. Just take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time.
My oldest daughter had colic. I can relate to how you feel that some times you hate your little guy. I can remember a time when DD was about 8 weeks old and she was so fussy and screaming and crying (before we knew it was colic) and I sat on the couch, crying with her laying next to me also crying for what i thought was no reason and I remember praying for someone, anyone, to come to the door. I would have sold her right there on the spot! Did I feel guilty about it? Heck ya! But we are both human and this is your first and you don't know what to expect. By the time you get thru this stage you'll be an old pro.
When we finally realized it might be colic I called my ped (who did not like to medicate infants that young if not necessary) and said I AM putting her on Mylacon (sp?) or an other anti gas med, which one did he prefer. Not can I, but I am! It saved my life and probably DD's too :) Now this fussy baby is going off to colleage for the first time next month and she's still a fussy teenager. If only there was something I could give her now.........

Good luck and talk to your ped. Thats why they are there. I asked mine how much of his job is counseling parents. He said it's 10% doctoring the infant and 90% the parents. How True!
S.

My daughter needed to be close to me to stop crying. I would put her in the baby bjorn and do many chores and sometimes sing as well. It was the only thing that seemed to work. It should start to get better soon, but I would check with the pediatrician to make sure he doesn't have GERD (gastro esophageal reflux) that is making him cranky. Also you need a break. Have hubby or a friend watch him so you can get out for a few hours.

Relax! Your baby feels every stress and anxiety you feel. Easier said than done; I know.

First of all, babies can nurse up to 45 min. or and hour. Enjoy this time, and think of nothing else; it's such a short period in your lives together.

Yes, everything gets easier, but not quite yet. You are still in the yucky stage;)

Those errands can wait! Try to readjust your schedule, or have someone watch him for a couple of hours so you can get things done, and treat yourself to lunch:)Breaks from your baby recharge your batteries.

Hang on and try to appreciate the fact that you are his world. You really are is everything right now. Everything you are feeling is normal, so don't worry about that. But how you handle it can make all the difference in your bonding w/ your baby.

If you have tried baby carrying, I would try that. The Hot Sling or carriers from BabyHawk.com are great. I think there is a place in Lincoln Park where you can go and try on the slings to see what works for you and your baby.

Every baby is different; some cry loudly. Dr. Sears has a good book, The Baby Book; I find it extremely useful and reassuring.

Hang on, in a couple of months he's going to roll over for the first time, and then ohhh, the fun begins! Then join a baby music class or some type of baby and mom class and enjoy the world of a stay at home mom; the never ending job kisses and hugs as your paycheck:)

Yes it's going to get easier. Then they become cranky seventeen year olds. I remember that stage and you think it will never end. AS I will pass on the words sent to me from generation to generation, you do not have to be your child's best friend. You are a parent. So of course you might love that child but not like him all the time. You are doing a lot, here are more ideas such as walking and walking with him and check out parks near by or your village hall where you can find out about support from others in your same situation. And maybe just go with the flow.If you don't have a schedule that you have to be sticking to then relax into the 45 minutes. Watch television or listen to a tape or music. Turn it into something nice for you. Exercise and dance with him. You will like him a lot more and you will be so beautiful your husband might make you pregnant again. oops. Teehee. Anyway, your decision to stay home is an awesome one and in a very short time if you opt out on other children you will be back wishing you could be home again. Hug the crankster for us!

Hi Amy,

I am sorry you're having a hard time with your little one. I know how difficult your situation can be. My daughter is 5 months old and I've experienced a lot of what you're describing. At her 2 month appointment I told my doctor that she was also waking up every 1-2 hours at night leaving me exhausted. My doctor recommended that we put her on Zantac for acid reflux to see if it helped with the crying and sleeping difficulties. The very first day we gave it to her she slept 7 hours straight, and she's been much happier and easygoing since then. You might want to mention it to your doctor and give it a try. According to my pediatrician there are no negative side effects. In fact - she put her own son on it for the same reason. He may just be crying because he's in pain . I am glad we tried it. Good luck!

Jenny