Baby Bully

Maybe your daughter could ask for a hug? Not just go give one? My other thought is what is your daughter like to your son when you aren't around? Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it at all possible that she is sweet to him when you are around and lets her jealousy of him show when you aren't? It is the hitting himself when he hears or sees her that makes me think this. I am not a behaviorist at all, and he could just be doing it because he doesn't want the hugs and kisses, but it was the first thing that popped into my head. Good luck.

If you are tapping his head and saying no, it only reinforces a negative perception when he sees his sister. You need to stop being stern about this behaviour and start being gentle about it. He will come to love his sister for the actions that she shows him. Explain to your daughter that you don't know why he does that around her but that you know if she is nice to him he will love her.

Our 15 month old does not like hugs and kisses from her brothers either. We just ask them to wait until she's ready. After all, don't we all have times we just don't want to be touched? Our boys are 3 and 6, so they are also quite a bit bigger. It just seems overwhelming to us from her point of view. Now that we've been doing this for a while, so is much more receptive to their advances the majority of the time. She also initiates hugs and kisses, I'd guess about every other day. They're really sweet hugs and kisses, too, when she's ready for them. GL! I know it hurts the feelings of the older kids, but our boys are now reaping the rewards of being patient and giving her time, and are glad they didn't force it on her. Well, at least the 6 yo gets it. Probably not the 3 yo. :)

That's odd, it's almost the reverse of the older sibling attention seeker.

When my son used to hit his aunts and uncles, I would grab him and sit him in my lap and hold his hands down at his sides. He HATED it. I would hold him until he was calm and then calmly explain to him it's not acceptable to hit. He stopped.

My Aunt and Uncle used a time out on my cousin where he had to hold his arms up while standing against a wall. *No more than 2 minutes* and that worked for him.

Also, you can try showing him how to "softly" pet his sister's hair, or using attention for her. Totally ignore him and pull her into your lap and start coddling her "Oh my poor girl!! Are you okay?? I'm so sorry he hurt you." If he's doing it for attention that should make him stop.

By the way, I agree about the not hitting because he hit... but the one about copying and hitting the sister... that's only going to teach her she's a doll for everyone to hit. That's horrible.

hey,
i'm in a psych class now and just learned about a technique called shaping, it's all about starting in baby steps to reach a desired effect. so first just try by being very excited when you see your daughter, things like i'm so glad your here! i'm so happy to see you! things like that. It will reinforce her feelings and your son will see how happy you are to see her. then after a week or so, say the things and ADD a great big hug. then after a few day add a aren't you happy to see her (insert name of son) and tell him to say hi, then to smile, wave, handshake, hugs and kisses. good luck and let me know if this works!
A.

Instead of making a big issue out of it, tell your daughter to copy him. When he hits the side of his head, she should hit the side of her head (lightly) and you should too....and then you should all giggle and tell your son he's a silly boy and that he makes you happy.

I'd watch them play together, too.