Baby Blues

Karen is right walking out side and getting some sun really helps. I joined a group of moms in my neighborhood for daily walks and it helped me.

Try to find a support group for moms. There are many free groups that meet at hospitals. They are usually pretty casual and just listening to others can make you feel a million times better and it might help you feel like speaking-up.

Good luck!

Have you tried adjusting your diet or possibly taking time for some light exersize? I know you only recently had your second baby, so definitely take it easy on the exersize. Short walks or perhaps swimming if you have access to a pool.

Diet and exersize have a profound impact on our mental well being. If I even start to feel depressed or overly anxious, I always make adjustments to my diet and exersize. This won't make problems disappear, of course, but it certainly helps with my overall well being.

Also, if you have someone to help with the kids for an hour or so, maybe you can take some time just for yourself. Take a bath, read a book, do some art or a craft... you NEED to take care of yourself so you can be a happy mom. You and your kids deserve it! Best wishes to you. :)

If you can't go to a therapist to talk about your feelings, you can always write them down in a journal. That always helps me get the feelings out of me.

Exercise also helped to clear my head and beat the baby blues.

Do you read blogs? You could search around and find other new mom's and find a community online to help you. That's sometimes nice because you can "talk" to someone without having to actually talk.

I don't think pills are the answer either. Write, relax, drink tea, read, exercise, and trust that you can and will pass through this stage.

Good luck!

C.,

I would suggest starting out with good, brisk walks with your toddler in a stroller and the baby in a sling. Outside in fresh air, especially in the morning when it's cool, works wonders, but keep after it every day, even when you don't feel like it because, it will have a dramatic effect that you will begin to notice soon enough. I would also cut out as much processed food from your diet as possible, not to mention white flour and sugar. Green tea is an amazing pick me up with not much caffeine, and it's also got soothing qualities. If this is the blues, and not debilitating depression, there is a lot of all-natural therapy you can try. Diet and exercise are a great place to start, and walking is both free and easy. And if you don't feel comfortable talking about your feelings, I hope you'll try to write about them, in a journal, or as poems. I have found that enormously helpful in my life, b/c I have often lacked the ability to talk about it too. All the best.

Baby blues can be serious if not treated. Baby blues depression is usually chemical, as opposed to situational depression (as in the loss of a loved one etc.) And it is not your "fault". I'm glad you recognize you are having a problem. Please see your doctor for help and see if antidepressants are right for you. See a counselor too if you feel like it will help to talk. Many women do need a short, temporary course of antidepressants ( usually this means from a few months to a year)and then your body recovers and you can re-adjust ok. There are ways to remember to take pills - some people put them by their toothbrush, keep them in their purse or car, set a timer for right after they shower to remind them to take their pills right then. In short, associate it with something you do everyday anyway.It is an adjustment, but a very worthwhile one. I have friends who have gone through this successfully and I know you can too. Good luck!

I used antidepressants. I know that you do not want to take those at this time, which I totally understand. I kicked and screamed but finally resorted to them when I had tried what I thought was everything. I didn't know about alternative methods besides counciling etc. I found a really good acupuncturist. My acupuncturist is very involved in the Bay Area birthing community. She works with herbs and acupuncture to relieve depression. She can be found at:
artemishealingcenter.com
I also try to get outside in the sun everyday for a litte bit (usually a nice brisk walk). I get dressed in nice but comfortable clothes and put on make up every morning because I feel better about myself and it gives me a routine. No need for the makeup if you don't wear it! Just do what makes you feel good on the outside because it helps to feel good on the inside. I also do quite meditation every spare second I get- it may be on the toilet, it may be while breastfeeding...just a few minutes or even seconds to remember my breathing and have some peace. Don't forget that you will come out of this. Reaching out for help was a great start!

I feel for you C.. Here's what worked for me: an hour a day of exercise (no excuses!) without children - for me it's a brisk walk with hand weights in the hills around my house; remove wheat and sugar and most dairy from your diet; cut back on red meat; no alcohol; eat lots of green veggies and salads and brown rice (including brown rice pasta); salmon three or four times a week; some chicken. Believe me, this will help. Diet and exercise are crucial to enhancing mood. The other thing: find someone to whom you DO feel comfortable talking. Talk out those feelings or they will fester and literally drive you nuts.
Good luck to you, my friend.
K. in EC

You have received some very good advice from the other mom's already. My suggestion would be to discuss how you are feeling with your husband and do not be ashamed to ask him or your family for help. Lower the expectations you have placed on yourself and don't expect to be able to do everything for everybody. TAKE TIME FOR YOU! You need a break and as one mom already mentioned your hormones are still out of whack.

Ask a family memember to take your 2 year old daughter or send her on a playdate with a trusted friend. Join a local mom's club. Let us know what area you are and mom's can suggest local groups. MOPS is an excellent resource. www.MOPS.org Most groups break for the summer but some continue with play-groups and studies. If you are in Livermore, Pleasanton, Dublin, area I can give you more info.

Get out of your house. Being there day in and day out can be overwhelming because you are looking at laundry piling up, toys scattered, dishes etc..... You tend to focus on what isn't being done. Or at least that is how my mind works.

Pray, meditate, journal. If you cannot ask a friend or family member for help ask God. He has entrusted you with these two precious children and He will give you the strength and grace to be their mom.

The fact that you reached out here is a terrific start. God bless!

DearEST C.,
I didn't see anything about the father of your two, young children? Is he on hand to HELP you? Do you love him? Does he love you? I send love, blessings, support and prayers to you and your children. I'm glad you are awful at PILLS....stay that way.

I think you will receive a lot of good support tips and encouragement from the MAMAS....Many of us have been in your shoes and many of us will be able to send good resources your way...IMMEDIATELY.

However, you said your family is supportive.....Little One, swallow your pride and run to your supportive family. They will dry your tears and help you in a way that no stranger can. PLEASE do it and then tell us all about it...I feel they are just waiting, perhaps feeling just like you, unable to bring themselves to approach you...be the ONE who reaches out. God bless and keep you and yours.

Even if you think you aren't very good about talking out your feelings, talking can help immensely and there are many good therapists out there who are easy to talk to. If talking still isn't your thing, there are other forms of healing therapy besides traditional "talk therapy" (art therapy, journal writing, etc.) Also, sunlight and exercise help with the blues. Please talk to your doctor about your options. Good luck, hope you feel better.

Hi C.,

Have you considered acupuncture? Or trying Monavie--a juice made from the acai berry? it's been known to help with depression.

Let me know if you want more info..maybe i can send you a case at wholesale?

Hope you feel better soon!

G.

C.,
I'm so sorry you have to experience this. Do you think it's baby blues or something more. From my experience, you sometimes can't tell that you are truly as depressed as you are at the time, so keep an eye out and ask your husband to do the same. Also, check in with him a few times a week because he may be scared to tell you he thinks you're past baby blues.
As far as a non-pill way to cope. Exercise is a great thing to do. Get out and walk. When you exercise it releases something in your brain that has a similar effect as anti-depressants. I use to walk with my daughter around a near by shopping center and then just sit at Starbucks to be around real live people =O).
don't be afraid to ask for help!
C.

C.,
Have your thyroid tested ASAP! I thought I had the baby blues with my son. I couldn't bond with him, he fussed all the time, nursing was a nightmare, I felt tired and lethargic all the time, awful mood swings...etc. My Dr. wanted to put me on Paxil/Prozac but tried one last test and we found out my thyroid had virtually shut down. Once on the replacement therapy I began to feel myself again. My son is now almost 13 and yes, I do still have to take my meds but it is so much better then how i felt without them, it's worth the trade off. Check it out, it might help.

C.,
I know how you feel. I have two children under the age of two and still deal with baby blues sometimes. My girls are almost 22 months and almost 9 months. It was really bad at first and it helped just to be around other moms/adults other than my hubby. I could not go to the support groups at the hospital because most of them do not allow the older child. Find a yahoo group or just other moms that you can hang out with.
As for personal time, I think thats great if you can get it. I always have at least one child with me and still get the alone time by doing something for myself (go get a coffee or take a walk).
I have a yahoo group for parents with multiple children. It's called two under three. There is not much communication on it but every once in a while someone will throw a question out and we try to support each other in our struggles through motherhood.
I really hope you find a way to get over the blues and it doesn't get worse for you. If you want to talk about having two little ones, let me know.
Sending you healing thoughts!
J.

A lot of great advice already! The only thing I can add is to recommend the book "Postpartum Depression For Dummies" By Dr. Shoshana Bennett. I've met Dr. Bennett and read parts of this book. She addresses the problem from all angles in regards to the situation and treatment. It is also one of the best written books on any subject in my opinion. Dr. Bennett's compassionate caring nature is very present in this book and it is so well presented and organized. All the Best to you!

Your son is 4 weeks old, AND you have a "terrible twos". I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T feeling overwhelmed right now.

Remember, 1) you still have hormones raging through your body, 2) you are also probably seriously short on sleep, and 3) you have another "baby" who is probably resenting the heck out of the new-comer and taking it out on you.

The feelings of being overwhelmed you are experiencing are completely normal with a new baby, and you shouldn't stress about your "mental state". (The sole exception being if you think you are going to hurt someone.)

The absolute BEST cure for feeling overwhelmed is to join a Moms Group. Look online and and join one right away. If nothing else, look up your local chapter of MOPS. You can meet people in moms groups who have similar experiences, you can get out and actually have * adult * contact, or you can even just say "hey, is this 'normal'?" to almost any question. Sometimes feeling better is as simple as having a shoulder to 'cry' on to get it all out of your system from someone who has 'been there'.

HI sweetie,
well you have a lot on your plate, having babies so close together, post-partum can last up to 2 years after each baby, you do need to talk to someone, even just girlfriends or other mamas, is there a mama group in your area?, a playgroup at the park?, check the local paper or ask your pediatrician for possible ideas. Try to walk everyday, even just around the block, put your new one in a baby carrier and the 2 y.o in a stroller and take a walk, or go to the park. When your husband gets home ask for some time to yourself to take a bath or go to the store by your self. Take care of yourself and good for you for reaching out through mama source

One thing that really helps is to have fun time for yourself. It needs to be regularly scheduled, at the minimum of once a week. You can be by yourself or with friends/family but no responsibilities like kids. You can do something that you find fun, like a movie, walk, mall, swim, etc. It doesn't have to cost any money.

HI... I went through a very minor case... and I think talking with my friends really helped... I have twins and went through my PG with a handful of women also with twins... we were constantly comparing how we felt... and I think it helps knowing that you're not the only one having a hard time...

That said... the most important thing is that your family and DH be very observant... that neither your or your children are in danger... not to suggest that you are there... but it's important...

TALK to your Dr. about all resources avail to you...you are obviously in a state that you are looking for help... keep it up... and find SOMEONE to talk to... and defineatly do get YOU time... I feel that a lot of it was the constant demand on me... it's overwhelming sometimes...

Best of luck...

Greetings to you!

I am writing to let you know about a new moms' group starting mid-July at the Tulip Grove in Oakland ###-###-####). I am the facilitator and have a background in pre and perinatal psychology and midwifery. We will be looking at coping with unexpected challenges of mothering as well as natural ways to reduce anxiety and restore core vitality. Please feel free to contact me at ###-###-#### with any questions you might have.

Warmly,
Meghan Lewis, PhD, CMT
http://www.energyart.com/meghan_lewis/index.htm

Hi C.,

I can totally relate. I suggest calling your doctor and getting a referral to a really good psychotherapist who can help you with the Postpartum Depression. I went to one for a while and it helped tremendously. You don't necessarily have to be put on meds--sometimes "talk therapy" is just what you need. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Take care.

Molly

Hi C.,
I had my first in January. He was a month early and breech, so I had to have an emergency c-section. We were in the hospital a little longer than normal and I began to feel "funny" while there. When we got home I knew things were not right with me. I did not hesitate to talk to my doctor, first my OB and then my generalist. I ended up with a psychiatrist (sp?) after having a terrible session with a talk therapist. I was very anti medication, but it got to the point where I needed something, anyhting to help me get out of my state of mind. I now am on antidepressants and am feeling so so so much better. I was feeling liek a failure becuase I had to take medication, but it has truly helped me, so if you try everything else and find that you are still not feeling the way you should be sure to tlak to your Dr. about all of your options including medication...if you want to talk I am here. All my best!

Dear C.,
These feelings that you have are not uncommon, and they are called postpartum depression. It is caused by the change in hormones after pregnancy, and can be mild to severe. My advice is to call your obstetrician, today! If you do not get an approptiate and prompt response, then call your regular doctor. All the wonderful support in the world does not treat this situation, so please don't wait. Also do not think that this is somehow your fault, or that you can talk yourself out of it, or that it will go away. You are still a loving, kind and wonderful mother--your hormones are just out of whack. Please get help--you will feel much better very soon. There is also a book you should read, written by Brooke Shields, that gives her experience with postpartum depression. (The title is "Down came the rain."--your library probably has it.) It is a very good description of the condition, and may help you realize that you are not alone.
Hang in there, and take care of yourself as well as your family. Best wishes!

You're exhausted, don't underestimate the effects of sleep deprivation. Rest as much as you can. Have your husband or a friend take your daughter out while you and the baby rest. Don't be afraid to let your friends/family help you. You've just been through a huge ordeal birthing a baby, it's only been four weeks. Taking care of a newborn and toddler is very taxing. Be sure to let yourself rest! I know it can be hard, but if you have people to help you, please let them. Let them cook for you, clean for you and watch your children! I found I felt far more overwhelmed at four weeks than I did just after having them. As a modern society we aren't often taught how to caretake for one another, or how to let people take care of us. If you're blessed with family, use them. This is one of the times in life to take advantage of those helping loving hands.

Even if you feel awful, be sure to smile. It does help. Even in my worst moments I try to smile at my babies (and the older ones), they deserve our best face. Don't forget to laugh and dig deep for your sense of humor, you'll need it for your two year old. Also, even if you'd rather just stay inside, make yourself get out. Take kids to the park, go for a walk.... See if you can round up some friends for a feelgood chick flick.

You don't have to talk out your feelings, but keep moving. Keep pressing forward. If you a woman of faith, Pray. Pray in your heart as well as verbally. God knows your heart. You'll make it through this and feel better. Be sure not to let discouragement take hold. As you know from before, it does get better. Take care of yourself (and let others take care of you too). God Bless

Dear C.,
You say you aren't very good at talking about your feelings-- but you've already taken a huge step at posting your concerns on this site! Good job asking for help. I know you must be a great mother if you're reaching out like this to help yourself.
I completely understand your feelings about medication. However, try to consider all options-- acupuncture is wonderful and so is therapy, but with two small children finances and time for these things might not be available. Use whatever resources you have (medical doctor, friends, this site, mother's groups, walking with your babies outside) but definitely do something.
A small tidbit that helped me in the early months: try to do something each day that doesn't get repeated endlessly. You are spending all your energy repeating tasks (feeding, changing, bathing, cooking, cleaning, etc....) try to pick one tiny thing to do that you don't have to repeat. Might be writing a thank you to someone or buying a potted plant to arrange on your kitchen table. This will give you the feeling that life is moving forward, that you're not stuck.
I hope you feel better soon!
A.

i have no experience with depression, but i have been going to therapy with my man for a little time now and one of the best lessons i have learned is how important it is to model healthy behavior for our children, and in your position i would say healthy behavior is reaching out and having the self-respect to say that although talking about your feelings is difficult, it is essential to being a good mother and person in general. we have gone to group therapy and never thought it would be so liberating (and cheap!) sometimes sitting in a room with a bunch of people who also have problems is easier because its not so intensely about you and you can just say, i dont want to talk sometimes and thats that. but ultimately, you are not giving yourself a fair chance if you wont at least try to truly reach out. your loved ones definitely deserve to know. good luck and may you find your voice. it will change you.

I truly believe that getting out of the house, walking, minor exercise, shopping, volunteering or adult interaction will drastically help. Maybe you could meet some of your neighbors. Do what you can for other people during this time. Try to spend the least amount of time alone or alone with the kids.

I hope this helps

Bless your heart, C.. It appears that you have received wonderful advice already from many women who have walked in your shoes. While I never experienced post-partum depression after the birth of my three children, I now suffer major depressive disorder and am on medication for it. I went for many years without treatment or medication, and all I can do is urge you not to do the same. Reach out to the websites or phone numbers that have been given to you, or regularly e-mail the women who have offered to share themselves with you. You will feel so much better than if you try to do this alone and without benefit of help. Hang in there and remember your babies love their mommy!

R.

I didn't take care of my PPD with my first until she was 18 mo old. By then it was so severe that the thoughts were clear as day. That last thought is still so clear in my mind 3 years later. Medication and therapy helped tremendously. When we discussed having #2 with my dr., she said that because I had a severe case the first time, it was more than likely that I would have the same problem post partum with #2. I was on medication throughout my 2nd pregnancy and am now at the point where it looks like I will be starting to reduce my dosage.

It's great that your family is supportive; I wouldn't be where I am today without my husband's support. I too tried to 'stay clear' of the depression, but hormones have a mind of their own and will take over regardless of what you want. Becasue you went through it before, your ability to bounce back will be a little challenging. I strongly suggest that you get in touch with either your primary doctor or even your OB to discuss further treatment. I know I will eventually get off my meds but only when my dr and I feel that I have been stable for a long enough time. I do NOT regret one bit calling my dr and getting it taken care of. I also don't care what other people think of mothers who have had to deal with PPD. IMHO, I think those that are the most vocal critics of medical intervention with PPD are those who have not gone through it personally.

Have you tried keeping a journal? sometimes we just need to get things out - either verbally or in writing. As long as you get it out - and the journal might help because you can go back and see what you're thinking and sometimes that helps us to straighten out our thinking. Good luck!

Hi C.! I am a survivor of prenatal and postpartum depression, and one of my passions is helping women going through these same issues find info and resources that can help!
Here are a few online resources to check out.
First, some things you can do to feel better: http://www.postpartumstress.com/pages/feel_better.html

Here is a list and explanation of different types of treatments for prenatal and postpartum depression: http://www.pregnancy-depression-help.com/treatment-option...

If you need to find a therapist, here is a link to Postpartum Support International (PSI). They have referrals to mental health professionals in your local area, as well as a warmline you can call: http://postpartum.net/

Please also feel free to email me, I am available to be a lisstening ear, if that is what you need :)

Best wishes to you,
A.