Attention Lelecha Mamas

There isn't a problem about the extented breastfeeding, it is more about how frequently it is done. To each their own, but I do find it odd that a 2.5 yr old should be BF twice in the night and that the mom can't leave for more than 2 hrs at a time. That doesn't seem to me like it would be a healthy social situation for the mom or the child. The mom needs time to be herself and the child needs time to play and develop social relations other than that of its moms breast. If she wants to continue BF that is fine, but how about 3 times a day with the child's meals? They both seem overly attached and to me if they are both thinking about BF all day than that is not normal.

It seems like a 2.5 year old should not need to "feed" that often. I hope she doesnt have some sort of underlying medical issue.

When I read your subject line, I thought it was about something else.
So . . . about your friend and her child.

Not necessarily in order of importance . . .
in some places, children continue to nurse,
for comfort, not for nutrition, until they are 4 or 5.
I know in this country this would be considered very unusual.
Probably most moms here have stopped nursing by the time
the child has turned 2, or maybe when he or she has started walking.

But each mom+child is different.

Are you asking because you want to help your friend?
Are you concerned that what she is doing is unhealthy
for her child and/or for herself?

It may be that she totally missed her child's signals/indications
that she was ready to stop nursing.

At some point, especially if the child is around other children,
the child will figure out that maybe it's not necessary any more.
Also, the mom may be using breastfeeding
as part of her birth control method.

===================================
I've read some of the answers, not all of them yet.

Ladies! Please don't yell at one another.
It's really not necessary.
Good grief!

Meanwhile . . . . if I understood S.'s request,
she was asking whether what her friend is doing is "normal".

Some of us answered that, in fact, it is "normal".
It just happens that in this country, a lot of people
choose not to do what is "normal";
they do what is culturally typical or what they think is right.
It's everyone's prerogative to do what they think is right.
Yes?

One more thing (Peter Falk, turning back) . . .
OF COURSE the mother has pleasure when her children nurse.
Once the difficult parts have passed by successfully,
nursing is one of the most pleasurable experiences ever.
Possibly THE most pleasurable.

I wouldn't make any judgments about whether a woman
"uses" nursing to avoid being sexual with her partner.
The hormones associated with nursing are contra
to the hormones associated with sexual arousal.
Really.

Pamela and Raven M - not sure if you're one or two people or simply split personalities..........

Just wondering why you're yelling at S. about her observation/question.

Was it because she said she couldn't relate to someone who nurses to infinity? S., I have to agree with you. Mom can't cut her own apron string.

Which part did I lie about? Please share with the class. Just an fyi....when one types in all caps it's universally considered 'yelling'.

As far as being judgmental and intolerant goes, how exactly did you deduce that gem?

I'm with you. I had a friend (several years ago) that was still breast feeding her almost 3 year old and had a newborn that was breastfeeding as well. She had no desire to stop breastfeeding the older one. It was very uncomfortable for me to watch this talking/walking toddler push his baby brother aside because it was his turn, and be very vocal about it . I also could not relate and unfortunately our relationship fell apart. It was almost like it was pleasure and enjoyment for her...but not really in a good mommy way. Hard to explain, but it made me very uncomfortable. I hear now that she is divorced and her husband left because she no longer put effort in to their marraige and told him that he will always come third to the kids. I'm all about your kids being #1 but my husband will always be #1 along with my kids. 2x during the night for a 2.5 year old??? My girls were both sleeping thru the night at 6 weeks. I have had a few friends over the years that breast fed after 1 year of age, but they always were the ones that didn't want to have sex with their husbands. Seemed liked they used the baby needing to eat and being up during the night as an excuse for being tired and not in the mood. Sex for them was not important. That was weird for me to relate to as well.

I am bothered by the fact that one of your responses targeted the truthfulness of your question instead of what your concern is. Pamela accuses you of exaggerating but she does not know your friend.

Your question was about the mother's anxiety of separating from her daughter and I would say it seems extreme and unhealthy for both the daughter and the child. If we are to use Pamela's example that we are like other mammals, I am struggling to think of another mammal that would nurse so frequently at that age to the point that the offspring probably is not hungry for other appropriate foods.

I absolutely hate how breastfeeding and formula is such a hot topic. If we start with the idea that all mothers want the best for their infant, and most do, than whether they choose formula or breast feeding and how long it is done is up to them.

I am adopted myself so I never got breast milk. I don't think the lack of this has caused me any harm. I did breast feed all three of my children all up to a year. Each experience was different due to my circumstance. My first was a combination of breast milk and formula because I worked and long story short that is how it worked out best for the caregiver and me. ( I did pump but did not have proper storage at work). The second child I nursed exclusively, no bottle, no formula. The third I nursed exclusively but I began to noticed that she was losing weight and had terrible excema. Interestingly enough, when I stopped breast feeding her, the excema went away and her weight stablized. My middle one has terrible allergies. Only the one that had both is perfectly healthy.
Hmmmmm, perhaps we shouldn't be so judgemental about other mother's choices for their infants.

When you say "all judgements aside," you should start with your own.

YOU are judging your friend to be doing something you consider to be abnormal. While it is not TYPICAL in the US, it is NOT abnormal by the world's standard. We here in the US are backward and unevolved on so many things.

By using quotes on the word feed, you do not believe her daughter is being given nutrients, when in fact she is. Do a little research. Start here: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html or here: http://www.llli.org/FAQ/advantagetoddler.html

Babies/toddlers benefit from extended breastfeeding in the same way as they did as an infant. They are till getting vitamins, nutrients, and immunities from Mom.

Moms benefit from extended breastfeeding as well by reducing the risk of breast, ovarian, uterine and endometrial cancers, among other health benefits.

Children that self-wean are typically LESS clingy as adolescents and adults. When they decide they are done - rather than having someone decide for them - they feel more in control of their life, thus fostering a sense of independence. As long as Mom is getting her proper nutrients, eating healthy, taking a multivitamin (and maybe some zinc, vitamin D and magnesium), then her little one will be the healthiest, most well adjusted kid you ever met! (And probably the smartest too!)

Which her are you referring to when you say "it has nothing to do w/nutrition but more to do with her anxiety of seperation"......your friend or her daughter? The first part of the sentence you are referring to 'her' as your friend (hard to relate - I am guessing you are not talking about the 2.5 yo there), but then you go on to talk about nutrition (which would infer the child's nutrition, not mom's), so I am confused as to WHOSE anxiety are you talking about???

Regardless of how they are being fed, a 2.5 yr old should not wake during the night 2x during the night to be fed - not normal and not good!!! I'm all for nursing, even extended nursing, but all of this girls nutrients could be meet with food at her age. JMO!!!

Sounds perfectly normal to me. The World Health Organization says that children should be breastfed for at least 2 years and longer as long as it's still mutually desired by mother and child. The child is still benefiting wonderfully from the antibodies in the breast milk as well as additional nutrition. I know how picky toddlers can be when it comes to eating so think of the breast milk as filling in the gaps that may be left.

There is a lot of great information on the wonderful benefits of extended breastfeeding. Here are a couple of links to some great information.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html
http://mothering.com/breastfeeding/extend-breastfeedings-...
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct07p196.html
http://kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html - throwing this one in since someone below mentioned tandem nursing
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJulAug90p99.html

As to relating to your friend. I am assuming (and since I am not her friend I can only make an assumption based on my own personal experience with extended breastfeeding) that she is happy with the nursing relationship between herself and her daughter. As long as she and her daughter are happy that is all that is important. She is NOT hurting her child by continuing to nurse her so try to relax and just enjoy spending time with your friend.

I think yes it is strange. I think after one baby really doesnt need to be nursed that often. Every two hours is odd. Especially during the night. The child needs real food and whole milk.
And I think it is rude for people to argue with you over how long your friend does nurse, or if its her thats having anxiety issues. Which I have to agree with you I do think its your friend not the baby. Anyways, it is Your friend, not any of ours, so how would we know? We can only guess or all put in our own 2 cents worth so no one should be telling you that your exaggerating cause again how would we know for sure?. You know, your there, you see it etc etc.

I think people need to stop and think about what they say before they say it, and be NICER to others.

Your not out of line for asking this or for thinking it either.
People need to stop judging.

S.,

I feel that for whatever reason the nursing relationship continues between your friend and her child...whether it be for nutrition or anxiety..it is her choice and her business...and normal:) I am also a member of La Leche League.
Hope this helps:)

I did extended breastfeeding, but as another pointed out, it was not nearly that frequently. It was once a day. I find your friend's situation unusual. Her child needs to have her nutritional needs met with table food, not breastmilk. Also, she is definitely old enough to be nightweaned. she can go all night without nursing, at least from a physical standpoint.

I had no problems leaving my toddler home for more than a couple hours, even though she was still nursing. Maybe your friend has more frequent nursing sessions or as you said maybe she is very attached and doesn't want to be gone for long.

And as far as night feeding goes, it varies with each child/parent. If it doesn't bother the mom, who cares?

As long as kiddo (& mom) are healthy and happy do parenting differences really matter that much?

I still nurse my 3 year old but after a certain period of time ( after age 1) i no longer felt guilty if i wasnt home to nurse her as after around age 1 its less for nutrition and more of a bonding thing. Now your friend is either trying to avoid you or she is is having some issues with separation from her daughter for whatever reason. Now if the child is teething or sick i could see feeling guilty leaving child but that isnt the case every time. Nursing a 2.5 year old is perfectly normal but allowing it to rule your life is. Hopefully there is more to this story

and as far as others saying the child shouldn't be waking....my 2.5 year old woke through the night until she got the last of her teeth in , now she sleeps wonderfully. And for those that think a child should be on whole milk lets think about it...the human child should be off of human milk to drink breast milk of a cow????

I think you were wondering more about her frequent nursing sessions keeping her from leaving her daughter than her nursing at this age.

I am okay with extended breastfeeding, but it does seem excessive to me too. I didn't nurse that long (I think the child's age is fine) but only morning and/or night...

Twice during the night concerns me a little more. Kids need their sleep and they do not need to eat during the night. If is is purely for comfort I think it is a bad idea for those reasons.

I could be way off base here but I think this question has more to do with friendship than breastfeeding. It sounds to me like you are missing your friendship the way it used to be before she had the child and maybe you were looking forward to the breastfeeding ending so you could spend more time together. Some woman do become so child focused that they neglect their other relationships. I'm not saying that is good or bad. I'm just saying it's hard to be on the other end of that relationship. I would tell her how you feel, that you miss her and want to feel more connected. If she is not interested try not to feel hurt and leave the door open for things to change in the future. I had a friend who did this after having kids and once they got into school the friendship was renewed. Interestingly when we were younger she would ditch her friends whenever she had a new boyfriend. Once our gang made this connection it became more of a joke and we didn't take it personally. Her kids were her ultimate boyfriend!

... I breastfed my kids and let them self-wean.
My daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old.
My son at about 1 year old.

BY the age of 2.5 years old... my daughter was not "feeding' that much.... only sporadically. Not often, like your friend's child. I was able to leave the house.
For my son, at about 1 years old, he weaned himself and was just taking regular whole milk.

Many Moms, do "extended breastfeeding", that is what it is called. It is a personal thing. MANY Pediatricians, also say it is very beneficial....

HOWEVER, there comes a point in time, when either the child will self-wean... or the Mom will 'want to' stop. Then, the end result, is, the child IS weaned. Whatever method is used. Or, the child is still 'nursing' but it is a soothing thing.
By the time a child is that age... a Mom's milk supply/production... naturally lessens....
Does the Mom still actually have milk in her boobs?
The child may just be pacifying on breast, or actually taking in and 'drinking'....

I assume your friend's child... is eating other foods AND taking in other liquids, including whole milk???? I certainly hope so.

At close to 2 my dd was still nursing/trying to nurse 6-12/day. That was when I finally stopped since it cut into everything. I went for 25 months. But, that being said, I could always leave the house. She was only asking to nurse that much when I was at home. I think it was somewhat more of a bored and/or wanting to cuddle or suck. Once we stopped nursing she has been sucking her thumb a lot more than before, so it could be many reasons. But I believe your friend should just try to leave without the child and see if dd can deal with her being gone. This won't go on forever.

H.