My marriage has been falling apart for awhile. Actully let me rephrase that, I feel that my marriage is falling apart. My husband says his life in content. We no longer communicate. He makes desicions, like taking my son out of school to go hunting on his own. He decided to buy a rent house, had the papers ready at the bank and I knew nothing about it. Mind you his parents knew about it and his best friends. I sat down with him and told him I did not feel like we worked as a team. That I didn't feel he loved me anymore and want to know whats going on. He says he couldn't be more content with his life and our marriage. So why do I feel like it's falling apart. We've been married 15 years and have 4 great kids. I don't want to walk away, but I can't figure out what do do. Some advise please.
Thanks so much for everyones advice. I have bought the book Fire Proof and have decided to try it. I have 4 kids that deserve my effort. As for my husband, we talked again. He said he will try to inform me about important matter, even though he thought he was already, hopefully he will. As for the comments about him buying a rent house for him to stay in, that is totally false. We have several for income, and he thought it was a good deal and didn't want to pass it up. Thanks again for the encouragement.
I'm so sorry that you are so miserable, marriage is hard work and it takes two! I suggest you watch the movie Fireproof together and do the Love Dare.
I think something is bothering him and for some reason he has chosen to needle you instead of work it out. If he won't go to counseling, maybe you can still figure it out by really focusing on his needs and softening him up. When he gets more of whatever he is missing right now he will be able to give more back. They say the toughest years of your marriage are when the kids are preschoolers. Keep trying!
Dear K.,
Get the movie Fireproof and see if he will watch it with you,it has saved a lot of marriages.
Good luck and God Bless
J. G
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I do agree with the other posters, you should get counceling - even if he won't go with you, go by yourself. You should do absolutely everything you can do to save your marriage. I speak from experience. If you don't do everything you can do to save it, you risk regretting it for the rest of your life, whether you were the one in the wrong or not. I know it's not easy, I know you feel hopeless, and I feel your pain. But trust me, it's worse pain to end a marriage (and I didn't have children when mine ended). Try anything and everything even if you are the only one putting in any effort. IF the time comes where you have to walk away (and I pray it doesn't) at least you'll know you did everything you could. Good luck, hth!
I agree with the other answers...try to work it out. You just won't believe the awful consequences a divorce will have on your children...they by themselves are totally worth the effort to stay together. You may ask yourself...is it really good for me to stay in a loveless or unhappy marriage for the kids? Is it good for the kids? The answer is no...you should definitely try to make things better. Counseling is a great idea. Another great idea is reading a book called "I Don't Want a Divorce: A 90-Day Guide to Saving Your Marriage" by David Clarke & William Clarke. My husband & I are going through it right now...we have had some major problems in our marriage & we believe this is going to really help us. The great thing about this book is that it's geared for many different levels of problems in marraige...including "I am unhappy but my husband thinks everything is okay"! I think it might make a big difference for you...and it's set up to be read by either one of you or both...so even if your husband isn't on board to start out with, you can still start the book & make some real changes in your marriage! Best of luck & God bless!
i would recommend counseling; however, you need your husband to go. maybe you could suggest it? it does sound like your marriage needs some repair - normal "wear and tear". hopefully, someone can recommend a good counselor.
K.,
Lorie is right, you guys need some counseling. Trust me Buying a rent house behind your back is NOT the worse thing this man could do, nor taking your son out of school a few hours for some bonding time. That's just what fathers do and it shows how much he loves him that he wants to spend that time with him. If he is content with your marriage and you still have love for that man, then there is hope.
To answer your question regarding the post title, when you know it's time to separate is when he's mentally or physically abusive to you or your children, having an affair or putting his family in some sort of harms way by doing dangerous drugs, stealing, etc. and by what you described, it doesn't sound like he's doing any of those.
Take a deep breath, slow things down a bit and work on your marriage, but don't end it. Your kids are so young, you don't want to break up your family over a few disagreements. Good luck to you.
Go get some counseling! Don't break up your marriage because there are communication problems. You and your husband need help from an expert....your pastor or marriage counselor.
Every marriage goes through spells where one person doesn't feel loved, and the other thinks everything is fine. It's usually the woman that feels the un-lovingness. After 15 years, people tend to get comfortable in their marriage. Some get bored. The major red flag for me would be that he got a rent house. Is this for the family to make entra income? Or for hime to stay at from time to time? I sugest that you ask family to watch the kids for a night or two. You and your husband get in the car, drive in a general direction. Go out to eat at a place that looks interesting, and shack up in a little hotel. It will be something new and exciting. No kids to worry about. No real placs to have to follow or argue over. Buy something cute to wear to bed, and get some dessert to go. Maybe this will remind him of the loving sexy lady that he married. He may object to it at first. Men usually do once they are stuck in that comfortable rutt. But don't get affended. Get playfull. When he objects, say "Okay, I had some fun fun stuff planned" and walk out of the room. It will get him thinking either, what has gotten into this woman? Or Hmmm, what kind of stuff is she talking about?
I hope this wasn't too forward.
I hope all works out.
