At What Point Do You Intervene with Your Kids?

Yah, so long as it's consensual, they get to play rough.

If it's nice outside I usually send 'em out to continue their shenanigans.

My kids are 5, 6, & 8. I let them *go at it* til; it's to loud for my ears, it's not consensual. If possible, I make them go in a room that I'm not in or outside. We have a finished basement that I stay out of so they are there quite a bit too.

I don't want to know about it unless you can see bone or blood.

Tears? and let my daughters the actresses have the upper hand? Nope, unless it required an emergency room visit or is really hurting my ears I ignore it.

not odd....& kudos to you!

As long as no weapons are involved, then I let them be....

With my daycare kids, I currently have 3 2yo boys. It gets wild & crazy, & I'm loving it! There are days when my family/friends call & they can't hear me! The only thing I'm not liking is having to raise my voice over theirs.....I am now considering ringing a bell to get their attention. :)

I have been told by some of my friends that I'm very laid-back as a mother, in general, but I also watch my kids more closely than most, and I don't allow things to get too rough, ever. I think learning to be kind to each other is key to sibling interactions, because my parents stressed it with my brother and me and we had a wonderful relationship. While my friends were fighting and teasing their siblings, my brother and I were respectful friends.

My rules are kindness and danger.

So when my kids are running around, I ask myself a couple of questions:
"Is what they are doing kind?"
"Is what they are doing dangerous?"
And, depending on the context, "Is what they are doing interfering with someone else's pleasure?"

As long as the answers are Yes, No, No, then in general, I let them do it. Wrestling is fine as long as it doesn't involve hitting, shoving, kicking, etc. I am the most likely to interfere in this case, though, because my son is so much larger than my daughter and things can get too rough quickly. Wrestling cannot be in order to harm, dominate, or intimidate.

Running is fine as long as they are not at risk of breaking themselves or something of value. Yelling is fine unless it is tantrums or I'm on the phone or something. I watch the TV with closed-captioning on so that I don't have to try to hear it over them. ^_^

I think that as they grow and evolve, even as wee folk, it's normal to turn over more of the decision-making to them, don't you?

i would intervene if a) someone was getting hurt b) if everyone was getting too loud and rough for indoor play or c) if they were breaking house rules (jumping on furniture, stepping on the dog, hitting etc.)
other than that, let 'em rip.
:) khairete
S.

My 2 boys were 11 mos apart, so they wrestled and were pretty crazy with each other fairly often. I'd step in if they were getting mad at each other to the point where they might want to deliberately hurt each other, thank God it didnt happen very much. I know some brothers fight like cats and dogs and when they become BIG boys they can destroy a house in an instant.
I let mine rough house as long as I didnt think anything was gonna get broken, I would diffuse when I saw it getting careless or frenzied.

Lots of blood, exposed bone, or when they are annoying me.

Just kidding, sort of! I try not to intervene because I don't want to reinforce the "MOM, she did xxxxx!!!!" syndrome. If I stay out of things and make them work out their differences they are much more likely to get along. My rules are about the same as Suz T - major injury, imminent danger of breaking something I want to remain whole, breaking house rules. I do draw the line at kitchen play; I caught my 8 yo making me a treat just as she was about to put the metal muffin pan into the microwave, so no unsupervised cooking.

Rule one is:
"As long as no one is bleeding, no broken body parts, and every one is breathing then they are okay. "

Rule two is:
"If rule one is still applicable and the kids are fussing at each other, they must settle their differences together in Children's Court. They must come up with a decision that they all or a majority can agree on BEFORE they can leave the area or continue with play."

This has worked my kids and nieces and nephews. The oldest ones are in college and often reminisce on the cases they had in Children's Court and how they came up with their decisions.

They often told me I was not needed and they were working it out in court....

My 2.5 y/o has learned to "fake" cry very well, so I have to determine the type of crying going on. Most of the time, I don't step in unless there's real crying!

I don't think so. If we parents intervened every time the kiddos were misbehaving we wouldn't have time for anything else. I intervene if they are doing something that could injure the other seriously-for example my 3 year old was chasing my son around with a shovel trying to hit him-apparently it was a game-I put a stop to it however. We also do not allow name calling so then we will remind them that words can hurt and calling the other a baby or "pee pee face" (where did that come from?) is not ok!

Mostly I ignore it until someone is REALLY crying, or, until I can't stand the racket anymore, at that point I send them outside (I'm sure my neighbors really appreciate it!)

My kids are 5 & 9
They can mostly, even if playing or fighting, can resolve it on their own.
I pretty much know, my kids' limits, per them as individuals.
However, I DO "remind" my daughter, (not in a nagging way, but in a trusting manner), that her brother is only 5. He is different developmentally and in his perceptions of things. So I remind her, not to expect him to react/say/respond in a way that her own classmates would. He is 5. And she is 9. They are not, the "same."

My kids do play rough sometimes. My daughter takes Karate, and she teaches her brother. Or they just really horseplay. They are very active. But they also have their quiet moments too and right now in fact, they are doing crafts together, making things together and really really being peaceful and happy about it.

I don't wait, for someone to get hurt, before I say something. But I can tell, per their tones of voices and body language and wording, when one kid is getting too tweaked or not. Then... I step in.

But sure, kids can get hurt when playing, by accident. They can even get hurt on their own by slipping on the floor. So, there is a big difference in it being an accident... or whether a sibling hurt the other, on purpose.
And I make that differentiation. And my kids do know that too.

My kids, don't make stuff up or lie about the other sibling or get dramatic just for show.
So I know when to heed to their cues, or if it is just them being rough and hitting their limits etc.

I just remind them to be careful and that it's all fun til someone gets hurt. and someone usually does lol. but I remind them I told them not to run on the stairs, fight on the bed etc. kids will be kids and get bumps and bruises. unless one is doing something "mean" I always let them go. of course mine are now all over 6 foot tall and the wrestling can take out a room if were not careful. they haven't had wrestling matches in a number of years. sometimes I miss it. I find myself watching families with young kids and getting sad that mine are no that small anymore. but there are the grandkids who help fill up that empty space.

Hmm... no not really. I have a son and a daughter. Son is 3 yrs older than daughter. So we have never really allowed them to roughhouse, since he was so much bigger than her. He has always been reminded that he should be looking out for her, keeping her out of danger type thing. Not tackling her!
And then, "no hitting girls", too. :)

Of course, he isn't one of those rambunctious, wrestling maniac boy children anyway. Never has been. He's more cerebral(?).... jokes, play acting when he was really young (super heros or characters from Disney movies), figuring out how to manipulate things and "making" stuff (out of legos, bionicles, string, the springs out of pens, paperclips, shoe laces). Very big imagination!

As she got a little bigger (like when he was 5 and she was 2), I had to get on to HER a few times about punching him when she was mad or wanted something he had... But he has always known he could hurt her without meaning to if he was too physical, and it just hasn't been an issue on his part. They both were pretty verbal early on, so they might get mad and yell or tell on the other one, but rarely get physical about anything like that.

They don't run in the house much either, b/c the German Shepherd gets right in the mix and somebody will trip. She's great... whenever they (or their guests) get too wound up and crazy, the dog gets wound up too and starts whining/barking and trying to get them under control... she's been known to tug on a shirt or pants leg or two. And if SHE gets excited, Mom calls on the kiddos to calm it down. Always works, because they don't like her barking, lol.

Also, my husband has always worked shift work (like tonight he went to bed at 8:00 pm and will be up and gone by 4:30 am., only to come home, take a nap and go back tomorrow at 10pm).... so the kids learned early how to play quietly so as not to disturb Dad's sleep at sometimes odd hours. Don't know if that is HOW they learned, or if they just are quieter kids than some. Either way, it's been a blessing to ME that they can play quietly without me having to do a lot of fussing or intervening.

At the moment, they are co-conspirators figuring out some Minecraft stuff, talking quietly in his room.