At What Age Do You Have the "Birds and Bees" Talk?

L.,
There are some great books out there on the subject. They range from vague to downright specific. I got one for my 6 year old when I was pregnant to help him understand where the baby came from. It outlined the basics very simply and answered all of his questions.

Good luck!
T.

I THINK WHEN A CHILD STARTS ASKING YOU SHOULD ANSWER THE QUESTION THEIR ASKING, JUST A SIMPLE ANSWER, NOT TO GRAPHIC OR TOO INDEPTH. I HAVE A 16.6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. SHE IS A WELL ROUNDED KID AND WHEN SHE HAS A QUESTION SHE ASKS AND I ANSWER W/O CONDONING OR JUDGING. BESIDES IN THE LONG RUN I CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HER THIS WAY TOO. I CAN GET A VIBE ON WHAT THINGS MAY BE GOING ON IN HER LIFE, OR WHAT SHE MAY BE STRUGGLING WITH, AND GIVE HER SOME DIFFERANT CHOICES OR EVEN STOP HER FROM MAKING A REALLY BAD CHOICE. JUST KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN AND YOU WILL FIND PARENTING A LITTLE EASIER!

Im a single mother of a 7 year old. He is in counceling for other reasons but because I am a single mother I asked her what her take on that was and she told me that when he asks give an answer you dont really have to go into great detail but to explain what he asked about. Last night we were watching a movie and for a quick second it showed 2 guys kissing and he said that was nasty I said yes you are right. But then he turned around and said it was ok for 2 girls to kiss. So that was definatly an interesting start to the sex talk for me.

You have the "talk" when they start to ask. I don't believe a child is ever too young. We are open in our house, and it has proven to be what is best for us. Honesty and openness help you protect them. You aren't quite at a place of him being sexually active, but the time will come eventually. Better for him to learn from you then his peers. That happens NOW! Kids are much different then in the past.

When it comes to later (teenage years), I have learned that condoning it isn't good, but making sure they are safe is better. There can be a balance. I prefer they don't do it at all. Ashley is now 18 and has only had one partner. She wishes she hadn't now, but due to our willing to talk with her, she made the decision to wait longer. Her brother is 16 and we believe he has finally done something with his girlfriend of 5 years. We aren't sure, but are pretty sure. Our 14 year old is a virgin, and she wants to stay that way.

Please, don't think I am saying I think it's okay. But I am so honored the children are comfortable talking with us. Better for them to come to us and say, what does this mean, how does that work, should I or shouldn't I... If they ask their friends, lord knows what they would say.

In saying all this, I believe if your son is asking, tell him.

My mom had the talk with me when I was in third grade. A classmate had already started getting her period...yes, a 3rd grader with a period. That prompted the discussion on periods. A week later, on the day my aunt gave birth to my cousin my parents took me to the hospital to visit. Later that night my mom told me how babies were made. My mom got some books from the library to help me understand.

I know that by 5th grade my classmates were all talking about their beliefs of how things happened, I was happy to already know the truth because it was very different from what they talked about.

One scene from a movie that I always think of when something like this comes up is in Kindergarten Cop, the little kindergartener tells Arnold Schwatzenager "Boys have a Penis and Girls have a Vagina". There's also that saying that you used to see all over Baltimore "Talk to your kids before they make you a grandparent".

Children already know more than what you want them to know, it is best for them to know the truth and to become comfortable and open with you because this is only the beginning...

When my son was 10 we had our dog spayed. This started the questions about sex. I told him everything about reproduction. When he was 11 I had my ovaries and tubes out. He had more questions. He also came home from school one day asking about the "balloon" you put on not to have babies. I showed him a condom and told him how it works. I told him to never discuss this with his friends. If they have quesstions tell them to ask their parents. I also told him about STD's, AIDS, herpes......... I just wanted to make sure he has all the facts.
You have to judge your own kids and when they are ready. If they ask they usually are ready.

If he is already asking, then he is probably ready to know. I know that with girls, alot of them at this age are already developing breast and getting their period. Boy, do they start earlier and earlier!!!!!

I have 2 cousins who are 13 now, and they were about 10 when their mom and I had the "talk" with them. They felt more comfortable with me there.

Good luck. I am not looking forward to that. LOL

I think if he is asking you should explain it. Granted my daughter is only 2 so I havent had this problem yet. But I remeber my parents never really had the talk with me, and you hear some strange things from your peers at that age. If you dont inform him he may belive what he hears from his friends and that could lead to issues later on. Just a thought,im sure whatever you decide will work best for him. Good luck =)

In our family, we respond as the questions arise. My niece started to grill me a lot when I was pregnant...wanting to know how the baby got there, does he sleep, hear, eat, etc. I asked my sister what kind of information she wanted me to give her. She said just give her enough info to answer the question. When I was young, my mom sat my sisters and I down around 9 or 10 for THE BIG TALK. Again, she didn't overwhelm us with info or use terms we couldn't understand, but presented it to us in a very simple, matter of fact way. Check with maybe with your son's pediatrician, local library or even Children's Hospital, to see if they have some resources that could help you with this. Good Luck and hope it goes well. S.

L. - Good luck, not the easiest talk, but I have to hand it to you taking the step. You are right on the money to start speaking with him now - he knows more then you may think. I taught elementary health/PE for 4 years and the nurse and I would do the talk to the girls in 5th grade and the 5 male grade teacher would speak with the boys. Prior to the discussion I would mention to parents to start the talk at home first because when they heard it from me they were often too nervous to listen, but if they spoke with their parents first- then they got the basics and could ask add'l questions that they may have been confused on at home. I always recommended the American Girl Book for girls "The Care and Keeping of You." However, I never found a good one for boys (however I have done this talk or taught in several years so there may be good ones now - check the library or online.
I always taught the anatomy first. Stay very basic. It also doesn't have to be a one shot deal - start the conversation one night, then branch into another. The most important part I always found was that your son knows you are willing to be open and talk with him. The more open and non-chalante you are, the more laid back he will be. Be honest with him, tell him your nervous (kids never think their parents can be nervous or scared, etc) Use articles or tv shows to branch in - I think 10 years is a perfect age - do you have totalk about condoms, etc. - no - that will come with time and maybe more years. In some cases 10 is too old and people need to start earlier, especially with girls b/c they are getting their period earlier and earlier. Hope this helps - good luck

LOL...I know that this is differnet, but My mom said that when I was in second grade i asked,"mommy what is humping mean"...She explained what it was, and then when into other things...I dont think that I understood, but I said,"ok", and went about my business...I think it is very important for parents to be as open with there children as possiable, if you are comfortable.....I think it is the only way..I would rather my child to get info from me, than asking kids and others who will either tell him too much or it not make sense to him...Good luck

i cant tell you what thongs are like where you live but my 10 year old daughter learned almost everything at school or from television by the time she was 8 i had to sit down and explain everything to her. its hrader to be a parent these days because the kids are growing up so fast emotionally and mentally. ask him how much he already knows and let him know that its ok to talk about it with you i asked my daughter what she knew she was afraid to tell me but i explained to her that i want to know so that if any of it is wrong i can tell her the truth. best of luck.