At What Age Could You Trust That Your Kid Wouldn't Run into Traffic?

I read a study one time that stuck with me, mom. It said that children's brains are not developed enough before the age of 10 to be trusted to cross the street by themselves. I was worried enough about my own son that I didn't allow him to take a route home by himself where there was a road that came to a T so that traffic came from behind him, as well as from the left and right. Instead, I had him take a different route, even though he was over 10 years old by then.

Kids' heads are up in the clouds so much so often that it's really best to be safe, rather than sorry. I probably waited until this particular child of mine was in the 6th grade, or even higher.

The problem is they don't understand consequences. When my wife and I would meet her ex to hand off the kids her 7 yr old would bolt to her dad at first sight, regardless of where we were. Two very close calls as she rounded the back of the car in a parking lot.
We quickly learned that when opening the door we had to keep a constant hand on her until she was 'delivered'.
This was until she was 5 years old. I know it can be daunting with everything else going on.

DS was probably almost 3 when we could trust that he would stop at the end of the sidewalk. However, we still did not let him out of arm's reach near a road until quite a bit later. Now - he never had any interest in running into the road so I would not take him as an example. He held our hand crossing the road through age 5 or so.

However, just last week (he is 7) I was walking with him from the coffee shop and he stepped off the sidewalk without looking at all - G8D forbid he should interrupt his conversation for anything as mundane as traffic.. I Had to grab his arm and pull him back - yup - there was a car coming. He didn't miss a word in his conversation.

I got hit by a car when i was 13 so.... never

we did drive by a calf that was dead on the side of the road from being hit by a car. This had more impact on them than the deer we frequently see so now when they talk about crossing the street they say I dont want to end up like that baby cow. At least they are associating it with the worst that can happen but I still will see them not stop or look when attempting to cross the street. So once again.... never

Anywhere between the age of 3-5 we could trust that they wouldn't bolt into traffic. Probably closer to 7-8 when they would remember to look both ways, consistently, before crossing the road.

My oldest is now 5 and would say he knows to look but does it he do it 100% of the time, no. Probably 90%. It depends on the situation (excited to see neighbor out). I think when he was around 3 he grasped the concept. My 2 year old looks, sometimes, but I am not sure he understands the consequences like the 5 year old.

Well I slightly disagree with Jim. I am quite consistent with both my kids and they know consequences, but my youngest is more of a wild child. When my daughter was 2 I felt very safe she wouldn't run into traffic. My son is now 3.5 and I am still never sure! ;) (although he is MUCH better at 3.5 than he was at 1-2 and we don't often have issues like this)

I could totally see my son doing the same thing yours did. If he did run into the street he would have an immediate consequence without warning because this is something that we have discussed before. If I could have stopped him before hitting the street I would have likely given him similar choices to yours.

I don't know if it's a second child thing or a boy thing, but my son is definitely more of a boundary pusher, but I also think he's still just a little impulsive and mostly he's curious. At 3.5 he will mostly tow the line but sometimes he gets excited and let's just say that I make sure he's always pretty close to me.

TOTALLY depends on the kid.

I am with Dawn. They really can't be trusted till they really know what death is and how it would effect them.

Yeah - it so totally depends on the kid. Neither of my girls ever ran off... but I don't think that had anything to do with my parenting style. They're just rule followers (most of the time!). I can't really trust them to cross the street themselves - they don't remember to look both ways, and will stop in the middle of the street if they get distracted. But running INTO traffic - nope.

DD is almost 7 and finally understands that she needs to look both ways, all the time. If she's riding her bike in the street, or close to it, she knows that she needs to pull to the side. It does depend on the kid, though.

How old is your kid?

Ditto Riley J. below.
You gotta... go according to your kid. Each one is different in this aspect.

My son when younger, like 2-3 years old, was a RUNNER. And was a normal active fast, boy. When running off to his impromptu interests. Even if that were a leaf, he wanted to pick up from a road. Despite cars, being on it.
When he was that age, per the way HE was (versus my daughter at that age), I had to use a Toddler harness. A cute monkey one. I used it when in crowds, etc. And he liked it. I explained it is for safety.
Then, one day I was using it while out with him. And a Grandpa stopped me and complimented me on my using the harness with my son. Why? Because, he said... that he had... a grandson. But he died. Why? Because, when he was out on their own driveway, he ran... into the road. A car hit him. It is tragic.

With things like this, you can't just rely on punishments or logic. Because, kids can be and are, impulsive, they don't think 8 steps ahead of their actions... and they are in the moment. Not all kids, will be static and just walk calmly and hold your hand while walking.
My daughter would.
My son, would NOT.
And, he is FAST. I can run fast too... but when he was younger he could outrun, me.

I don't think there's one definite, official age, but I think the signs of thinking and acting responsibly are pretty clear. Sooner or later -- no one can say just when -- you'll hear your son talking out a hypothetical scenario and taking actions to prevent it.

Until then, I think your reaction was spot-on. Good work, mama!

One other strategy that sometimes helps is talking about danger and safety in terms of someone else, not your son. It could be a younger child, it could be a book/movie/TV character, it could be a toy or an imaginary friend. But if your son talks about how "Spiffy" is always doing dangerous things like running into the street, he can think through these scenarios more clearly than if he's thinking about himself, and he may not need to do these things in real life since he's doing them imaginatively. This is classic (cute) 4-year-old thinking -- your little guy may not be quite ready yet.

My oldest always has and does stay by me unless I tell her she can go ahead. My second, who just turned six, has only in the last year or so been able to walk in streets & parking lots without holding my hand. He cannot be relied on yet to check for oncoming traffic. My youngest, 3, obviously still holds my hand or get carried.

It's funny, though. Most parents I talk to generally agree that the oldest was more cautious and stayed close. The second child was the fear-nothing runner. This trend seems to be true independent of gender. My last is very independent and has his own agenda, so he stays close unless something catches his eye. Which is the worst, I think, because you never know when it's coming.

My son has always been cautious with an innate sense of danger. So he could always be trusted to stay with me. Of course I always held his hand, even now at 5 but it not because I thought he would run into traffic. We just enjoy holding hands. I think most kids though should know danger by 2 or 2/12. I would say 3 at the latest though.

First of all, you did the right thing!
Second, none of my kids were runners, but my third did tend to wander off, so she was always a little more work in public.
I will also say that I am amazed at some of the clueless older kids out there. I pick my daughter up from middle school every day (6th, 7th, 8th grade) and I can't believe how many of them just dart out into the street without looking. Most of them are pretty good but I feel like I need to be very, very careful driving wherever they are walking, especially the boys :-(

Never. I've known too many people who have been hit by cars (as pedestrians) and either died or were injured for life. When I walk with people they always comment on how I look both ways....YEA! I look both ways, it is what you are suppose to do. So trusting a child to look both ways (when I know adults who are surprised that I look both ways) is just not going to happen.

I think it really depends on the child. Our daughter first of all loves rules.

She knew from the beginning she had to hold my hand when in any parking lot and when we were going to cross any street. She never questioned this.

We also made a game about look left, look right.. So she loved to lead that game..

But we had a neighbor child that loved to test.. Each and every time. She had to be in a fenced area.. If we were in our front yards, we had to set up a visual perimeter and tell her not to cross that line. Since there was still feet away from the curb, she could be stopped. But she would be placed in time out.

We also used "Red light, green light".. as a warning.

But you had to grab her hand the moment she unbuckled her seat belt, to make sure she remembered to hold your hand.

Her mom had to tell her to stay on the steps of the front porch..

This was not a special needs child, she was actually very bright, but she loved to see what she could get away with and was an adventurous child..

She still is. She is in College now and every year has gone over seas alone for studies and for fun.