At What Age Can You Let Your Baby Cry It Out When Going to Sleep?

Dear A.,

You need to wait until at least 6 months before trying any kind of cry it out method. A very good friend of mine is a clinical psychologist and an expert in early child development, and according to her, babies are physically incapable of putting themselves to sleep until at least 6 months of age.
I have a fabulous 22 month old son, so we've been through all of this... Your 12 week old baby is not going to sleep through the night no matter what you do. If he does start sleeping through the night, it's going to be his thing.. we were lucky and our son slept for 6-7 hours from the time he was 2 months to 6 months. But he hasn't slept through the night since. No matter what you hear, most kids don't sleep well through the entire night until closer to age 3. I know you're getting ready to go back to work so I hate telling you this b/c it's not what you WANT to hear... but you're not going to get much sleep. It's going to be really hard. But you will get through it.
As for the cry-it-out methods... let me tell you also that we tried this for 1 year (Ferber Method) and we did have some success from time to time. But I'm no longer an advocate and I'll explain why... Every time your baby goes through changes (which will happen constantly) his sleep patterns and needs (eating...) will change. Every time you travel or have visitors... every time there's any interuption at all in your normal sleep routine you'll be crying it out all over again. It does not work for the long term. After doing this over and over dozens of time for a year, I finally realized that it's not the answer, and I actually can't believe that this is what most pediatricians advocate (they probably either don't have kids or they have nannies full time that deal with sleep issues). I really only know of 1 friend whose little girl repsonded pretty well to the cry it out method. and I still hear her wailing away upstairs for 45 minutes stretches occasionally. crying is the baby's only means of communication. and you're building a bond of trust during those critical early months together. do yourself a favor and buy the "no cry sleep solution" and try following some the wonderful ideas you'll read about establishing good bedtime routines. We started this last summer when we moved our son into a big boy bed and we've had no crying at all and nothing but success. AND we didn't have to listen to him cry for hours on end to no avail... everyone wins.

I hope this helps. I sincerely believed that Ferber was the right thing to do... but I've completely changed my mind. and like I said, we tried it religiously for an entire year before basically throwing the book out the window. it was so ridiculous. there are so many other factors at play... hunger, the desire to just be comforted eating and falling asleep... once you begin to address those issues (around 6 months is a good time to begin) the rest will fall into place gradually. And maybe you'll be lucky and your little guy will start sleeping longer on his own. It does happen. Just not as frequently as people would have you believe!

Take care,
C.

I actually disagree with the other moms... I think 12 weeks is just about as young as you'd want to try it. You'll probably have better luck if you can wait another 2-3 weeks. Also, I wouldn't do just the flat out "cry" method - try the Ferber method but maybe even a bit easier for a baby this young. Let them cry for 2 minutes, then 4, then 6. Probably no more than 6 the first few nights. And if it doesn't get better in about 3-4 nights, he's probably too young. Try again in 2 weeks. Trust me - it will be hard to wait even that long before running to your boy. Also, make sure you put him in bed awake, not asleep. Give him a lovey. Sing to him, pat his chest, etc. A bedtime ritual will help too. Make sure he eats a nice big meal before bedtime.

My suggestion is 6 months. Good Luck!!

I believe that Ferber and Weissbluth both say that kids aren't really physiologically ready for sleep training until 4-5 months.

But if you are breastfeeding, one overnight feed is worth several daytime feeds to keep your milk supply up (I know that from experience, but also read that somewhere recently - it has to do with hormone production at night.) So although every 2 hours is too much for a working parent, a 4 a.m. wakeup would be just right for keeping up milk supply. Also, if you aren't co-sleeping and you are breastfeeding, I'd bring him to bed for the next few weeks just for your own sake - I was able to wake just long enough to get a nipple in there and then fall back asleep immediately. Good luck!

Does your baby have gas? Because it could be horrible gas pains that is waking him up so often. If so, there are ways to help relief some of that. By having him sleep elevated (head propped up a little), circling his legs like a bicycle, don't feed him every time he wakes (as this can cause the gas & prolong it), and there are gas drops (Mylicon).
As far as letting him cry it out. Most books I have read about this AND my daughter's pediatrician says not to do the "cry it out" method any earlier than 5 - 6 months old. As they still need the comfort of Mommy. However, he still needs to learn how to self-sooth. What worked for my first daughter to help her learn is: when she would wake up, I would let her cry for 3-5 minutes..then go in there I would NOT pick her up or talk to her, but let her know I was there by touchng her chest until she was calm, then I would leave the room. When she would wake again, I would let her cry for 8-10 min., go in there & do the same as I stated above and then would just repeat this extending the length of time before I would go in there. I never had to go in there a 4th time....as by that time she was OUT!

Good Luck with it. Hang in there it DOES get better.

Hi A.,

12 weeks is too young for crying it out. I watied until my daughter was 8 months old...it literally took ONE night - I think it's because SHE was ready and so was I...and she's slept 10-12 hours a night ever since.

Have you tried swaddling your baby? It makes them feel safe and secure like they are in the womb. I suggest it to eveyone with a baby that isn't sleeping for any period of time...I about pulled my hair out the first few weeks with our daughter b/c she wouldn't stay asleep when I'd put her down. I bought The Amazing Miracle Blanket from babycenter.com and couldn't believe what a difference it made. I loved that blanket so much I bought 3 and had one with me at all times...worked for us...hopefully it will work for you if you haven't tried this. You can buy similar blankets at Target or Babies R Us...I especially like the one from Baby Center b/c it's a bit larger so you can use it as your baby gets longer in length.

Good Luck!!

I tried letting my son cry-it-out at 4 months and it only resulted in 2 weeks of crying and misery for all of us. He wasn't ready and he didn't sleep any better after those 2 weeks, unfortunately.

My opinion (having had a terrible sleeper, he was doing the same thing at that age) is that sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone, no different than sitting up or walking. When kids are ready to do it, they'll do it. When your child is ready to cry-it-out and have it be effective, then it will happen. If you're desperate, then try it for a few days and if things aren't getting any better, back off and try it again in a few weeks.

I know it's SO hard and frustrating, especially when you hear of other babies sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, but you WILL get through it and it will get better. My son started sleeping through around 9 months old (still woke up at 4 am to nurse, but went down before 7 pm and got up around 6:30 am with 1 wake up).

The recommendation in most books - and yes, I think I've read them all! :) - is that your child be at least four months old and 14 pounds. Sounds like you're reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, right? I have another good resource for you if you're interested. It's the guide sold by Sleepy Planet - www.sleepyplanet.com. I was turned on to it by a lactation consultant. It is a very simple step-by-step guide on what to do, written very compassionately. It's only about 50 pages long, I think. It's just the info, very little filler. I found it very encouraging! I don't follow it to the letter, but I found it very helpful and do use some of the techniques/tips (I kind of do my own thing based on pieces from several books).

Hang in there - you are just a few weeks away from being able to start sleep training!

Put your little boy in a swing. I had the Fisher Price Aquarium Swing. Make sure it swings left to right and not front to back. Buy D batteries by the truckload and you will both sleep through the night. Worked for me and my friends and was suggested by a neighbor. Also, I put the swing right next to my bed. I did not want her swinging in another room. Good Luck!

I totally agree with Carolyn. I did not even attempt to let my son cry at bed time until around 8/9 months. At this time he didn't want to nurse to sleep anymore so I knew we needed to move on. At that time we made a very predictable sleep routine, put him in his crib with a snugli, and left the room. We would let him cry 1-3 minutes (b/c that is all I can take personally), we then went in the room and comforted him and we would pick him up if necessary and start some of the sleep routine again. Now he does fine and he is 11 months. We didn't do cry it out in the traditional sense so there are other ways to teach babies to fall asleep on their own. I think 12 weeks is way too young and my pediatrician also said to start looking at other ways at 6 months...not necessarily cry it out.

I think that 12 weeks is a little young to let your son cry it out. I hear you about wanting to get some more sleep, especially since you are going back to work, but at this young age, I think your son still needs some comforting. Does he wake up hungry for some milk or does he just wake up for no apparent reason? The good news is that within a month or so, he should start sleeping 4-5 consecutive hours.