My son is five years old and will be entering kindergarten next year. He is profoundly gifted in reading and math. He easily reads and understands fiction and non-fiction written for young adults, and quickly calculates complicated arithmetic problems in his head. My concern is that his social, emotional, behavioral and gross motor skills seem to be behind his age mates'. He doesn't share many interests with his preschool classmates. Should I be worried? What should I do?
C.,
Have you had him evaluated for Asperger's? Here's a good site with links to other sites.
http://www.aspergers.com/
Best of luck!
L.
It's always the way - my 13 yo daughter gets all A's in school but has very little common sense. My 16 yo nephew is a computer whiz but isn't very social at all and stays home most weekends. I wouldn't worry. Everyone has their own traits. He'll develop as he needs to, with help from you and teachers and peers. But I wouldn't push for him to do something he doesn't want to.
He's 5!? Sounds like you have a "gifted" child on your hands. I am in a special ed class right now in college. As for his fine motor skills, how are they? Perhaps you should look into an EI (early intervention) specialist or getting him started with a OT (occupational therapy)as soon as school starts. Consider yourself blessed!
Surely, as a former teacher, you know that kids tend to develop O. skill/facet at a time. It's totally normal for his "other" skills will follow. In our school district, gifted doesn't begin until first grade. Yours may be different. Make sure you're not letting him slide on other areas b/c of his reading and math proficiency. Get him out and active doing something he likes--soccer, bikes, etc. Maybe a karate class would help with focus and gross motor. Has he had some preschool experience? All kids are different. Try not to push him in any O. specific direction.
Wait until he meets another kid that is on his "own level"! It will be an amazing experience to watch! Good luck!
If his motor skills and emotional skills are behind I would see a doctor.
Also as another oprion, don't you think he will be bored to death at kindergarten. I have a friend whose kindergartner was reading Harry Potter as a kindergartner. He was bored at school and so she pulle dhim out and homsechooled him before putting him back in school at an age she felt was appropriate to be in bigger grades.
This would also have the added advantager of givning him more time to develop in those other areas and maybe free your time up to work with various therpaist in these areas.
If straight homschooling sounds overwhelming, there are virtual academy that you can go through that are public cyber-charter schools. This gives you your curriculum. Don't worry about the social side ther are ways to get around that and research as proven, more time with parents actually imporves confidence and social skills.
C.,
It is not uncommon for gifted kids to have some delays in other areas.
Sites to check out include PAGE (Pennsylvania Assn for Gifted Education) and Hoagies.com. There is a lot of info there, with links to even more info.
Our school district has a local PAGE chapter; perhaps yours does, too (or you can start one up, if not)! Our school district also has a grassroots organization that gets info out to parents re gifted education (and the same re special needs and learning support education).
Another good place to start is with a certified school psychologist, who can evaluate your child regarding his giftedness and his delays.
Good luck!
Hi C.,
I wouldn't worry too much about this. Kids have a great way of adapting to new situations. Maybe you could make some play dates for him with children his own age before he starts school so he can used to be around other kids his age.
L.
Hi C.,
My advice is to, above all, honor his gifts---which I believe you are doing. It is hard for him to share interests with his preschool classmates when they are not thinking at all the same. He is a child, however, and will need some time and activities to play as a child. One mom suggested some things to get him involved in, such as violin classes, swimming, etc. Choose things where he can develop relationships and social skills. Be very patient. I personally wouldn't worry too much about gross motor skills. He will probably never be a dancer or athelete. That's okay, and he needs to know it's okay. I've raised children who were more interested in music and art or science and history than playing on the basketball team. Teach your son that all abilities are worthy and wonderful. Teach him to honor his own abilities but also not to look down on others who's abilities are different. Honor his remarkable gifts without putting him up on a pedastle or giving too much praise. To help him with social skills, perhaps you could do some playacting together. Come up with some scenarios and work on the "proper" social responses by acting them out. Teach him to be kind and compassionate to all. If another child is upset or if your son reads about someone who is going through a rough time, ask him how he thinks so-and-so might be feeling and what he might say or do to help. Teach him empathy. If you are concerned about Asperger's Syndrome, have it checked out, but of course you will not want to mention the reason for the evaluation to him. Please keep me posted if you don't mind.
P.S. In response to another poster:
The reason I mentioned Asperger’s Syndrome is not because I believe this is what your son has, but because I know how a mother’s mind can go, especially one who has teaching experience. I mentioned it because it may ease your mind to have him evaluated. I know from your post that you are concerned. My personal opinion is that children are often over-diagnosed with this disorder or that. That is why I say to concentrate on honoring his gifts and not to make an issue of areas he seems to be behind in, especially at his age. However, I also know that there are children in need of extra help and would never want to gloss over that. You did not mention anything about eccentric behavior, social withdrawal (except that he seems behind his peers socially), being in his own world (and honestly, children at that age do play in their own little world anyway!), a cheerless countenance, or any of the other common symptoms of Asperger’s. Also, I mentioned empathy, not because I think your son has problems with this (you said nothing about it), but because it’s something I always tell parents---because it’s something I so strongly believe in teaching them to make for a better world tomorrow. Please email me if I need to clarify myself further. I hope I did not cause you more worry; that certainly was not my intention.
Blessings...K. (mom of 5, grandma to 7 and 1 on the way)
Wow ! I've raised 3 very bright children, but none as gifted as yours. And I am at a loss as to what I would do in your situation. I am not at all surprised that he's not interested in stuff his preschool friends are doing. He's ready to contemplate Einstein's theory of relativity and they are playing with toy cars. (not quite, obviously, but he's on a different plateau)
Regarding gross motor skills: Does he have a bike? Are there bike paths you guys can ride together ? We have one in Erie on "the peninsula" that lots of families ride together cuz it's flat and pretty and away from cars. That would be a good way to get some physical activity into the day, and also some educational time, if you want, because there are things to see and wonder about that you can research later at home.
You could get him a Wii -- which would combine computers with exercise and at his own level. You could play kick ball at home, you could enroll him in swimming classes at the Y. In all those things he'll be out of his element, at least for a while, but he'll get good exercise to complement his other skill sets.
Unfortunately our school system does not cater to the brainy. I struggled to get the schools to challenge my girls all the way through, and got notwhere. One child I was told was working up to her capacity -- getting Bs's and C's and I told them flat out she had given up on them because she was bored. They pushed her a little, and, oh my, straight A's, right away. I was blessed that that particular teacher listened to me. Our youngest is a very creative child and her syntax is a little different from most kids. She is also very disoranized, when it comes to hanging onto her homework and getting it passed in -- it gets lost between completion and passing it in. She learned in 7th grade that she's a failure, and we are really struggling to teach this bright and gifted young girl that she's smart, she just has to channel it the way the teachers want in order to succeed in that setting. She's a challenge, cuz she's getting C's in Language Arts, yet she comes home daily, gets on the computer and writes stories. She's in band, but she can't read music. She gets a friend to write the letter names below the music so she can play it ==yet for a while there she was writing songs on the piano, and adding harmony. She's lost in our school system, but for very different reasons than your son is.
So the way I see it, you have this very talented child, and he's going to get very bored in school, esp in Kindergarten. You can home school him, to keep the challenges coming, but then you also have to find and create the social and athletic opportunities to keep him growing in those areas, too. You could try to find a private school, but that gets expensive, and even then, you'd have to interview them first to be sure they could handle the individualized learning he would be able to tune into.
What I have seen in elementary school is that the "gifted and talented" kids, land in a special classroom and don't get to interact with the rest of the school kids on a regular basis. Our child #3 missed being labeld gifted and talented by less than the standard deviation of the test, but I ended up kind of glad because she didn't get pulled away from her peers and made to look different in school. She's a freshman now, at a magnet school and is at the top of the class there, too.
Do make an appointment if you can with the principal of your elementary school. Bring in samples of what your son is reading, and doing for fun at home, and ask questions about how the school will be able to help him to grow in the areas you see that he needs growth in, as well as to challenge him intellectually so he doesn't get bored and mentally drop out. It is going to be a challenge to you and to the school to work together on this, but if you can do it as a team, it'll help your son and perhaps a whole bunch of kids along the way who follow in his steps.
Congrats on raising a very bright child. Our world needs more of them !!
If you think he may be behind in some areas, I would have him tested by Early Intervention. If he's advanced in other areas, they can suggest places to go to help you find what would be best for your child in terms of schooling and such.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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Hi C., as a teacher you know that getting your son involved in outside activites with other children his own age is a good start. How about learning an instrument (violin, cello, viola, guitar or drums) dance, T-ball, cubscouts, soccer? Even setting up play dates with one or three (never odd numbers someone always ends up left out) of his friends will help. You can also look into programs at your local YMCA...like joining a swimming program/team. Think outside of the box and if the two of you decide to join a team sport then make sure he understands that he is in it for the season...no quiting just because he "doesn't like it" after one or two trys. It's important to teach children even at his age to honor his commitment. If he really doesn't like it at the end of the "season" then he doesn't have to do it again. Best wishes.
Hey C....I've read your post and the responses and find that I agree mostly with Jeannie C and Barb K. Check out the website and know your childs rights. My son was in the same situation as yours...I put him into the 3 year old preschool...the others built towers with the blocks...he built a clock and proceeded to try to teach the kids about time. In Kindergarten the others were learning how to read and write while he was in the corner laughing hysterically after reading Amelia Badelia. However, my guy is very social. He never seems put off by any other childs inablility to understand him...he just teaches them..sometimes I think his real gift is his ability to find and accentuate the gifts in others..he makes them feel good about themselves. Anyway, i would most definately contact the school district and have him evaluated so that he will be placed with the right teacher in the right class dynamic. My guy had a wonderful k and 1st grade teacher. They knew how to treat each child. And each teacher knew how/when to keep Sean with the group and when to let him expand. His 2nd grade teacher just competed with him. If you are going to keep him in the public school system then the teacher and district policy will be the key. especially in the early years. I am in the Central Bucks SD. Sean was tested the summer before 2nd grade. But I know exceptions have been made and some kids have been "booked" up in specific areas where they excel..like math. I like what BarbK had to say because I think extra-curricular activities helps Sean learn how to learn..if that makes sense..sometimes when things come so easily a child is never taught how to persevere and really learn how to learn.it was important to help him work through his frustration in a positive way so that he would feel capable when things got difficult. So finally...to answer your question...should you be worried? No. You seem more than capable of helping this beautiful child through his life's challanges whatever they may be...know your rights..know your child..but remember, all the smarts in the world do not change the fact that he is still a 5 year old little boy. Best of Luck, M.
Its not surprising to be behind in one area when you are developing so quickly in others. Most likely he will even out at some point. You can also talk to the school to find out what age they start their gifted & talented program & work to get him in that. He will then be with kids his own age who share more of his interests.
Have you considered homeschooling him? I would think that this could solve a lot of your problems. Many times when children have such advancements and then have other delays they can become frustrated in a public setting. He could become bored because he's way ahead of the class and is being taught things he already know. I would look at the book called the Well trained Mind
Hi,
Although I agree with many previous posters, I have just one suggestion. Perhaps try to involve him in a play group with children in his age range. Keep it on a very comfortable level and at a regular pattern. Maybe that could allow him to evolve those area's of concern. My daughter is academically above the children in her kindergarten class, however, she lacks the the commradery with peers. Obviously consult your physician but for the most part, just try to get him involved in large motor group activity.
Good Luck
Well, for starters, the best advice I can give you is to stop worrying!!!
But really, if you are that concerned and your concern for him has been long lasting, Give the BCIU a call and have him evaluated. That's what they are there for. If he is going into the public school system anyway, they can do a more thourgh evaluation than the school phycologist will...and maybe they can get him the in the right classroom program when he starts kindergarten. This will also give you more info on his behaviors, the school he will be attending a heads up for the right placement, and ultamitly some piece of mind for you.
Good luck whatever you decide!
I am a former teacher too, so I know you know that it is not abnormal. I think the beat thing to do is just monitor closely during his K year and talk with his teacher to make sure his ed. needs are met. Then work on social skills with one on one playgroups and maybe a class like Gymboree to work on gross motor. In all likely hood things will even out!
Keep an eye out for Asperger's. It would not hurt to get an eval. M.
Hi C. - What an incredible gift your son has but I'm sure it will come with many challenges for you and him. - Check out the PA Dept of Education (gifted guidelines) http://www.pde.state.pa.us/gifted_ed/site/default.asp They are a great resource and will answer any questions you have re: your son's rights under state law. It is also great to know what your son's rights are before talking to your school district. (I had a very bad experience w/ my school district and learned that they did not apply state law to the testing of my daughter) Hopefully, you won't have any issues but I suspect you will given how young your son is. I believe most districts don't typically start to identify kids until 2nd or 3rd grade and that is when they will pull them out for an 1 1/2 - 2 hours / week. Your son will clearly need more than this but I have no idea how they can or would accommodate him. Best of luck to you. I am sure you will figure it out since you are obviously proactive.
-Also, I read the other post and am not sure why someone would suspect Aspergers based off of the info you provided. Your son sounds extremely gifted period!
Hi C.,
You know how it is being a former teacher, you know what it "could be" and are fearful. My mother is a nurse, and believe me, growing up with a person who knew what it "could be" when something was wrong was very disconcerting to say the least.
Most children develop asynchonously. Everyone is better at some things than at others. Your son shows many traits of a gifted and talented child. Many, many gifted and talented children have more developed academic and cognitive skills than social and motor skills.
I have a friend whose 4th grade son was reading C++ books to read himself to sleep at night, but was having some problems with his peers. I suggested that he might be a gifted child, and she thought that saying that her son was gifted was like bragging! I encouraged her to look online at some of the traits and attributes, and also challenges of the gifted population, and she agreed that her son did seem to fit into that category. After doing more reading, she found out how to encourage and help her son in his academics, and also how "normal" her son was.
The good news is you can see what you, as mom, need to do to advocate for your son and also ways in which your son may be particularly challenged and how you can help.
Before deciding that you should be "worried", try looking at this as an opportunity to learn more about the unique special qualities that your son has, and how to meet his individual needs. No matter whether we have a particular diagnosis or fit into a particular population or not, every person needs someone on their side who undertands them and loves them just as they are, and who knows just how to help when help is needed. We all need that kind of validation, love, and acceptance, and you are just the person to do that.
Hope that helps,
L.
