My son never runs from anyone he meets. My husbands brother has a girlfriend, they've only been dating a few months. My son has never seen his uncle with a girl before. When she comes over he runs and hides. I can't get him to say anything to her. She tries to talk to him, to play games with him and he wants nothing to do with her. I have talked him and he says he doesn't like her, doesn't like her hair or he's shy or some other excuse. With Thanksgiving in a few days, we wanted to invite her, but it makes her feel bad when he runs. I'm stuck on this. I hope someone might have an idea what we can do to help him talk to her.
P.S. My sons uncle lives in our basement.
Edit: My son runs to our room and hides under the covers. As soon as he hears her voice, he's gone and will not come out until she's either downstairs or left. We have done everything we can to help him with this. It's just getting frustrating. During meals, he won't finish and will run . Sigh!!!
Thanksgiving came and just as all of us knew he would, he ran. We had our lunch with my husbands brother's girlfriend. She is really nice and we all had a good time eating and watching/listening to the football game. My son stayed in my room until she went downstairs. It was nice. I invited her for Christmas as well.
Thank you everyone who gave me tips and ideas.
First, if he's not comfortable talking to her, respect that. But do insist that he be polite--instead of running away & hiding, just tell him to go play in another room.
The best thing you can do is acknowledge and respect his feelings--even if he doesn't know why, it's okay for him not to want to talk to her. And if she says something about it, explain to her that sometimes, it takes a while for kids to feel comfortable with new people.
I agree with the mamas saying
1- Ignore his behavior
2- Invite her!
I would add...
1- Tell HER to ignore him! She should NOT try to engage him in any way. She should NOT take this personally. The more she tries to get him to "like her" the more "reward" he has to keep doing this.
2- Everyone else, be happy and engaging with her. Hug her, greet her with open arms and lots of enthusiasm. At least... that worked with one of our kids who acted afraid - seeing US act like... "This is family."
I also agree that you might want to talk with him in advance that you expect him to be polite. If he does not want to eat at the same table with her... I am not sure what is appropriate. Having him wait and eat after the meal? Eat in another room? I honestly don't know - I just would not allow the scene to revolve around him! It SHOULD revolve around the adults! It is his job to see how the adult world works.
Invite her!
As for his behavior? Ignore it. Advise that she not try to get him to come out of hiding. It's like that kid in hide-and-seek who hides so nobody can find him...eventually he comes out and wants attention.
Right now, you're encouraging the behavior by basically begging him to come out. Don't bother.
When you're all sitting around laughing and having a good time, and completely ignoring him, he'll come out and warm up to her.
Ditto Laurie....my 5 year old daughter did this with my sister's boyfriend, now husband, now her uncle. She was smitten by him and could only run and hide from him. Then after a few days of vacationing together, we found her 'decorating' him while he napped. She was laying all her favorite toys around him and ribbons on top of him. It is the cutest darn picture ever and to this day she has no memory of it.
Is your son close to his uncle? Do they do a lot of things together? If that's the case, maybe he is worried and feeling a little jealous of the girlfriend - "She's going to take over my uncle and he's not going to be my friend any more!" Your boy may not be able to articulate this - it's just a feeling.
If that's *isn't* the case, I don't know what to tell you.
But, no matter what, your boy still has the job of being gracious to any guest in your home. "Hank, whether you like her or not, you must say hello when she comes in. You must say goodbye when she leaves. She is our guest, and we must treat her with kindness. She doesn't have to be your best friend, but you need to treat her as a real person and not as an enemy."
I bet he has a bit of a crush on her. He is too emberassed to admit it. Especially if this is his first time me does not understand what he is feeling..
maybe he;s jealous? or has a little crush? i'm sure since his uncle lives in your basement they are close and now she's taking up some of his time with his uncle?
keep inviting her over, maybe they can take him out by themselves, or maybe she can. eventually he'll come around. in the meantime tell her to not feel bad and keep coming over
ETA Bribery??
my daughter did NOT like her uncles new girlfriend she always had a little crush on her uncle (her dads bestfriend) and he was one of her favorite persons and she was so used to seeing him without a girlfriend. she did not like it one bit...then the girlfriend came with a bunch of candy and everyone refused to give it to emmy unless she took it from his girflfriend. emmy was J. shy and would only whisper around her and not really be happy she was there...but she wasnt rude or hiding
I would say ignore the behavior for now and ask her to do the same too. You need to give your son a chance to get acclimated to her. Acknowledge his feelings too (i.e. tell him you understand it is hard when someone new comes into our lives or you feel a little scared of her huh?) and tell him that he can hide if he feels better about it and that he is welcome to come and be with the family when he is ready. To me he is acting scared, not shy. Another thing, perhaps she can bring him a present and get down on his level and play with him. The present you can provide. Good luck! I have son that gets scared of people from time to time until he gets used to them and they make an effort to ease his fears then its like nothing ever happened.
Tell her outside his presence not to engage him.
Outside of his presence, she should be told to not engage him. To say hello and thats it. Have her sit away from him during dinner. He cannot run the adults in this situation.
You can't force him to interact with her, nor should you.
In fact, encourage her to back off a little and just let him play and do his thing when they are around. Eventually, he will likely interact with her on his own. The only thing that I would insist upon is that he be polite. Let him know that he doesn't have to play with her, but he does need to say "hello" when she arrives and "good bye" when she leaves.
maybe he had a bad dream about her, or someone who looked like her? or maybe she reminds him of someone he saw in a scary movie or one of those stupid pop-up internet videos? but yeah she should still come, he will get used to her eventually.
