My daughter that is 4 1/2 can not start kindergarden until next September. I would like to know from as many mom's as possible what you think about her schdule. She starts her day at her dad's house and gets up at 6am, her father takes her to a daycare/learning center at 7am where they feed her breakfast, she then gets on a bus at 8am to go the a DK program which is a 40 minute ride. She starts this program at 8:40 until 11:40am. She goes to there lunchroom and has lunch, she then is taken to a daycare at that school until I pick her up at 1:30pm. She is then taken to my house which is a 30 minute drive from the new school. She is picked up by either her fathers girlfriend or rearly from her father. She might end up back at her dads house at 6:30 or 7pm. This is 4 or 5 days a week. I want to know what other mom's think about this for a 4 1/2 year old. I find it wrong since I only work part time and I can take her and pick her up from school. Her father will not eliminate either the learning center or the DK program. Her father and I are going through a custody battle right now. He feels there is nothing wrong with this situation and I feel this is to much for a toddler!! My whole time with her is watching her sleep because she is so tired!! Her father is trying to eliminate my 4 days a week with her so her 1:30 until 5:30 with me will end and she will end up at another daycare program at a differnt building at the same school.Please help me with your thoughts. We have been in court and it seenms his attorney is doing everything she can to not have my evidence heard which I can understand. I have been to a theripist and she saw my daughter and I together and she wrote a letter to the judge saying this is not a good situation and she saw how it is effecting her. The judge won't read it. My ex and I DO NOT talk about this nor fight in front of her. That is the only good decision he has made in the the better interest of our daughter. I am asking all the mothers out there for your input. How would you feel if this was your child??
I don't know you or your husband but all I can think of is your poor daughter! My only advice is to love your daughter more than you hate your ex! Make the time she has with you count and show her that your love for her is above all. Children are amazingly resilient, and she can make it through a lot with mommy behind her!
Well, if you dont have the power to change things, I don't see any point in arguing with your ex about it. Just please make sure that you are not arguing in front of your daughter. I grew up with divorced parents that argued anytime they got near each other. To this day I can not stand to be around people arguing. And try not to say anything negative about him in front of or to her. I hated it when my parents would do that. So, just try to keep her out of the middle and make the most out of the time you have with her. Hope this helps. C.
Hi T.,
Yeah, that is way to much going on for a 4 year old. But if you don't have custody, then there isn't much you can do. My recommendation would be "kill him with kindness." Never fight in front on your child and arguing with him isn't going to help with anything. Just make the experience that you have with your daughter the best time she has everyday.
Good luck,
M.
I also think that sounds like to much for your daughter. Unfortunately, it's a long and annoying process dealing with the courts. etc. My husband deals with his controlling ex constantly. One of the problems? - She is legally supposed to be giving him the 'right of first refusal' since HE IS THE DAD! But, she hasn't been doing that...It is in the process of getting talked about in court. She will need to explain why she sends the child to a sitter instead of asking my husband first. If this hasn't been addressed, you should definitely bring it up. I know that in my husbands divorce papers, it says right in there that the other parent has "the right of first refusal."
Do whatever you can to make things fair, but overall- the best interest of your daughter. If you make sure to bite your tongue in front of her about comments about her dad, your daughter will catch on to that over time. Think about this: when she's 16, or 18 or whatever age, what will she have seen in you compared to what she has seen in her dad over the years? Being nasty will come back to bite you (or him!) Be the best mom you can be, but be careful not to spoil her. That may show her your'e trying to 'buy her love.' God bless you as you work through this : - )
I would find a lawyer to help you maybe some one who would take payments. And prove to the court that this scedule is not good for her. If it is all done in court that is all that matters nothing has to be done in front of her. If you can't get a lawyer then do some research on how this scedule negatively affects a child of this age and give it to the court. Hang in there whatever the outcome she will be fine I am sure. My best friend is going through this and I know she feels so helpless when her soon to be X is doing things with their child that she does not approve of. She knows when she does have him she loves him up as much as she can and makes the best out of every moment. M.
I also agree with the right to refuseal. I didn't go through a divorce with my 2 girls but when we did set up visitation because their dad was off and on about visitation the one thing that was added was that i had to give him the oportunity to watch the girls while i worked. He always refused of course lol but still it was written in the papers so that it would be fair. Ask for it... It is hard on a young child to have a busy day. To bad she couldn't just stay at the first day care. If it is a daycare learning center why send her to the DK program (which i am assuming is a learning center too.) Why not cut out all the long bus rides and just have u pick her up there after ur done. It could make it a little easier on her. Good Luck with all of it.
