As a Mom, Ever Get Sad?

I did until my husband suggested I find a hobby. I started doing glass art and now my art is in a gallery. I still can't believe it:).

Ah, well that's because you're not at the Taxi mom phase yet where you've got three kids in three different counties at three different Can't Miss Events and you're only home long enough to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, take the dogs out to pee, put away some of the groceries and search for somebody's leotard/track shoes/sheet music/brownie badges.

Get back to us then, ok?

:)

My kids are older now but I am only as happy as my saddest kid. Right now I am stressed because my oldest is getting through a tough semester and finding a job. Any need for international studies, Russian linguist?!

As the kids get older, it gets better.
But til then? Yeah...it's Groundhog Day!

Oh, sure. I think most people do, kids or not! Routine does this to people. No advice other then to keep mixing it up. Volunteering helped us, too. It feels good to give back, and it helps in my ruts since it's very purposeful.

You're not alone!

All the time. I used to be somebody, a person with interests and a mind that I used. Now I'm "Mommy" I don't use my brain for much more than figuring out how to remove stains and best stick to the grocery budget. I don't know when the last time I talked to another adult that wasn't somehow involved or pertaining to my child. I don't know if I know how to be an independent person anymore, I'm so connected to my child and have been for so long that I wonder who I am going to be when I get to be "me" again.

But, we do it because we know it's best for our family. I never envisioned myself a "homemaker" but here I am, my family is happy and my child is having a good childhood. I'm glad to have the privilege of raising my child and being involved in everything, all day, every day, but that doesn't mean that sometimes it doesn't just crush your soul.

Not so much now, but when the children were little-sometimes. Worry has pretty much taken it's place. Get some help and some vitamin D-it's been a long winter! All the best!

I get sad when I think of how soon they'll be leaving me, but I'm probably at a different phase of life than you.

Yes, but I think we ALL go through this. I know my husband gets sick of the day in, day out grind and monotony/routine of his job as well.
Make sure you get your exercise, and get out and about with other adults (either with or without kids) as well. Even if you enjoy being alone (which I pretty much do) it's important not to become too isolated.
Make date night and time with your girlfriends a priority. And forget about the romance, do something FUN together, LAUGH. For me that makes all the difference!
Once the kids get older it becomes easier to pursue hobbies and projects, take classes and work or volunteer outside the home, and it does get better, as long as you keep reaching out and pursuing new things and interests :-)

Yes a lot in fact! It's the same thing, day in - day out. Try volunteering like Bug suggested. It does help when you feel you can do something good for someone else. It's rewarding to do something where you feel appreciated. Usually with your own family (at least mine), getting a compliment for doing the laundry or cleaning house has yet to happen... I have to remind my kids and husband occasionally that I don't sit around and eat bon bons by the fire all day. :)

Try a new hobby or enroll in some exercise classes to help get out of your routine.

Hugs!

yes. i think its a human emotion and even if there werent any kids at all and you were single those days got boring same o same o and made us sad. if you find your more sad than not...like every day your feeling "down" and its been going on for awhile you might actualy be suffering from depression. depression isnt just a mood. its more like a bad sad mood that has hung around so long the chemicals in your brain change. then you need some other chemicals to help bring it back. or if you catch it quickly enough and change your mind about your mood you might be able to kick start your brain into the happy world that you live in. but yes saddness is a human emotion

Oh yes! It is like the movie Groundhog Day. Especially in the winter.
I have found what helps a lot, for me, is having something to look forward to, constantly. I kindof live for the holidays. In fact, we have made up a few holidays to get us through the drudgery of winter. We plan a few trips each year and that always gives me something to look forward to- I do a yearly girl's trip (no kids or men allowed) and we usually have a few camping trips and a trip to the lake in the summer. Once a month, we go stay with my in laws a few hours away for the weekend and it is like a mini vacation, we all really enjoy spending time together. On a smaller scale, I have a weekly girl's night that we try to never miss, we rotate houses and each bring a snack to share. The kids play while the gals visit. And, I really look forward to my extracurricular classes- I do zumba a few times a week, or yoga at the rec center, or an art class. Having things to look forward to, and to remind me that I am not just a cook/housekeeper and am in fact an interesting person, helps me to not mind the routine parts as much.

I definitely feel that way sometimes. I really felt that way when I was a SAHM. I read posts by SAHM's about how much they love it and find it fulfilling and I'm just at a loss. I love my kids dearly, but I was miserable.

I was lucky to find a part-time job. That really helped for a couple of years. Having that time to myself made me a much better mom when I was with my kids. I just really needed a way to be me, and I didn't have that when I was a SAHM.

I agree that it really might help if you are able to find a small piece of your time that is just about something you love. For me, I found it in that part-time job. For some people it is volunteering or a hobby.

Find something that is just for you. It can really give you a break and help you enjoy the kids more when you're with them.

Hi, Mom:

We not only have physical life, we have a spiritual life. Our spiritual life is where we find meaning and purpose. Are you involved in the Faith of your choice? What do you think God is calling you to do with your life?

Are you involved with your local civic league? Do you go to your local School Board meetings, or City Council meetings? Do you go to the 912 Educational study group meetings to learn about the Principles of Liberty?

Our government needs people who have values and commitment to make life better for others.

Hope this helps.
Good luck.
D.

Oh. You mean "talkin' about the same old, same old".

Yes, it does get monotonous sometimes. I don't know what ages your kids are, but what really helped me this year was volunteering at my son's school. I find that working there is very fulfilling for me.

Before children, what was fulfilling for you? That's something I'd try to identify and then carve out a little time for. I know, easier said than done. However, with a little creative thinking, you can swap care with another mom or combine forces with another fun mom (think doing some meals together while the kids play, then each of you taking home some stuff to put on the table and in the freezer). If domestic pursuits just don't float your boat, consider how you might include your kids in your interests. I know people who take their kids out everywhere with them to do 'mom' stuff.

Me, myself, I decided early on that I because I loved the library (and love to read) that I would teach my son early on how to 'do' the library. It took a while, admittedly, and now at nearly six we have a good routine of taking the bus downtown, going to the library-- we hit the children's library first, then he brings his books to where I want to go browse and sits and looks at them (within my sight) while I do my stuff there. I love gardening, and he has places to dig his holes and make fairy houses while I work. I also like cooking, so I've made an effort to get him in on the action even when he was about 2 or so.

I guess the point of it all is that what works for me is to find time to do a few things for me during the day. Small things, but ones which add color to my life. I'd encourage you to dig deep and think about one small thing which might give you some bit of happiness. It's okay to feel sad about where we are right now, and if you find it's just a weight pressing down on you, do ask for help. Otherwise, it's natural to get a little bored if you don't mix it up enough or find something to feed your soul.

And for what it's worth, I've just been through three weeks of intense housework and parenting (we had work done on the house-- with all the tools around, I had to keep an extra eye on Kiddo for his safety because it sometimes wasn't safe to walk down the hallway! AND he was home sick for part of it)... all that to say, yes, I was plenty frustrated for a while and burned out. KNOW that this is a season, not a lifetime, and that eventually our kids won't need us so very, very much. Blessing and a curse, right?;)

Yes!!!! That's why I started volunteering in my son's classroom every Friday and joined the PTA. I feel more fulfilled this way. Almost like your worthy of doing something except for "house" stuff.. Plus, it's such a bonus because all the kids love you when you walk into the classroom...

oh yeah we all do...life is too busy and we are tired mommies sometimes feeling like we have no purpose but to serve...it happens, but perk up and I hope you find something funny to laugh about, or sing about...that usually does the trick...if anything else, you can cry..that helps sometimes too...

I wouldn't say sad, but maybe bored by the routine of it all. I work outside the home and get to travel occasionally for work, so I have an opportunity to escape sometimes. You have to find ways to mix things up. Even the routine things.

Do I get frustrated at times that my time is limited for my passions besides parenting? Yes. So I always keep books about the passions handy at the very least so I can read a few pages about painters on bad days before sleeping when I can't actually get any painting done. On good days I schedule in my painting time and the kids know I'm in the studio with work to do. I've had to quit taking on things like volunteering for now because I was doing way too many things a few months ago and got very stressed. I'm getting back to the gym regularly (daycare there woot woot) so I can squeeze it in.

But other than the time crunch challenge, my mentality and outlook and interests have not changed one bit since having kids and becoming a single parent of three after 15 years of career (my career was difficult and just as time-sucking as kids so I'm used to not having enough time for my interests) and crazy single life. Yes, I have buttloads of chores every day, and tons of kid's stuff I have to do. But I make sure to do my own things as well and stay plugged into my adult friends and the real world of politics and news etc. I make sure not to mentally drown in parenthood even if it takes up most of my time.

When we get out of the house, we do errands that need doing and sometimes tasks regarding my work as well as their activities, so it's not always the empty babysitting at the park rather than living room feeling. And even at the park my mind is elsewhere making plans and talking to people etc. as well as playing with kids. Today I had a lunch meeting with my gallery owner while kids played in play area. Tomorrow they're coming with me to the gallery and framer while I finish up some paperwork etc and we'll go to another artist's apartment for lunch. they're just used to coming along on "my stuff". When I take them to their favorite farm restaurant to run around, I bring my laptop while they play. I don't know how old your kids are, but once they are old enough to keep occupied, things get easier. My youngest is three and can go anywhere-no more potty worries etc PHEW!

Yes, if I felt all day every day was about nothing more than babysitting and chores and randomly leaving the house or not, I'd be depressed. And sometimes, like I said, I'm frustrated by time crunch. But you have to keep your other interests alive. Your kids want to know what your purpose is in life outside of them too, and when they see you getting excited about things, they do too. So hang in there, keep other things to focus on, and this feeling will pass.

I can relate....

....but I also have my very first appointment with a therapist on Thursday!

So, I think it's somewhat 'normal' but I do not think it's necessarily 'healthy'...does that make sense?

Yes! I have found that working part-time has helped me. I appreciate my kids even more because of it. My mother has always told me that if you step back and focus on something else in life besides your problems you realize you we were probably just 'sweating the small stuff' when you shouldn't have been. My job allows me to focus on other people's needs. When your chemo patient takes their last breath at age 42 after a year long battle, you step back and refocus.
Everyone is different. You could always volunteer. Even just taking a neighbor food or sending a friend a card helps me feel better when i get into a rut.
You just have to find a way to toot your own horn!

I was feeling that way the other day and then my 3 yo told me, mommy, Im obsessed with you, lol. It sucks giving up all your freedom but in the grand scheme of life they are only little for such a short time. Thats what I tell myself whenever theres a movie I really want to go see and I dont have a sitter :)

very often. that's why i read as much as i do. i need a different reality.

Days can be long but the years fly by too quickly. My baby is 7 and I can hardly believe it.

Yes, sometimes I feel this way. Usually when I am extra tired and need more sleep or a little bored. So I switch things up a bit and get into something new--that helps.

YES!!!! It is Groundhog Day for a lot of us moms! I get up, get ready, get my son up and get him ready, give him breakfast, drive him to preschool, go to work, leave work, pick son up, make dinner, clean up kitchen, give him a bath, spend a 1/2 hour or so with him just hanging out/drawing/coloring/etc. then bedtime routine. Then I straighten the house, talk with my hubby, etc. and bedtime for me. REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT... It can be frustrating and I do sometimes get depressed. But I try to find some fun on the weekends - shake those up from time to time. Also, I remind myself that this is a phase in my life. When it passes I'm sure I will miss it. I know I will miss the "little boy" years - I already miss the "baby" years and he's only 4. I try to find joy in the simple things and remember that life isn't about GRAND moments all the time - it's about the snuggles and kisses and hugs along the way! Hang in there (but know that you are completely normal in how you feel).