I am a recent stay at home mom. I have a group of great friends that all know me well. But I recently became pregnant after just having what I thought was my last child before hitting forty. I had prayed for a boy but had my beautiful daughter instead. I was content, but soon found out that I was pregnant after she was only three months. I had a great shower for her given by a dear friend. But after I was pregnant again that friend said that I am not suppose to have anohter shower when a different friend offered to have it. I haven't had a boy in TEN years and could use a few things even help with diapers in this economy. But is this improper etiquite? Should I not have a shower and just say not thanks or accept gifts or even ask for old things from my friends with little boys??? She seemed to it was rediculous of me?
It's amazing the difference of opinions, but as the emails have come in the tally shows that most of us who love having children want another shower to celebrate the child. Hand me downs are great but every new baby/spirit deserves a few new gifts. I just didn't understand what was inappropriate about it. I would give a gift to any new life of a close friend. Thanks so much for your notes of opposition and support. It was really bothering me becuase invitations had gone out and I felt concerned that I was not doing the right thing. But I don't know anyone that would not want any help in this economy with diapers,milk and so on! So I believe it is truly a blessing to give and recieve! I am having the shower anyway and I will just be thankful for it all. If she comes I will just thank her and try not to worry about her opinion of it!
I do not see why you shouldn't have another baby shower, this is another child. I have seen people have two baby showers for the same child because two different people gave them showers, one a personal shower with family and friends and one at work with co-workers. It is diffently not ridiculous.
Have a great shower.
M.
I echo what these ladies have said.
If you have a friend wanting to shower you/your baby - go for it!
For my #2 we had a 'baby welcoming' instead. I did not have any ultrasounds so I didn't know his gender until he was born. My friend who hosted me decided to wait so she and others would have a better idea what to buy.
hth and Congratulations!
K., mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel, 15m
You should have a baby shower for all your baby's. You still need things for the one soon to come like diapers, another car seat, wipes, and clothes. It also help if you ask your friends if they have any clothes for your soon to be son. There is nothing wrong with having another shower and seeing if any of your friends have extra clothes that they are going to get rid of anyways. Its normal. My sister and I have both share clothes for our girls for the last 12 years. My son is the lucky one that doesnt have to share since he's the only boy in our family.
I hope you enjoy your baby shower and get everything you need and want. Good luck.
The Big Book of Etiquite says that you are not to have another shower, but if a friend wants to give you one you can accept that offer. You could invite some of the same people that came to your last one, but it also says that they don't have to come. They came to the last one. If the only things you need are clothes and diapers then you really shouldn't depend on your friends and family to supply those for you because "in this economy" they may not be able to afford your child either.
Every baby should be celebrated!!
My girlfriends, had a "welcome baby/diaper" shower for my second, who was a girl and my first was a boy.
I took Olivia to the shower, they had it after she was born and I had a couple of weeks to realize what I needed. Everyone got to hold her and see her and I received much needed diapers and clothes.
Also, three friends and relatives who had girls brought me all their used clothes...Olivia was a beautifully dressed baby, well still is...
Don't worry what others think or old fashioned etiquette. If some one wants to bless you and your baby let them!! {{{hugs}}}
A true friend will understand and have another baby shower. Maybe a family member can be the host. I did not want a pre-baby shower because I wanted to be sure the sex of my child. So my co-workers gave me an after baby shower.
*rolls eyes* my mom thinks this too. I have been to several churches that give baby showers to the moms no matter how many children you have. A friend of mine will be attending a shower for someone's ninth baby!
1) EVERY child should be celebrated
2) clothes get worn out, consumables get used up, and EVERY mom needs new baby stuff
3) go to Babies R US or do their baby registry online, or go to Target or Walmart (I think you can register there too.) That way people know just what you need.
I've had four girls and if we have a boy I do have a SMALL stash of boys clothes and I will definitely need a baby shower. I use cloth diapers and wipes but I am always happy to receive free newborn diapers! MY baby swing broke, my bouncy seat broke, and my portable swing may also be broken...so I will need baby gear as well.
Every one is going to have an opinion about this and it isn't going to be the same one. I think that it USED to be proper etiquite to only have a shower for the first baby. But times have changed. I have 3 children and I was given showers for all of them. My sister has 2 kids and she also had 2 showers. Obviously the person who wants to throw the shower wants to do this for you. Let her. If you are worried about people thinking it is rude, then don't invite those people. Good luck.
An option is to have a "Welcome Baby" party after baby is born. Then it's kind of up to folks as to whether they want to bring a gift or not. We did this with my son...my kids are 20 months apart. It was easier in a lot of respects than the traditional pre-baby shower.
Either you can host the welcome party, or someone else can.
Congrats on your unexpected blessings!
I wouldn't even thought that this could be considered rude. I thought it was common sense that if your having a baby you can have a shower. I think its funny that people are worried about etiquette but don't give a second thought to hurting someones feelings by telling them not to have a shower. Every baby is something to celebrate and an invitation means you can come if you want to its not a requirement. So enjoy your shower!
I 'plan' on having a baby shower for my next kid, and will ask for diapers or a dish to freeze instead of a gift registry.
This is a touchy subject for most ppl but one that gets under my skin quick!!! Don't let someone else tell you what is appropriate and inappropriate. You have a shower because you want to celebrate the new life you're bringing into the world. If your friend has a problem giving you another gift - tell her she's not obligated. If she thinks it's ridiculous - tell her not to come! You don't need someone looking down on you for something so silly! Have your shower, gir,l and enjoy every minute and every friend there to support you! Sounds to me like it's not about the gifts to you... if she's a true friend... she should already know that about you!
If you want to have another shower than do so. Opt to have a small one paid for by you and your husband at your home. Make it a diaper shower. Or if you have a friend who wants to volunteer to give you a shower don't pass up your blessing. For the friend who does not agree love her anyway and continue on in your beautiful new blessing from God.
First of all, Congratulations on BOTH of your new additions! I have never heard of anyone only having one baby shower>?!? I have had five (5) children. I had three (3) baby showers because that was what I chose to do. My friends and family always suggested giving me a shower for EACH one of them. I don't feel that it is improper. A baby is such a blessed event! Why not have a shower? It's a celebration of life! I would accept my friend's offer for the shower. Please don't let other people fog your mind up with THEIR beliefs. Besides, you can do whatever you want. Is there a law stating you can't? Also, I am not sure where you are with spirituality, but a word of wisdom from the Word (The Bible).
Philippians 4:19-20 (King James Version)
19But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
20Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen
A.--again--congratulations. Remember, you are capable of making choices/decisions of your own! I'm sure all your FRIENDS would be happy to assist you with this new baby through another shower--it is a blessing!!!! MY GOD will supply all that you need for a life that HE has sent you!
Remember, this is ONLY a suggestion/opinion.
Shalom (Peace)
S. B.
Christian Counselor
Among my friends and family, it's considered poor taste to have a baby shower where gifts are expected for a second (or third, or fourth) child. I think it's lovely to celebrate a subsequent baby with a nice lunch with your girlfriends before or after the baby arrives, but in my opinion it should not be an occassion where gift giving is expected.
Obviously lots of people will buy your new baby gifts after he arrives regardless of whether there is a shower--but I personally would not want a friend hosting a baby shower for me in these circumstances.
If someone offers to throw you a baby shower I think you should tell her thank you! I see no reason that you shouldn't have another shower, especially since its for a boy.
4 meals in 4 minutes
http://www.homemadegourmet.com/marylou
I just wanted to thank you and everyone that responded. I'm in a similar situation, expecting our second. I had it in my head that having a shower for a second baby was rude, just because so many people gave so much of what we needed for our first. Now here we were asking for MORE for our second. I've since had my opinion revaluated. The idea that every child should be celebrated really hit home. This baby is just as special/important to ME as our DD, and to the rest of my family & friends. We're just taking a different approach and concentrating on the items to re-stock (like diapers, wipes, meds) but mostly using this occasion to get together and visit, something we manage to never have time for these days.
Anyhow, a very heartfelt thanks!
The baby shower isn't about YOU. It is about showering the BABY!
In today's society, etiquette is pretty much being written as we go.
Your "friend" who said it isn't right for you to have another shower is WRONG. It is acceptable to allow your OTHER friend to "shower" your new baby with attention. You, being the mom, are just a "bystander" who gets to enjoy the gifts given.
As a mom of MANY, I was very distressed when I had my first baby shower - given to me by a friend who was not in our church, and then was given another by my church group. My mother told me to ALWAYS be gracious and let others "give". It helps the giver (besides, I really needed the help too).
When I was expecting my 9th child (I was 41), my husband put his foot down, and though we had gotten rid of MOST of our baby stuff (it had been 6 years since we had a baby) so I did not have an official baby shower for our 9th baby.
However, my church group went behind my husband's back, and our son was showered with MANY great gifts that I was really worried about.... The diapers, the wipes, the bottles, the little boy clothes, the receiving blankets that I forgot about.., the memory book.... Things I really appreciated and used well.
My daughters now really resent their father for not allowing THEM, or anyone else for that matter, to throw a big party to give me the stuff that they had gathered, and to share their excitement.
It's interesting, if you've not had a little one (especially of the opposite gender), to think of all the things you forget that you need. I had forgotten the "Butt Paste". And there was so much "new" stuff out now. I really like the new swing we got, LOVED the newer style baby bjorn (infant carrier), and the new cradles that rock and are mobile, the infant chairs.... and there's stuff that's so neat for stimulating the infant now days. NO MORE BORED BABIES!
PERSONALLY, I think that if you have a friend that wants to give you one and friends that want to come - GO FOR IT. IF someone thinks it is improper they can "respectfully decline" the invitation. Just my 3 cents. I never minded getting used stuff in addition to or at my showers though. LOL
You can have as many showers as you want and someone is willing to give for you. Many people have multiple showers with the same pregnancy so another shower for a different child is certainly ok. It doesn't matter how far apart they are, you should celebrate each new life in your family. She doesn't have to come
