The last couple of days my 2 year old has been asking me if we are safe. When we get in the car, "Are we safe in the car?" when we get home, "Are we safe in the house?", etc. We've introduced him to basic concepts of safety, having to hold hands and look both ways before crossing the street or in the parking lot, walking and not running in the house, that sort of thing but the term "safe" isn't one that I use often. Mainly I tell him to be careful. I haven't made a big deal out of his questions as I don't want to make it a bigger deal to him than it is, he doesn't seem overly concerned. I just tell him that, yes, the house is safe or we are buckled up in the car to be safe, and he seems satisfied with that. Is this a normal concept for a 2 year old to be asking about? We haven't been through anything out of the norm to trigger these sort of questions. He's also started talking about seeing "something scary" in his room (once it was a cat toy that was stuck under his bookshelf, another time a dust bunny in the corner, oops). I know being scared of the dark and things are fairly normal in the 2-3 year olds, but the safety thing is new for me. Am I handling it right to just tell him he's safe, or should I be trying to go into more detail?
Thanks for the responses, we'll just keep doing what we are doing and try stress that we are safe. I'm a worrier, so I've tried really hard not to let him see the silly things I worry about. He's not scared at bedtime, so I don't really want to introduce that concept to him, he mainly sees the something scaries when he's in his room at "rest time"(he gave up naps awhile ago) and gets bored of looking at books quietly.
You have introduced him to a new word, safe. He doesen't truly understand the definition of the word so he is trying it out.
Perfectly normal. And good for you for not overreacting. He'll follow your lead. Keep doing what you are doing and in a positive way. "why yes, you are safe in your car seat , and good for you for always sitting so nicely in it"... etc.
This, all by itself, sounds perfectly normal and age-appropriate. He sounds like a sweet little boy!
With my own son, I just reassured him, and tried to add an un-overwhelming level of detail. "Yes, the house is very safe. Look at our big, strong walls." "Yes, the car is very safe. And to make it extra safe, we got you a wonderful carseat with your very own seatbelt."
And then, change the subject. Toddlers' mental muscles are still developing, so when they get stuck on a fixation, it's not necessarily unhealthy; they just don't quite have the perspective and cognitive ability to move on to the next thing. That's why distraction is wonderful :)
I'd just keep reiterating that yes, you are all safe and fine. If he says he sees something 'scary'... well, ask him to show you where it is and then fix/remove it. Keeping it simple is just fine with a two year old. We don't need to bring up any suggestions of 'monsters' (and make sure you are not introducing any media/books which might mention these ideas) or 'bad guys', etc. Just keep his world simple by keeping your language simple. ONLY answer questions he's specifically asked, too. As in, don't mention anything he hasn't asked about yet, or you may end up giving him more to worry about. Safety should be very simple at this age: hold hands in the parking lot, looking both ways and holding hands anywhere there are cars, careful feet in crowds and indoors-- really simple stuff. "Safe" can be a positive word. I used it with my son at this age a lot, esp when I could see he wanted to get into mischief. "You may keep your feet safe on the floor or I will need you to be safe in your stroller" (when he liked to climb onto tables-- just one example).
At 2, it is most likely just a question. Say, "yes". And when he doesn't ask, bring it up. Let's say you are playing in the house, just look at him and say "I feel safe in our home". or "I like driving in our car, I feel very safe". Or even before bed, "your room is so cozy, I feel very safe here".
Before you know it, he too will be feeling safe everywhere that you do!
B.
I think you are doing fine. Please read Bedtime for Frances yourself before reading it to your child. In the end, it is only the threat of being hit that convinces Frances to go to bed. Also - her dad smokes. Ultimately it is a book of its time but it would have raised too many issues with my son for us to have read it together.
Yes, keep it simple and reassuring just like you're doing. If he goes to daycare or watches TV, the idea may be something that came up there that he's latched onto a bit, which is a good thing.
My oldest was 3.5 when 9/11 happened. That's when the idea of safety and security took on a whole new meaning. If often wonder whether or not growing up in a time of terrorist attacks at home, war overseas and random acts of mass violence such as school shootings makes our children's view of the world fundamentally different from ours or if that's all you know, it just becomes part of how things are for you? I'm rambling a bit but your question reminded me of that terrible time when I had to basically lie about how safe we were to my pre-schooler.
The "scared" questions and the "safe" questions are both a part of your son's wondering about the world - which is getting bigger and bigger all the time.
You can say, "Yes, we are safe in the house. We take good care of our house and good care of our neighborhood." "Yes, we are safe in the car. We're buckled up and I try to be the best driver I can."
Keep the door open to more questions, but right now your assurance might be enough.
"Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" (Fred Rogers), the TV show from pretty long ago, used to deal with these concepts. I don't know if you can find any videos or music from those shows, but they're good. One of the songs went something like this: "I'm taking care of you, taking good care of you; For once I was very little, too; now I take care of you."
"Something scary" in the room can be helped by a kid-sized flashlight (yes, at first he will play with it after bedtime), and maybe by reading together "Bedtime for Frances" by Russell and Lillian Hoban.
sounds as if you're handling it in a low key and sensible fashion. he doesn't understand the concepts clearly yet, so is exploring them and trying to put the pieces together. you don't want to overload him.
if he still looks puzzled or anxious after you answer 'yes', you can open the door to what he's really worried about but unable to articulate with a simple leading statement like 'seatbelts help keep us safe' or 'that's why we lock the door' and see if that seems to satisfy him. he's only 2 so you certainly don't want to introduce nebulous concepts like terrorist attacks or potentially getting rear-ended. you just want to address his current concerns in a matter-of-fact manner that doesn't preclude further detail as he gets older and is ready for it.
khairete
S.
