How Do I Stop My Almost 3 Year Old from Running off at MDO?

We've had the same problem with my two year old. It really helped him when his teacher made him the 'line leader' and made a big deal out of it. He loved the attention, which is what he gets when he runs off. Now it is really positive attention instead of negative. You may also want to provide her with a rope of sorts (e.g. fabric) for all of the kids to hold on to. Good luck! A.

Every single time he does this, he needs to be put in a time out, even if you/day care provider have to physically hold him in the time out. Or use the crib (some disagree) as the time out. Either way, its up to you, but he needs to learn that there is a predictable consequence that consistenly happens that is negative. He will get the clue and quit.

A 3-year-old does not stop to think about what he is running to or from - he just moves and follows his feet! He must have times to practice doing the right thing rather than just being reprimanded for doing the wrong thing. Make a game out of this training by taping two rows of footprints to the floor. Practice "waiting" in line. Talk about how slowly it is moving. Pretend the other footprints (that you came from and are moving towards) have people standing on them and talk about this person's crazy sweater or how that person has a lion on a leash. When you get to the end of the line, have a reward of some kind waiting. Of course, begin with a short row (2?) of footprints, progress to longer, and then to none at all. When you are waiting in line at the store, ask him to "plant his feet like a tree," and expect him to use self-control to stay there instead of being restrained by your hand. This is a transition that will have to happen if he is to develop any self-control at all out of your sight. For the running out the door problem, make a game out of having him ask permission before going through a closed door. Walk together to the door and say, "Oh this door is closed! What should you do before you open it?" Then help him verbalize the question and practice in varying situations. That said, I heartily agree with the comment about the children holding hands or holding onto a rope or holding onto something! Those are effective tools for teaching self-control in a group setting. Maybe after you've worked with your son and he has shown improvement, you could suggest it without sounding like you are trying to "shirk" your responsibility.

I used to teach at MDO. I also taught preschool.

First off they are right in saying a child does not remember and learn all rules by only hearing them once or twice a week.

Secondly your hubby and you need to start making the rules and having him obey, just like he would need to do at MDO. At his age they need consistency and action. They are not quite to the point of reasoning and talking through things.

I would have times where he must walk with you and hold your hand and not run off at all.

You still need to keep a close eye on him, but make some guidelines where he must be still for a few minutes, wait his turn, and learn to do what the group is doing. If there are only you and your hubby that may mean he has to hold your hand and walk through a store quietly--a big thing for a 2 year old to do. Then he can go do something fun like climb and run at the park.

Good luck

Unless you want to go to MDO with your son every time and supervise him in lines, I think there's probably little you can do. It's up to the staff there who are with him to make sure he stays safe. That's what they're paid to do. If you think they are incapable of handling him, you might want to shop around and find one that will minimize his risk of running into traffic. They know he's a runner and frankly, if they've been in the biz for a while, they should know how to handle this. He's not even 3 for pete's sake! Of course he's going to run off. You can't really reason with him at this age too much when you're not there. KWIM?

BTW, my son is an only, was carried everywhere but still walked at 9 months so don't blame yourself. Kids walk when they walk sometimes and it may have nothing to do with you.

It sounds like you are doing what you need to do. I am more concerned about the MDO teachers. The fact that your son can access the parking lot with very little difficulty is scary. Do they lock the doors at any point? At my son's MDO, they lock the doors 30 min. after school begins (there's a doorbell outside) to keep the little ones in and strangers out. When walking anywhere with little ones, they have a rope type thing the kids hold on to. I have witnessed one teacher leading the rope, and another teacher holding the hand of a child who likes to run away. Your son is 2, his behavior is not abnormal. One would think that teachers of young kids would know how to deal with this, and not expect you to take care of it. Good luck!

Shannon,
He is three years old. The MDO teachers surely know that a child that age has to be guided as to what to expect on walks etc. when as a group they are out of the classroom right before they take the walk. He is curious and excited about life, that is why he is running! Please know if you feel pressure from the staff of the MDO program maybe you might find one that has teachers you can relate to better. Your child sounds wonderful and I am sure in just a little bit of time he'll be able to control his impulses more!!!

That's pretty scary. What if he makes it to the parking lot? What are they doing about it? It should not be that easy for any of the children to get to the parking lot. Can they put a child safety cover on the inside of the classroom door? Children don't understand how dangerous that is. That's why the teachers need to take care of the situation. One thing they could do is hold the child's hand when they are in line, and let him know that when he stays in line, he can walk by himself.

Good Luck.

I can't say your child is abnormal AT ALL. This is common in children that age. They are wanting to express their independence....lucky YOU!!!

I think you are doing what is needing to be done, just make sure he understands what you mean when you say run"away".

This is something he is going to have to learn. Some kids get it early...stand in line, stay near parents, or don't run. But all kids are different. I have a 6 year old in Kindergarten that still has a problem with staying in line while at school. Drives the Music teacher bonkers! But it's something he knows he needs to do, but time and maturing will help him learn to do it.

It's hard because he is number 3 of 6 kids, and the first one was the "easy" child, the second one quite challenging and did the same thing as your child...and she grew out of it. And now my third is the same way.

It's just a maturing, growing thing that he needs to go through.

Best of luck!

Maybe you could find out if they would allow you to send in one of those little backpack harness things, or the one that goes on his wrist, and the teachers wrist. Or, tell them that you want the teacher to hold his hand every time. Also, maybe if he gets to be the leader, and is told they need him to help show the other kids how to walk, he would take to the responsibility. At home, you could work on teaching him a key word, like stop, and play the stop and go game, so that you are reinforcing that when someone says stop, he does not move. Reward him each time he does stop, maybe a little treat or sticker, and see if the MDO can assist you by using the same word, and letting you know when he did it so that he also earns his reward. After all of that if he still cant learn, then maybe he has to sit with the director while all of the other kids get to go outside or whatever. Although he is young, he should be able to stop when someone tells him to, this is about safety and it cant be cute or funny, it must be treated like the most serious thing you discipline him for. He can learn with a little practice! Good luck ~A.~

At this age they may know there not suppost to do something but their self control is Very Limited. That being said the program also needs to come up with ideas to help your child, children will do things for there teachers that they may not do for parents (Go Figure?). Anyway this has become a game for him I can tell you that, any attention is good attention!!! What the teachers should do is make him their buddy! They need to have him assigned to a teacher the whole time and that is his buddy and he does not go 3 feet from her/him. If they can get him paired with that teacher then he will get her attention and feel special and his need to run out will eventually lessin and he will start getting interested in other things. They also need to follow up with positive renforcement when they see him doing good. And last of all if they can't take care of him while hes in there care then maybe you need to find another program. If I were you I would show up at times there not expecting you and check and ses/listen to whats going on.

It sounds like the Mother's Day Out has some problems to address. Maybe they need safety-first door knob balls on their doors if it is that easy for children to escape. If I were you, I would talk witht the director about these safety concerns.

Also there is a little transponder teddy bear that you can get for your son's shoe they are $30 and that will enable you to find the child when he runs off.

http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/mommy-child-locator.html

Other than that, talk to his teacher about giving him a reward system...if he doesn't run away, he gets a treat at the end of the day (sticker or small toy). Maybe you could do it at home...every day he gets a sticker and when he adds them up, he can get a small toy or treat from the dollar store. Positive reinforcement like that works for my kids!

Ask him why he is running away? And go from there.

I agree that the teachers should put more effort into stopping your son while he's in their care. If they don't want to, find a new MDO! I'm shocked that they're putting the responsibility on you for this!

That said, can you help him practice at home? Are there any neighborhood kids or cousins you can get to come over and pretend to be at MDO? Ya'll could walk in a line and pretend to be going from, say, the classroom to the playground, and you could pretend to be the teacher. If your son stays in line, everyone gets a prize. You could then transfer that to him getting a prize at the end of the day if his teachers report that he did not run off.

We had this "escape" issue with my son. He had some other behavioral oddities as well and after some evalutions we found out that he has a sensory processing disorder - this may not be the issue with your son but might be something you might want to consider if he is consistantly trying to "escape". With Sensory Processing Disfunction often a child may get overwhelmed or underwhelmed by the things in their environment (sight, sound, touch etc). When my son was younger and feeling overwhelmed by his environment (too many people, too loud, too much hustle-bustle, unfamiliar people/places) his instinct was to run/"escape". As a mom this was frustrating - particularlly since he has a twin sister so I had two to keep up with. It can also be unsafe if unchecked. We had an incident where he was with our nanny and escaped from the McDonalds playarea into a McDonalds parking lot and that nearly put me into heart attack mode.

Over time my son has found ways to cope with environments that make him unsettled much better, but it took time and practice. It also took a sensitivity on our part to better observe and understanding WHY he was trying to escape and see the signs before he would attempt an escape. If the escape is a fight-or-flight reaction on your son's part he may not be able to articulate to you why he is running. He may even know that he is not supposed to run away but he may feel overwhelmed and compeled to...it is very much so an instinctual reaction. If he is communicating with you well, I'd probe to see if you can draw out the "why". If there is no "why" for it, spend some time observing him to see if there is any pattern in regards to what seems to be triggering the running. I've now gotten much better at observing my sons behaviors and when I can see a given environment is just too much for him, I may cut our time short or choose a change in scenary. I know this may not help you with your MDO issue, if it is a broader problem you are having in MDO and while with you all, you might consider whether or not he might have sensory issues and it may be worthwhile to get him evaluated. You might also consider whether or not the MDO program you have him in is the best program for his needs. Maybe shop around for other programs that are better suited for his comfort.

The other thing I can say is that you do need to give him as many opportunities to "practice" complying and staying close to mom and dad when you are out and about in public places as possible. Have him walk through the parking lot holding your hand vs carrying him, go for walks, to the park, to mall etc and practice, practice, practice. It's frustrating I know, and sometimes it's easier to contain kids with this type of behavior by carrying or by putting them in a stroller etc - but take the more difficult road and the practice you do will help.

Some info on sensory processing disorder you can read to get a general overview: http://www.spdnetwork.org/aboutspd/index.html

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/sensoryintegration/a/...

Best wishes!

I used to work in daycare also. I was in the three year old class and had two children who would run off all the time. We enlisted the parents help in the situation as well. They lost privileges, like play time, or had to hold my hand as well. I would usually put them in the front of the line so I could monitor them more effectively. The MDO is probably just notifying you of the situation so that you can reinforce it at home. If you haven't already, I would ask them (the MDO) what they are doing to handle the situation. It took some time but the two children in my classroom finally learned the rules for safety. Your child will, too. I wish you luck.

I don't know, but it sounds like the people at your MDO are not well-versed in all things toddler! Running away is not abnormal at all for that age, and it really not "running away" so much as it is "running amuck." I've seen kids this age walk in line holding each other's hands, and also holding onto a string. One thing that might make him think twice before he runs, is leave an umbrella stroller with the teacher, and tell the teacher, in front of your son, to put him in it if he doesn't walk with the class in line as expected. It there's one thing a 2-year-old boy with the urge to run hates more than anything, it's restraint.

Have you thought of asking him where he is running to? That might be a start. Also let him know if he enjoys going to MDO he won't be able to if he keeps up with his type of behavior.

I have always found the best way to stop a behavior is to find out in the child's mind the reason for the behavior. He may be reasoning in some way you may have never thought of before. It may not make sense to you but IT does to him.

Does he UNDERSTAND WHY it is wrong to run away? You already said he knows it is wrong. You know and any adult knows what we are not supposed to do, usually because we have learn WHY we are not supposed to do. I know with my children I sometimes forget knowing no and understanding the reason for no is not the same. Let him know what could happen if he were to make it to the street. Ask him so he can figure it out: "Do you think a car could see him if he were out in the street?" Show him how little he is compared to a car/pickup truck. Ask him: What he thinks would happen if the car did not see him and he was in the street". It would show him WHY it is wrong and not just know it is wrong.

He may not enjoy MOD but let him know that sometimes he needs to HELP Mommy so Mommy can have more time with him. Maybe suggest a trade off. You do something he likes when you pick him up IF he has been good during the time at MDO. Let the teacher know in front of him that you will be asking her about his behavior because he is EARNING whatever the reward is by HELPING Mommy. I know my children always love to know that they have helped.

We had almost the exact same problem with our 2-year-old son in MDO. I would pick him up day after day and be told to talk to him about his behavior. Discipline does not equal punishment, it means to teach the proper behavior. A two-year-old needs immediate reinforcement and correction. We moved our son to another MDO that was offered through a local Methodist church which had a full day care. The teachers were well experienced and, after a few weeks,he amazingly was no longer a behavior problem. Hope a change will work as well for you too.

Congratulations! He sounds like a fun kid! Independent and vivacious.

Now, I also have one like that and he's turning the hairs I haven't pulled out gray!

Here's an idea: try "Lou and Lu -Safety Patrol" its a short on Disney. Perhaps you can download a few from the disney channel web or maybe they have some on demand - not sure. Here's the deal - they always check for things that aren't safe and talk about why they're not safe and how to make them safe. Their big catch phrase is "so we can be safe!"

My kiddos enjoy those shorts and I just reinforce them in the real world (seat belts buckled - so we can be safe! Does your Houdini escape from the 5 point harness - mine does!)

So I'd try to get him into it and then try to find safety violations in the real world, then reinforce that we stay in the class and walk in line - so we can be safe!

There is very little point (IMO) of "punishments" or taking things away when the punishment doesn't fit the crime - he's too little to be able to apply it now. And this is a case where the real-world consequence that would teach the lesson is too dangerous to risk - ya know? The best thing to do is to get him excited about the good things he does and help him learn what is expected in a fun, non-punitive fashion.

PS - Captain Carlos has been great to get them to eat stuff too! It's another short.

My friend had the same problem with her son. She and the principal of her sons preshcool came up with a solution. IF he ran away from his class (teacher, line, group, anything) they called his mom and she came immidiately to pick him up. He went home, ate lunch and took a nap. She would tell him, you weren't acting like a big boy when you ran away so now you have to come home and take a nap while the big kids stay at school and play. He HATED this, he LOVED being at school with his friends. It only took two times of coming home for a nap to cure his running forever!

Maybe it is time to explain about getting lost. Tell him when he is left with the teachers, they are there to protect him and keep him safe until mommy is back. If her runs and gets lost someone not so nice could take him. Tell him it is scary to be lost(explain a time when you or someone you know was lost).

This may seem extreme, but at 3 they understand seperation from Mommy. Explain the length of time you will be gone in terms of his favorite program. Let's say, Blue's Clues, for example, I will be gone the length of 3 Blue's Clues then I will be back and we will do something fun. Let him know if he can't stay and be with the teachers he will not get that something fun and if he gets lost he could get hurt or be taken by someone not so trusting. You don't have to go into detail, but just let him know that some people aren't nice and you are leaving him with people you can trust. In those terms he may get that, oh if I run I may not see mommy.

You need to set more boundaries. But kids run. that is what they do.

You said for him not to run "away" What does that mean to a three year old? Away is a far off term and he may not think he is running away. How about dont leave your class without your teacher or your mommy? Every day he doesnt leave class he gets an extra sticker. Positive reinforcement is so big at this age. I would have the teacher hold his hand just like you do when you are out. If it works for you it should work for them also. Our MDO class does have a baby lock on the inside of the door for that very reason. They have a runner and know they have to keep him in the class. In the hallways, my three year old knows to hold a bubble in her mouth and put her hands behind her back, just like my kinder kid does at her school. It is much harder to think about running when you have to think about who has the biggest bubble and your hands are behind your back.

I am so sorry! I have not had this experience, but in my opinion, I would look for a different Mother's Day Out program. Yes, you should help out in any way that you can, but they are not able to keep him "safe" and expect you to do something about it. I only say this out of fear for his safely.

Good luck!
A.

Who are these teachers? Have they never worked with normal 2 year olds? I used to work in daycare and I will tell you most of the 2,3 and 4 year olds would run around and out the door if you let them. It is the teachers responsibility to deal with this behavior. I know some daycares use a rope with loops on it and all the children when standing in line to go outside must hold a loop. They could also use the buddy system and have the children hold their buddies hand. If he is the only one that runs out, then he will need to be the teachers buddy.I never would have bother one of my parents with an issue like this, it seems very silly to me. If he doesn't pay attention to the teachers then they need to use time out to let him know that he needs to follow the rules. He is acting this way because they are letting him.

If I were you I would be mad at them for almost letting him run outside!

Good luck!