Appropriate Sleep Strategies

Hi B.,

The only advice I could give is to try to offer another way for her to soothe herself. Maybe she can tickle her arm instead. My son used to like when I would rub his belly with the ears of his rabbit and he eventually started doing it on his own to fall asleep. I know it is hard to break a habit once it has routinely set in. My son who I previously mentioned is now 7 and has a very bad habit of flapping his arms like a bird whenever he reads or is deep in thought. Though it doesn't harm anyone it is a habit that needs to be broken and we regret not nipping it in the bud a long time ago. We just assumed he would grow out of it. Now that this habit has set in it is been very difficult to break. Hope you find this info. helpful. Good Luck!

I would say that the 'less is more' approach is the way to go when dealing with any kind of pseudo-sexual behavior in such a young child. What I mean is that dealing with it in a simple, non-judgemental and caring way is generally the best way to address something like this, if at all. The other mama's have given great advice to that effect. Children at this age don't have a sexual desire as we adults think of it so their actions (kissing classmates, showing privates, etc.) is just out of curiosity. I think adults project too many of their attitues and feelings onto children in general and especially in areas of sexuality - just my opinion :)

You mentioned 'Christian' advice - I am not sure exactly what you mean, but there is no where in the Holy Bible that says masturbation is wrong. The Old Testament story of Tamar and the 'spilling of the seed' is often used as Biblical proof that God disapproves of masturbation but that is not the context. God struck down the brother because he did not obey the commandment of kindsman-redeemer to Tamar (I won't go into anymore details here - if you want more, please send me a message). In our family, we believe that God is mostly concerned about the intentions and purity of our hearts and minds and when it comes to this issue it's more a matter of 'where your mind goes'. Because your daughter is so young and is only doing her 'rocking' because of a self-soothing behavior, then there is absolutely no cause for concern as far as 'Christianity' is concerned.

As parents, we can only encourage our children to choose particular things or actions to soothe themselves but ultimately it is up to them to decide what works for them. I would say don't stress about it and chances are she will keep it to herself or give it up altogether at some point. Just give her lots of love and help her feel secure, which I am sure you already do!

Good luck!

Hi B.,
This is definitely not a professsional opinion but thought I would share our experience with this. My now 6 year old daughter use to "hump her baby" as her dad and I would call it. She never had words for it. It started as she would fall asleep around one year of age. We really never said anything to her about it unless she was doing it anywhere besides her bedroom. In those cases I would tell her to go to her room with baby. The behavior has pretty much stopped and it never grew to anything other than a way for her to put herself to sleep or something she did when tired. I personally don't think what she is doing is inappropriate in the privacy of her own room. The less big deal you make of it the less big deal she thinks it is. Of course it become an issue if she does it all the time in inappropriate places but doesn't sound like that is where you are. Good luck with finding the most appropriate way to deal with this stage. J.

Thank you for your posting! My daughter is 4 years old and has been doing the same thing (rocking on her blanket) for the past several months. It started out only at bedtime and then at naptime... now I see her doing it while watching cartoons or sometimes sneaking up to her room to do it. I thought in the beginning it was just a natural phase of curiosity and comfort, but I'm beginning to worry about the frequency. My husband and I both spoke to her about it being a private thing that she can do in her bed, but not the living room. When I ask her to stop she says she can't and won't!
I'm sorry I have no advice for you, but it is wonderful to hear another parent with the same issues. Good luck!

I remember a girl in first grade who did this in her chair. After she got enough strange looks- she stopped.
She is only three. In the scheme of things - that is REALLY still very young and if she found something that works, then I would be happy with that!!!
It could be a good time to start introducing the books about her body to her...

She's only three -- why take away something that comforts her? And if you take away the blanket, she is likely only to find something else to rub against to get the same sensation; it's not like taking away a pacifier she can't replace herself. I get the impression you see this as a sexual action but at her age she has no notion of that -- it simply comforts and relaxes her. Like the other person who posted said, this is normal, and it will pass as she gets older and better at falling asleep, and should be an issue only if she starts doing it at other times and places than in her bed at bedtime. If that happens it becomes a time to talk about appopriateness but that's all--don't forbid her, send her to her room like the other parents did. If you still don't like the bedtime self-comforting, try giving her a new special toy for bedtime, or maybe playing soothing audio CDs of very calming music that you save for bedtime only for her to fall asleep to -- but I would never take away the blanket in exchange for those things, I'd only add them as alternatives.

Check with your pediatrician to make sure there is no urinary problem. My niece used to "rock" on arm chairs, etc. May be something there and it can get embarrassing. Good luck. The little blankets with the shiny edging always worked for my kids and other kids as well. Little ones like to touch their noses/cheeks with it or cover their faces with the special blankets---great for sleep time and the blankets are cute too!

There really is no reason to take it away, as she gets old and the sensation changes, to what I'm assuming you're worried about, it being a sexual feeling, she'll have stopped it on her own. My guess is by 5 or 6 at the latest this will stop. There is no reason to cause a fight that will disrupt her sleep habits. It's not sexual to her, and by addressing it you risk making her feel ashamed of that behavior, which will lead to sexual issue. It's hard, but we have to remember until they're old enough, these things aren't what they are for us.

Wow thats a new predicament I havent heard before. Um perhaps that habit should have been diverted long ago. I dont know that you can change it now. I mean you can take the blanket, but she will always have some other blanket. You might just want to work on the motion aspect of it. You might try patting her to sleep for a while and see if she can forget about the other method. Good luck.

PS: I just went and read some of the other responses. I keep wondering if its really inbred in children to masturbate or if they are influenced into the act. Someone will have to answer this for me as Ive never had any children that have done it and my one friend whose children did do it were sexually influenced. So I always just blamed it on that. I know body exploration is normal, but to such extent and frequency??? I never did it as a child. I was always kept busy and never really had the time to sit and think "hm, I'll do this cuz it feels good". At night I went to bed and went to sleep. My children are the same way. As an adult I dont do it either, my husband satisfies any sexual need I have as I feel its his "job".
I'd love to hear other peoples opinions as to whether it is an influenced behaviour or random...meaning some will do it others wont.
For some reason I have quite a hang up about it and dont feel its a healthy act to engage in, altho I understand its normal. I know, that sounds so conflicting, but I cant get over my hang up about masturbation.

Hi B.,
I see that you have received some good advice regarding this issue. However, I have a different opinion. I would try to replace this method of falling asleep with something else.I would suggest reading to her when you know she is ready to go to sleep. If you see her starting to rock, simply tell her that you are going to try something new. Sit in bed with her and read to her until she falls alseep. Give her a nice warm bath before bed. Use the soothing bath products for children. Another suggestion would be to get her a teddy bear or doll. And let her rock it to sleep (without the blanket) when she is ready to go to sleep. I hope this helps. Be blessed!!