Appropriate Age to Attend Events Alone Ie Hs Football Game, Mall, Local Sports

thye aer to young yet maybe in a couple of years. That is wheni kids comes up missing, i would nOT let tehm not yet or go with tehm adn let then sit with there friends. i did for a while now she is 16 and i still go some times and don't sit with her.
T.

I just wanted to add my support to your decision. I think your kids are too young to be dropped off. I like that you are nearby in case they do have a situation they aren't ready to handle. Good for you!

I was a freshman in HS before I was allowed to go anywhere w/out my parents being present. And even then, I had a very strict cerfew that had to be stuck to. Our oldest daughter is 8, very quickly approaching 9,and can't understand why we won't allow her to walk around town with her friends. We've already discussed w/ her that she will be able to do that when she reaches HS herself...maybe.

In my personal opinion, I think 10 and 12 are too young to be left alone. I have a 10 yr old son and when I take him to his soccer and baseball practices, I still stay the entire time. It might not be easy since I have a 2 yr old that I need to keep occupied, but I still stay. Sadly, I am one of the only parents that do stay, but I do not feel comfortable leaving him alone just yet.

Especially at football games and night time events I would not leave them w/o adult supervision. You never know who could be lurking around the football fields. My son had his first day of school a few weeks ago and he already brought home a paper warning us about a white van that is trying to lure children in while they are waiting for the bus. It's a shame that there are people out there like.

Bottom line, just because other parents leave their kids alone doesn't mean you have to if you are not comfortable in doing so. I would rather be safe than sorry.

Hi H.,
We are in a relatively small town, and have a community pool.
The minimum age for children to attend alone is 11, however it's only open daylight hours and is heavily chaperoned by adults that either work or volunteer there.

Personally, I have only this year allowed my 13 year old to attend evening/night events such as sports or practices without a parent. I make sure she has a little emergency cash hidden in her shoe for instance, and a fully charged cell phone. I know from experience that these events are not only attended by adults/families I know, but are also patrolled by the local police.

She wants to be dropped off at the mall with just a friend or two, but even though some of her friends are allowed to do this, I still feel 13 is too young to be that far away from home alone without a parent/adult.

It is my opinion that 10 is way to young to attend anything alone. I would allow it if a small group of children were to attend with one of the kids parents in attendance as well.

It would also depend on the maturity/personality of the child. While I allow my 13 year old to attend some of these events without direct adult supervision, her and I both are aware that any adults that happen to be there are not there for HER supervision, but she is mature enough to stay away from "trouble" and/or immediately seek help should it be needed. She does not cave easily to peer pressure, has good judgment, and is comfortable with who she is.
My 8 year old.....even when she is 13, I don't think she would have the same level of maturity. It is the 8 year old's nature to seek "adventure" rather than avoid it. Ha!

I have attended some of these events and observed children that I know from being friends with my own kids.
Some of these children should not be without direct supervision, simply because of their personalities away from adults. We all know the kids I'm referring to. Personally, some adults shouldn't be without adult supervision. :-)

Stick to what you are comfortable with, and what you know your children can handle. What they complain about now, they will thank you for at 30.
A.

I wouldn't have a problem dropping mine off at a game - our school is set up that the stadium is all fenced in and they have to buy a ticket to get in. There is really no where for them to go except walk around and talk to friends. this is a different environment than the mall - I would feel a little more uncomfortable there. It all depends on how you feel and how responsible your children are.

Hi, H.:

You have the right idea about keeping together as a family.

I have alot of experience working with families. To me, as long as the children are living at home and still in school, including high school, they need parents to monitor their activities.

If the children want to go to football games, sock hop what ever children do now a days, sit down with them before hand and establish some guidelines and consequences.

For example:

You and the girls sit down and write up the guidelines for the event which will outline the expectations.

Then you all come up with some consequences when the guidlenes are not followed.

When you go out, everyone knows what is expected.

Now the other parents: they are expecting someone else to look out for their children. If anything happens to their child, they will be quick to blame the other party and not themselves.

(My daughter had this problem at the 4-H horse show when a parent went off and left her child and expected my daugther to watch her. To make a long story short. The parent reported my daughter to the staff because my daughter did not know that she expected her to watch the child.)

I hope this helps. Good luck. Be a watchful parent as long as these girls are in school D.

Hi H.,

My husband and I make it to just about every baseball game my son has played from 4-14 and continuing . My husband often stays for many practices.Occasionaly we would have to miss a game. If we knew the coach or a friend on the team we would ask for them to take my son and it would work out pretty well. My husband would always feel bad about missing a game.

I think kids love when their parents go to the games.I have met some very nice people by going and usually would sit with a group of women and chat for the almost 2 hours. The husbands bond and brag about their kids.

Staying involved in your kids lives doesn't stop at any age.

If you need to miss 1or 2 game a season and someone can take them ,that will not make them feel you are abandoning them. Especially if you ask them lots of questions after.

Good luck with your decision.

L.

H.,
My son is small still--age 6-- BUT there are parents who have felt comfortable dropping off their kids at a Nursery school age birthday party! I was shocked when they asked "what time should I come and get him?" !!! My point is that YOU have to do what feels right to YOU and no O. else. Good luck!

I'm with you too. 10 is too young to be dropped off. 12 seems to be a turning point where they can start having what I like to call supervised independence. At the high school games there were 3 of us parents who would take turns going to the games and being the mom in charge when our girls were in 7th & 8th grades. Same with the mall, I'd take my daughter and a friend and they could walk around by themselves but I was still in the mall too. One night my daughter and a friend were dropped off at the movies by another mom and she didn't stay, which I agreed to, then the girls came out from around the side of the building when the mom picked them up. Thus ended the dropping off at the movies!! Now that mine is 14 and in high school she's just started being dropped off at the games and mall and it's going well.

I wonder if it's a case of other parents having older children who have been there done that so by the time your child's friend is that age the parents don't think it is any big deal.
I'm with you, probably not a football game by themselves, maybe the mall for small periods of time, if you were also in the mall somewhere.

I just wanted to write and tell people that IMO relying on a cell phone, is a false sense of security. I"m sure most people trust their kids not to lie, but sometimes that does happen, And not to be extreme but if there was a problem and your child couldn't use the phone, or even if they did, it would take time for you to get there and deal with the issue if it was serious. So like i said that is just my opinion, but don't think because your kid has a phone in his pocket that he is safe.

Personally I don't feel that is a good age to be dropping off young children by themselves. Also who is going to be with them? Are they by themselves or in a group? My fear is what they do under the bleachers with no supervision.
Make sure you know really well the kids they hang out with before you drop them off.

Hi H., I think that 10 and 12 yr olds are too young to be dropped anywhere without an adult! Call me old fashioned, but I am still not really comfortable with dropping my 15 yr old anywhere...and that's not because I don't trust her...I don't trust all the weirdos out in the world! Check with your school, our school has a rule at football games that no one under the age of 13 is allowed at the games without an adult. As far as the mall, when I take my three (17,15 &12) I do let the 17 & 15 yr olds go off on their own because they have cell phones and I require them to meet me at set times in the food court. I do not appoligize for protecting my kids to anyone and you shouldn't either. Your kids, Your home, Your rules! Best wishes.

Our kids are 13 and 10...went to the HS football game WITH them just last night. Our oldest sat with his friends in the student section, and the younger one sat with us. The older one had a phone if he needed to reach us, and he knew where we were sitting. When he and another kid got into a squabble...he came and hung out with us for 10 minutes or so before heading back to sit with the other kids. I think there's too much that can wrong at a HS football game...they need an adult on the premisis...whether it's you or another trusted adult...they should have someone they can go to. I would say the same for the mall...the movies etc. Ours is a good kids...and he's given us no reason not to trust him...but there are weird people out there...and many of them hang out at HS football games.

It's a different story if it's their sports practice. Our oldest plays football and we drop him for practice and return 15 minutes or so before it ends. They are engaged the whole time and supervised by the coaches

I'm not sure how I feel about that too. Is your child comfortable with going without you? Do you feel like you can trust your child to make smart choices? Do you live in a safe area?

My oldest is only 7 but I still can't even leave him at a birthday party. He won't let me go. I have to say I sort of don't mind that he is still so attached. It's not that it is unhealthy because he is independent in other ways i.e. school , summer camp etc. are no problems.

Maybe you can take a baby step by going to the mall with him and letting him roam for say 1 hour while you have dinner. If he can prove responsible enough to follow that rule maybe you will be more apt to let him have a longer leash. (No insult intended, I just don't know how else to word it.)

Best of luck.

I totally agree with you! I just went through this situation with my 14 year old son. I was against him being dropped off with his friends, partly due to what we used to do as kids at local football games. But he's 14 and in 8th grade. My opinion is, they're going to go and wander around, but do we know what's going on under the bleaches and those back areas? To me, if the child isn't even in high school themselves then they don't belong there, unless you're going to actually watch the game together as a family.

I found later that it ended up being different than what my son first described to me. He and one friend was going with the other boy's mother. They all sat and watched the game, no wandering. My son is athletic and actually wanted to sit and watch the game, not do laps around the field to socialize and risk getting into trouble. That was ok with me, as long as he's supervised and is watching the game.

If you know and trust the parents, and they know that your expectations are to sit and watch the game and enjoy the game then it would be ok, but at 10 and 12 I'd still want a tight leash on the kids because the place is full of high schoolers with their own agendas, and one of them is to pick on the younger kids who are trying to fit in with the older ones.

I say no way unless there's absolute supervision and they're watching the game. For me, I wouldn't feel comfortable dropping off my son until he was 16, which is old enough for him to drive himself there.

You have every right to create your own rules and it is hard when other parents let their children do whatever they please and act older than they are. Drives me nuts with a 5 year old neighbor girl is allowed to go all over the place alone and then tries to get my almost 5 year old triplets to follow behind her. Needless to say, my children have boundaries where her parents could care less and just let her run wild cuz they're too lazy to actually parent the little girl. Very sad.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

As a parent of a band mamber - I have been to every single football game home and away - just starting our 4 (and last - horray!)year. I see kids without parents running around everywhere at these games and it drives me crazy! We have plenty of security - so these kids are safe - but they don't go to watch the game and often just stand and block peoples in the bleachers view of the field (which they are not allowed to do)
As an involved parent - unless there is a sibling playing football, cheerleading and band - or a parent is there to "control" their child's action - elementary age students should stay home. The middle school kids are ok - as long as they follow the rules - most of them just walk around for the 3 or 4 hours we are there. I mean constantly - last night two girls (my neighbors actually) both middle school age - one is home schooled - must have walked by be (seated on 50 yard line - home side) 30 times. On the plus side - they are getting plenty of exercise! Some older high schoolers get a little rowdy - but there is always so much drama at that age.
Trust your kids - you know them better than anyone else. You know who they hang out with - be involved -- or let them go to a game - drop them off - you come in a little later and watch the "game" (and your kids), to see if they are following the rules you set forth - without them knowing you are there. Kinda sneaky - but will help to set your mind at ease.
Our story is a little different - we have to be there - our daughter is in the band and has severe asthma - she carries her inhaler - we carry the nebulizer - we trust her completely - and when she goes with her boyfirend or otehr friends - she has to take the nebulizer with her but is permitted to leave it in her car (or thiers).

Believe in your kids - if you trust them - and they are in middle or Junior High - give them a chance. Hey if they blow it - bust them for it and not let them go again for the season.

I freaked out the first time she drove to school alone and didn't call me when she got there - It turned out to be a phone problem - but having the nurse on speed dail I was able to check quickly.
Our rule is anytime she goes somewhere she must call us and let us know that she got there and again when she is leaving. If she gets delayed or stops for something - again another call. It is a safety precaution we all take - you never know when a accident will happen.
- btw - she pulls off the road to make a call and she does not text while driving. We can all live by this example and I am trying to be better (I don't text - but do take an occasional call)

Good rule to follow as the next week she had an asthma attack driving to school by herself - (it worked out okay as we were several minutes behind her taking another car back to the dealer for repair that morning)
Good Luck

I agree with you. Children are very impressionable at 10 and 12. I do not plan on letting my children attend highschool games by themselves at that age. My mother made that mistake with me and it didn't turn out so well her trusting my judgement at that age. God bless and Good job;)

well, my thoughts are... it doesnt matter what other parents are doing.. if you are not comfortable with their parenting methods you need to remember that you are not them and stick to what you are comfortable with.
ultimately, they are your children and what you say goes.

Is there another adult that you would feel comfortable with that could take your children to these events when you are not able to attend?

10 and 12 are still very young to be out by themselves and I agree completely with your view!

H.,

For us, we take it on a case-by-case basis, evaluating each situation individually. Both of our kids have really nice friends and are not the kind of kids that look for or get into trouble. If they were, my answer might be different.

We have not had our 10 year old go anywhere without adult supervision, and he has not asked for it (yet). He is a very mature 10 year old, but he's still just 10! Our 14 year old has gone places with her friends, without any of the parents. We started this slowly. Five girls would get together for dinner at a local restaurant, and a parent or 2 might be at another table across the restaurant. Ditto re movies, shopping, etc. She now does go places with just friends but, again, we evaluate each request individually, are very aware of where she will be and with whom, and make sure she checks in with us along the way. She is in high school now, and with that comes learning more independence, as in a blink she will be off to college!

Also, there does not seem to be a difference in parenting among my daughter's friends' parents. We all seem to be equally on top of where they are and with whom, and we all eased the girls into this together.

One caveat about my son being with adults at all times...my daughter babysits and is very mature and I have dropped them off for some brother-sister time together at a local restaurant, and then picked them up. They check in with me, do not leave, etc. They feel good about it, and I'm on top of it.

Good luck!

Each child and family differ in what they is is the correct age and place for a child to have some solo time. I would speak withthe parents of my childrens other friedns and ask them what they do when they drop off thier child? OFr example: Do they give the child a phone to use to check in with them and let them know when the game is over? Do they have a certain time that they come to the game to "get" their child? Is there a check in system with the parents that you are unaware of?

If this doesn't exist I woudl simply try to put a system in place that you are comfortable with. Either with the other parents or by attendign more games (if you desire). Despite a childs claim otherwise you are not squashing them or their budding lives. You are the parent and if you don't like the rules that are in place, clarify with your children so they understand or make yourself available to them so they can participate ina structured manner.