I ask this because I see so many moms saying they won't endanger their sons by sending them into the men's locker room. They make it sound as though boys are molested in locker rooms all the time. I have never seen a report of it happening in my city, so I googled "boys molested in locker rooms". After nine pages of Jerry Sandusky I came upon one case that occured in 2009 somewhere in Washington. I've heard of many boys who were molested by family members, family friends and coaches, but not strangers. I know it does happen, but I also know that it is a very rare occurence. I wonder why so many of you feel that it is such a risk?
Interesting. Thanks for the responses. I guess I am fortunate then that my boys always have each other when they are in the locker room, and usually a few friends with them as well. We also belong to a fairly busy YMCA where there are always many men coming and going from the locker room, ensuring that a potential molestor would never have the privacy to do something like that. They are also well monitored by the staff. We also live in a low crime area of a small city. When I did start sending them into the mens locker room my concerns were about them fooling around, getting into mischief, not locking their lockers, losing their towels and annoying the other members, but I was never concerned that anything would happen to them.
Lillym-yikes! That would be disturbing. Of course when that sort of behaviour is reported at the Y (and I am sure your husband reported it, right?) the perpetrator would be banned.
BB-the idea of seeing inappropriate things didn't occur to me. While I have never been in the men's locker room, I have always assumed they are just showering and dressing, same as in the womens. I don't imagine that what Lilym's husband saw is a regular occurence. I don't know too many guys who would be cool with another guy doing that in front of them.
I think its more about limiting potential harm. I don't think its that hard to understand.
It's why we cut up grapes and hot dogs for toddlers.
It's why we put sunscreen on wiggling kids.
Same thing.
If my son was in the men's locker room with a brother or good friend I would not be worried either! But I find it really hard to believe that you don't understand why a mother would send a young boy into a men's locker room all by himself and NOT be concerned that he will see inappropriate things at very least.
just because no one has ever died in a car accident on the 1 mile stretch between my mom's house and the highway doesn't mean we don't bother to put on seatbelts until we get to the highway.
if you know that child molestation in general is pretty common why wouldn't you try to protect them? if it's mostly by people they know, should we only be vigilant around people we know?
when i myself say i wouldn't endanger my son, i am speaking about my 5 year old who is very sweet and trusting, and you know what, i'm not 100% sure he'd speak up if someone approached him. so without apologies, yes, he goes into the ladies' room with me. i have never had the issue that we needed to use a locker room together, and when there is a family restroom available we use it.
why does the question even bear asking, whether someone should worry about their small child going into a locker room on their own? why WOULDN'T you?
ETA:
BUG thank you for your story. not happy to hear it but good to know i'm not a paranoid idiot. there are sickos everywhere.
It's rare, but it does happen.
Why increase your chances?
reasonable precautions, sensible preventative measures, but i choose not to live in a state of paranoia.
i think the world is a fundamentally good place, and most people are apt to help and protect children. and that's the attitude i wanted my boys to grow up with.
khairete
S.
I don't care if it's a men's locker room or a women's locker room. The fact remains, for ME, that they will not be going into ANY locker room unless I or my husband are with them.
L.
Googling "boys molested in locker rooms" isn't going to give you an accurate estimate. It happens and it happens more than we know, so why allow our kids to become one of the statistics? How do we know that it's rare? Are all young boys readily sharing that someone touched them inappropriately? I'd rather be safe than very, very, very sorry.
ETA2: I think there is confusion in your post. Are you asking if we allow our children to use public facilities or are you asking why we don't allow them to use public facilities?
ETA: Jo - thanks!! I didn't mention that allow my children to use the bathrooms at restaurants, locker rooms, etc. and like Jo - I know how long it should take.
here are some links I found. One goes back to 1998.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/07/boy-6-raped...
http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/10/14/registered-sex-...
http://www.cnn.com/US/9811/16/boy.killed.02/
http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-hospital-molestatio...
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As I tell my kids - their safety is my priority. I trust my kids - I don't trust people I don't know with my kids.
How would you feel if your child was molested and you could have prevented it? Isn't the popular saying an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?
It never even occurred to me to research it. I don't care if it's common or not. I just know that it's possible -- a room designed for being naked/partially naked in relative private with strangers, especially since men's rooms have them peeing in urinals, not behind closed doors. This is the first year I have allowed my son to go by himself to the men's room -- our pool does not have a family rest room and I did take him with me up until age six (even though the cut off was 4). I am typically a staunch rule follower, but when it comes to my children's safety, I choose what's right. He's not there to look at girls, and when someone said something to me, I stopped. But that meant when he had to pee, we left. This year, he goes in by himself, but it was with a long lecture about not allowing anyone to look at his body, talk to him, etc. I'm still not comfortable with it, but when your pool doesn't offer a family room, I'm not about to send a 5 year old to the bathroom by himself.
What I find interesting about the answers is it seems no one has tried. My sons from when they were five years old on used the men's locker room. I knew exactly how long they should take and at that point had they not been out front I would have asked a man to please explain to my son the value of his privileges.
It never happened mind you, every time I got out of the women's locker room with my daughter my son would be there waiting for me. Figuring out what treat he would request from the snack machine.
I am sure there are times when I would feel not such a good idea. The YMCA locker room was just not such a place.
In general, I would be cautious with my child, male or female. There was a time, long after SD was old enough to go to the restroom alone, where she walked in, got skeeved out by a woman in there, and walked out to ask us to please take her to another store to use a restroom. Kids have to learn to use their heads and until they are able to do so, they should not be tasked with going it alone, whatever age it is for your child.
I don't know of any, Sherri. I do know a little girl who was molested in a store. She was a piano student of a friend of mine. It was a terrible thing. Of course, that has nothing to do with a locker room.
I agree with what Suz T. said. Plus, I'm one who would stand outside yelling into the door "Are you done yet?" over and over. My kids would have come running due to Mom embarrassing them to death!!
Dawn
My thoughts also go towards Jerry Sandusky, but he was not a stranger to those boys. I'm with you. My younger boys need to walk through the men's locker room to get to the pool. I do have them change in stalls that are in the pool area and not either locker room, but that's because I don't want them running around a wet locker room unsupervised, bothering other people and possible slipping and falling on a wet tile floor. I have no qualms about them walking through the locker room, or going in to use the rest room in that locker room if needed. I also let them go into public restrooms as need. If we were somewhere shady like a rest area or gas station, I would be more cautious but for local places like restaurants, hockey rinks etc. I'm totally fine with it. I'm talking about my 6 & 8 year olds.
To be honest, I don't have to know of a case, it does happen whether it's frequent or rare, it does happen, and I wouldn't want that for my child.
Nope, but this happened in a fast food place 2 blocks from where I work.
http://www.katu.com/news/local/Man-barricaded-inside-a-We...
I imagine it's because often times things like that are not reported or prosecuted and therefore not in the newspaper. But it's not just about molestation, but also the idea of sending a child unsupervised into a room where you don't know what's happening. Is your son meeting up with a friend who talks him into clogging the toilets with wads of toilet paper? Does he know where his clothes are, where the towels are? Is he dawdling, lost, confused? Much of it depends I'm sure on the set up of the building. In our current club, the boys and girls "family" changing rooms are used primarily by kids and their parents, as there are adult-only rooms on the far side. And these are located right next to each other, so we can practically still hear each other. I have no problem sending my 9-year-old son in there. At our old public pool, I don't think I would have (he was too young then anyway). The women's and men's rooms were on the opposite sides of a large building, and were really confusing even for me to find which door led where. They were more open to the public (more strangers and randoms), where he might have felt more overwhelmed even if nothing "bad" happened.
The people my kiddo was harrassed by were the other kids in the YMCA program he was attending. I was really pissed when I found out that they just sent the group of 4,5,6,7 year olds into the locker room to change alone. Of course my son didn't get home with his swim suit, when I asked about it I was told that the directors son had taken it and thrown it in a toilet.
I'm still paranoid about my younger one going in alone. I admitted it earlier, I watch the news too much and my imagination is obviously too active.
m
It may not be that they fear it is a big risk but rather they don't want their child to be that 1 in a million that it happens too. I know locally there was a man in the bathroom at a fast food restaurant who claims to have been "helping" this little boy go potty...the little boy did not know him, did not ask for or need his help. It does happen...my sister won't send him son in the mens room without a trusted adult (even with another one of the kids with him). I also heard of a young boy in another state (can't remember but I think CA) who went into the bathroom at a beach and was killed in the couple seconds he was in there alone...again, rare but is it worth the risk?
I think you're right, but I can't say it doesn't make me a little nervous. One of the main reasons I still take my son into the women's locker room is that he is so slow! He would wonder around and be goofy and it would make us late and make me mad and I don't want to deal with it.
There's a maturity factor involved. My son is not mature enough to behave properly. He gets goofy when he's with me! I don't want to know what he would do if I sent him in there alone!
This is something that we are working towards. I want him to understand what he needs to do and how he needs to behave. But I'll be sending him in there with his daddy for awhile before he attempts doing it by himself.
We don't go to locker rooms with the kids (if I'm at the fitness center then they are in the childcare, if we're at the pool then we dry off, sit on a towel, ride home in our swimsuits). If going to the restrooms, I USUALLY take my eldest (age 5) with me. If there's no family room or he wants to go to the men's room, it just depends on where it is. I'll have him check the bathroom real quick (the room, feet showing under stalls) and tell me if anyone's in there, while I'm standing at the open door. I hold the door open and he'll say "it's empty mom!" and he can go. If there's someone in it, he can wait by me or he can go to the ladies' room. I'll let him go with his cousin though, who's 12 and has a great head on his shoulders.
When my brother was really young (somewhere around age 4-6) he went to the mens room and mom overheard some "big kids" being ugly. I'm not sure what happened or what she heard, but she walked straight in there like it was her living room and fixed the situation while I stood by the door. (I was young, I don't know what was up). But for my DFW friends: we were at North East Mall for a Ft Worth Child event and while I kept our place in line, my husband ran my son (age 1 1/2 at the time) to the bathroom to change his diaper. There was an old creeper in there who was so screwed up he said some weird rhyming that was pervy, and that was WITH MY HUSBAND PRESENT. I reported it to mall security and described the man, that he was just hanging out in there not going to the bathroom, just waiting around in there. So, that's why my son can't go to the bathroom if someone is in there. And I guard the door (with it open so I can hear) until he gets out. I've never had a man complain about it, it's always a quick trip. He knows that he's not going "poo" in a men's restroom---that's at home, a family restroom, or a ladies' room. Period.
And wasn't John Walsh's son killed in a department store bathroom by a pedophile? Something like that.....it's why he started America's Most Wanted to begin with.
5-6 year old boys in the locker room, not a problem. 10-year old boys in the women's locker room? Not ok by me. I spoke to pool staff about it and they agreed.
Last I heard the stats were 1 in 6 girls and 1 in 33 boys were molested or raped. Of that 2/3 of the attackers the victim knows. Under the age of 18 though 93% know their attacker!
So are there alot of cases of attacks in locker rooms? Statistically no. Statistically it's still the creepy uncle or family friend more than likely but there are cases every year. Just not very many.
But my husband has told me about things he's seen in the locker room of fitness clubs, hotels, SCHOOL even that no child should see. Men masturbating for all to see or having graphic sex talks about previous encounters. So I'd never send my son in. I'd rather him see breasts than some guy playing with himself for all to see.
Edit: Oh and you should watch Little Britain USA. They actually spoof a bit on guys locker rooms. It's both disturbing and hilarious.
