My fiance was laid off from work and couldnt keep up with child support for his 3 year old son from a bad realtionship and also she hasnt let him see his son in 2 years , even though he is supposed to get visitation. Everytime he would go to see him she would get mad because he didnt want her and leave or call her family to come beat him up, so he quit trying and she still harasses us with emails, calls, driving by yelling but the courts in oklahoma still side with the mother. Anyway, he is behind about 3000$ and wants to know if he signs his paternal rights over will he still have to pay every month or will he just have to catch up on the backpay and be done with it? He is willing to pay the past due balance but doesnt want to pay her for not getting to see his son that she lets her parents keep unless she has to make an appearance with him in court. So if anyone has been through it or knows about signing rights over please advise! Oh and i kno we should get an attorney but they are so expensive!!
Thanks for all your support and good answers, that website is helping us figure stuff out. I hope that anyone who read this and judged or jumped to conclusions never has to be in this situation and know what its like to have a good father taken away from the family that needs him because a truly horrible person didn't get her way. Thanks!
I suggest that you contact these people.
http://www.fathersparentalrights.com/childsupport.html
They will work with you.
M.
parental rights are not the same as parental obligations.
The child has a right to support from the parent. Your fiance canNOT sign away his financial obligation toward the child, unless the child is adopted and someone else is taking ON that same financial obligation. (Mom gets married and new husband decides he wants to adopt the kids type scenario, or the child is given up for adoption).
He can sign away his parental 'rights' whenever he chooses. But that doesn't eliminate his obligations... only means that he has NO say so anymore or rights to visit the child. He is still obligated to support the child. It is the CHILD's right to be supported. Your fiance cannot sign away or "give up" a right that belongs to the child.
That said, visitation is a separate issue from support. If he isn't being allowed his proper visitation with his child, then he can file contempt proceedings against the mom. Regardless of whether he is behind in support or not. The two issues are separate. Granted... she can turn right around and counter-sue for contempt of court for failing to pay... then they'll BOTH be in trouble, but he won't be denied visitation BECAUSE he is behind.
But I'm curious... his son is 3 yrs old and your fiance is $3,000 (thousand) dollars behind in support? How long has he been laid off? Did this all accumulate since he was laid off? or was he already behind b/c he stopped paying when she stopped letting him visit? Just curious.... I worked in Child Support Enforcement for a few years... and I've seen this pattern before.... Either someone doesn't do a very good job explaining... or people don't listen to what is told to them, as 90% of parents denied visitation stop paying b/c they think it is "fair" or as retribution or something.
Unless he wants to be "on the hook" for support for another 15-17 years or so and have NO say so and NO visitation.... DO NOT sign away his parental rights.
hope this helps clarify for you.
my other half went through a similar issue with his ex. tell him to look for father advocates. They will help him fight visitation issues and custody if he wants to take it. Now I will tellyou my other half learned the hard way she made it hard for him to see his kids and still does. He dissapeared for a while becuase of her harassment. now he seriously regrets it. tell him not to give in too her. If her parents has custody he can make the child support go to her parents not her.
But my other half didn't sign his rights away either. If he needs a man whose been there and regrets it to talk to him send me a private message. I will have mine get in touch with him. Mine is a good daddy but his ex just won't let him be a good daddy. Like your other half is denied visitation and everything. He calls she calls the cops on him for harassment for trying to talk to his kids. etc. so they will be able to relate to each other.
Visitation and support are 2 unrelated issues according to the court. He can't refuse to pay because he can't see the child, and she can't refuse to let him see the child because he's not paying. Each is a separate court issue and one doesn't excuse the other.
When it's time for visitation, call the police to escort him there to pick up the child. Everytime she calls, emails, anything, write it down. Even if it goes well, write it down. If you have documentation it looks a lot better in front of a judge than just "Well, she said........". It worked for my nephew.
Yes, it's a lot of work, but will be worth it.
yes, attorneys can be expensive, but if he had a good one most of what has happened would be stopped and he must not want to see his son very much or he would fight for him more and if he doesn't want to be a father to his son well he needs an attorney
I know that legally she cant keep him from his son just because he didnt pay child support.
You obviously have a court order for child support and you should have one for visitation as well...you should keep paying and then when it is your time to have the child go pick him up and call the cops if she doesn't let you guys have him. She can be taken to court for not following the parenting plan. I would choose a time that is clearly yours (so there is no room for error) then be there to get him at the designated time and bring the order/parenting plan to prove to the cops that is your time. I believe that you can not legally with hold visitation for lack of payment. You guys can not keep ignoring this child just because the mom is obnoxious...it sounds like she is still harassing you anyway so it might as well be worth the harassment and accomplishing something....like this child being able to see his father.
I am going to be blunt (I am sorry and hope you do not take offense) by not seeing this child for 2 yrs it looks like your fiance has abandoned his child and this is not a good thing. I do not believe that signing over his parental rights will make it so he doesn't have to pay child support...I am pretty sure it doesn't work this way. Sounds to me that you guys are looking for an easy way out and there really isn't one. You could sign over your rights but all that would do is relieve some (hopefully not all) guilt over not caring for this child. I think you all need to get your act in gear and be the adults...start paying something...anything...and then exercise your rights to visitation! This child should not be penalized for having a crazy mom!
If he signs away his rights he still has to pay child support, and back support, until the son is adopted (by new husband) and its final. So if thats not an option, maybe you could seek legal advise, Im not sure if its case by case, or if thats how it always is.
Went through this with my soon to be x hubands first daughter from first marriage.
But every child deserves both there parents, even if they cannot get along. She cannot withhold visitation due to not paying child support.
But if the support is to much, (maybe why behind) then you can petition the court to relook at the case and maybe get it lowered.
My childrens dad choose to walk away and never look back, and its so hard on my sons, to know there dad is out there, but doesnt want to see them. Think about your son, and what he is missing out on.
Maybe look into a 3rd party/ guardian ataliem, to help with visitaion pick up and drop off to be the liason between your fiance and his x
Best of LUck!
DO NOT SIGN OVER ANY RIGHTS!
Everything Victoria posted is accurate - if he signs over his rights he will still be obligated to pay, yet have no say whatsoever in anything about that child's life.
Its an awful situation to be in, you guys fight for it though - she can't keep him from seeing his son if he has visitation. The only way she could legally do that is if she petitioned a court to remove his visitation. Which is *super* unlikely to be granted as long as he's a decent guy just trying to see his kid (which it sounds like he is).... although I would be careful with the child support thing.... she doesn't need anymore tools against ya'll in her toolbox.
Best of luck to you!
I hope he doesn't sign his rights over. It might make his life easier as far as not dealing with the mom, but it's not right. He will still have to pay child support and have not say so in the childs life. Take the advice of others and document everything. He has a right to see his child if he wants to. The mother can fight him on it, but the court will win. If they say he can see his child...he can. It's a matter of does he want to. It might be easy to walk away but it's not about anybody but the child. If he has a crazy mom, his father walking away is not the answer. Best of luck to you all.
Edited because I realized I was passing judgment and that was not what you were asking for!
Even if the mom and your fiance both agreed on it, it still would be very unlikely, unless the mom had someone lined up to adopt the child.
If men could just sign over their parental rights, imagine how many men would be doing that to avoid paying child support! Unfortunately for him he really has no choice. He is not paying to see his son, he is paying to support the child that he helped create, wherever that child may be.
When you make a baby with somebody they are your responsibility. He should pay the child support. I can understand if the Mom is not raising the child and he hates to give her the money. If she truly is not raising the child maybe he could check into paying the child support to the grandparents who are raising him ( not sure if that is even legal). Either way, it is his responsibility to support his son.
If you sign your rights away you are no longer required to pay the child support (past or current).
My guess is that he'd still be responsible for the back child support. I've also heard that it's not very easy to sign your rights over. Plus would he really want to do that? I would hope that he'd walk through fire to have a relationship with his son, much less deal with this baby mama. I'm so sorry for your situation. The one who gets hurt the most is the baby.
In MS, once a father signs away his parental rights, he no longer has to pay child support.
