Anxiety

A child this age having overwhelming anxiety is in need of professional help, and so are her parents/caregivers--so they can get to the root of the problem and help change what it is that is causing her anxiety. I think this little girl is having a hard time coping with something and I think you just might want to discuss it with her parents.

WOW!

I started having really bad anxiety in my very, very early 20’s. At the time I didn’t even know that there was such a thing and thought I was going crazy. I knew at some point I was going to need help, 2 years passed and I started to search for help from the medical field. (embarrassed & pride) After several test they could not find anything medically wrong and told me a should seek help from a professional psychiatrist. I was never so afraid in my life and could not believe there was nothing wrong. After going to several psychiatrist over many years and setting my pride a side, I can now say for the past 8 yrs. or so I finally feel like I’m human again and I’m not CRAZY!! I can not stress enough how important it really is to seek HELP when you know something is not right within your own body. Trust me, anxiety is very serious and needs to be addressed. I am not a pill person and hated the fact of putting any kind of drug in my body. I know now that my anxiety was brought on by stress and was feeling completely over loaded at such a young age.

How do you know she has anxiety? Have they taken her to her doctor? Make sure to get a second opinion, she is sooooo young. I question myself “where is her anxiety coming from” (reason) Not that it’s not possible but WHY!! I have learned so much about anxiety/depression through many doctors, years, and books. I am now 43 and have 4 children and 1 grandchild. Seriously, the parents need to know first why she’s having anxiety. If you have internet access use it and make sure to tell the parents to contact her doctor if they haven’t already. She has along way to go before reaching an adult and it’s the parents and your responsibility to help her have a happy childhood and to help her understand that she’s going to be okay and to help her feel safe and understood as a child. As far as yourself. I’m not sure if your married (assuming) but have him help you when he can so you can have sometime alone, maybe even friends or family members can help. walk, read, having someone you can talk to, a nap, YMCA, join a friend for dinner or lunch, gardening, photo albums, puzzles, anything that will give you sometime for yourself so you can feel some what rejuvenated. Very important make sure to get your SLEEP. I really hope I was helpful, try to remember children are only young once.

Best of luck!!
S.

Parent’s

If I had my child to raise over again

I'd build self-esteem first and the house later

I'd finger paint more and point the finger less

I would do less correcting and more connecting

I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes

I would care to know less and know to care more

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites

I'd stop playing serious and seriously play

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars

I'd do more hugging and less tugging

I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often

I would be firm less often and affirm much more

I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.

Tantrums are a form of communication J.. The first thing to do is change your own attitude toward them and use them to your advantage. This child's tantrums could actually inform YOU about what it is that is causing her anxiety.

I would suggest taking notes on what it is that happens that sets her off - is it things you say or do, or is it play experiences with the baby? Is she reacting to a lot of things that only happen to her (frustration over not being able to tie a shoe or put clothes on a doll) or is she reacting to things you tell her to do or not do?

If you really want to get along with children J. you have to be the one who is figuring things out. Read some parenting books: Your Child's Self Esteem (D. Briggs) or Self-Esteem A Family Affair (J.I. Clark). Getting some tools in your own toolbox will be your biggest help ~ next to changing your own mind about "tantrums" by labeling them "communication".

It sounds like my son is similar to this girl. This is what we did: we had him involved with the birth to three program, a federal program to help young children and parents get the support they need. Since she is now four, there are programs through the school system namely "early childhood" that will help first by evaluating her. The sooner she gets help the better. Since you are not the parent I would suggest letting the parents know that she is having a difficult time. DO NOT say she may have autism. When people would say this to me I would feel horrified with worry. After all the tests ect my son has gone through they tell me he is fine..just developing at his own speed. He is in speech but did not qualify for early childhood preschool but who knows..she might and that is an awesome program! I would suggest to the parents to call the school district to get her looked at. It is free! Good luck!

Has the child been formally tested? She could have some form of Autism and children with Autism get very anxious about many things because they are scary and confusing to them. They just do not know how to handle the world around them.

Traditional american childrens foods has been found to be a major contriubtor to speech, thinking and anxiety delays and dissorders. http://www.bantpractitioners.com/PDFs/Food%20Dyes.pdf Since you aren't her parent that will be hard for you to fix but here is something you can do... EFT has done so much for my son (age 6) and myself. It is free, easily done and did I mention free!
There is a video on this page to learn more about it... http://www.emofree.com/
If you search 'EFT kids' on www.video.google.com you should be able to find someone with a video that will walk you through it.

Bless you for taking such concern with this child. I have a child who sounds similar. He is currently being assessed for Asperger's Syndrome and/or an Anxiety Disorder. I would try delicatley to talk to the parents. I am a special ed teacher who was aware and asking for help since my son was 18 months and it is incredibly difficult to hear and think about. So, for parents who may never have given it a thought, it can be traumatic and you wouldn't want them to shut down.
Some suggestions that worked with my son...routine with picture schedules, LOTS of preparation on changes in routine and transitions and "breaks" in quiet places so he could "pull himself together". Also, if you can find things this child really enjoys doing, make sure they are available when you see her start to get anxious. Maybe that will head off the tantrum.
Good Luck and know what a wonderful job you are doing in caring for this child. It is a difficult job!

Hi J.,
Some of the crying and emotional may be frustration because of the speech delay and not being understood. If she is delayed, her parents really should look into some help. Have them start with the school district as they can asses her and provide some therapy in school. I would also suggest getting her to some professionals.

You might try a picture exchange system (PECS) to help her communicate.

K.

Try to have everything in your day as structured as possible so she knows what to expect. You could also try a posted schedule everyday for her so she can see what's coming next. Since you said she has the thinking of a 2 1/2 year old, you could use pictures instead of words to represent activities such as lunch, nap time (etc.) Sometimes just knowing what to expect everyday can help a lot :). Good Luck!

Wow, J.. That's tough.
I don't have much advice, other than the girl w/anxiety sounds alot like my 3rd child who just came into the world that way. Not much helpled at all, except my reading the book, "The Spirited Child". There is also a workbook that goes along with it.
I believe that there are certain children that are just wired differently than others. This book really helped me put things into perspective; understand somewhat where he was coming from; what made him tick; and how better to deal with the situation/him.

I hope that helps. I'm sure you don't have a lot of time to read. But this is one I think is worth the effort. It may even help you understand yourself, your spouse, your other kids better.

Good luck!
J.
(P.S. Kristina's advice about checking into Autism is also something I would recommend. Many times things can be resolved by eliminated a certain food from the child's diet.)

First of all, the anxiety may come from the home life for the child. If the parents are really tense at home, this can cause issues for the child. I speak from experience. My daughter is always on anxiety overlaod 24/7. It used to drive me nuts. Then I realized she is like that because so am I! It used to be just her and me. I had to work, go to night classes, and raise her on my own, as well as deal with her birth fater since I was in the middle of a nasty divorce with him. It was stressful and I was on full-steam ahead all the time and rarely relaxed. I affected her greatly. Now she is almost 8-years-old and I have to find ways to help her relax and calm down. Unfortunately, I have to send her to her room a lot until she calms down on her own. A highly anxious child needs to feel security but also needs to be taught that a temper tantrum/meltdown is not the way to achieve what they want. I would take her to a room where she can have her tantrum without being around everyone else. Let her know she can come out when she has calmed down. Maybe if you sense she is about to reach her boiling point, you could teach her to breath (in through the nose, out the mouth). I had to teach my daughter this when she was 4 as well. It takes time for them to learn it but it does end up helping. Maybe before she reaches that point, you could have her sit on your lap and tell you what is bothering her at that moment. Maybe at nap time, she could have quality time with you for a few minutes before she lies down as well? Just suggestions that my former sitter offered me when I was going through this with my own child. I know you are the childcare provider, but as much as providers have our children, you are like the child's second mom.

My daughter used to have crazy outbrusts after being at daycare and what was suggested to me is have her go in her own room and have her outbrust. Mind you I made sure it was safe but the outbrust lasted about half the time once she didn't have an audience.
Just a thought.
M.