Another Sleep Question

try the sleep lady shuffle, she has a book look on amazon it has an aqua cover I can't recall the title. Basically sit next to baby in crib and soothe but don't pick up each night move farther and farther away. Sounds crazy but worked for us. Shell learn to self soothe but feel safe and confident knowing you are in the room. Eventually you move just outside the room and then don't need to be there at all. Otherwise baby is using you as a crutch to get back to sleep because she can't on her own.

To add a bit more advice, Huggie's Overnights really work much better than normal diapers. I'd try to avoid the diaper change. And what I did w/ my older daughter who was a poor sleeper and is stubborn was give her a quick hug while she was in her crib but not pick her up, say a couple of times that it was sleep time and then lie down on the floor next to her crib. That way I didn't feel like I was abandoning her to cry it out but it taught her nothing that exciting was going to happen either. ie: no getting picked up or taken into bed w/ me like I'd been doing. She's old enough to get it now. We used that technique at nap time too. I put pillows on the floor btw to make it more comfortable for me. She did really cry but I felt like I had to stick to it and again, she wasn't alone so I didn't feel so guilty. Not that it wasn't really hard but I made myself stick with it. Good luck.

G., I too have an 18 month old who wasn't sleeping through the night until I got some advice recently. A friend of mine told me to give her a piece of cheese, bread and some milk. I give my daughter a piece of cheese (a slice from a large block of cheese) and then she gets 8 oz. of whole milk. I also try and take her to the park each night to get her tired. These things have made my past couple of nights wonderful. She sleeps through the night and we actually have to go wake her up each morning so we can get ready to go to daycare. I hope this helps.

G.

Hang in there - it will get easier.

My advice - don't change your daughter's diaper in the middle of the night. It's stimulation that she doesn't need. If she's a heavy wetter, you can get things called Diaper Doublers....you put them in the diaper and they make the diaper more absorbent. If you can't find them, you can use Poise pads or something. I've used both for my little boy - also a heavy wetter.

As for the sleep schedule...make sure you're being consistent. It's fine to go to your baby if she's crying and soothe her without picking her up. I found a gradual approach worked best. So, I wouldn't pick her up, but I'd soothe her by "sshing" and patting her belly. Once that's good at calming her down, then you take away the physical contact and just do the sshing when standing next to the crib. Then, once that works, you move a little further from the crib...and eventually you're at the door...and then out the door. The time it takes to move through the steps will vary based on your child. The important thing to remember is that there is no wrong or right...there is simply what is right for you.

Lastly, you might try putting your daughter to bed earlier. I found the later my son goes to bed, the worse he sleeps. He's 2.5 years old and is in bed at 7.

Good Luck!

I mean this a nicely as possible but I don't really think you are ready to put your foot down and do what is needed to get your daughter to sleep through the night. You are making excuses for her. My son is also a very heavy wetter and we just add a gdiaper to absorb the extra fluid. A diaper change isn't needed at her age. My son has been sleeping 12-13 hours straight through since he was 5 months old. Also, you shouldn't allow her to control the situation with request like water, pacifier, etc. She is walking all over you because you let her. If she is head strong like you say you are setting yourself up for some good battles as she gets older since she knows she can control you and the situation. My son is also very head strong so I speak from experience. Once you make it clear to her that bedtime is bedtime then you can start some sort of sleep training. There are many way to do it. Here are some I know of.
1. You can go all out and let her cry until she falls asleep and let her cry again when she wakes up again until it is time to get up for the day. Yes, they get very upset because they aren't getting their way and yes, the crying gets worse intially but then they give up and start to sleep. By this time, she a "learned" to wake up and you need to change that. (This is what worked best for us and it took 1 week to sleep 12 hours straight)
2. You can also go into her room when she wakes up and tell her to go back to bed without picking her up. You can choose to stay in her room until she falls asleep but no picking her up and no fulfilling her resquest. Every night you can move closer and closer to the door until you can just tell her to go back to sleep and leave. Eventually, she will give up and just sleep through.
3. You can do the Ferber method and go into her room, tell her to go back to sleep. Leave for a period of time, go back again to settle her down without picking her up and then leave again extending the time away each time and she will eventually fall asleep.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a great book that can help you.

Options 2 and 3 may take longer but may be easier for you. Once you get firm, stay consitant and follow through (no matter how ugly and tough it gets) it won't take to long and you will never regret your decision. It actually made my son a happier baby because he was finally getting to sleep he needed. Good luck!

G.,
I totally understand you not wanting to let your baby cry it out. I really didn't want to use that method with my son, but eventually that's what we had to do. I tried everything else first, including the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". Bedtime is 7:30PM and our son wakes up at around 6 or 6:30 AM. He used to wake up once in the middle of the night and trying to get him back to sleep was a nightmare - milk, binkies, diaper change, etc. He'd be awake and think "Yeah, Mommy's here - it's playtime". Finally, he'd fall asleep in my arms, then as soon as I'd lay him down in his crib, he'd wake up and start screaming. Ugh. So, we decided for our health and sanity and for his, we'd let him cry it out. My sister did it with her kids and said that it would only be one night of hell, then he'd learn that nighttime was for sleeping and that he'd learn to put himself back to sleep. Well, it didn't take just one night. It took about 3 or 4 nights. I think he cried for about 3 hours that first night (we went in to comfort him a few times). It was torture for me. My husband tried to comfort me while my baby screamed. I just said, "Don't touch me!" My baby wanted me and I knew it. I knew that this was best for him, though. He needed to learn to sleep through the night. Next night, he cried for about an hour. Next night, maybe 1/2 hour (all in the middle of the night when he would usually wake up). Now, he never wakes up in the night. He goes to bed (usually without much fuss - perhaps 2-5 minutes of crying or talking, then conks outs). He has been sleeping through the night since he was 10 months old (or was it 8? I don't remember, now). He is now 21 months. Anyway, it will be really hard on both of you, and you'll have to be very strong. You'll be very glad you did it. Do it before you move her into a toddler bed!
Good luck!

Try looking into the Ferber method, it involves going in periodically and reassuring the child.
Good luck to you , I know it must be very hard!

There is a lot of information about how to do a modified cry it out. I myself chose to go in to my daughter every 10-15 minutes while she was crying. I patted her and said "It's time to sleep, I love you, good night," but I did not pick her up. She cried a lot - sometimes for an hour, and then would wake up and cry again after 45 minutes. At that point it's hard, but you have to stick to your method. The most difficult part is not the method you choose, but managing your own emotions about the crying. I felt very guilty letting her cry, and worried that she needed me. My daughter cries very loudly and doesn't give up easily. It was hard for me to believe that she would cry that hard unless something was really wrong, but I think the truth is that some kids are just more vocal and more persistent. Bottom line: sleep training does work, if you can stomach it and be consistent.

Hi G.,
I don't have a solution, but I can let you know that you are not alone. My boy didn't sleep through the night until he was 16 months old and I can't really tell you what changed. He just started sleeping through. He still wakes up - maybe once a month - and needs a cuddle, but that's managable.

The only thing I can tell you is that I had a good talk with him telling him that I expected him to put himself back to sleep if he woke up during the night and I really started praising him when he slept through.

Even if that doesn't work right away, don't worry. She'll get there.

Good luck, D.

I always chuckle at how hard we work to get our little bed wetters to sleep through the night, then wonder when they won't wake up to pee in the middle of the night. :) My son didn't sleep through the night until he was three (still in pull-ups during the day then), and didn't stop wetting the bed until he was nine. How many years did I wish I could've woken him up to get him to the bathroom - he slept like a log and we couldn't rouse him for anything. He still sleeps like a log, but at least his bladder is mature enough to hold the pee until the morning. :)
I would eliminate liquids after dinner, unless she wants two sips of water after she brushes her teeth. Find a lovey for her to self soothe and good luck.

First of all, I think I would try just a slightly later bedtime, like 8:00 or 8:30. then, when she wakes, go in, don't turn on any lights, no eye contact, no talking. Just quietly pat her back and try to help her soothe herself back to sleep. If she needs to be changed, try to do that in as little light as possible, again, not talking, not making eye contact, everything very quiet.

She will sleep through the night and way beyond sometimes even past noon... My now 18yo rarely slept as a baby too.

You can try the let her cry for 5 min. Pat her back to soother her, then 10 min, then 15, then 20... This worked for me for 1 child, but not for all of them..

I would make bedtime much later. I dont put my 16mo to bed until 11pm and that way I pretty much sleep when he sleeps cause it helps me not be so tired... A warm bath does seem to help most babies relax and sleep better..

Good Luck and remember - this really is a temporary phase.

hi G.,
I have been told...as well as experienced myself that it takes 5 days for a new habit to form.
For my daughter, I give some plain rice or oatmeal cereal, I give her a bath before bed each night 10-15 minute bath, then I put her in her crib..
Read two short stories and leave...sometimes she is fine...sometimes she still cries..I just ignore her crying...it's hard at first..but now within a few minutes she stops. She is 18 months now. When I first started doing this..I was stressed out when I heard her crying...but finally I stopped going in to comfort her and ignored her crying..and it worked. (of course after checking quickly that she was okay) Also...re: heavy wetter...maybe give a earlier last bottle and a couple of sips of water before bed. I use huggies..leak proof diapers I find that they hold a lot of water...I have used other types and they weren't as good. Just an idea. Good luck bye K.

Both of my boys (now 3 and 6) took a long time to "sleep through the night". My 3 yo still wakes up sometime between 3 and 5 in the morning, but then I usually just stay in his bed. Anyway... I am not a fan of crying it out, but definitely she is old enough to understand more (than an infant). The first thing I would try is to still go in to her, but keep it as short and quiet as possible. Don't give her water. Don't talk. My older one started o get better around 2 years. And, honestly, I think that is more common. One thing I did, was not go in right away when he woke up. I waited maybe 5 minutes. If he did start to get really worked up that quickly, then I'd go in. But sometimes if I waited the 5 minutes he'd resettle. Sometimes not, so then I would go in. But giving him the chance helped him try to figure it out. So that eventually, he did have the skills to go back to sleep. Then I might try to make it 10 minutes. But again, it was never a hard and fast rule. If he was too upset, I knew it would be harder for him to get back to sleep. So I played it by ear each time. But there were always some times where he would manage to get back to sleep on his own. And the more chance I gave him to practice the more he did it.

OMG! She sounds just like my son - he too would refuse to go back to sleep at night without me - screamed for hours and stubbornly fought every sleep training method we tried to use on him. Is your daughter particularly clingy with you? For us it turned out to be severe separation anxiety issues. We placed him at a daycare a couple mornings a week. I am a SAHM and he barely left my side before that even at play dates and classes. It took two months but once he adjusted to school he suddenly stopped calling for me in the night. I could hardly believe it! Consider if there is anything you adjust in her day that might help her feel more independent at night. I'd also talk to the pediatrician about possible medical causes.

I used to put my kids to sleep with music. I set the timer or let the CD play til it ran out, I would put the music back on if they woke up at night too, it just seemed to calm them. Before my husband, I always went to sleep myself with music playing!!! I just felt better and more comfortable with the misuci than hearing every little spound. Maybe it will help your daughter! GOOD LUCK!

I KNOW HOW IT IS TO BE UP ALL THE TIME .my daughter did not sleep all night until she was three. some things I did was to always go and check on her.change her if needed but not getting her up just in the crib. if she cries let her cry 5 min then go patt her . music helped a sippy cup of water was there for her to have. she always wanted a drink at night this way she could it her self. she liked a night light too.hang in there good luck.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" has suggestions for a modified cry it out method. One thing is to be very consistant. My daughter is not a sleeper, and when she was very young I had to let her cry it out. At first she would cry for hours, but eventually she went less and less. You have to be consistant, that is the key. Also, if your daughter is a heavy wetter, you might try not giving her any liquids at least 30 mins before bed, and nothing at night when she is supposed to be sleeping. That way you may be able to get out of changing diapers at night (that was also something I had to stop doing because it made my daughter wake up more when she woke up in the middle of the night).

Hi G.,
I am so sorry you are not getting your sleep. I have been there and it makes one feel awful. It sounds like you have the bedtime routine going and she is able to go to sleep on her own. So there are the issues of what wakes her, and what she expects when she is awakened. She could be a light sleeper (needs blackout room and white noise to keep her from being awakened - a fan? humidifier?) she could be at a higher metabolism and needs more in her tummy to process (less liquid and more protein) she may have a learned habit and just wants to see you in the middle of the night (separation anxiety - are you still there???) or she may have sensory issues and unable to calm herself ( but since she can go to sleep on her own I doubt that is a major issue) OR she could be overtired and unable to rest deeply enough to stay asleep (wired!). Your responses to her when she wakes and routines throughout the day will change her habits. You don't mention how much she sleeps in the day or her routine. Try long nap or quiet time. Lots of exercise - running around the block and chase. Try no screen time. none. for at least a week (I know that sounds like torture if she is used to the tv or computer, but it helps the sensory kids). Add a rub down after bath. Focus on the sides of the spine, the calves and the forearms - gentle squeezes. And discuss with her the plan if she wakes up. She certainly can get the gist. You go in, adjust what's needed, and leave. Go back in at the longest intervals you can stand. She knows you're there. She just needs to do the soothing back to sleep thing on her own. Get a better diaper for the night time and stop changing it. It only makes her more fully awake.

The weaning makes it hard on both of you. You could be both be feeling the loss of that closeness and that pulls you both back and forth into the "is this the right thing to do?". Make time to hug her and be close without nursing at the same intervals you would have or make more time during the day to make up for that loss of bonding. Book reading, singing, snuggling, talking, touching - all very important when no longer nursing... I still miss it and my kids are 4 and 7!!!

Good luck and remember, then aren't little forever. You will eventually sleep again. honest... really..... swear! If it gets too hard, go find another mom and have her take your daughter for a night so you can sleep and get your head straight. We've all been there.

Hi G.,
I am certainly no expert on sleep since I cannot get my 17 month old to sleep in her crib for naps and I still nurse her til she's zonked at night, but we did have success with that initial wake up time of 10-11 pm by letting her cry some. I could never do CIO for naps or going to bed since she always gets more worked up and just wails and never settles down. But, since I know at the first wake up time she is sleepy and not hungry that she just is waking from her natural sleep cycle and has to put herself back to sleep. So, since I'm usually still awake at that time I let her cry. The first time it was 20 minutes (and I never let her cry more than that) and then the next night, a few minutes, and now she just puts herself back to sleep.
Of course, she sometimes still wakes up at 2 or 3 and I try to ignore her unless it's 5! At 5 am she wakes and I bring her in my bed and nurse her and we both sleep til 7. I should probably let her cry at that time too so we can all sleep til 7, but that time will come.
I haven't had a full night's sleep in ages and it's hard. I feel for you. ANy tips on getting her into her crib in the day??
Good luck.

My kid has also been a poor sleeper & I'm also a single mom--it's hard! I agree with the folks who said to try not to have to change diapers at night--it wakes you both up. Have you tried cloth diapers for overnight? My boy is also a heavy wetter but with a thick cloth diaper and an extra super-absorbent pad and a good cover he can get through the night without a change. Somewhere I learned that babies, like most people, naturally wake up a lot; the thing is for them to learn to fall back asleep. I liked the advice in the No Cry Sleep Solution. Good luck getting more sleep!

Hi, is your daughter perhaps getting too much liquid before bedtime? Maybe a slightly heavier bedtime snack - crackers or bread - would settle in her tummy and cause less bedtime wetting (and less wakefulness?). You also didn't mention if she is sleeping in the same room as you, if you're up watching t.v. at 11 or what other things might be waking her. Does she get lots of naps during the day, especially in the late afternoon? One last thought is a comfort item - a blankee or favorite soft toy that she can use or be encouraged to use at night.

My daughter has a stuffed bunny that she sleeps with and sucks on. It's been a life saver. Does your daughter have a lovey?
My other thought is you may want to get some diaper doubles, liners or something and stop changing her at night. She's going to expect it and just like we expect them to wake up a particular times, she will wake up expecting that diaper change.
Best of luck!
C.

I had the same issue with my 14-month old son. I cut out everything at night including water (gradually so it wasn't too hard). He never took the pacifier, so I don't know what to do about that or if your daughter finds it on her own. The key is for her to do it without your help. I read that a parent kept some pacifiers on a stuffed animal and would help their child to look on the animal at night until the child learned to do it on her own. The last step after all the night weaning was to just tell him, "It's night night time. You need to lay down" and walk to the door. I stood outside the door and peeked in and repeated myself or said, "Shhh" until he layed down quietly. I had to be firm and do this for all naps at first, then for naps and putting him down at night, then at all times including in the middle of the night. It worked better for him to do it gradually. He actually didn't protest as much as I thought and there were never any tears, so he may have been ready, but one other parent said this worked for her also. Good luck. My son was waking 4-6 times a night until last month and he finally sleeps 10-12 hours straight, so it does happen, just not as soon as any of us hoped :). I hope you're sleeping through the night by Christmas.
J.