D.V.
I am saying this in a very soft, nurturing sort of way.
Please don't get upset, but think interspectively.
Some day those beautiful little boy of yours will be married and have children of their own, which more than likely means that they will have a wife. Think of how you would like to be treated by their prospective wives. How involved would you want to be with your grand children?
Maybe if you could come from her position. I'd ask for more help from your husband . ( You are most likely angry at her because she didn't do a good job with him... especially if he isn't helping)
She wants the connection and the relationship. I agree I don't know the total story, but I always find that If I put myself in their shoes, I understand their position a bit more.
Good Luck, Remember, they are called "IN laws, NOT OUT laws" for a reason.