Annoyed! in Law Question

Your Mom is your Mom, ILs - are ILs... I hope you get that, that is why they say blood is thicker than water.
I'd recommend to stay away from all disagreements on that side of the family and if someone wants you to say something to your husband - you ask them to talk to him. You can always say "I am busy, I have a baby to look after..." This way you will not be pulled into a family drama...
I do that - makes my life soooo much easier.
Good luck

Newborns have wonky sleep schedules. I think your In-laws know this and are trying not to disturb you and the baby. Perhaps you should give them the benefit of a doubt and invite them over. When my sister was settling in - and at 5 weeks you're still 'settling in' - I would call almost cringing at the possibility that the phone ringing on her side would wake the baby. As if my grimacing on my end would make it ring softer - lol.

Please don't take it personally. Invite them. Include them. Make them feel welcome to enjoy their grandchild.

My cousin and his wife have three children. They welcomed people at the hospital to visit and see and hold the new baby. But, once they went home they did not receive visitors for at least two weeks. This was their time to bond with the new baby, and learn a new routine.

My other cousin, on the other hand, couldn't have enough people at her house after they had their baby.

So, in each family there can be a difference in how the arrival of a new baby is handled.

Conflicting expectations, traditions, can cause friction.

With a new baby at home, you have enough on your plate.
Pass this one off to your hubby to handle.

Kiss the baby for me.

God Bless

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I think that your husband should call him. When my kids were born, I was on the phone calling everyone! I couldn't wait to get the good news out! I welcomed all visitors and help. I wouldn't be able to just go home and not talk to anyone, but that's just me. Babies sleep a lot, so there was plenty of time for me to make phone calls. I don't now why your husband wouldn't call him

This happened with my now ex inlaws. My kids are their only grandkids and when my son was born (we had a dtr who was 3) my fil didn't come to see him until he was almost 3 MONTHS old!!! they lived about 20 minutes from us. So I learned then that "actions speak louder than words" and in reality, we were not a priority to them and to this day (my son is now 8) they rarely see the kids. My ex and his wife live about 3 minutes down the road from them and he has our kids every other weekend but his parents only see the kids on their bday and major holidays. so sad, but no big deal. at first i was shocked about it but that is just how they are. and frankly i would rather have a mil that doesn't bother with me and the kids than one that is always in my business. so no, hubby is right, you have a new baby and hes working, you have bigger priorities than calling the entire family to constantly update them and tell them your status. just my opinion. :o)

No your hubby isn't wrong. He's got a family and a life, and there's a newborn involved. Sounds like the in-laws don't want their son to be a grown-up with other responsibilities. They may not know how to adjust to not coming "first" if their son has other loyalties. They also may be uncomfortable around newborns - some people are just nervous that they will do the wrong thing or give the baby a cold. Possibly they think they'll call you at the wrong time and interrupt? Maybe not. In any case, let it ride.

Don't get in the middle of refereeing something between your husband and his father - you've got a newborn, and this is between THEM. You'll only wind up being the bad guy. Grandma doesn't need to be telling you to tell your husband to call his father. Just tell her you have your hands full with a new baby and can't be delivering messages. People have phones, they can use them.

Try not to spend too much time on FB talking to everyone else in the family - they'll think you have a lot of time on your hands, and if your in-laws aren't on FB, they may feel left out. I know it's their problem, but don't feed into it. I know you want to defend your husband, but he's got to handle his own family.

Good luck.

Many people are uncomfortable holding babies. My dad admired both of my children from a far until they were more mobile. He admitted he was terrified of hurting or dropping them...this man raised four children. So I don't necessarily find that odd. This is an issue between your hubby and Dad. Moving out of state is a big deal, I can understand his Dad being hurt that everyone got the news before him. Instead of some sort of stand off over the phone your hubby should just call. Check in. Tell them what's happening. Explain why he kept them out of the loop. As for them not calling, I didn't get very many calls at all when we brought our kids home. Most people were worried about waking up the baby or interrupting me while nursing. I don't really see their behavior as that odd. Tell your hubby to call. You enjoy that baby and rest up.

This is totally an issue between your husband and his dad, you should not spend one more second worrying about it! As far as your in-laws not visiting the new baby, that is a separate issue. It may be that they are just uncomfortable with newborns who seem so fragile and tiny. Maybe when the baby is older they will spend more time with her. Or maybe not, I have a grandma who would frequently state how she coudn't stand kids! She had five of them though! She was a terrible mother when her kids were growing up but then she expected them to be loving and supportive of her when they were adults My Dad has been unfailingly kind to her and forgives her shortcomings as a mother. As a gradmother, she only really wanted to "see" the grandkids once in awhile and couldn't stand for us to play at her house or disturb her precious dogs. Whatever, I had great parents and my other grandparents loved me so it was never a huge issue. Soooo, maybe your kids get "that" kind of grandparent and in that case the less time they spend together the better! Good luck to you and congrats on your new baby!

In my experience, people are hesitant to disturb a house with a newborn. My mother told me flat out she would not call or just stop by for fear of disturbing the rare quiet moment. That was stated early on, though, so there were no surprises when I only heard from her via e-mail for a while.

That being said, if someone says they will call then they dont call, they have no right to be upset they don't know what's going on. I think it is rude, but something you just shake your head at and move on.

Some times we are lucky with the IL we get….sometimes not so much….
But in any circumstance, try to avoid issues or to be in the middle of any discussion…

Right now, my adv to you is to avoid think about it…Maybe they do not know how to behave with new kids….maybe they feel weird bcse they are grandpa and grandma now….or maybe they hesitate to think that their boy is not a boy anymore, rather is a father and the head of a family of his own….maybe they are not as close as your family…etc etc etc, in summary, do not assume is something personal….

Relax, enjoy your baby and your family…I know it can be very hard, mostly bcse you are thinking that part of your family can care less about your new born, but do not worry about that….Babies change everything!, so do not waste your time to be in the middle of them….if they want to call or visit your new born, great, if not, they are the ones who will miss your newborn and will regret that sooner than later….

Also, I know it can be hard but, try to do not put your husband against his parents…remember, they are his family too…simply avoid the topic…do not make comparison between your parents and his, or tell him anything bad about his parents because he will feel awful about that and it is not his fault…

Yes, it is normal to have people come by and check up on you after you just had a baby, even after 5 wks. Something is up w/your ILs, although I don't know the whole history of your relationship w/them.

Test the waters. Invite them over for no particular reason except to spend time w/them. See what they say and how they react. If it continues to be weird then yup - something is up w/them.

If that is the case, try not to worry about it. You have children to keep happy, a baby to cuddle with, a body to take care of through hormones/baby blues and a house to manage all by your lonesome while your husband is OOT. Make that your emotional priority right now and everything else will fall into place later.

Look, make things easy. Call your in-laws on a regular basis. They'll really appreciate you and will probably call you in return. I don't think they really know how to feel on their end either. My husband calls his mom almost every other day just to see how she's doing. The conversation doesn't have to go on for 10 min or longer. Just call, ask how they're doing and basically say, "I'm just checking up to see if everything is well with you". I've now got into the habbit of doing it with my mother-in-law, as well as with my own parents. Give them a sense of comfort. Good luck on your little ones.

I don't know, I really hate it when people get mad at me or my husband for not calling them though. It's so conditional. I don't get mad at people when they don't call me because when I want to talk to someone I call them. I honestly don't care who called who last or who is supposedly supposed to call whom or whatever. Your husband shouldn't play those games either. Ask him to just give him a call, it's really not a big deal.

As far as the amount of time you've seen them so far, I think that's nice actually. They're trying to show you that they respect your privacy with your newborn. That's sooo much nicer than the inlaws who won't get out of your hair when you have a newborn LOL! If you want to see them more by all means invite them! They're just showing your respect, but I'm sure they'd be thrilled to be invited over more by you.

hormones can get you going .....every time!

Let it go! If he's really upset, then it's still your DHs job to fix it - it's his dad.

You mentioned that you/your Mom talk pretty much everyday. Maybe that's what his dad would like, too....or at least a head's up, directly from his son that he's going to be out of town! It's really not too much to ask....wouldn't you have told your own family directly? Peace....

I suggest that you're doing everything just fine. Yes, your husband's father should've called directly as he said he would. But don't assume he's bad mouthing your husband. He may be forgetful. What he said may have been misinterpreted. There are any number of possible scenarios. Please don't take what happened personally against your husband. I would just let it drop.

It's "normal" for most people to come and see the baby--or at least to call. They don't sound "normal. My in-laws aren't either.

My best advice after 14 years of dealing with the abnormal: Ignore it, then ignore it some more. You (or your husband) don't need to be told what to do or how to do it. Now his Grandma knows he's out of town, so let HER tell his dad. Sheesh.

Got caller ID? Use it.