The only people that know about my pregnancy now are my parents and my husband's parents and our sisters. But the first trimester is almost over (thank goodness!) and we will start to tell our friends soon.
I have a coworker who has been trying to conceive for over four years and is currently undergoing fertility treatment and I also have a friend who has been trying for about two years and recently began seeing a fertility specialist. I was thinking I should probably tell them before I tell my other coworkers/mutual friends since they are both pretty sensitive about this topic and the fact that people around them are getting pregnant "so easily" (especially my coworker). But I don't really know how to approach them or how to start this conversation. I also don't want to make a big deal out of it. I just want to tell them soon before they figure it out on their own. Any suggestions on how to bring it up naturally and keep the conversation light? Thank you in advance!
Thank you all for your insight. The reason why I thought I should talk to them separately was because a few years ago when a friend of mine got pregnant right after I had a miscarriage, she gave me a phone call (and we rarely talk on the phone) to tell me that she was pregnant before she told anyone else. I knew she did this because that she was trying to be sensitive to my recent miscarriage, which I appreciated.
I spoke to my husband about this last night and he asked how I felt when my friend gave me the phone call. Although I thought about how appreciated her gesture, I never really stopped to think how her phone call made me feel. I took a moment to think about my husband's question and realized that I personally would've preferred it if my friend hadn't put me on the spot like that. Because it was a phone call, I actually had to give her a response right then and there. I think I would've preferred to have found out about her pregnancy with everyone else. That way, I could've just processed the situation on my own time and in private.
So in my situation, I don't think I would tell my friend/coworker separately. I will probably tell them in a group setting. Thank you all again for your responses.
Having been in their shoes, I think you are doing the right thing and telling them "as normal"
Congratulations!!!!
Be sensitive without dwelling. Tell them face to face, not via email, FB, or FaceTime. Give them alone time to process. As someone who's been on their side of things, it's a grief process for them. They will be happy for you ... Don't take their sadness as directed AT YOU, but rather as grief for themselves.
My sister and SIL are both pregnant ... I'm ecstatic for both of them and even helped throw their showers. But, I can't watch their ultrasound movies. I can't look at their ultrasound pics. I'm going to have to hide my SIL from my FB feed once she goes into labor, as she intends to live blog about it on FB. Good for her, but I just can't.
For example, I have 2 beautiful children through adoption, but they didn't come to me as newborns ... I will never hold my newborn child ... One was 5 weeks and the other was 3 months when they were placed with us as foster children. I love them, but I am still grieving those pieces of my infertility and so I know those are things I can't handle.
Your co-worker / friends likely have similar grieving ... Be gentle and sensitive to it. They love you and will be happy, but they also need space ...
Best wishes on your new baby!
You don't.
You don't make an announcement, you don't make a big deal to tell them first, you don't find a way to bring it up in conversation.
You simply be pregnant. If you announce it on FB, they'll find out and can deal with it on their own instead of having to put on a happy face right in front of you.
In the 5 years our dear friends struggled, we got pregnant 3 times in a blink as soon as we started trying. They found out when the rest of our friends did and there was no need for ackwardness.
I have been on both sides, to be honest I would rather have people act normal. However I would be sensitive and not continually discuss your pregnancy when she is around.
Your pregnancy is not a deliberate slap at her, nor should she take it as a personal affront. People get pregnant, and those who can't get pregnant can't constantly be getting their noses out of joint because someone else got pregnant "so easily."
If you feel that you have to announce it at work, just send out a group email. When I got pregnant, I wouldn't have even bothered to announce it at work if it weren't for the fact that my job duties had to be adjusted to reduce my exposure to x-rays and certain chemicals. I would have just let people figure it out as I expanded.
Always a difficult thing...I would just casually mention it in conversation. Say you're in the break room with your co-worker. Say something like "Oh, how I would love a cup of coffee, but I can't. We're expecting". Be matter of fact about it. Don't add any additional info unless she asks. You don't want to seen insensitive to her situation. If she bemoans the fact that you're pregnant and she's not, just console her by saying that you really hope it happens for her soon. And leave it at that!
it's nice that you are sensitive to her struggles and challenges, and i'm sure there are a lot of folks who would get down or depressed or angry over it. but that doesn't mean it's on you to tiptoe around them. i wouldn't make a huge deal about whispering the news to them carefully, or email them, or otherwise treat them as fragile or unbalanced. understand if they withdraw or react adversely, but you're not doing something TO them. your pregnancy is a great thing for you, and you're not being mean to be happy about it. address it simply and directly, don't dwell on it or apologize for it, and let them process it however they need to. so long as you're not gloating about it or walking on eggshells around them you need to trust them to be adults.
khairete
S.
This is such a touchy thing!!
Congratulations!!
I know how your co-workers feel. My husband and I were trying for 4 years to get pregnant....and our friends were popping out babies left and right. I was happy for them, but sad at the same time.
How would **I** like to be told you're pregnant? I wouldn't. I'll notice and I might ask, but really? If you try and tell them separately, it will come off as a brag - to them - NOT that you are, but put yourself in their shoes...were you TRYING to get pregnant? have you been "working on it" for years? undergoing treatment, etc.? If the answer is no. then you don't make a huge deal over it.
I GET that you're excited! I GET that you want to share the news! I really do!! So what would I do? I would tell my boss privately, and out of concern for your friends who happen to be co-workers, tell your boss you will send a group e-mail out and announce that way. This way - they can take in the news on their own.
Congratulations!!
I've been on both sides of this and the way we handled it was a letter or email that the party who is likely to find the news bittersweet can read in her own time. It's worked well, but you know best if she'd rather you mention it in person or not. The follow up is to keep the pregnancy play by play to yourself around that person, unless she asks or needs to know.
I was married before my husband of now twenty years and had two children with my first husband. I couldn't have any with my second husband. What actually got me upset was not that others became pregnant it was that they sounded surprised or upset that they were. In all honesty despite the fact that they are trying to get pregnant I am sure if you are happy and convey that then they will be too. I just remember getting fed up with people who were acting as though it was a big imposition in their life and they didn't want it. Just tell them. It sounds like you are happy and you are allowed to be. Life is a mystery. No one knows why some people can get pregnant and some can't. But you can share your happiness without anyone feeling bad. I remember having an almost argument with a man who said how his whole life was going to be ruined because they were going to have a baby. I told him 'you're talking to the wrong person, give me the baby if you're so upset about it' Well, the child just graduated middle school and is headed into highschool and he has happily participated in his life. There is nothing like telling these people that honestly you didn't know how to tell them but you are happy and continue to pray for them that they have a baby. congrats!
I have been in this situation. I had a dear friend and she and I were both doing the injectable fertility drugs and insemination procedures at the same time. I got pregnant and unfortunately my friend did not. We were talking on the phone every day at that point so I called her a couple of days after we found out and told her the news. I felt terrible having to tell her I was pregnant when I knew her most recent cycle hadn't worked. She was great about it and thrilled for us. She never did get pregnant, she and her husband adopted a baby shortly after my son was born.
I think I would tell your friend but unless you are close with your co-worker I wouldn't go out of my way to tell her.
Congratulations and good luck!
M
After your "what happened", I think you're doing the right thing telling them as normal. If they are really friends, they'll be happy for you. This is coming from someone who has had three losses. I was always happy for those who got pregnant. Congrats!
All I can say I a good luck! I lost my best friend from high school over pregnancy. She had been trying and trying, and I had two kids while she was still trying. I was very gentle about it all, and she did eventually get pregnant, but she was hurting so.
Tread lightly. I like the idea of email.
