My father passed away this past Christmas and August 15th would have been 44 years of marriage. It's not like we are going to forget it, but should I give my mom a card or something. I do have the day planned to make a college visit for my older son and she's coming with us. My dad was a big family man, and on their anniversary we always did a family vacation or something like that. My older sister will meet us half way as my niece could also go to this college. Just wasn't sure if I should give her a card or a small gift. She's doing pretty good, of course she misses him a lot. It was hard this year when I received my birthday card with only her name, so wasn't sure what to do with their anniversary.
Thanks you,
Thank you all! When my son was looking at dates before school started that came to my mind, their anniversary. I went ahead and booked it thinking I may end up canceling it. Last week I asked her what she was going to do on the 15th; and she said she wanted to spend the day at my dad's grave site (we buried him in Illinois and she still lives in TX); then said that is not going to happen. She's looking forward to go look at the college with us, get away for the weekend, plus my other sister will be there. Family is so important to her and my dad, and he'd love to have went with us. My son was like his son since he had 4 girls and my son was the first grandson. He loved all his grandchildren but my older two had a special place in their "Papa's hear".
Thank you all again!
Send her flowers with a note like "I had the greatest example of happily married parents ever! Thank you!"
I'm not sure an anniversary card is right since it's not a "happy anniversary" for her. But a "thinking of you" card and a "remembering Dad" message might be nice. But you can also say to her now that it's fitting that she spend the day with you and her grandson that Dad would be proud of him, and so on - then share some happy memories. Unless your family has a special tradition otherwise, it not make sense to do exactly what you would have done if he were still alive (card & gift). Sometimes that can make her even sadder because he's not here to share that. But acknowledging the day in some way is good. If you want to, ask her what she wants to do. But she may not know what she wants to do as a "new tradition" yet. Maybe being with family who miss him too, and seeing the legacy of their marriage (you and your sister, and the grandkids) is comforting enough.
Something neat my brother does is send our M. a card on special days (his birthday, M. and dad's anniversary, for example - dad died 20+ years ago), and writing in the card something about what a wonderful family they all were, or thank you for doing such a wonderful job raising us, things like that.
I think a card is a great idea... it is still the anniversary of her marriage, whether or not her life partner is still there. You could add a note talking about all the wonderful vacations you took as a family, or something like that.
You can give her a 'thinking of you' card. But not an anniversary card.
No an anniversary requires both people to be there to celebrate. Just let mom know that you are thinking of their marriage on that day but no anniversary card or celebration.
Just to let you know that the first of everything will be weird. The first birthday, every single holiday, vacation, etc will be hard because you will be happy for the day but sad because your gather won't be there to celebrate with you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel however you feel.
I'm sorry for your family's loss.
On the anniversary of my dad's death, we celebrate his love and memory by enjoying something that he would have loved, that we normally wouldn't do. It's usually something very simple. He loved peach ice cream and ginger ice cream so we try to find a gourmet ice cream shop and get a bowl of peach or ginger ice cream, even though they're not usually flavors we would order. He also had a favorite soda that wasn't very common, and some years we bought that kind of soda and drank a toast to him together. If your dad had a hobby, or something he loved, could you all enjoy something similar together, or donate something that would have meant something to him to an organization (for example, if he was a handyman, donate some money in his name to Habitat for Humanity, or if he was a veteran, donate to Wounded Warriors)?
After my dad passed away my mother didn't want their anniversary acknowledged with cards. I sent a "thinking of you" card though. She liked that.
I'd ask her. My mom wanted us to remember it as "her" special day every year but my ex mother in law said it made her incredibly sad if anyone even mentioned it.
i wouldn't send an anniversary card- seems a little too much like a slap in the jaw. but i WOULD make a point of calling or spending part of the day with her, really wrapping her around with love.
khairete
S.
