Anger Issues in 4 and 6 Year Olds

Something my husband and I do regularly for our girls is to spend alone time with each one individually. This is on a regular schedule, and we give them our undivided attention. We never sacrifice family time for this...we just take a few hours twice a month for each child. Consistant one on one time with you and your husband may help your oldest to feel special and honored as an individual instead of just brother and son. We are also sure to incorporate our expectations into everyday conversation with our kiddos. That we each have an important role in the family and if someone doesn't do their part, then the family doesn't work the right way. I'd stay away from guilting him into the proper behavior, though. This is an easy trap to fall into, but any cooperation he gives you won't be genuine. Be consistant in whatever you do...don't just wing it when it comes up. Good luck

I don't know if your kids need therapy or not, but my son is 5 yrs old and in kindergarden. He has had ~4 instances of hitting in his class, but only on the playground. He got called into the office and apparently told the VP all about his anger (which was shocking to my husband and I when we heard). But after all this we took him into therapy (his first appointment was today, after her watching him at school). He told her things that scared me, that sometimes he gets angry and doesn't know what he's saying or doing or how to control himself. I'm so glad after today that he's going, you would be surprised what worries them (more so then I ever remember from being a kid). We found out he's very scared and upset that we might split up, which is strange because we're not having any problems, turns out he's worried because he's finally pieced together that my husband's parents are split up (they've been divorced for 13 yrs). He just made the connection that they must have been like us but now there not and he's really been upset about it and was almost crying telling her about it (he had never mentioned anything to us, EVER). He just has started taking things we don't even realize that he knows and it's really upsetting him.

I just wanted to share what our recent, very unexpected issues have been. You're kids maybe just going through normal stuff that you can work out, but therapy may not be bad, even to just help you work out behaviors and make him (your older son) feel like he can get any feelings out, without negatively influencing his brother.

Good luck and please let me know if you want chat more, I know I've been really worried and upset about what's going on and how much I wasn't aware of.

.

Umm, I have seen this in siblings before, actually my neices who are twins and I honestly pray that my SIL get's them into therepy for fear of the future.

My gut instinct is If you think something is wrong or off then it is... the best peope to guide us down that path are doctors and therepists.

May I suggest you speak to the pediatrician first there may actually be an underlying medical reason that you can resolve with the right team.

Sounds like this is much more than your typical sibling rivalry. It sounds like your 6 yo truly does not like his brother. Mine are boys the same age difference as yours and they have never behaved like that-hate is about as bad as it gets-and they hardly ever say that to one another. Yes-they fight constantly but they also play together very well and it is evident how much they love eachother. Not sure what to tell you...one thing I would do is to examine how everyone treats the younger brother as opposed to the older. Especially you and your husband. how much have things really changed for your oldest since you had your younger son. Do people make over your younger son and ignore your older?

Please don't be afraid to consult a specialist on this. If it can make things better it is worth it.

Have you taken them to the doctor to rule out physical causes?