Anger Issues - Anderson,SC

No advice, but I'm in the same boat - not with house issue but all the other.

Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one.

Good luck getting help :)

C.,

First let me say.....Breathe!
If you are feeling badly about your behavior toward you children & this is causing problems in your marriage you should definately contact a doctor. I went through the same type of thing, the least little thing would just cause me to fly off the handle. I have a history of dealing with depression as does my father. After seeing my doctor and explaining my feeling of craziness to her, I now take 1 pill daily that seems to have turned my world completely around.

Just remember that you are not alone.
Stress and other things can affect your symptoms and make them worse. I noticed in your description of yourself that you are married to your bestfriend. If you don't want to loose that friendship along with your family, I would recommed that you talk to someone. A doctor or a therapist.

Good Luck, & you are in my prayers!!!!

H.

C.
I went through the very same thing. I think that we as moms are so overwhelmed sometime and we don't admit that we need a break. I would lose my cool at the smallest things. I took a break away from things, my husband got up one Staurday morning and he took the girls (1&5) and stayed away from home the ENTIRE day. While I missed my kids like crazy I truly enjoyed the break. Now when I get the feel to scream I take a deep breathe and I calmly talk to my kids and this has worked for me. Good Luck

First off {{HUGS}}. It takes a strong person to be able to step back and realize you have a problem. Be it with anger, depression, drugs or alchohol.

Now, what medications are you take now? Certain drugs have been know to cause issues like this in women and once the drug is stopped, we go back to normal. For example, Zyban (anti-depressant/stop smoking drug) made me just the way you discribed. My daughter would just look at me and I would snap!! Stopped taking it and within a week I was back to normal. Yaz for Bithcontrol did it to me too. But that was more of a depression state and it took me over a month to snap out of that one and I had only take the pills for a month!!

Now just being a woman can have the cards stacked against us. We have hormones and when they are not in line, then forget it!! We are on the emotional rollercoaster trying to figure out how to jump off!! Maybe you just need a break. A break from the kids, the hubby, the hosus work, etc. Just a long weekend to yourself some place other than your house to help recharge yourself.

But the best thing you can do is take yourself to your DR and tell him/her how you are feeling. It could take just a simple blood test for your hormones or tyroid to a medication change or even a new one.

Good luck and hang in there!
S.

Sounds to me like you have alot on your plate.
Motherhood is tough at times and it challenges even the calmest of us so you are not alone. But if it is happening alot then you need to seek help for sure.
There are lots of natural things that help with stress. Also, checking your hormone levels is a great idea. I did that and was all whacked out and I had just had a baby too so you would be surprised to know how long it takes to get hormones back on track. A B Complex vitamin helps your hormones get back on track. Take a good multi vitamin and atleast 1000 mg calcium and 400 mg of magnesium(you can take a combo of these two). It takes a few weeks to tell the difference but I have to have these or Im very moody. Committing to take control of your life and anger by getting books and asking your husband to help you by stopping you in your tracks helps. Try little steps like 'Try to have one good 'in the moment' time with your children every day and then also try doing something for yourself. Maybe ask for 20-30 minutes each day for yourself. Mommy needs some time out too ya know. I meet with other Mothers once a month for a margarita. My husband and I have date night every WEdnesday, never fail!! We do not need babysitters for this. We just call it 'Movie night' to our kids and they watch a movie while my husband and I sit at the table and have some wine and talk. After we put the kids to bed we watch a movie. Its nice and its the only way we have together time. Just some suggestions. Im certainly not perfect and I still snap on occasion. But I have had to build back up my health after my last baby and my mood has improved so much more when I took action instead of anti-depressants but if that is what you need for a few months then do it. you have to do what is best for you.
On the anti depressant thing....I took Welbutrin XL for about 6 months after my daughter because of my stress level and it helped me get back on my feet but after a while I felt kinda numbed out so I got off and I dont even need it any more. I thought WElbutrin XL was great for a short time. It has less side effects, I lost about 10 pounds on it but the right one depends on your hormone levels ect..... you just have to try until you get the right one.
I wish you the best. Motherhood is hard especially in this day in time with the 'Perfect Mother' generation. Try getting The Balanced Mom book. Also How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be. Those are two good ones. Thich Nnat Han has alot of really great books about anger and how to get control and he is such a subtle author and I h ave about 10 of his books.
Goodluck.

Hi C.,

Deep inside you maybe unfulfilled in some way and low on energy. To properly run your family it is important that you are well. Just as you make sure your car runs well, you must do the same for your body and mind. You need uninterrupted rest and pampering. Your body has gone through the trauma of birthing three beautiful daughters who were cloned from you. Girls take everything especially your swagger, beauty and confidence and on top of that they become the apple of Daddy's eyes and as a result it's hard for us as mothers and women to handle the sudden decreased in attention and difficult to admit we miss being the center of attraction.

Today you need to leave the girls with Daddy or Grandma and take some time off for C., reboot, get spiritually connected with God and the Universe. Believe me, things at home will run ok without you. Fall in love with yourself and your husband again. The flame of true love burns low but never burns out.

Love yourself first and everyone else will imitate what you do. People love people who love themselves. Loving yourself is the only way you can give love.

Also, immediately stop mistreating the girls they need your love and approval. Fix yourself and they will become more pleasing to your eyes and don’t forget to forgive yourself and don’t look back at the old you.

Practice patience and speak in calm, loving, tones of kind words to them and watch what happens. Say words like these, “Baby, sweetheart, joy of my life, Stop Darling, I love you very much, let’s have a great day, you are the best, I prayed for a family like you, I adore you, you and Daddy make me so happy, we are so blessed to have each other, thank God for you, please forgive me, Mommy has not been well, I’m better now, I’m brand new and we are about to have fun.”

Please know that this advice will not work unless you reboot yourself for about 2-3 days of complete thoughtless rest, and get healthy living consultation from a store like GNC to balance and replenish you. Plus read positive thinking books that will produce a positive inner peace in you so that you will be more pleasing to be around. Your brain needs attention too.

In other words stop making excuses and work on you and as a result your world will change. Life is not automatic. You have to work at it and mode it into what you want it to be.

At this time you are like a sluggish running computer that needs an overhaul. Hit the refresh button and watch love rejuvenate itself between you and your husband. Feel secure again and never let anyone take away your shine. Not even the kids. You are at your best when you shine. So be happy and thank God daily for the major blessings he has given you, especially your husband and the Girls. Look fantastic for yourself and your favorite Guy. Happy holidays, get some rest immediately.The best is yet to come! I pray these comments will help you in some way. Take care of you.

C.

WOW Girl! I so see myself in your email! GET TO YOUR DR! Part of what you have is hormonal(not necessarily an imbalance)/depression/lack of sleep/stress, etc. I went through infertility as well for 16 years before we quit trying.

My OBGYN put me on an anti depressant for a couple of years. Made a huge difference! My family was afraid to even say hi to me! I was only on meds for a short time (not a lifetime) so that helped me. Eventually, I noticed that I didn't 'explode' on my kids. It will take some time for you to notice it, but be patient!

You have 3 kids, losing sleep and reading the other posting you put on your daughters not doing as told, you are stressed! You might not think so but you are.

I did a couple of things besides anit-d meds. I started taking a couple of hours for ME each week! Then one day a month (Sat or Sun) I have a ME day. No kids, hubby takes them. I do what I want....shop (no money NEEDS to be spent), read, sleep, have lunch with a friend, dinner with friends, grocery shop, visit a friend, go on a bus trip. Just don't do chores- no laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. While this doesn't happen as often as I like OR on a regular basis anymore, it made a difference.

As hard as it is, your husband needs to step up and see what is happening and help out. The girls need to know that no matter what happens, you love them to the ends of the earth!! They need to know that you are having a hard day and that, just like them, you need a time out. Take it! It's ok to have a time out, too!

Yes, it will take time...it's been 4-5 years ago that I went through my 'out of my mind' time and things are much better. My kids like me (tho they are older than yours) again and I try not to sweat the small stuff- sometimes I still blow, but it's not every 5 min!!

Email privately if you wish! Go see the doctor!

Ditto on every response given here so far.
1. Talk to your physician about this.
2. If you have to, ask for medication to help you get to a better place until your hormones settle down.
3. Take care of yourself and not just everyone else. Underlying resentment about our lack of time to do one single thing for ourselves can play a big part in our outbursts of anger towards the very ones we work so hard to sacrifice for to begin with.
4. Schedule at least one day a week in which you can have a few hours to do whatever interests you outside of your family, whether it's shopping, getting a massage, going for a walk, reading a book, taking a pampering long bubblebath and listening to music -- this is as important as anything else you can do for your family. Yes, this is FOR you, but also is FOR your family because it gives them a mother/wife who is better able to handle daily stress. If you cannot do these things for yourself, do it for them.

All of us have been there/done that to one degree or another. Your guilt is there to prevent you from doing further harm, but it's okay to let go of it once you have identified the problem and set out a plan to rectify the problem.

You are a good mother; otherwise, you would have no conscience about your out of control behavior. You are on your way to getting better. Good luck to you and God bless.

I have gone throught the very same thing. I later learned that I was going through the "change". That is another way of saying that it is probably a hormone imbalance. I would recommend seeing a doctor, it can't hurt and it might help. I remember being very ugly to my children for not good reason and not being able to stop myself. It hurt all of us so very much. I am through it now and my children are grown with children of their own. I asked for their understanding and forgiveness and they still love me, thank God. I have the best kids every. I hope all goes well with you and that your results will be just a good as mine. Best of luck to you and your family.

Hi Christnia - Take a deep breath!! It sounds like you are exhausted, and rightly so, you're doing everything!! In my experience, everything seems so much worse when you're tired. You just don't have the energy to keep your emotions in check.

I would suggest going to see counselor. When I had my little girl back in April, I went to a counselor for my postpartum issues and it truly helped me. It was really nice to talk to someone that wouldn't judge me, was a good sounding board to make sure I wasn't going crazy, and could help put my emotions in perspective. Please do get help - It will not only help yourself, but will help your family too. Hang in there!!!

C.,

What a BRAVE LADY you are for writing this post. It is so not easy to admit to issues like what you have written to us about. I hope that you feel a little less alone now.

Just yesterday, I had what could be described as a genuinely crappy day. I yelled at my 20 mo. old daughter to "SHUUUTTTT UPPPPPP" when I just couldn't deal with the swirling b.s. around me at that moment.

Anyhow, my lousy day started in the morning, and didn't let up until last night, when I finally just grabbed my keys, told everyone I was going for a drive, and just drove, ending up at the parking lot of the local Publix and just sobbing in my car. I felt like such a complete and total loser.

Whoever assumed that moms are made of emotional steel are sadly mistaken. We are only human. And if too much gets stacked on top of us, we buckle. I buckled yesterday. It sounds like you did too.

I am on an anti-depressant. It helps a lot. This may be the route for you too.

I wish you all the luck. Keep your chin up.

E.

C.,
I think you have just begun to head in the right direction just by admitting your problem.I can sincerely tell you that I understand.I am a Mother of 3 beautiful girls ages 11,15 and 18.When I was reading your request I was reminded of a season in my own life when I was very overwhelmed of the everyday hardships of caring for my girls especially with my youngest who was very stong willed and defiant.I didn't really have a Mother figure in my life to help me but I did of course ask God for help. I can remember just having so much anger inside and it would manifest alot of times when I was frustrated with my kids. Now, I know that we are all different because of our upbringing,personalities etc, so we can't always have the same soulution for the same problem. (I hope that makes some sense). Anyway,It seems though, you have been a little overwhelmed and there could be some underlying reasons for your anger. Only you can search your own heart and mind and if you are a Christian you can ask the Lord to search your heart and mind as in Psalm 139 verse 23 and 24. That was a prayer that I prayed frequently and I assure you it worked. God began to reveal to me alot of inner pain I had deep inside that I had to deal with and let go of. One of my problems was, I didn't have my Mother most of my life due to her remarrying and moving out of state and even though she loved me no doubt, I had a lot of rejection issues and alot of hurt. I can tell you that through time I started to see myself differently and my children differently and my perspective changed. I also realized that everyone gets angry at times but we just have to learn to not sweat the small stuff. Our children grow up too fast to let anything steal our precious time with them. I believe there is hope for you. You are not alone and you are not a bad person. The fact that you are willing to be honest and open sais so much about you.I will pray for you.I know that God can deal with hearts and minds because I am one in which he has done some amazing things with and also my husband and many others I have known through the years.In closing, just take some time to reflect, get someone to watch your kids if possible and get to the root of what is going on inside you. Get pen and paper and be honest.Take one day at a time and most of all Forgive yourself!!!Being a mother is the most difficult and most rewarding job in the world and none of us are perfect and our kids are not either.I sure hope you begin to go in a new direction and that you will be free from that weight of anger.Also, the bible says when we confess our sins God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (First John chapter 1 verse 9 towards the end of the bible) . We can be set free in Jesus Name.
Sincerely,S.

C.,
Gifts are children of God, He allows us to be parents
to love, nuture, guide, and protect.Ask for wisdom and
knowledge He will give it liberally to you concerning
your precious ones. No matter how many books you read
there is nothing better than OJT(on job training) because and self-control we tend to learn by our mistakes.
Try not to yell(collect yourself before you speak)a parent
that yells tend to have children that are yellers. Being
a SHM is not easy I am a mother of adult children and also
a nanny. You name it, I've encounter all sorts of situations
It's not to late to set some boundries, get a scheduled
routine, make some time for yourself and a date night for
you and your husband. I pray that you will find that nitch. Don't compare yourself with others on how they handle their
children. NO ONE IS A PERFECT.

Hi C.,
I am sorry that you are going through this, because it is one of those Jekyll & Hyde things... I had the same thing, and for me it was related to Exaustion (sp?). Anyway, I went to a couselor, since I felt like I wanted to literally fight my children and husband. My counselor said - here is your first prescription: 8 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP FOR 2 WEEKS. And she was serious, she didn't want me to nurse my baby (daddy was able to help), she didn't want to attend to the child who refused to sleep, and she didn't even want my husband in the same room when it was time to go to bed. She put him on the couch! ;) (seriously!)

It only took about 3-4 days of uninterrupted sleep before I was a joy to be around again. And I stopped finding that I wanted to break the table when someone spilled milk. Things didn't bother me anymore... And now I find when I am missing an hour of sleep here or there, it builds up. And one day, I start having mean thoughts again, and I tell my husband that he is going to have to give me 9 hours to sleep tonight. And sometimes that still means he is out on the couch. ;)

So anyway, I didn't get on any prescriptions, except that one: SLEEP! Hubby has to commit. PM (private message) me if you want my hubby to call your hubby. Cuz, it is worth it!

Good night,
S.

C.,

I know your entry is not that recent but when I read your entry, you reminded me of myself. While I only have two kids, age 6 and 1, 2008 was a roller coaster. It is not until things really came to a head with my yelling and anger towards the kids and my husband that I realized that something had to give. I looked back at the past year, which was filled with the death of my grandmother, my sister in law, a huge move, my daughter's new school, my son's new school and of course being the mother and wife in the midst of all of this, most often being the designated driver, doing all, being the go to person. I truly was losing it, due to a year full on chronic stress. You are only human and the roller coaster has to take its toll. The yelling at your kids, etc. etc, was exactly what I was doing. I thought about seeing a professional but have not gone that route yet. I have decided to do all that I can first, somehow trying to put myself first (and better for all those who need me) in small ways. It creates more work sometimes but this means going to bed early and cramming as much of the cleaning, straightening up, etc. etc. into the kids non-sleep hours so that when they go to bed, I can actually sit down and do something basic like check email or watch something on TV. Order is what I thrive on and there were so many things in my life that were out of my control (when the baby wanted to sleep, not yet losing all of the baby weight, house not selling, new bills, etc., etc) that my nerves were wrecked. For me, medication was not the route, that may change, but finding small ways to take back that control, is what is helping. I am also trying to eat better and more naturally because when all is in disarray, a toxic body does not help. Your beautiful children will grow so fast and you do not want them to have dark memories of mommy. That is my motivation to take back my sanity. Medication is really just fixing the symptoms of the reality of a stressful period in your life that will pass if you position it that way in your mind. It will pass. Think about what you can do (even if you can make a list) and that your precious kids need you and are very forgiving. The consequences of drugs may also not be the best solution. Sometimes when I want to yell now, even if the kids "deserve" it I call them to me and just hug them or sit with them and stop the things I think I have to do. It takes a hell of a lot for me to do this, but they don't deserve a mean mommy. I am getting better at it slowly (one month so I am no expert, just trying to do better). If none of these words helped at all I hope it is solace to know that you are abolutely not alone or crazy.

C. I don't have any advice I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you and your family. It looks like you have a strong relationship with your husband, TALK TO HIM, let him know how you are feeling and that you don't like what is going on and you are trying to get some help. I don't know your relationship with the Lord, but I do know that He is a very presence help in the time of trouble. Don't delay going to see someone, it could be a harmon imbalance, plus when was the last time that you just had some mommy time. All by yourself. You are tired and you really need some down time. Take yourself to a hotel for a day or so and just do nothing but take care of you. Hang in there my sister and know that God has everything in control.

God Bless, Lenay

C.,

You are definitely not alone!! There is nothing new to motherhood, and surprisingly we seem to forget that. I am the biggest one to feel alone, thinking that what's happening to me is some new condition or whatever, but just reading your post makes ME know that literally, there is at least 1 more mama out there like me, and I thank you for your honesty! I have even gone as far at times as handling my sweet 3 year old too harshly, or just yelling at her to leave me alone for a minute...and the whole time, I'm thinking "what is wrong with you (me)? she is 3! get a grip! good grief!!" wishing I could stop, just not being able to. I have a friend who is on medication for outbursts like this, and I often wonder if that's for me, but somehow I always come back around to it not being right. I guess for some it is, and I'm not going to bash medications, because they are real and they help, but I think not addressing other areas first can make the medications just be like using a band-aid.

I agree with several things other mamas have said:
*being sleep-deprived
*nutritional imbalance
*needing time away from the kids (and surprisingly, it's OK about wanting to get away from them, don't feel guilty that you want to be free of kids every now and then~like DAILY~it's part of motherhood, remembering that you are an individual separate from a mother, and personal time is good and right and necessary and healing...I would recommend using some of that time alone in prayer, if at least just asking God for help, too)
*lack of spiritual connection with your Maker, friendship with Jesus Christ (believe it or not, when I find that I spend even 5 minutes reading one Scripture that morning with my girls, my day just goes better~honoring God in any way shape or form will bless you and your household in amazing ways!)

I would like to also add that the house situation is very real, too, feeling cramped. We have a small 2 BR duplex and my 2 girls and my husband and I all sleep in ONE ROOM! The other room is filled to the brim as our storage room. So thankfully we have 2 bathrooms for at least one extra get-away room but we are on top of each other. I keep thinking that having a house with more space will make my girls happier (well the only girl right now who runs/talks is my 3 year old, my other baby is 7 mos) but the "grass is greener" mentality only sets you up for let-down. I am thankful that you brought that up because I think I've been in that same place, and while feeling cramped and wanting space is valid and a reality, thinking that this or that will make it all 'better' isn't the answer either. Instead, coming to terms with the motives of the heart, realizing that it's a roof and a warm place to eat/drink/be merry makes the difference. It's God who's worked on my heart about that, though, and He inevitably makes my desires back on Him when I stray to desiring a new house or a bigger place, etc. He rights my world and I can go strong for a while, until something else creeps back up and I explode. Sometimes I even get mad at my baby for not taking a nap. I mean, I find myself getting frustrated at them when they don't follow my plan or do as I say. They're kids! It's the part of motherhood that I'm still coming to grips with, not being able to control them! Having a say in their life is one thing, but them being my little robots is not what it's all about...I recommend a good book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. It's about Biblical discipline and it has mainly pointed out areas where I have wrong motives in my heart, which I find lead to a lot of my outbursts.

Well, sister, this is getting long, and I hope you have been encouraged, in Christ's Name!

R.

Being the mother to two young children IS exhausting in the best of circumstances. When you add in the additional challenges and lack of sleep it sounds as if things have been tough for a while - that said if you and your spouse both know your behavior is out of bounds - get help now. There is no shame in talking with a professional or taking an anti-depressant if appropriate. Very few people can "just stop" without help. Start with your family doctor - be completely candid about what is happening - he or she can help you figure out what steps to take next. Half the battle is recognizing that you want and need to change your behavior - you have done that. Make the call today and let someone help you find the the "real" you again. Good Luck.

You sound like you really need to get away from the kids for awhile. If you are a SAHM try and put them into daycare a few hours a day and just spend some time pampering yourself, working out and a nice hot bath. Good Luck.:-)

You are very wise to see that you've gotten stuck in a rut and need help out. I agree with you that a doctor visit is a good first step. Don't forget, also, counseling -- often you can find it for cheap or for free. Ask around for referrals.

Good luck to you! (My mother was a screamer -- I remember -- my childhood would have been a lot easier had she done what you're doing. So, I admire your desire and willingness to change!)

After my second child and a sudden heart wrenching move down to SC from NJ, I had simalar anger issues. I ignored everyone telling me I was irrational in my behavior and though new it was a problem I didn't do anything until my oldest then nearly 4 came to me and holding a flower she had picked said "mommy, i'm sorry I make you mad all the time. I'll try to be better." That made me cry and go to the dr. On second try we found a medication that worked and now 4 years later and w/ a third child I have been able to wean my self off. THe medications gave me the releif from depression and anxiety I needed t4o work through the deeper problems I was having. I definatly recommend you see your doctor, one you trust inplixably and honestly tell him what is going on.

I am in that situation myself. I was on Effexor for a while, but weaned off them (and that was not a fun experience) I Now I am finding myself irritable and almost angry over little things. I don't feel like myself at all. I am considering finding a counselor to see if that will help. Personally, I did not like being on medication for it. I would talk to your ib first, sometimes it is a hormone imbalance. But that is a good place to start.

I live with a man who struggles with anger issues. They did not surface until we had been married about 5 years and things were very stressful and I could list a string of events for him. He also gre up with an angry father. I can't say if you are depressed or not but I can say it is more about behavior and learning a new thought process. I would recomend a counselor. It has been a long road for my hubby and we are not through it yet but he watched the behavior all his growing life too. He didn't get help early enough so changing has been like trying to quit smoking or drinking. It becomes almost like an addiction. Only by the grace of God are we still married as I could hardley stand him for years and became an enabler and acted as a battered wife. I dought your hubby will react that way but it will take it's toll on your marriage as you well know. From our experience just being depressed and taking an anti depresent will not deal with the anger. Try the counceling and see what your counselor thinks about any depression. THey are trained to know. I would try natural means to work on the depression if it is a factor. I used St. Johns Wort when I was having some issues. Hope that helps some and please feel free to ask any questions. We know some good books about changing anger but the counselor can sometimes be the most helpful.

Sincerely,
K. B

Something I have learned is that when I react too intensely to a situation, then there is an underlying issue.

For example, if my son knocks something over after I've asked him not too and I yell really loudly at him, then that is too intense a reaction for the situation. Sure, it's frustrating, but not something to yell about.

What I was really reacting to was a deeper hurt from earlier in my life, of feeling disrespected, perhaps even violated. I had never felt, dealt and healed that wound, so the disrespect from my son hit close enough to bring the old pain back up.

What helps this? I saw a Christian counselor who helped me take these old hurts to God, and find healing through Jesus Christ.

I can't say I'm the perfect mom now, far from it. But day by day, I am learning to respond to my family in the present, instead of through a filter of past hurts and falsehoods.

Blessings on you.

I was like that for mamy years and did not know why. Finally I consulted the family physician and have been taking Effexor for depression and the outcome has been marvelous!!!!!My mood swings have stopped, I can face everyday trials without pinching someones head off. PLEASE, for the sake and sanity of your family and yourself, seek counsel in your physician----having a family takes a toll on your mind,body and soul.........and you don't have to just bury your head in dispair. God bless you and your family.........MERRY CHRISTMAS

Hi C.,

I understand what you are going through; motherhood can be overwhelming and stressful at times. I have two little ones and felt irritable often, too. I finally broke down and tried Lexapro (the lowest dose), which helps me handle my emotions. My husband, who is a physician, says he notices a marked improvement in my anger management. My doctor reassured me it is a safe and effective medication to control anxiety and depression. I did research on all antidepressants and discovered Lexapro has less side effects than the others.
Also, you may want to consider finding a good therapist to talk to. I've heard talking to a neutral source is very therapeutic. I am going to find one in the near future and give it a try! Just relax and try to enjoy your husband and those sweet babies as they grow up so fast. Develop a hobby and make time for it; it's a good stress-reliever. And get help with your children if you can; hire a babysitter or enlist family to help out. It really helps to have time for yourself! Remember, if Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy! Good luck!

It sounds to me (of course, not a doctor) like you may have just gotten caught up in using the wrong avenue for releasing your frustration. It's so easy to feel like you're losing control when there are tons of hormones raging through your body. This just doesn't sound like depression to me though. You did not mention severely negative feelings towards yourself, which would be a red flag for depression. I wouldn't go to a regular doctor and ask for meds. In my opinion, you don't need meds for this. I would try to go to a psychologist, if you can. You may need relaxation techniques more than anything.

Hope you feel better!
K.

C.,
You are not the only mom that has dealt with this kind of issue, I am one of them, I am a yeller! Have always been and it is a constant struggle. My kids are now 12 and 8 and they tell me " Mom, stop yelling". It just happens and before you kbnow it you blow a gasget! I have been to me doctor about this and he put me on Zoloft for anxiety (that might help). I don't think it is depression but anxiety and irritability. It most definatley can be hormonal so go see your Gyn doctor and talk with her/him. I just recently went back on the pill because my periods were getting bad, and PMS was the worst, I asked for YAZ. It is used to treat PMD/PMS and has helped my mood greatly. I know exactly what you are going through, and then you feel like the worst mom, especially at night after the kids have gone to bed and you reflect on your day. Don't be afraid to get help! I wish you the best!

I am sorry for what you are going through. The good part about what you wrote is that you know it is wrong and want to do something about it. That's the most important first step.
The body and mind are very closely interrelated. I started learning yoga many years ago. I heard stories about people being able to calm down and control their anger. There are many yogic asanas where your breathing automatically slows down and you feel really calm afterwards. Pranayama or breathing exercises are very beneficial too.
Hope you feel better soon.

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter will be 3 in January and lately I have been having the same problems. I am on anti-depressants but have realized that I am just not happy with myself(not necessarily chemically depressed) and I either need to get over it or do something about it. I am overweight, still a senior in college at age 35, underpaid and in need of a break! I don't take time to do things for myself, either, and have realized that leads to resentment, but it is nobody's fault but my own. The first step is recognizing the issue and you have started to do that. Talk to your doctor. Maybe an anti-depressant would help, but maybe a nerve pill would help more(although prescriptions still don't get to the root of the underlying issue-just the chemical imbalance). You really need to evaluate your life though and try to find the root of the anger. For me as I said earlier, it is me not being happy with myself. Just coming to that ralization has been a huge help in changing and stopping my behavior. I am ready to start working on me and by doing that, I know I am helping my family, too. I am also coming off my anti-depressants b/c I know I don't need them anymore(I have been on different ones throughout the years). As women, we have a tendency to spend our time trying to make others happy and don't do the same for ourselves. It is not selfish to take time out for you-it is healthy and better for your family in the long run. Good luck and take care.

i promise this will help... BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS-DRS. CLOUD & TOWNSEND-NEW LIFE MINISTRIES... God be with you! L.

C.,

I feel for you. I have 4 children and understand the physical, mental drain that you go through. Please understand that although anti-depressants may provide you some form of temporary relief, your problem is not due to a lack of prozac (for example). Your biggest problem is nutritional deficiency. As you know, a baby drains everything out of you. And if you're not putting enough of what you need in, then it gets pulled out of your own resources. Prenatal vitamins are simply not enough. There is an epidemic of omega 3 essential fatty acids in this country. Your brain is made up mostly of fat, but if you're not putting enough of the right fat (fatty acids) in your body, then you're deficient. This is esp. an issue during pregnancy. You have to create a complete healthy brain in the baby, but if you're not putting enough omega 3 fatty acids in your diet, nature will pull it from you. The last resort for it to pull it from is from your brain. This is a big underlying cause of post-partum depression: a lack of omega 3 essential fatty acids. This is likely your problem, along with not getting enough of the other spectrum of nutrition and whole foods that you need. You are running out of gas and your mental state is being affected. You are lacking nutrition!...not anti-depressants. You can get omega 3's from salmon, sardines, but the biggest vegetable source is from flaxseed. I would recommend wheat germ too, which has B vitamins and is good for nerves, stress, energy. But not just any brand of either. Other flaxseed has cadmium, a metal 50X more toxic than lead (even if it says 'organic'). And other wheat germ has gluten. The brand that I recommend does not. I am a nutritiona consultant and work with a dr. of holistic nutrition. You can contact me at ###-###-#### or at ____@____.com

I wish you the best. But you have to take a step to take care of yourself.

You are blessed to have your wonderful family, but you have a LOT of stress. All mothers do, but you have 3 young children. I believe that when we undergo pregnancy, breastfeeding, etc., our bodily chemistry changes (or maybe it's the constant stress that changes our brain chemistry?). I, too, found myself absolutely unable to control my anger. It's a terrible feeling. I talked to my doctor and decided to try an antidepressant (Lexapro), and I am so glad I did. It made me able to cope so much more easily with things that used to get the best of me. Since then, I have discovered that many of my friends and acquaintances are on Lexapro also.
Good luck to you!

Hi C., first of all you should be very proud of yourself for being honest about this. Second, you should get help immediately. I had post-partum hormonal issues after just one child so I can only imagine what it could be like after 3. It is very important to get help before it gets worse. Some otherwise normal women have done very bad things (we hear about these in the news) when they did not seek help b/c of serious hormonal imbalances. Anti-depressants will probably help but they take a few weeks to kick in so I recommend making an appt immediately with your primary care physician to address it from a medication standpoint t but also getting acupuncture as soon as you can b/c it will very likely calm you and help until the pills can kick in. You may also want to see a counselor. Do not put any of these things off b/c of expense or time concerns. Do something before it gets worse. There is nothing to be ashamed of about going on medication. I had to after my son was born and once I told people, more than half the people I know then confided to me that they had been on medication for anxiety or depression at some point in there life. If the first drug doesn't work within 2-3 weeks, try another. they are all different. I can't tolerate the SSRI drugs but I found another one that worked for me (my issue was severe insomnia b/c of post-partum hormones not anger everyone is different). Good luck to you.