Amicable Divorce - Levittown,NY

I would sit down with them together and have a short, but direct conversation about how much you love your daughters and that you two are always going to be friends, but that you both feel like you will be better parents living separately.

They are both very young and don't need details! I would then have your husband (or you) move fairly soon after to avoid mixed messages. The divorce process takes a long time (even when it's amicable), but to continue living under the same roof will make it very difficult for your six-year-old to process the concept.

Good luck and I hope that your situation remains this positive! Having parents that get along, no matter where they live, only strengthens your children's sense of security.

Hi there -

Divorce the sandacastle way is a great book and guide. Also the state of Ct has a mandatory class that you can take during the divorce process that gives suggestions for dealing with children. Any questions, just ask.

I went throught it when my kids were 4 and 5.

L.

Hi N.,
I wouldn't ease them into the change at all. If you, for instance, give them a deadling - daddy is moving out to his own place in two months - this will certainly make them anxious. It's great if you are able to divorce amicably, but remember that if the kids have not seen any signs of strife or stress in the marriage, the separation and divorce will likely come as a shock to them, so while it's great on one hand to protect the kids from your marital problems, they may be blindsides by the divorce. The six year old probably knows kids whose parents are divorced and some schools even have support groups for those kids (the school where I work has a program called Banana Splits). While you and hubby consider your marriage to have already ended and have moved on to other relationships, I would keep in mind that if your kids don't know that your marriage is over, if you and hubby separate and the kids see you (or dad) in a relationship right away, they aren't going to realize that this has been going on for some time, they will think you got divorced and got a boyfriend (and girlfriend) the next week. It's not true of course, but think of it from their perspective.
You and STB ex may also want to think about family counselling with your kids to help them understand the changes that are going to be happening.
Good luck!

I would not let them know that the marriage has been over for quite some time and I agree with the other comment that I would not have the new significant other pop right up on the scene, but from what you write I doubt that you were planning to do that.
I myself found out as a teenager that there had been significant others in my parents life for a while and it makes you doubt yourself and feel stupid that you were not able to see the obvious. So please keep that in mind in everything that you do, you don't want your girls to feel betrayed by you. So I think it is important that you tell them in advance that one of you is going to leave the house at some point. Involve them in the process of finding a new place and let them now what the arrangements are going to be in the future as to who has the kids when. Find books that talk about divorce and paint a positive message. That is a good starting point to talk about this.

N.,
here are my two cents in your situation. First, you need to sit down with them and tell them that although they have not seen you and daddy fighting, you guys are not 'in love' anymore. That you love each other as friends but not as husband and wife and that daddy will be moving out of the house shortly. That you guys love them no matter what and that they can see that you and daddy are good friends and get along well, but not enough to stay married to one another. That maybe in a near future daddy and you might find someone that they really love and want to marry; but that no matter what the case may be, you guys love them unconditionally and always will.
You need to prepare them, and your husband needs to put space between you guys; so when you guys are legally divorced and they see you guys with someone else, it won't be so hard for them.
I would try to get them some counseling after you speak with them, try your pastor or priest and speak to the school for your 6 year old, they have counselors that will support them through this time.
Now, I don't know how long this has been going on for, but this will be new for your girls. So I don't suggest you or your husband bring your significant other in the picture any time soon. As a matter of fact, (and I'm not judging you here) but I would not have any relationship at this point with anyone since you are still married (and that would also apply to your husband). If your girls see this, eventually and at some point they will realize that you guys were seeing other people even when you were still married.
Your (your husband and yours) significant others will stick around if they really love you, but you need to get your situation legally resolved.
Just remember that no matter how nicely you try to put it, it will be very hard for your girls, they will cry and probably have many questions; so be ready.
Be ready to love them, hug them, kiss them, and assure them that they are and always be number one in both your lives.
And the last thing I would suggest you do before you do anything I suggested is pray, pray for wisdom on how to talk to your girls and that they take it well. Believe it or not, there is a lot of peer pressure in schools about divorce, so pray girl just pray for them.
Blessings

Most kids a just very well an as long as you are honest ,they need to be told by both parent how much they are both loved an that wont change .take it slow an easy .explaine to them where they understand.the 6year old may understand more than the three year old . they need to understand that its not there fault . you guys would be more happy apart then together an you will always be there mom an dad will always be there dad.never say anything bad about the other parent infrount of them. dont rush into anything be very carefull with your new love untill divorce is final.both parents need to be there together to tell the chidren about the divorce . during this time do alot of different things together ,going to the park the zoo .keep them busy with fun things to do with both parents are apart .most chidren almost always think its there fault.you guys being able to be friend s is agood thing .they will be ok . life is full of changes .