Am I the Only "Mean Mommy" Out There?

Way to go mom for having rules!!! I'm the same exact way, and I don't care if the other moms look at me like I'm crazy! Nowadays way too many kids run the households which is why so many parents do not have control of their teenagers.

Yeah, be careful about the no junk food thing. I made brownies all the time for my son's garage band. Big 13x9 pan. The one kid who wasn't allowed junk..8 brownies consumed, every time.

That sounds like the way I am parenting my kids too, but I will give them treats each day. That's part of childhood, but it doesn't have to be a power struggle.

Tubing no for sure. No squirters in the pool. Ice cream and chips at the beach; come on Mom let him live a little. Nothing will happen to him! I don't think I would get crazy about the splashing unless he is doing it purposely. Pools are fun. Splasing is part of it. If he does it, just remind him. OT to do it. If he continues then sideline him. He is 4. It is summertime. Let him be a kid. You can have rules I always did, but sometimes you need to bend a bit. I can't imagine the beach without ice cream!

J.:

You want the God's Honest Truth?

Yes. You are a tad uptight. You asked. I'm giving you my opinion.

Get your son swimming lessons. NOW. Swimming is a life skill and he NEEDS to learn how to swim - not just splash in the water.

Are you freaking kidding me about the spinal injury? Does this mean you won't let him play soccer, foot ball, base ball or la crosse? Because really? He MIGHT get hurt playing those sports too. Get him swimming lessons. Then discuss the options of tubing.

Junk food? You are asking for trouble there. If your son is not allowed junk food? When he is away from you? he will OVER INDULGE and get sick. it's called MODERATION. Let him have a cookie. Let him have chips. Sweet mother of God...let him live and have fun!! There's NOTHING wrong with watermelon..but when you FORCE it on him - he will resent it. My kids don't get junk food all day long - but they are allowed chips and other "junk food" - in MODERATION. He can have chips with his turkey sandwich. Why not? Ice cream at the pool? Nope. not allowed at our pool. When the ice cream truck comes? Ice cream must be consumed outside the pool facility.

When my kids don't follow the rules? They have immediate consequences...if we are the pool? They are taken out of the pool. I'm sorry - but splashing at a pool is typical and people need to set their expectations correctly - if it's INTENTIONAL totally different story. If they are jumping in the pool and the splash from their jump get someone wet? Consequence of being at the pool and no punishment should be given.

Set the rules. Set the expectations. Set the consequences for breaking the rules.

Junk food? Moderation. As with anything in life. moderation.

Swimming lessons - mandatory!!

Okay, four seems a little young to go tubing so I get that, but taking your kid to the water and not allowing him to play with water toys? Denying him ice cream when he clearly eats a healthy lunch? Yeah, that sounds pretty uptight to me. Also, I hope you're only punishing him for splashing if he's doing it on purpose. I can't imagine a pool or beach where children aren't allowed to splash and play.
Sounds like you should just keep him home.
Why take him to a fun place with treats if you don't want him to have any fun or any treats?
Poor kid :-(

Don't worry about it. Before long, they will be asked you how your son is so well behaved all the time.

I will say, you don't have to follow the rules ALL the time. We don't even buy junk food at my house...we just really don't eat it. However, kids need a little junk every now and then. Otherwise, they'll go nuts on in the first chance they get. Of course, I agree with the tubing thing, and it's not nice to splash granny in the face. I'm just saying, you WILL get sick and tired of being the mom, who is in a relationship with her rules. There are appropriate times to loosen up, just a little bit.

*He's 4. Now is a really good time, to get him in swimming lessons. Not so he can go tubing, of course...but because it's not safe for him to not know how to swim!!

I think you could afford to ease up and let the kid have some fun. I have lots of rules for my boys, but I do allow them to have a water squirter at the pool, junk food at the beach and to go tubing behind a boat. The rules are 1) No sqirting innocent bystanders with the water squirter 2) You can have ice cream AFTER you eat your turkey sandwich and 3) Always wear a life jacket when tubing. Also, swimming lessons were a must so that they could swim by the age of four!

I don't see anything wrong with some junky treats if they've eaten a decent lunch first. If he's had his turkey sandwich and his fruit, then he can have some ice cream or a cookie. It's not going to ruin him.

One episode of splashing someone would not warrant a time-out in my book - if it happened a second time after a warning, then yes.

Water gun at the pool? I wouldn't let him point it at anyone, but just squirting into the water or at objects wouldn't bother me. If everyone was having a water pistol fight, I wouldn't expect my kid to sit out and miss all the fun.

Tubing? Depends...they need to be wearing life jackets and the boat does not have to be going that fast. Some kids who grow up on the water, boating and such, get very comfortable with it very quickly. My friend lives on a lake, they have a boat, and their son just turned 6, and can waterski as well as wakeboard. Sign your son up for swimming lessons and get him more comfortable around the water - and yourself.

Water toys at the pool and an occasional junk food indulgence I have no problem with.
IMO, four is a bit young to be pulled behind the boat, and any age is too young if he can't swim.
Splashing someone in the face, unless it's deliberate, was not a cause for punishment in my book. Where there's water, people are going to get splashed.

Another mean mommy here. :) I believe in love, affection, compassion and respect for my son - but I also believe in rules, firm boundaries, good manners and the fact that "No" can be a complete sentence. Not too long ago, after I wouldn't let him stay up past his bedtime, my son told me "You are the meanest mom ever!" My cheerful response? "Good, then I'm doing my job."

He is 8 now, and I get many compliments on how polite and well-behaved he is. You are doing great - stand your ground and don't bend your standards just because everyone else does. Trust me, it will pay off!

I'm kinda with Patty on this one. He's 5. Let him be a kid. I'm a believer in picking my battles and a little treat and water fun never hurt anyone. I get the tubing thing (although I just took my 2.5 yr old out and we went very slow, I held him and he had a life jacket on). But as long as my kids have a good lunch, I am all for ice cream in summer at the beach. And if you are at a pool, you are going to get wet, you just set rules that they can't spray anyone but their friends. So yes there are rules but certain things are worth being more strict on than others.

Good for you. You're doing it right.

One thing I would suggest is to let you son know that in your family, the rule is no tubing until XX. I find that when I tell my daughter it's a family rule, she has a better understanding of the fact that everyone does things differently.

And give him an ice cream once in a while!! :)

Weeeeellllllll......
You seem a bit uptight.
If my kids are in the water they are allowed to splash. If someone gets wet then they get wet. They are IN the water!! I wouldn't sideline my kids for that.
Water squirters are MEANT for the pool and they are awesome. Why can't he have one there? That's a silly rule to me.
I didn't let my kid go tubing until he was 8. I am the same as you. The tube now, but I am still a wreck while they are out there!
Junk food at the beach....meh! I think that you could lighten up a little or at least take different snacks! How about instead of chips you bring some goldfish? Or instead of cookies you bring a small baggie with fruity cereal in it? (my mom would do that! It was great! Cereal that we normally couldn't have, but really not "that" bad for ya!) How about frozen grapes as a treat? I try to make sure that my kids are not eating horribly, but at the same time they are in the water, swimming around, digging, and playing hard. They are burning up all the calories they are eating.
Mean? I don't think so. Just a bit uptight.
L.

What Cheryl (Wild Woman) said.

The thing that stands out the most to me about your post is the lack of swimming lessons. You need to get on that one- it really is a safety issue.

And let the poor kid have ice cream. It's part of childhood, don't deny him that. He doesn't have to have it "all day long" every day, just as a treat every once in a while. Everything in moderation...

I generally say your kid, your rules. Everyone parents differently.

I would offer a little bit of a different perspective though. You say "just because he's at the beach" he can't have treats. Does he get to have treats after he eats his healthy lunch usually? My kids have always had that rule and when they were small their "dessert" was usually fruit or yogurt. Now that they are a little older and can process sugar a bit better, they still have to eat a good meal before sweets. And there is a difference between a regular ole day and a day at the beach running and swimming their little legs off. They get hungry!! Offer something healthy and a handful of chips.

Do the Mom's not notice when their kids get out of control, or are they just letting the kids have fun knowing that when kids are together in a fun environment, they can get more rowdy than usual. There's nothing wrong with that when they are in the right place. If he's totally wild and splashing random people on purpose, then maybe take him out to settle down a bit and explain that he needs to splash the friends that he's playing with. But I wouldn't punish him by making him sit on the side because he splashed someone who was in the pool. Grandma's been around the block. She knows the risk of being in the part of the pool by 4 year old boys.

The motor boat thing thing I am with you on... but get him into swim lessons now.

You're exhausted because you are trying to control normal 4 year old energy. Try to relax a little and find a balance you are comfortable with.

It sounds like you're out and about a lot with him so that's your normal routine whereas for some of the other kids its a treat to be at the beach so the mom indulges with treats they wouldn't get normally.

I did allow water squirters, but only while playing with ppl IN the water. I just pulled my 4 yo nephew tubing and took him on the jetski. But its what I'm comfortable with and what his parents are. We grew-up at the lake doing these things and he can swim.

Every child has rules and it doesn't make you mean, but it also means you can break them occasionally if you want. Those are the moments my kids remember the most.

Okay, okay, I'm uptight! I'm reflecting why, and I think I've forgotten everything I've been through w/ this kiddo of mine! Ugh, its all coming back now! We took him to Hawaii when he was six months - - he contracted croup and was hospitalized for a week! We started swimming lessons when he was one year - - he contracted pneumonia and was hospitalized & had lung surgery! At one and a half, he came down with a kidney condition and was put on some serious immunosuppressive drugs that he will be on for two more years! He's just not a strong little dude, and has developed a weight issue from the drugs! I think that's where my diet/boating, etc rules come into play! As for the behavior, I think he's a really good little boy, and I think that's because he has been taught to be good!

Everyone parents differently.

My personal opinion...lighten up. Just a smidge. It's the summer and he's with friends.

As for your example rules...A handful of chips or an ice cream at the beach isn't going to ruin him. Especially if he's already eaten the sandwich as he was asked. A water squirter used appropriately isn't going to do harm. The second he squirts someone he isn't allowed to, it goes away. I would stick with the no tubing rule, he is only 4. I would be nervous letting my 6 yr old do it.

That said, even I've noticed that I'm "strict" by certain other parent's standards. Which is surprising.

Good luck, summer is winding down. :)

It depends on who you ask. My DD is also 4 and has rules, is expected to behave or get in trouble, can't eat ice cream all day and has a bedtime in the summer. My DD is allowed to use a squirter at the pool, but can't squirt or splash people who don't want to be (and that includes me). We do allow DD to go tubing only when her father or I are driving slowly and someone is in the tube with her. It is not the other moms' job to not offer their kids treats around my kid. It is my job to explain to my child why she has to eat growing food first and maybe I'll consider a treat later. Etc.

When I find myself saying "no" a lot, I try to think if it's because my kid is bad or if I'm tired and it's easier for me if DD doesn't do x or y right now. And if it's because I'm tired, can I negotiate a compromise that doesn't punish my kid for being a kid? Like last night she wanted to be in the raft boat with some older kids. I initially said no, but then DH offered to be the one staying by the boat to watch her and we decided it was OK *if* she sat in the boat so she wouldn't fall out. She had fun and I got to rest.

Sometimes it's just not gonna happen for my kid and I'll say I'm sorry she's disappointed, but she can't do that death defying something. Let's do y instead.

If there is a trigger, I will talk to DD. "DD, we are packing a lunch of growing food so you have energy to play. Do you want blueberries or strawberries? When we get there, I want you to eat your lunch and not whine that you want what other kids have. If you don't eat your picnic lunch, then we will have to come home to eat and if we come home, we are not going back to the beach. So please pick food you will eat today."

You are not the only mean mommy. You are a GOOD mommy! You keep this up!

I will tell you to be even more mean. When he has a tantrum over his food and because you won't let him go tubing, TAKE HIM HOME. I promise you that he will stop the meltdowns if you load him up in the car each and every time he does this. I had one child who acted like this, and it was what I had to do. It was hard, J., but he learned that I meant business. He also had to go to his room as soon as we got home and stay in it for a half hour. (Not 5 minutes.)

I recommend this to you. The other moms will chide you because they want to feel better about THEIR choices. You do not have to listen to their chiding. I took a coca-cola away from my son when he was 7 - he knew he wasn't supposed to have it. His friend drank coke like it was water - all the time. That kid is massive now with pre-diabetes. I'm the smart mom. So what if my friend thought it was mean for me not to let my son drink it when he was that young!

Stay tough! It will serve you and your son well.

My kids have to eat their healthy food first (sandwich and fruit) before they are allowed a treat at the pool. I don't bring water squirters, but they can play with floaties/noodles/small pool toys like boats/duckies. I would put my kid in a floatation life vest and let them ride the tube behind the motor boat with me. The driver would have to go slow for a 4 year old...nice and easy. If my kids were being obnoxious, splashing someone who does not want it or getting out of control...they have to come sit out and I have a talk with them. When looking at what my friends do...pretty much everyone brings healthy lunches. 90% seem to allow a treat after lunch while a small percent do no sugary treats. I have never seen anyone with a squirt gun at the pool, so I guess people save those for home if they have them. I think you are totally right for making rules for your son. You are a little more strict than I am...but not much. Your child may have some tantrums now, but he'll be better behaved when he is older.

It's about finding a balance. Healthy, can still have some fun stuff thrown into the mix while on outings.

Tubing, well I let my 3 year old on a Jet Ski, with appropriate safety precautions and going very slow.

Splashing anyone, unintentionally just get's a reminder to be careful. If grandma doesn't want to get wet, then she doesn't need to be in the water. Same for the squirter, not seeing the big deal.

J., I've gotta agree with Wild Woman -- you are a tad uptight. That being said, kids will live with a "mean mommy." In life, you don't get to have everything that other people have. So you get to decide what your son can and can't have, and he can deal with it. A little deprivation is better than overindulgence for a child.

That being said -- he can't have a little junk food at the beach? Or a water squirter at a pool? If the pool's rules are no squirters, I get it. But squirters are a fun kid's toy. I don't know what "sidelined" means - but yes, he should be alerted to splashing grandmas, or anyone. And I really don't know what tubing consists of, so I can't speak to that.

But I think you might want to lighten up, just a little, and let your kid have a few adventures, or it might backfire on you some day.

No you are not! Your being a great parent! Your making sure your son knows how to behave even wen on vacation/out. And making sure your son is safe and playing on age appropriate activities is also a good thing! Keep up the wonderful parenting! Some parents just don't have it! Lol!

Nope, never really got mad because I have different rules than other parents of course my kids also didn't cry about it either.

Then again I was never married to my rules so I made reasonable adjustments. No you cannot be drug behind a boat now go eat your cheetos. :)

it's fine to have rules and guidelines, but you also have to be realistic yourself. if your son is the only one NOT allowed to play with a squirt gun, have a summer treat or do Awesome Daredevil stunts, you cannot expect him, at 4 years old, to be relaxed and groovy about it.
i myself would let him have the squirt gun, but take it away if he disobeyed my rules and squirted a grandma (only if it was on purpose- an accidental splashing would call for an apology and carry on), an ice cream cone would be a no-brainer, and absolutely not on the tubing.
surely there's plenty of middle ground between being a mean mommy and being a pushover.
khairete
S.

Maybe you are a little uptight. Your kid your rules, though.
I guess I'm the cool mom in this scenario. I let my 6 yo son go tubing on my brother's boat and have for a while now. However, he has had a couple of years of swimming lessons and I feel comfortable with his level of swimming. Besides, he's wearing a life vest at all times on the boat. My brother doesn't get wild on the boat, and he has an absolute blast! I guess I don't see the big deal since I grew up doing all kinds of boating and watersports from a young age (and I'm still intact).
We do splurge on vacation and eat things we normally wouldn't at home. But again, your kid, your rules.
As for discipline- It may seem like other parents just let their kids go out of control. But it might be more that they don't share your same discipline level with their kids. I try not to helicopter my kids, but they know what my expectations and rules are. If they cross that line, they also know the consequences.
Anyway, if you think you are doing the right thing, then who cares what others think? That's my philosophy. And get that kid in some swimming lessons. The fact that my child can't swim would terrify me ten times more than a ride on a tube. 4 years old is a perfect time to start!

No, I think I'm in your boat. My DS is 5.

I'd ease up on the junk food, personally. If we're out at a beach or whatever, I'll let them eat what everyone else is. Once in awhile isn't going to hurt him.

But behavior wise, I'm VERY conscious of how he behaves towards others. So I'm in your boat.

We don't like junk food either, or GMO food or whatnot, but I have found that you can NOT go into a public place that is selling ice cream or other goodies and expect your child not to want some. As much as we like healthy foods and we also have issues with dyes and too much high fructose corn syrup, I do splurge on treats if we go somewhere like that.

The rule is, you have to behave after the treat, or we go home. I do not allow my daughter to "agree" with having a sugar high or acting out of control because she has had a lot of sweets. She usually reigns in her behavior!

I don't respond to tantrums because we can't do something "everyone else" is doing. I have also found that explaining what we can and can't do ahead of time and getting an agreement on not being upset helps a lot.

You can also do healthy snacks! We make homemade cookies that are more healthy, etc. Definitely helps!

You're not the only one. I'm "mean" as well (gasp, my kid gets fruit for a side instead of chips or crackers). He's also forced to share, and not allowed to snatch toys from others. I do make some exceptions with the food when we are out with others, special occasion cookies never hurt anyone assuming you're not out all week at the beach. And tubing for a 4 year old?? Yeah, that wouldn't happen at my house either. He's also the poor kid that has to keep his lifejacket on the WHOLE time we are swimming at the lake.

I agree with the motor boat one for sure! Can't you try to excite the menu up though? There are plenty of healthy sweet snacks and a little sugar is good for you. If I'm thinking of the same water squirters, why don't you get one too then you and your little man can run around spraying each other. He just wants to have fun.........

I clicked on this because I've been told by my kids and some other moms in the neighborhood that I'm one of the "meanest" or at least most strict in the neighborhood. However, you have me beat. It does sound like you need to relax a little, especially if you are on a fun outing at the beach or pool. FYI, at four he's old enough for swimming lessons, which (as a former lifeguard) I consider a necessity. That might be a fun activity for the summer and would help you both enjoy your pool and beach outings.

My husband is a product liability attorney and since I am generally pretty cautious we have always been very careful about the use of ATVs, mowers and any other type of product that can result in great bodily harm. However, I think tubing can be a lot of fun and very safe if you do it responsibly with an experienced driver, an adult "spotter," and the correct life jacket. My kids have been doing it since they were little and the boat drivers (my dad and brother) are very careful and experienced. You can also control the speed. I'm not sure I've heard of spinal injuries from tubing, although I don't doubt it's possible if done incorrectly or in an unsafe manner. When the kids were younger we rode in the tube with them. Sorry--the tubing thing just kind of hit home with me because there are a lot of things I wouldn't let my kids do at my parents' cabin (such as ATVs), but tubing is one of the things they've been doing for years and we encourage them to do it.

ETA: Upon further reflection, I think I am so comfortable with the tubing thing because I know and trust the boat and its drivers implicitly. I can see how it would be uncomfortable and more dangerous if you are not familiar with the boat and its drivers. My kids are also very comfortable in the water and have had swimming lessons since about age 3. Keep in mind that with an appropriate tube (and life jacket) you can ride in the tube with him and that could be an option. Might be fun!

I did not read the other 50+ replies, but you do sound a bit uptight. I would agree on the tubing thing for a couple more years, but junk food sometimes is ok, especially if you normally feed him healthy meals and maybe have him eat a small sandwich and fruit first, then a cookie or whatever. If a lot of other kids have water squirters at the pool, what is the problem, unless you have a fundamental issue with "gun" type toys. I just don't see the problem. It's called FUN!!! Does he really need a timeout for every little offense? Can you talk to him about it or have him apologize if it is an accident? It really does seem like you have some control issues.

Re the tubing - heck no, you're on track and exercising common sense.

Re the food thing, unless you're at the beach for 2 weeks straight, I'd relax and let some goodies sneak in.

And go ahead and correct the other kids if their behavior will hurt or bother others - if my kid OR ANY OTHER kid is throwin sand or splashing someone who isn't playing with them, I will call them on it. I won't scream like a nutjob, but I will speak firmly and tell them to stop and why.

You're not a mean mommy at all. You're actually parenting, and these moms are not. You're the kind of mom every high school senior suddenly desperately wishes he/she had when it's time to apply to college.

My own son (who is turning 7 next week) has to practice his instrument every day. He has to do homework every school night. He's only allowed one evening per week of movies/TV/videogames, and dessert at my house is fruit.

The result is that he's in the 99th percentile in all academic subjects. His favorite hobby is reading.

All that said, I try not to be absolutist or obsessive. If my son's friends are having treats, I let him have the same treats. If he goes over to a friend's house and they're doing TV/movies/videogames, he can too. But I would never, EVER let a nonswimmer go tubing behind a boat -- that's insane. Really, my advice would be to step away from the pool/beach for a few hours here and there and do things like story hour at your public library. You're likely to find more kindred spirits there.

If you have completely different standards all the time your son is going to be resentful and he won't learn the lessons you want, because he's busy hearing how inflexible you are.

So, if your standards are the most important then find friends who share your views and stop putting your son in a horrible position of watching everyone else do things he can't.

Otherwise teach your son flexibility and good decision making, which means you always follow safety guidelines (no tubing at 4, but if you're going to be around the water get him swimming lessons so he can tube safely next year) and you compromise on SOME treats etc.

I'm a mean Mommy too. We strive to make sure the girls eat a healthy balanced diet and do allow for the occasional ice cream or cake. However, for the most part we avoid junk food because we see a huge difference in their behavior when hopped up on sugary junk food. In your situation I would allow the girls to have an ice cream snack after they had their healthy lunch. We try to teach the girls that everything is ok in moderation. I have always tried to point out to the girls how their food choices directly relate to the way their body feels, including emotions or mood swings. 9 out of 10 major meltdowns were in part caused by sugar crashes.

I do allow the girls to play with water toys in the pool however, they are not to intentionally splash or squirt anyone outside of their friends. Failing to be mindful of others will result in said toy being taken away for the day. While I agree people in a pool should expect to get wet. I also believe that my children's good time should not come at someone else's expense.

All children need to be taught about personal boundaries and manners. We all pay the same fee to join the pool each year and Grandma has just as much a right to enjoy her swim in peace as I do. Frankly, it annoys the bejesus out of me when parents are sprawled out on the lounge chairs reading, texting, talking on the phone, and even sleeping all while junior is running amuk reeking havoc on everyone. We've seen children intentionally jumping in the pool on top of other children, hitting kids, dunking kids, stealing the kids food, etc. The poor life guards are non stop blowing their whistles and reprimanding the kids while the lazy parents watch and still do nothing.

I'm not a fan of tubing behind boats in general so I would not let the girls do it at such a young age either...guess that makes me a mean prude of a Mommy....lol.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

After you responded below - It sounds like you had a very difficult and lengthy time to finally get a child, then a lot of health scares, causing you to worry too much, and over think a lot of things. this is understandable, but will not be acceptable as your son gets older. How do you think you can learn to relax about some things but continue to prioritize your son's health?
I compromise by making careful choices about my son's snacks and including a lot of fruit in his meals. (or instance whole wheat goldfish crackers and pretzels instead of chips, ice cream made with milk rather than candy) I also agree with others who say you need to teach children to control themselves rather than Mommy being the one to control the child. At age four he should be learning to use water toys without hitting bystanders in the face (not mastered this but LEARNING) He should learn candy is great a holidays and parties, not all the time, he should learn small amounts of junk food but only after a healthy lunch. In other words he is old enough to begin learning to how he should control himself as a teenager. The worst behaved kids I see at church, or school are the ones whose mothers are very controlling and they have never learned any self control.
Most importantly!! you have to teach him and yourself that complaining about how other children get to do things doesn't fly! No, other mothers are not going to bend to your rules, and ALWAYS some other children will be allowed things your child is not allowed and you should never let him hear you complaining about that and you should be teaching him to accept that without temper tantrums NOW at age 4. I would assume the other children already ate their healthy food and say that matter of factly. If you sigh about how the other children are getting away with too much, you are reinforcing his feelings that his life is rough and he should be crying over it. No reason for four yr old to go tubing alone, but no reason for you to expect other mothers to change how they feed their children to suit your preferences. This is not the first post where you've blamed your child's tantrum on someone else and I suggest this is going to be a huge problem if you continue this attitude. Life will be full of tiny disappointments, it is not your job to block those by hiding the fact other children get candy and go tubing, it is very much your job to help your four yr old learn to deal with these without tantrums!

I'd probably be like those other moms :) at least with regards to the treats and extra freedom for fun, not for the behavioral stuff like splashing unsuspecting grandmas, that's where my "meanness" usually kicks in. But I see nothing wrong with easing up a bit for a fun summer activity with friends. I also see nothing wrong with you NOT easing up. We all do our own thing, you know?

Do these other moms have more than 1 kid? I notice the more kids some people have, the more chill they are about what their kids eat and do. Frankly, it is easy to micromanage one kid but it gets harder with 2 and you'd find yourself easing up on rules you never thought you would. I imagine it only gets worse (better?) with each successive kid...

Personally, my only worry is that if you don't give in here and there, the kid will go bananas behind your back later when he is alone at a bday party and eats 8slices of pizza and 4 cupcakes. Other than that, I see no red flags about your style.
Keep doing what works for you :)

OH and definate NO on the tube... I think that is in a different realm entirely than the other stuff. For me, only if it was my husband driving, me on the tube with her (my 3 y/o) and only a short putt-putt in the wakeless zone.

I agree with you about going tubing. I was almost knocked out once doing that when I was 18. I was on it with a friend and we got flung off and she kicked me right in the head. I almost passed out. I'm just glad we had life jackets on.

As for a water squirter, I think you should let him have fun with that. I take my 2 kids to the pool and we use water squirters almost every time. The way I see it, it's hot outside and if your IN the pool you should expect to be splashed. If you don't want to get wet or splashed, then don't go to the pool.

For snacks, there needs to be a balance. Tell him "you can have a cookie after you eat your sandwich and a slice of watermelon". There is nothing wrong with a cookie or some chips every once in a while as long as you eat healthy most of the time.

Your child your rules.

I do have to say, I am pretty relaxed, yet i do recall a relative wanting to take my 3 year old out on her ATV. I think she forgot the story she told me about how she flipped it and was stuck for hours (she lives out in the country). Anyway, because of her lack of skills i said "No Way" even though I let my kids go horseback riding, skiing and other activities (now surfing and this will be scary for me, but I think enjoyable). I did not let my son see the ATV drive around, let alone watch a child on it.

As far as the treats, I do think it is hard on the child to watch others eat a cupcake (not sure what the items are) and him not allowed anything. A turkey sandwich is not all that healthy (I love them and eat them, but the bread is so bad for you). I think a hamburger patty would be better than the bread on the turkey sandwich. watermelon is a great treat. Now even though I wrote this, it does not mean I follow it (if someone in our group offers my kids a cookie I will allow it). I usually bring raspberries to the pool and most of the kids devour them.

I do think you should put your son in an environment that he can enjoy. It should not be too hard to find people with your same interests and values. Right now the best way I can compare your behavior is like bringing an alcoholic to a bar. Your son is watching kids do things, yet is being told no. You need to take him somewhere and hear, yes you can do this or that.

So, as far as the junk food thing...I can kind of relate. I try really really hard to get my 12 year old daughter to make good food choices. I am not the Mom with chips and cookies and all kinds of junk in my house. Never have been, never will be...that's not to say we don't occasionally bake cookies or brownies or have treats. I just believe there is a time and place for them. I also fear that my daughter, despite being fairly active, is developing a weight problem and diabetes runs on both sides of her family. It's serious stuff. My experience is that other parents around me are much more apt to go for the junk food and snacks because it's easy and sometimes cheaper. Unfortunately we can only monitor our kids so much. They are going to eat the junk stuff no matter what we do. Try to instill the importance of the "healther" choices but, let him be a kid too. If your too rigid they will go crazy with the stuff at other peoples houses!

Some of your rules are on the rigid side, but you are the mom and you do get to make the rules for your child. However, it does make it unpleasant for the other moms and kids to have your kid crying when he does not get to have the treats offered to the other kids. Especially when there was not a food allergy involved. So you want all of them to change the food they bring for their families so your son is not disappointed? You could offer to bring watermelon and invite all the kids to share. You could bring a turkey sandwich for your son for lunch and then let him participate in some of the snack food. Out of control and noise level is a different priority for different families. I remembered when a group of moms used to take our kids to a local water park. One parent had such strict rules for her children, it was difficult to include them in some of the activities, and we just stopped inviting them to join us. We also stopped inviting a different mom/son when she did not provide any control over that child and he deliberately hurt the other children. Keeping kids safe should be a priority for all the moms and you have valid points about the tubing. Plan on taking him to do a different activity while the tubing is going on.

I agree with everything except the fact that he can't have a squirt gun? Why not? Those are fun! You can still teach him to be polite and not squirt grown-ups and only those that want to play!

~If I were you I would be way less focused/worried about being mean mommy and way more focused on getting your son swimming lessons! It's just dangerous & irrespondible to be spending that much time around water with a child who can't swim! He is plenty old and should have been taught long ago!!

Stop worrying about the other things, they don't matter! Teach your child not to whine when he gets told 'No'...all your problems would be solved them. My kids know they don't get to eat and do all the same things as thier friends and they no better than to whine or throw a fit or keep asking too!

I believe the most important point here is that you are a "new" mommy. With only 4 years experience, you will learn what works, what doesn't and what battles you want to pick. As he grows and especially if he gets any siblings in the future, you'll ease up a bit on certain things and he'll battle you even harder on others. Or...he'll just start sneaking the forbidden treats out of spite. Regardless, as parents and (responsible adults) we need to choose what's important to us in raising our kids. I have a 14 and 7 year old and as far as my teen is concerned I'm the "safest mom" out of all his friends (which is his way of saying I don't let him do anything), so I get it. But experience and time also play a huge role in this job we call parenting. :)

Honestly I feel kinda bad for your son. He's not allowed to be a kid. Rules and eating healthy are fine but goodness ease up he's only 4! Do you just expect him to sit in the water and be still?! And make him feel bad that he can't have a little treat? I pack treat for the beach, and fun toys: my son knows the rules about them, he has to eat his lunch before a treat and no throwing the toys or squirting in the face.

Updated

Honestly I feel kinda bad for your son. He's not allowed to be a kid. Rules and eating healthy are fine but goodness ease up he's only 4! Do you just expect him to sit in the water and be still?! And make him feel bad that he can't have a little treat? I pack treat for the beach, and fun toys: my son knows the rules about them, he has to eat his lunch before a treat and no throwing the toys or squirting in the face.
Added my son has know how to swim since he was around 2 1/2ish and has been on jet skis and tubbing, heck my 17 month old was on a jet ski last week! guess I'm an irresponsible parent for letting my kids have fun.

My oldest is 5 and I would never allow him to be pulled in a tube... Not even in two years, no way. I hate it when some moms are clueless and let their kids run amuck. I am probably overprotective at times and I like to keep my kids behavior in tow, but that's me. The junk food stuff, it's all up to you. My rules are, if you are too full for lunch (dinner, whatever), then you are too full for a cookies (or whatever the junk food is). And that rule stays firm. Fuss, scream, I don't care, remember that for next time and you can get a treat. We have pretty firm rules on that.

I think I am a mean mom too. I'm somewhat strict with my kids and, though I'm trying to stop, I yell at them way too often. :( I always feel bad about it and I am working on it.

I think there need to be rules and limits, but there also need to be exceptions. For example, if you know you're going to the beach with friends who will eat junk food all day long, take along a couple of treats that your son likes. They don't have to be big and they don't have to be total junk, but he deserves to have some fun and treats with his friend. Just make it known that he has to eat the sandwich and watermelon first. Things like healthier chips (Food Should Taste Good brand, for example), or homemade Oatmeal Raisin cookies, maybe made with applesauce instead of butter, can be tasty, fun, and not as bad as the total junk his friends are eating.

Water squirter... I would let him have it if he can use it without being obnoxious. Don't squirt people who don't want to be squirted, pay attention to where you're aiming, share with friends, etc. If he can't use it nicely, take it away. I don't think it's wrong at all to sideline him for splashing an unsuspecting grandma either. But I don't see a problem with letting him try it out. There are plenty of options that don't look anything like guns if it is the gun aspect that you're opposed to.

Tubing - no way. He's much too young for something so dangerous, especially since he can't swim.

I'm like you....to a degree. It bums my kids out when they can't run around like lunatics (like some other kids), but there are certain expectation I have for their behaviour and they know that.

However, I am fairly lenient about the junk food - especially when we're with a bunch of other people. That's not to say they can eat as much of whatever as they want; but I will pack some cookies or let them get one ice cream treat when we're out with friends. I have a friend who is SO strict on what her kids eat (we're talking homemade organic granola is the *big treat* in her house) and I see the look on her kids' face when the other kids are sharing chips or whatever. A few treats isn't going to hurt them. In fact, it's good to let them have treats and teach them moderation.

About the splashing - did your son march up to the grandma and purposely splash her in the face? Or was the splash a result of him running, jumping and playing? Because if it was the latter, a simple "lets try and be a little more considerate of the people around us, ok?" would have been the way I'd have gone, rather than a full-on time-out.

I don't think you're mean. But I do think that you should try and lighten up a bit. Your son isn't likely to look back on his childhood and say "wow, I'm so glad mom kept such tight reins on me".....but wouldn't it be great if he could say "wow, the best times I spent with my mom was when we'd forget the rules a little and just have fun together."

I'm as mean and ornery as they come.
We have rules and consequences.
I'm absolutely no nonsense.
I'm also a favorite with the kids.
Be strong. Keep it up!

I wouldn't refer to yourself as mean, you are consistent and by the way it will get worse, In fifth grade my sons friends mocked him because he wasn't allowed to play violent video games or watch "The Hangover"
Kids should be expected to understand thoses things before they are ready and I can tell you those kids are the most anxious uptight kids I know now that they are in High School. I think they had to grow up too early.

A little treat is great and ut us just that, a TREAT.

Tubing can be fun if the boat is driven responsibly. My kids did it at 2 or 3 years old with an adult in or on the towable with them and of course everyone has to wear a life jacket.

Your child will grow up respectful and making healthy food choices. Keep your eyes open for moms with similar values. You will find a soulmate. And eventually your child will choose friends with similar preferences and respectful behavior

You are the mom and it's your job to be "mean". How dare you take yoru child's best interests to heart! I still tell my kids that part of my job is to say no.

It sounds to me that you hang out with other moms who don't really have a similar parenting style and that is tough to deal with. There are a lot of parents who are just too casual with their parenting responsibility in order for their lives to be easier. The bottom line is that you get to make up the rules for your kid - and you are "the boss" of him.

Try to get friendly with other moms who are more in line with your parenting style - but you will always find that other families see things and do things differently. My best friend who is really strict in some areas is not all strict in other areas - and I'm sure she thinks the same thing about me. Our kids are now in high school and there were plenty of times I scratched my head over things she allowed her kids to do. My kids frequently told me (and still tell me) that I'm a mean mom, I'm too strict, all the other kids are allowed to do ______ (fill in the blanks). But here's the thing - if your kids don't get used to you being the boss and saying no at this age they will not honor your decisions when they're old enough to be out and about without you.

The only suggestiong I can make is that when it comes to junk food consider allowing it at special times as a treat. Once they head off to school they come home fascintated with the junk other people feed their kids - so if they have something in between they won't go crazy at the vending machines when you're not around. (My now 17 yr old daughter came home from pre-school telling me about Emma's amazing cheerios that were all different colors and tasted so good. My kids had never seen a fruit loop until that day!)

I am certain that the grandma that got splashed was inwardly pleased when your child had a time out. She's thankful that someone out there is raising a polite child who will one day be the generation running businesses & government...

It sounds like this is a pretty extreme group of moms... All day long junk food? Oy. I've been strict with my kids and they're well behaved but luckily other moms we've been with aren't so extreme the other end. But I do think you might be being a bit too strict. What's wrong with a water squirter in the pool if he's not squirting adults or kids who don't want to be squirted? Kids use them all the time in our neighborhood pool and they rarely cause a problem. And I've watched what my kids eat bc they seem prone to gaining weight but I let them have one small treat a day. If he's active etc, is ice cream on a summer day so bad? I remember having it all the time as a kid while swimming and it's one of my favorite memories and I'm not at all overweight and have a very healthy diet otherwise. As for tubing, if the boat is slow and the child has a life preserver on and can swim some, I don't think you should think other parents are so horrible for letting their kids do it. Mine were too scared for the most part but I tried going on one with them once. It's really fun! No problem if you're not ready but I don't think you're ok being critical of other kids doing it. Not sure how much risk there is of a spinal injury... So maybe ease up a little. There's strict and then there really is no fun...

Your kid.........your rules. When you tell kids they can't do something, the epic reply is, "But Johnny's mom let's him eat junk food for breakfast." Knowing good and well that you couldn't give a damn about what Johnny mom does. LOL. Don't give in to the pressure. Again, your kid...your rules.

There are safe choices for the beach/pool. Their are toys that do not involve squirting but lets face it when you are at the pool and beach you are there to get wet. If the kids are playing in the pool and splash an adult by accident I do not feel sorry (you should expect to get wet around water) though I do make my son applogize and explain he has to watch what he is doing. As for the junk food, there are healthier choices that you can make as parent so the kids have healthy snacks that are fun. Your son might be alittle young for tubing but does he have the option of riding in the boat while an older friend tubes? We have an only child who just turned 7, sometimes I have learned to become slightly more flexible with him so that he is involved with his friends. I have taught him though to use his manners and know his boundries.

Nope! I'm a "mean mommy" too. My DD is 5 and an only child. I don't let her run wild.

I am with you on the tubing. My 4 year out would not be allowed to do that at all. In reality none of my kids would be allowed to and would point it out as something dangerous.
Junk food. My kids would have to eat their sandwich and fruit just as your kid would but they would also be allowed to have chips/candy/cookies/ice cream/small amount of soda etc along with it as a treat. When at special activities they are allowed to have treats within reason. That would not be all they ate and they would have to drink a healthy amount of water as well to keep hydrated.
As far as water toys. They are most certainly allowed to play with them. But if they get someone wet that doesn't appreciate it they must apologize. They might loose the toy if they are not careful with it and it happens more than once.
What Is your definition of "Out of Control". If they are running around, chasing after each other and screaming in delight then no, I would not have a problem with that. But if they are being unsafe, not paying attention to those around them and bothering people around them then I would have an issue and tell them to slow it down and be careful. But when you are at the beach it is expected to be able to run and play and scream.

Most of your rules are normal and sane....I wouldn't make my kiddo's eat turkey sandwiches while on an outing. They'd get some junk food too. The tubing? That should be considered dangerous to kiddo's that young. Older ones could do it maybe, it would depend on the driver of the boat, the conditions of the water, if it was rocky underneath or debris, if the water was crowded, and the skills of the child. If they get hurt and then fall into the water being able to swim might not even come into play.

Yeap, but I know I'm glad of being a strict mom. My kids know to behave in public, they are always welcomed in people's homes and don't know what bad words are. Be a proud momma!!

All the other kids can eat junk. So many kids are fat these days. Goof for you for seeing to it he eats well and stays safe.