I have three children, all boys. A five year old and two year old twins. I love having boys and these guys make me so happy and so crazy:)
Since the twins were about 18 months, I have been going back and forth on whether we should try for another. I feel so unsettled by it. I don't feel like we're missing someone in our family, but I also don't feel like our family is complete yet. I CAN'T handle another child right now, but will I ever feel like I can? Some days I long to have a daughter, some days the thought of adding feminine drama into our crazy house scares me and I wish for another little boy. Am I just so terrified of having twins again that I can't think or feel straight when pondering the "done or not" question?
I hear a lot of women saying they KNEW when their family was complete or they KNEW there was one more person that needed to be in their family.
I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm not a rarity. I always thought it would be clear how many children to add to our family or not. Does anyone else not know? Does anyone else wonder about whether you're done having children or not? Those of you who ARE done, how did you know you were when that last one was born? Did you just come to the conclusion naturally, decide you were done based on what you could provide, or did you just FEEL done???
I KNEW I was finished...when I was finished.... I have 3 boys almost 15, almost12, 11 and the girl will be three in Aug. :)
Do you need to answer this question now? I'll tell you having one later has been wonderful. I had her when I was 33. Best wishes to you.
okay without getting into all the reasons, i will just say that i am in about the exact opposite boat as most of the moms who have answered here. i actually have a lot of really big social/global/cerebral reasons that i don't feel i should have another child. i fully believe in these reasons as much as the moms on here who have said how strongly they "felt" they wanted another child. but i wanted to say, even i have felt the baby bug, and yes, it was about at age 2-3. about the time my first son started needing me less, transitioned from a "baby/toddler" into a small child. it's called baby fever, and it's genetic, in our dna. we are created to procreate. yes it's emotional because we are women and that's how we roll. but in the end, every woman and every situation is different. financial situations, support or lack thereof, stability or lack thereof...there are a million factors that go into deciding whether or not you have another child (and it isn't always your decision.) you'll either get wrapped up in wanting another baby, convince yourself it's the right thing to do, and get what you want, or the need will pass and you'll decide it wasn't meant to be because it didn't happen. if not, try to be happy with that. if so, well, there never was a mother on the planet who ever regretted having that "one last one". good luck with whatever comes your way.
My husband and I had always discussed having 3-4 children. We had 2 relatively close together and when they were 2 and 4 my oldest was diagnosed with Aspergers. We spent so much time and energy trying to get him the help he needed that we did not get pregnant again for a few years. When they were 6 and 4 we started discussing having another. At the time we were scared about the possibility of having another child on the autism spectrum but we also felt that we had missed out on something because when we were pregnant with our 2nd we didn't think about it being our last and didn't focus on enjoying everything as much as we would have if we had known it was the last time. In the end we did decide to have a 3rd but we knew from the very beginning this would be the last one and we savored every moment. I think for me the fact that we had decided that the 3rd was the last one before we even were pregnant helped me to accept it and helped me to "know" that we were done. I'm pretty sure had we decided to stop at 2, I would probably still be wondering "what if" we had a 3rd but I never find myself wondering what a 4th would be like.
Good luck,
K.
I could have written your post. I have a 4 year old and 3 year old twins all girls and I yearn for a boy. I yearn to enjoy a newborn as well. I have had terrible pain and PPD with both pregnancies. Everytime we are all at the dinner table the girls ask "Mommy, who is THAT chair for?" It breaks me. MY husband would love it if I could say - "That's it I'm done" We have a family wedding that I am in at the end of the summer and then it's decesion time. I feel like despite my fears, that there is another little spirit in me waiting to get out and that if I don't honor those feelings......I'll live out all my years wondering "what if" and have a big regret in my pocket.
For what it's worth I don't yeanr or pain over other peoples kids, it's not cyclical/hormonal for me. It's very much a deep down gut sort of feeling and I've had it even during the twin pregnancy. I'm terrified I have twins again THATS my bigest fear.
My husband and I went through the same thing after our first child - so I totally know how you feel! One month he would want another and I wouldn't, and then vice versa the next month. It was a nice feeling of not having to decide, and if we were asked questions about it, we always blamed the other person (I would, but he doesn't want to right now -- really got the in-laws off our backs!)
Well, while we were deciding, we got lazy with the protection, and let God decide for us . . . so would I have chosen to have another on purpose? I don't really know, but now that we have him, how blessed we are! Isn't that the way with children.
All this to say . . . if you can't decide right now . . . do you need to decide right now? Perhaps you will be clearer next month . . . or the month after . . .
I also found a great resource to help me from going crazy with 2 children (another baby really did throw me for a loop!). YOU are amazing to deal with 3 and twins!
Check out the Compass resource at my profile at www.MyLifeCompass.com/NicoleSteiman -- there is a 12 week challenge going on in the area of Life Balance. It has literally changed my life, and helped me get clearer about my priorities every day!
Blessings and good luck!
N.
I am in the same boat. My husband has an 11 year old and we have a 7 year old together and have been contemplating a third for 6 years now. We just can't decide what to do. Do we really want to start with the diapers, bottles, and teething again? Or just accept things as is? I know if we keep waiting for the "right time" it will never happen, but with the economy the way that it is, I can't imagine having anymore, even though I too would like to have another.
I think women keep having kids because they always want/need to be needed. As soon as your kids start doing things on their own, you realize they don't need you so much and it breaks your heart.
But, like Megnatic said, you don't have to decide right now unless you have a health/age factor that is dictating when you have or can't have another child. I would suggest that you enjoy the children you have right now and wait a couple of years, at least until your twins are in kindergarten. Then if you still feel incomplete, broach the subject of another child with your spouse. Good luck.
You need to ask yourself why you can't decide..... Do you think you would be done if you had a girl in the mix already? Would u be ok if it's another boy???
For some reason I have always wanted to have 8 kids (since i was little). My hubby said he just can't handle 8 but he will compromise on 4. It took me a while but now i am fine with 4 if God planned it for us. We have 2 boys and preg with our third(I have a VERY strong feeling that it's a little guy:))
I know several families who have 6/7/8 boys because wife just wanted that girl and would not stop till she got one.
Go for it , if both you and your hubby are in agreement. You will never regret having another child. If you do not try you might always wonder what if.
I believe that we are not given more than we can handle. If it's another set of twins for u.....you will be just fine :)
I know mine is complete after 2 - my husband would like another, but my body and my brain are determined that would be a no! it would be a no because we live in a tiny house, our marriage is rocky and I have stuff I want to do with my life (school etc) that would be impossible if I had another baby.
So if you are flip flopping then maybe you will have another - if your done you know your done.
I had that we are not complete feeling. My children are daughter 27, son, 21, son 20 and son 14. When the next to youngest was 5 I got rid of everything even though I knew in my heart we were not complete. The next summer I was pregnant. After the last one was born I knew we were done. you will know when your ready. But I would say use great caution if the thought is that you "want" a daughter. you get what God gives you lol. I had a daughter and then 3 sons. my husband had a daughter also. But she lives with her mom and I am always outnumbered in my home lol.
I think you may be experiencing the "baby fever" described by so many of the PPs, as your twins are 2 and start getting more independent. Only you know what you feel but you did write these words: I CAN'T handle another child right now. Best of luck whatever you decide!
After I had my twins at 38, I knew we were done ( this made 3 kids), however the feeling of sadness was still there. If we had not had twins I would have went on to have a 3rd child. I did not feel DONE, but just realistic about what we could afford, and my age.
